DISCLAIMER: This story is based in truth. Some events/persons have been altered for the purpose of the story. There may be scenes of unsafe practices which are not endorsed by this author. All other usual warnings and precautions should be considered here. Feel free to write with any comments, corrections, etc. Think of this as a Gedankenexperiment. And remember to donate to Nifty to support all of these great stories.
The universe is alive. There is no supreme creator or fate. The universe exists as an organic being. If something is required for events to move forward the universe will manifest it. All living beings exist for the sole purpose of progress. No life is a waste since everything needs to exist for some hidden purpose.
As I lay next to Cole I knew that we existed for each other. I had never felt like a complete person before meeting Cole. There were still moments when I existed in two halves, but Cole was helping my unification. It was like taking the union of two disjoint sets. I also suspected that on some level my existence served to incite some realization within Cole. We must have lay there for around fifteen minutes before I finally spoke.
"So what does that taste like?" I had never performed such an act before.
"Cum? It depends I guess. Sometimes it's salty, well it's usually always kinda salty. But it can be sweet sometimes too. It depends," Cole seemed to be drawing on whatever past experiences he might have.
"So you've been eating a lot of cum then," I poked his stomach mockingly.
"Well I wouldn't say a lot," he smiled and grabbed my hand to stop the poking.
"If you can formulate a detailed opinion on the taste then I would say you've at least had experience," I wanted to know just how sexually active Cole may have been before I met him.
"Alright so I've done it a couple of times before, and who hasn't tasted their own cum," Cole confessed.
"Gross, I haven't," the thought of eating my own cum never crossed my mind.
"Try it sometime."
"Maybe I'll eat yours."
"It's only fair," Cole leaned over and kissed me.
"But maybe another time," I wasn't planning on going crazy.
"That's fine. I'll be looking forward to it," Cole smiled and sat up against the wall.
"Did you need to go soon?" I could tell he looked as if he wanted to leave.
"Yeah actually. I've got homework and shit to do," he didn't seem too excited about it.
"Ok, if you've got work to do then you should go ahead," I moved closer to him and gently ran my fingers around his thigh.
After a minute or so, Cole hopped off the bed and got himself dressed; I did the same. Once we were clothed I walked Cole over to the apartment door.
"Come over Wednesday?" he asked.
"When?"
"6?"
"Sure," I gave him a kiss before he left.
"He's a cool kid," Lex was sitting on the couch, I hadn't noticed him before.
"Yeah he's a `cool kid' as you put it," I remained standing.
"Just be sure this is what you want to do, cool kids have feelings too," it almost seemed as if Lex was talking about both Cole and himself.
"I understand."
"It sucks when someone doesn't like you back," Lex turned and looked right into my eyes.
"I can only imagine how that might feel. I'm sorry," I could tell Lex was referencing some encounter he had in the past.
"Well there's nothing we can do now," Lex turned back to the TV and I went to my room.
I sat at my desk and went over some homework I had due tomorrow. Then I went online to figure out when my first tests and quizzes were going to be administered and made a note of them on my phone calendar. After I was finished it was 10:15 and there was nothing left for me to do. I lay on my bed and listened to The XX. Eventually I fell asleep.
At 3:46AM I woke up crying. I had no idea why I was crying, but I knew I was crying. Perhaps all of these recent events were finally getting to me. I constantly denied my conscious self the ability to react on anything. Perhaps my unconscious decided to process all of these unresolved emotions for me. Once my wave of sobbing subsided I took a deep breath and thought. Maybe I could rationalize everything.
The human condition is one of fragility. We break easily. Life can be ended in so many ways, and a lot of them are accidental. But we can also break emotionally and mentally. I had already encountered the fragility of my mental state a number of times that week. Was I finally encountering a state of emotional fragility? I could think perfectly fine and my physical capacities seemed functional, but I had lost my grasp over my emotional response. I just woke up crying.
"Isn't this fucking weird? I'm sitting in my room in the pitch black in my clothes, crying. This is just fucked up," well now I was losing it on a whole other level.
Eventually I collected myself enough to set my alarm for class, change out of my clothes, and get into bed. I feel asleep soon after, and this time I did not wake up crying. My alarm beeped diligently at 8:45AM and I quickly turned it off. I lay in bed for a few minutes before mustering up the willpower to get up and get ready. The weather was taking a turn for the colder so there were no shorts in my outfit for the day. After getting dressed I went inside to prepare some breakfast and then it was off to class.
The next day progressed very similarly. There was no crying that night, to my satisfaction. Life was different now somehow. It was like seeing color for the first time. I hadn't seen Cole since he visited my apartment, and we didn't text much for some reason either. Then as I was walking to my apartment from class I noticed a bird sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. The bird wasn't moving; it didn't seem capable of moving. It sat there and shrieked, and I stared at it. I was scared. That's what all of these emotional responses and mental breakdowns were. I was scared of the unknown. This was a situation where I finally couldn't plan to predict the outcome. There was no formula for living, and I had made a demand of myself to live more, but I had never really done it before. A breakthrough.
I arrived home and passed the time on the internet reading over a few things. As it approached the time to leave for Cole's I decided to change my clothes. Some slim fitting khakis, a dark red long-sleeved shirt, and denim jacket. I contemplated whether or not I should share my recent discovery with Cole; maybe he could benefit from it too. When I arrived at Cole's apartment I gave a knock on the door but there was no reply. I decided to try the knob for the hell of it and to my surprise it was open. But the bigger surprise was awaiting me within the apartment.
Cole was sitting on the couch, arms spread across the top, and he was completely naked. I had no idea what to make of the situation. Was this even real? To my shock he was also pretty aroused and seemed to find my stupor rather arousing as well.
"Time for you to return that favor," he said casually.
"The audacity," I moved over to the couch.
"I'm a no bullshit kinda guy," Cole smirked.
"I can see that," I sat down next to Cole.
As surprised as I was by the whole situation I couldn't help but think how hot it was. Cole had the courage to sit naked in his apartment just waiting for me to arrive and find him. Then for him to suggest, borderline demand, that I give him head was a little unsettling, and arousing. I began running my hands over Cole's chest.
"Remember," I cut him off.
"I know," I positioned myself on my knees between Cole's knees.
I kissed him a few times while rubbing my thumbs over his nipples. When they were sufficiently hard I moved my hands down to his sides and started to kiss his neck. My lips made their way down to about his stomach, stopping to suck his left nipple a few times, before I moved my hands behind him to grab his ass. I had never really explored his butt, and while this position wasn't ideal, it gave me a chance. I definitely liked the feel of those two mounds in my hands, and they certainly filled my hands. Cole seemed to enjoy the exploration as well. At this point I could tell he wouldn't be getting much harder and was already starting to drip precum.
"Ready?" I asked as I moved my hands back up to brush along his stomach.
"Fuck yes," Cole stated softly.
I hesitated but only for a second, and I hated myself for it. I opened my mouth and only took about a quarter of his length to begin with. It was a weird sensation for sure, but I wasn't hating it. I sucked down on him to get the precum he was leaking and used my tongue to lick his head, he moaned at that. After I was done tasting his precum, it was like eating a watermelon and drinking old red wine, I let him enter further into my mouth. When I could start to feel him enter my throat I got to be a little confused as to what to do next.
"Don't forget to breathe. I'll try and make this easy for you. Just concentrate on opening up your throat, like you're swallowing or something," Cole said and he gently forced himself down further.
It was a little uncomfortable at first, but I had always been told I had a high tolerance for pain. I followed his advice and opened my throat up more so he could fill my mouth. Breathing was a little more difficult than anticipated, but I got the hang of it eventually. After a minute more I had him to about his base. His balls hung just before my chin and my nose came close to touching his pubes. Then he began pumping back and forth, and I mimicked the motion with my head. Breathing became more difficult but Cole sure was enjoying himself. I tried using my tongue a little to lick the underside of his engorged dick. Two minutes later and Cole was seconds from his orgasm.
"Lucas, Lucas," Cole was breathing erratically and tried to move from out of my mouth, I grabbed his hips and kept him in place.
Cole released himself into my throat. I couldn't taste the first few bursts of cum, but I could certainly feel the force of them hitting within my throat. Instinctively I swallowed but it certainly wasn't quickly enough. I released my grasp on Cole and pulled my head back until he was now shooting into my mouth. I could taste his cum. It was salty and a little bitter, but every so often I would taste something sweet. He was lucky he was sitting down because the force of this orgasm would have definitely knocked him off of his feet. Finally his orgasm had subsided and I sucked him clean before letting him out of my mouth.
"I tasted it," I finally said as I sat next to him on the couch.
Cole's body was glistening from the sweat of our encounter. His chest was still heaving as he came down from his orgasm. After a minute I could tell he was in a state of post-orgasm serenity. His eyes were calm.
"Yes, yes you did. How was it?" Cole smiled at me.
"It was different. Something I've never tasted before. Kind of like putting salt on a bunch of grapes. You were good though," I stroked his shoulder lightly.
"You were too," Cole gave a sigh of satisfaction.
We sat and discussed the evolution of Street Fight for five minutes. The magnitude of the situation had not hit me yet. The scene was so odd and so surreal. I had just given my first blowjob to a guy, admittedly one I knew, who was sitting naked waiting for me in his apartment and now we were discussing video games. This was never who I was.
"Cole, I'm scared," discussing Blanka was no longer important to me.
"What do you mean you're scared? You don't think this will work?" Cole seemed upset now at my change in conversation.
"It's not that. I saw this bird today and it couldn't move. It was just screeching on the sidewalk and I stared at it. It was scared. I'm that bird, Cole. I can't know what's going to happen next, there's no formula for any of this. The other night I woke up crying, and I don't know why. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up," I looked at him and could feel that my emotions were close to out of control at this point.
"I'm sorry if this was too much for you," Cole turned to get up from the couch.
"No it's not that. This was perfect, you're perfect. Cole I need you. I'm telling you I'm scared because I need you," my voice was getting shaky.
"I need you too," Cole turned and hugged me.
"Can you get dressed before we continue?" I said I was fucked up.
"Sure thing psycho," Cole got up and went to his room, I decided to follow him.
Cole started to get dressed and I sat on his bed with my back against the wall. I looked over to his desk to see that he had picked up the newest issues of Green Lantern and Spiderman comics. Another observation of contrast for my hypothesis. Cole said he needed me too, maybe that meant he also had something to be scared of. I looked over to the closet to see Cole had finished getting dressed. He decided on a pair of basketball shorts and a black hooded sweatshirt, but the sleeves were cut off at the shoulders. Certainly an interesting choice of attire.
"So what are you afraid of?" Cole sat down next to me, we were both facing forward.
"I'm afraid of life. I'm afraid of finally being myself. But I know I shouldn't be. There's just no way of knowing anything," I admitted my fear, even though it was kind of stupid.
"Lucas there's no magic formula for life, and numbers can only get you so far. You just have to take whatever life gives you, good or bad. This, us, we're a good thing, and this will be here even for the bad things," Cole just stated it like he would his order at a restaurant.
"I know. It just bothers me that I'm finally faced with a situation I can't rationalize," it was another stupid concern.
We spoke for a few minutes more before silence set in. Cole kissed me on the ear and I resigned to stay the night with him. I fell asleep with his arm over my shoulder and his breath in my ear. It was all stupid and fucked up, but we were meant to find each other.
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