The following story was originally written for a german website and later printed in my first book "Der Neuanfang". After I translated my story "Never saw a miracle" into english and getting lots of good feedback, I decided to translate this story, too. So please accept my apologies if the language isn't as smooth as in stories from "real" english speakers ;-)
The story is set in Germany, so of course there are a few things unfamiliar to people from other countries. If there are any things you don't understand, please feel free to ask me about it. I love getting emails anyway :-)
There are two other stories of mine published here on niftys:
"Never saw a miracle" in the gay/highschool section
and
"Different" in the gay/no-sex section
If someone is interested in reading the original german story, it's here:
http://www.nickstories.de
Look for "Peter's Stories".
But now let's the play begin...
--*
A new beginning -- Part 1
Copyright 2001-2005 by Peter_Co@web.de
"Danny, will you help us again on Saturday with the flea market?"
The one who was asking me that question was Thomas, my best friend for many years now. Together with his brother he almost every saturday goes out to our local flea market to sell junk. And almost every saturday I was condemned to help them (what are friends for?). Not a very nice job in December, with freezing temperatures. The thought of last weekend alone made me shiver again. But this time I had a good excuse to deny Thomas.
"Sorry, not this Saturday. My mom and her boyfriend are dragging me along to a swim meet."
"And who do you know that will be swimming? Surely not someone like you who is so afraid of the water."
Well, thanks a lot I thought. Was I the one to blame for being in the hospital with leukemia when all the other kids in my class were learning to swim? I tried to make up for it later, but my first trip into the pool almost ended with poor little Danny drowning. Since that time my attitude towards water was, well, a little tense. I did learn swimming over the years, but still I like water only if my head was above water when standing.
"Whoa, not me you idiot, it's Tim, the son of my mothers boyfriend who is the great swimmer. My Mom thinks that a day together would be a good idea so we get to know each other."
"Huh, sounds like it's getting serious with your Mom and this guy."
"Sure looks like it. Those two spend almost every free minute together. Wouldn't suprise me to hear wedding bells in the near future."
"What do you think about this?"
"Difficult question. I haven't seen my mom this happy for years, and Reinhardt seems to be okay, too."
"And your future stepbrother?"
"Ha, got you, you didn't listen to me."
"What?"
"I already said that we will meet each other on Saturday the first time, I've only seen a small picture of him so far."
"Well, then you should at least know how old he is."
"Sixteen."
"So he's still a little kid."
We both started laughing quite hard, as we were only one year older. To be precise, I'd had my 17th birthday eleven weeks and three days before. And it was on this particular day that my mother met Reinhardt. She had invited me to a movie to celebrate the day. Just as I had bought myself a medium popcorn, a large bearded giant of a man poured a half-liter of coke accidently all down my trousers. White jeans and black cola - not a very good match. The giant seemed to be even more shocked than me. Just as he had started to stammer his apology my mother rushed in and began to give him hell.
Now you have to know that my mom really isn't big, and the picture of an 1.65m(5'5)-woman verbally beating the shit out of an 1.95m(6'5)-man drew a lot of attention from the bystanders. To say the least: it was quite funny, and after a few moments I was the last one to break in a very loud laugh. This brought my mother up short, and the two main characters of this little episode stared at each other in silence for a minute. A small, furious woman and a Rambo-look alike who was just destroyed. What a picture. In the end my mom reallized this also, and broke into a big grin. This on the other hand confused the big guy even more.
To make this short: the name of the gentle giant was Reinhardt, and he drove us home (sitting in drenched jeans was no way to watch a movie) and invited us to dinner and the evening show. Well, while I was in the shower to rinse the remains of the sticky cola away, my mother and Reinhardt got to know each other better. When I had changed into clean clothes and came into the living room they sat together and talked as if they had known each other for ages. And that's exactly the way it was. My mom and Reinhardt had been classmates in school, and after graduation lost touch with each other. And now this surprising reunion after 20 or more years. Over the following weeks old friendship became love, with the result that two families soon will become one. I guess it was Cupid in person who knocked the coke out of Reinhardts hand!
A little more background informations about our families. My father died a few years ago in a plane accident, and I still miss him each and every day. My mother threw all her energy into work, not that she needed the money, insurance took care of that, but I think it helped her to think about other things. Well, this didn't help me. At the time I needed her the most, she often came home after midnight. Luckily after a few weeks she realized that this wasn't the solution, and we got closer together. The last two or three years we had a good time together, and we looked optimistically into our future.
A couple of months before my last birthday even the idea of "mom plus a new man" was a topic in our long conversations, and after a few long evenings and sleepless nights I came to terms with this.
Reinhardt himself was divorced, his wife ran away with some Latin Lover, without giving a second thought to her husband and her son. This happened sometime ago, and since then Reinhardt played the single parent. As I said before, Reinhardt and I get along quite well, and if my mom wants to have a new man in her life - Reinhardt defenitely wasn't a bad choice. He didn't invade my life, didn't try to ingratiate himself with me - but had always an open ear if I had something to say.
But back to the actual situation. Where was I? Ah, yes, Thomas tried to force me to help him with his little business. Well, sorry, for the first time he'll get a no from me.
"Sorry, but you have to work it out without me."
"As if I believe that you're really sorry! Well, at least we won't have to share the profit with you."
"I guess I'll have to live with that, even though I still don't know how I'll do that."
"Said Mr. Rockefeller jr. Okay, doesn't matter. Do you know how long this family get-together will take? Will you have the time to go to Katjas party?"
"Shit! I totally forgot about that! I don't know if I can make it, maybe mom and Reinhardt have already planned something for the evening."
"Come on, you have to be there! You're the only one who's able to get her sound system running through the whole house!"
"That's why you want me there!"
"Well, yes, but that's not the only reason. Think about how good Katjas parties always are. Jurgen will run the grill and Lisa gets the drinks. There will be at least fifty people. And, by the way, I'm sure there will be some cute guys, too."
I had to grin. Now he got me.
"Okay, okay, I'll try to be there."
"I knew it! Oh shit, it's late already! I have to get my little sister from the kindergarten. See you tomorrow!"
And he was gone before I could even start to answer. About the "cute guys". Well, I'm gay. And I'm quite out. Not that the whole school knew about me, but all of my friends did. It wasn't easy, but with the help from Thomas and some other really good friends I made it through. Some former friends didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, but at least they didn't talk about it either. Today I was quite okay with myself, the only thing missing was a cute boyfriend.
Where was I. Ah yes, cute guys at parties. Well, I kept my eyes open, especially at Katjas famous parties, where always many guys were who I would like to know better. But keeping my eyes open was the only thing I had done so far, because every time I laid my eyes on a cute boy his girlfriend turned up and all my hopes were smashed. What the hell, could it really be that every cute guy was either straight or already taken? Thinking about this I decided to make it to the upcoming party at all costs!
--*
Very early Saturday morning, which was definitely an unholy hour for me to be awake, this voice intrudes upon my well deserved sleep.
"Danny, get up! We have a long day waiting for us!"
See, I love my mom, but some times I really wish her far, far away. Like now. Not even 8.30 in the morning and my cosy slumber was brought to an abrupt end. What the heck, a few more minutes will do no harm ...
"Daniel, I told you to get up! Do I have to come with a bucket of cold water?"
Damn. Daniel!!! Now when my mother uses my full first name you know she is real serious. If I don't obey her orders now she really would come with the cold water. Wouldn't be the first time.
So I had to push myself grumbling out of my nice warm cushions. Shit, it's fucking freezing! Only the middle of December and we already have frost. I guess I really need to close the window overnight or to put on a pair of my thick winter pyjamas. Closing the window with my right hand I used my left one to open up the heating, then I retreated into my nicely warmed private bath to do all those morning things which have to be done.
Fifteen minutes later I came back into my room, where the heating had done a good job already. One look at my outside thermometer: minus 8C! Great. Another one of those days where my body would look double its size because of all the thick clothing. That's the price you have to pay for being a chilblain like me.
"Danny, are you finally ready? Breakfast is on the table. And put on warm clothes, it's really cold outside!"
Looks like somebody read my mind. This ability seems to run in the family, I'm quite good at it, too. What? You want proof? Okay. I'll try to read the actual thoughts of the appreciated reader. Concentration. Just one more moment. There it is. Yep, exactly. What?!? I can't believe this! You think: "This guy with his seventeen years still seems to be quite the mummy's darling." Thanks a lot, but I am not going to stand for this! If getting along well with your mother makes you mummy's darling, well, than I guess I am one. Maybe this freshly read thought of the reader only shows a little jealousy. Yes, I think that's it.
By the way, I just now realize that I told you already a lot about my family, but only very little about myself. Okay, I'll try to make up for it. You already know how old I am. I'm 1.83m (6') tall (or small, that's a matter of opinion), dark blond hair with lighter streaks, brown eyes. Not chubby, not skinny, no muscle stud but also no sissy. The best word to describe myself would be average I think. Same for my performance in school. The teachers always tell me (and worse: my mom too) that I could do even better if only I would put a little more effort into it. No thanks! Being known as a swot is something I really don't need. I'm not that much into sports, but I do a little karate (and I think I'm not that bad with it). I like to bike long distances in the summer. Musical preferences: Echt (a german boygroup), Backstreet Boys, Phil Collins and Mike Oldfield - I guess loving the first two is part of the job description for a gay teenager. Okay, that's all about me for now.
Where did I stop before my thoughts wandered away? Oh yes, the call for breakfast. But first things first. I had to jump out of my pyjamas and into my first layer of clothes for this cold day. "Put on warm clothes", my mother said. In our house this means, that under my fleece shirt and my thermo jeans I had to put a long sleeved t-shirt and - if somebody laughs now or comes up with the "mummy's darling" again I'll show him my karate moves - a pair of cotton tights (footed ones, to top it all). My mother has insisted on the latter for as long as I can remember, and all my efforts to overcome this ended in disaster. Over the years I came to terms with her stubbornness on this point, and to keep the peace I don't talk about that with her anymore. I had to live with a little teasing from my friends, but on the other hand I welcome everything that helps me to stay warm during the winter. So I put on a white sweatshirt, a darkblue pair of tights and wandered off to the kitchen.
"Here you are. Finally!"
"What's all this hurry about? We have enought time, it's only a ten minutes drive to the swim meet."
"We won't take the car, we walk. After the meet Reinhardt will drive us all home, or maybe we do something else together afterwards. We have to talk about this yet."
"Katja is having a party this evening, and I should be there not later than six." Well, to be honest, seven. But a little safety bolster will do no harm.
"Do you really have to go? You know what today is about."
"I did promise her long before you came up with your plans for today." That's not the complete truth, but good enough anyway.
"Does Katja still have a crush on you?"
The poor girl really followed my like a puppy from fourth grade on.
"Don't think so, not after I told her why she would never have a chance with me. As far as I know she has had a new boyfriend for some weeks now."
"Thank god. I mean, sure, she is a nice girl, but not exactly the type I'm hoping for my son. She's a little shallow, and she always goes with the newest fashion. Promise me that you'll never fall for a male version of Katja, please?"
My mom was the first person I came out too, and the time after this wasn't exactly an easy one. It took her quite a few weeks to come to terms with her only child being gay, but later she made a complete 180 turn and now supports me in every way. That's sometimes really annoying. As example, when we sit in a cafe and she starts to point out boys to me. "Look, Danny, isn't he cute?" Hmpf, embarrassing. "Isn't this one exactly your type of guy?" And she doesn't even try to say this in a low voice!
"Okay, I promise. Even if I would go for girls, one like Katja wouldn't be my choice. She would not even come near."
"Huh, now I'm relieved."
During this conversation I had a couple of slices of toasts and two cups of tea (I can't stand coffee). Luckily I don't have to worry about my bodyshape. When I was over with my breakfast I leaned back in my chair, and my mom looked up from her crossword.
"Finally filled up? I'm afraid I couldn't feed a second guy of your kind, two of you would eat me out of house and home."
Well, that was pure jealousy talking. My mom only had to look at a piece of cake and she'll put on another pound of weight. Not that she was in bad shape, but she actually had to work for it.
"I'm a growing boy, I need it!"
"Okay, okay. I'll put the dishes away and you go and put on the rest of your clothes. Move!"
I toddled off to my room and completed my outfit with a white fleece shirt and blue jeans dungarees. A quick glance in the mirror - yes, that's acceptable. I grabbed my keys, my ID and my wallet and was ready to go out. I walked down again into the hallway where my mom was already putting on her coat. Someone seemed to be in a hurry. I slipped into my shoes and then my favourite winter jacket. This one I had found in a catalog for military items, allegedly it's the original polar jacket of the US Navy. Super warm, and with the coated hood I even could do without an additional cap. But sometimes I would need a guide dog, because the hood often slips down over my eyes. Now only a pair of gloves were left, and I was ready to face the elements. Or at least as ready as I'll ever be.
"Can we?"
My mom also was ready, she opened the door and pushed me through it. Well, minus 8C was putting it mildly, with the wind chill it was more like minus 25C. And it was snowing a little. I put the hood over my head and was as much isolated against the cold as possible.
On the way to the meet my mother moved really quickly - surprising, most of the time she was the one to slow me down because of her shorter legs. Well, I'm not the one to protest, at least not with these temperatures. Twenty minutes later we arrived at the indoor pool, where Reinhardt already was waiting for us. After a short welcome we retreated into the building, where we first handed our coats and jackets to the cloakroom. Reinhardt gave me a long look-over.
"Wow, you're really Danny. I wasn't sure with all that disguise."
I gave him a forced smile. My mom hugged her future husband.
"Leave Danny alone, he isn't a winter person. By the way, where is your son?"
"Tim is already in the locker rooms, he has a semifinal right at the beginning of the meet. He'll join us later. I have some good seats reserved, let's go to the stands."
So we headed for our seats, and with the warm temperature in the building I was soon in a better mood. Not only because of the temperature, but because of the many boys wearing skimpy swimsuits. Some of them were really cute, and my mind wandered off to dreamland. A little later Reinhardts voice brought me back to reality.
"Danny, Tims' coach asked me to video the races of the team, and of course I said yes. But now I can't take pictures with our own camera, would you like to help me out with it?"
Taking pictures? Why not, that's one of my hobbies. At home I even have my own little darkroom, and I already won a few minor awards.
"Sure. You only have to show me how your camera works."
"No problem for you, I guess. Look, it's digital, so you don't need film."
Wow, I have had my eyes on such a camera for a couple of months now, but even with the money from my last summer job it's still a little too expensive.
Reinhardt told me what little I had to know about the camera, and he was right, there wouldn't be any problems for me.
"That's it. If you want you can run around and look for some good pictures. Take this ID, it will give you access to the areas where only staff and press are allowed."
It became better and better! On my many photo safaries I discovered too often that I couldn't reach the really interesting spots. This colourful piece of paper would sure help me this time!
"Can I go now?"
"Sure. Here are some more memory cards and a second set of batteries. Take as many pictures as you like, the memory cards and batteries should last for at least 150 pictures."
"Thanks!" And I was gone.
First I took some general shots of the pool - carefully avoiding to come too close to the edge of hell ... I mean the edge of the pool. Later I searched for the little details. The mother of one swimmer (she was much more nervous than her son). The ice cream man (well, no business with me before next summer). The announcer, who just called for the next race. Time to go to the start.
With my wonderful press card it was no problem to get directly to the start area, from where I now started to photograph the entry of the gladiators. One of them must be Tim, and I tried to figure out which one he might be by remembering the little picture of him I had already seen. Not an easy thing to do. With the wet hair and the tracksuits they all looked very similar. I had the number of suspects down to three when the announcer started to call the names of the competitors. First some names which told me nothing, but then he reached my future stepbrother.
"And on lane four we have Tim Bergner, last years champion and holder of the country record in his age group."
Well, I was right, he was one of my three candidates. I took a picture of him and watched him taking off his tracksuit. Just one more moment and I should see him in a skimpy swim suit, sure will be an interesting sight. Wait a minute, somethings not quite right here! What's he wearing under his tracksuit?
When he had finished taking it off I realized what he wore. It was one of those new one piece swim suits, which covers the body from the shoulders down to just above the knees. "Speedo Aquablade" was printed on it. I wasn't sure if I should like or dislike it and took a long second look at him. The tight fabric emphasized his muscular but esthetical physique, and I decided that I in fact DID like his swim suit. And that I did like my future little brother. At least the parts of him I could see from the outside. Quickly I took a few more pictures of Tim and the other swimmers before the announcer called them to the blocks. I hurried to a good strategical position to photograph the start as quickly as possible. The command came, the starter raised the gun, and with the bang of the gun I hit the trigger of the camera - zoomed in on the center lanes and - of course - Tim.
A few seconds later I was rewarded with a nice picture on the control monitor. If it comes out at least half that good on a big screen I got a very good one! But back to the race. Shit, what race was it actually? I should have listened a little more carefully. Concentration, Danny! Yes, now I remember. 200 meters freestyle. I waited for the first turn, then I pointed the camera at the swimmers again. Tim and his two lane neighbors were practically neck and neck, and I made use of this great opportunity to get a series of six action shots of the three. While the camera was storing them I followed the race, where Tim now was able to get away a little from his opponents. Just in time for the next turn the camera was ready again, and I took a close-up of Reinhardts son.
After that I searched for a good place to photograph the finish. One guy I could recognize by his equipment as a press photographer saw me looking and called me to join him. And it was a good place! For Tim the race now was going really good, at the last turn he already had a lead of one body length. With powerful strokes of his arms he came nearer and nearer, and at the very last moment before he hit the finish I took a picture of him. Seconds later a short look at the monitor confirmed that I had chosen the right moment. I took some more pictures of the swimmers getting out of the pool, and then Tim was standing before me.
"Hi, isn't that our camera? You must be Danny, right?"
"Yep, that's me. Good race, congratulations. I hope you kept a little energy for the final."
He smiled shyly at me. Oh, that smile, those green eyes! At that moment I was very glad not to be standing in front of him in a tight swim suit. Can you say embarrassing?
"Don't worry, I held back a little."
It sure didn't look it. Just as I was starting to tell him so a guy in a tracksuit showed up.
"Great, Tim! Well done! The other finalists have weak knees already. Now go shower and dress up. Your race starts at 1pm, so you can spend some time with your dad. But don't drink and eat to much!"
Well, looks like this guy is Tims coach. With a slap on the extremely cute butt he sent his charge to the showers. I had to fight off the urge to do the same. The coach looked at me.
"And who are you, a friend of Tim?"
"Not yet, but I hope to become one. His dad and my mom are going to be married."
"Ah yes. Tim told me about this. Then I guess that's your mom sitting with Reinhardt over there?"
"Yes. They thought this meet would be a good way for us to get to know each other."
"Well, I guess that makes you part of the family. If you like you can go to the locker rooms, too."
Oh no, I thought, that's a great idea, but to be that near all those more or less naked boys? No thanks. I mean, YES!!! But not now.
"Thanks for the offer, but I have to take a few more pictures."
"It's your decision. Your welcome. Can I have a look at the pictures sometime? I see you took some of Tims race and finish."
"I took some, yes. But you have to ask Reinhardt about that, it's his camera and I'm just working for him."
"I'll do that. Okay, I have to go, it was nice to meet you. Bye."
"Bye."
And I was alone again. Alone and confused. Wow. Never before had a boy made such an impression on me in such a little time. Okay. That Tim had a great body I knew from the second I saw him. But what blew me away were those eyes and his shy smile. And abruptly I was aware that I was hopelessly falling in love with him.
But stop! This can't happen! Not with him! My future stepbrother, hell, that's almost incest! Not to speak of all the problems with our living together. Absorbed in those thoughts I wandered back to our seats.
"Now, Danny? Any problems with the camera?"
I roused from my thoughts.
"Er. No. No problems, it was really easy."
"Good. Did you catch some good pictures?"
"I thinks so. Some from the building, Tims start and also his finish."
"That's nice. Did Tim notice?"
"Yes. We talked for a moment when he climbed out of the water."
"Well, then you now are ordered to defend the camera against him. Tim doesn't like to be photographed, and if you're not very careful he'll erase the pictures as soon as possible."
"Sorry. If I had known this I wouldn't have taken pictures of him."
"No reason to apologize, on the contrary. Sometimes you have to force him. Later he will be thankful for being able to show his children and grandchildren these pictures."
"Yes, but I don't like to find myself on his black list from the first day on."
"Don't worry, it isn't as serious as it sounds. He'll grumble a little, but he wont be mad on you. Or did he say something different?"
"No. I congratulated him, he smiled at me, and then his coach came up and sent him to the showers."
"Tim smiled? Wow. That's a day to remember. Since ... well, since his mother ran off he almost never smiles anymore. I guess it's a good sign for you two to hit it of."
I sure did hope so. And hopefully my confused emotions wont mess it up.
"Okay. Danny, will you stay with your mom for a while? I'll see Tim in the locker rooms and bring him over."
And he was gone. All the time my mother wasn't able to say one single word - what a new experience for her! But now she decided to make up for it.
"Well, Danny, be honest. Do you have a good feeling?"
What a choice of words. I guess it's better not to tell her about all my "good" feelings.
"Sure, mom. We'll come to terms with each other soon. And if not - well, we have to see who's got the better arguments: a swimmer or a karateka."
She looked me deep in my eyes.
"Do you always have to make a joke out of it? That's a really serious matter."
"Sorry, but don't worry too much. Tim seems to be okay, he didn't jump at my throat. I guess like me he already accepted the new situation."
"Only accepted?"
"Well, don't expect too much at one go. Reinhardt is nice, and I'm happy for you, but it will take more time to find out how this all will affect our lifes. But I'm ready to give it a try."
"Sorry, Danny. It's just that this is really important for me. I mean, Reinhardt and I found each other, but for you boys ... You are more or less thrown together without knowing much about the other. I know we really expect a lot from you."
"As I said, don't worry. It will all work out. By the way, have you spoken with Reinhardt about this evening?"
"Not yet, I think it's best to do this all together. Maybe at lunch."
"Okay."
At that very moment the two objects of desire walked by and sat down: my moms (Reinhardt) and mine (Tim). Tims hair had dryed and now I could see its true color: light, almost white blond - and some green(!!!) streaks. He weared a tracksuit of his team and white sneakers. My mom, who was the only one who hasn't meet him today yet, greeted him and congratulated him on his race. And there it was again: his shy smile as he thanked my mom with his head slightly bowed. Well, looks like he isn't the self-confidence in person.
The announcer called the start of the next race, in which two of Tims teammate had to swim. Reinhardt took the camcorder to do his job.
"I have to record the next races, then we will have lots of time to Tims final. I think we should go to lunch then, okay?"
We all agreed. Then the first race started, and two minutes later both of Tims teammates were out of the contest. Seems like Tim is the on and only figurehead of his team, because also in the next race only one of his teammates reached the final. Because of the loud cheers from the terraces I didn't have to make conversation, I only took some short looks in Tims direction once in a while, and I realized that he did the same. Was it because of my splendid body, or maybe because of my outstanding personality? Or was he just a little nervous facing his future "big brother"? Who knows.
Then it was time to head for lunch. Reinhardt put the camcorder in its bag.
"You three go ahead, Tim knows where the cafeteria is. I bring the camcorder to the coach, I don't want to drag it along with me all the time."
We did as he told us and walked off. Our march to the cafeteria went in silence, my mom tried to start a conversation with Tim a couple of times, but always got only short answers out of him. The same went on when we found a table in the cafeteria, but then it became to much for mom.
"Well, Tim, that was really a great performance. When did you start swimming?"
"Eight years ago I think. And I'm really not that good."
"It did look good. You were much better than all the others in your race."
"Thanks." At last the corners of his mouth raised a little bit. Let's try to increase it.
"She's right, you know. Maybe you could even beat me."
My mom bursted out laughing, and Tim looked confused from her to me and back to her. When my mother finally calmed down a bit she started to explain my relation to water. And then she felt bound to inform him about my swimming abilities.
"If you put a centner of solid lead on your swim suit and give Danny a start of half the distance, well, maybe then he'll be able to beat you."
I just had to make a comment about this one, and in well played indignition I turned to my mom.
"Come on, I'm not THAT bad! I would have a good chance against him even if he only would put on half a centner of lead. If he would give me a start of three quarters of the distance."
Now we made it! Tim bursted out in one heavy laughter, he even had tears in his eyes! At this very moment Reinhardt joined us at the table, and the surprise of finding his son in this condition was easily to read in his face.
"I see the ice is broken. What's so funny, Tim?"
"Well, it's about Dannys swimming arts."
"Exactly. I was just giving Tim a few tips how to improve his technique to be able to beat me in the water."
"That's very kind of you."
"It's nothing. Isn't it the job of a big brother to help the younger siblings?"
Tim, who in the meantime had calmed down a little, bursted out in laughter again, whilst Reinhardt and my mom changed relieved glances. Then mom turned to Reinhardts son.
"Tim, I see it's self service, would you like to come with me and get food and drinks for all of us?"
Reinhardt joined in.
"Keep seated, Maria, I'll take care of it."
"No way, Reinhardt. Look at Danny: he wears a new white shirt, I guess he doesn't need cola stains on it."
"Ah, I'm not that clumsy!"
"Well, we wont take a risk today. That's okay with you, Tim?"
"Sure. Dad, Danny, what do you want?"
Reinhardt told his son what to get him, and I quickly searched the menu. Yes, there's something for me.
"I'll take the Wiener schnitzel with french fries. And a big coke."
"You'll get it."
The two wannabe-waiters walked off, leaving Reinhardt and me behind at the table. Reinhardt gave me a short, penetrating glance, then he smiled at me.
"You two did a good job with Tim, thank you. I can't remember him to be that happy for a long time. Sorry if it was on your cost."
"It was worth it. He did look like he needed a little cheering up."
"You're right."
"Is he always that reticent and reserved? I mean in general, not only with some stranger like me. Mom congratulated him on his race, but he did as if she totally overrated his performance."
"That's his big problem. Since his mom left us he is in a heavy crisis, not physically but mentally. He thinks it was his fault that she did run away, that he wasn't good enough for her. And if someone tells him that he's wrong he wont beliefe him. Damn, this boy is country champion, and he will win again this year, but it was a tough job to even make him participate the championship. It seems like he lost every little bit of self-confidence."
"A difficult situation. What can we do?"
"Not much. We can only show him again and again that there is nothing to feel guilty about or to be ashamed of. I take his laughter as a good sign, and it made myself very happy. Thanks again."
"You're welcome. We are one family now, or at least we will be soon. Now, I think it's better to look for our two waiters, I don't think that they'll be able to get everything without help."
"Maybe it's better when I go. Or at least come with you."
"No, you defend the table. And, by the way, I like my shirt the way it is - white."
"Not you too! Okay, get lost!"
I buzzed off and caught mom and Tim at the right moment, just when they started to leave the counter. I took one of the trays, and when mom realized who the bold thief was she looked quite reliefed.
"You're send from heaven, Danny! Tim and me wouldn't be able to make it alone."
"Not heaven sent me but my own genious mind. I'd never risk my food landing on the ground because of the incompetence of the staff."
"Well, thanks. You just volunteerd to do the dishes for one month in a row."
But she smiled, such a skirmish was quite usual amongst us. Mom, Tim and me shoved ourselfs back to the table, where Reinhardt was defendig our seats heroical against the hungry crowds. Finally we made it, without any loss of humans and material. Thank god, my stomach was rumbling loud enough to draw attention. Without any further ado I started to inhale my food in record time. When everything was where it belonged I satisfied leaned back in my chair and watched the other three eating.
As usual my mom choosed only a salad and a mineral water. Reinhardt had a roulade and a beer, and Tim a potato soup and a glas of orange juice. Finally everybody was finished, and mom pointed the conversation at the plans for the evening.
"Reinhardt, do you have anything planned for after the meet?"
"Not yet. I thought it would be nice to speak about it together."
"That's good. Danny has already plans for the evening, one of his friends is having one of her famous parties, and he doesn't want to miss it."
"Too bad. I was hoping to do something together, especially the boys, so that they could take stock of each other a little more."
Hm, I wasn't happy to disappoint him, but give up Katjas party? But wait, how about that? What if Tim comes with me? We would be together, and I wouldn't miss the party. Am I a genius or not?
"Sorry, Reinhardt, but the party is planned for a long time. But I have an idea: I could take Tim with me to the party. That way we spend time together, and you and mom have a free evening together, too."
"I don't know. What do you think, Maria? What are those parties like?"
"Don't worry, the gang is a little crazy but absolutely harmless. To be honest I think it's a good idea, Tim could meet a few of Dannys friends, and he and Danny could learn to know each other without us old folks standing on their feet all the time."
"If you say so. Tim, what do you think about it? Would you like to go to this party with Danny?"
"I don't know. I don't want to impose. Maybe Dannys friends wouldn't want me to be there."
"Bullshit. They'll like you. Especially the girls."
"But they will be older than me."
"Not all. Most of them are seventeen or eightteen, but there will be a few younger folks, too. Mostly younger siblings, they are always welcome. As long as they are not too young. By the way, how much older than you am I? Six months? Nine? Not a very big difference."
"If you think so."
"Hey, don't be that gloomy. Believe me, you'll enjoy yourself."
Maybe that's exactly what he's afraid of, he had a little anxious look on his face. But I wouldn't let him from the hook this time. Even if I wouldn't like him that much, there was something else about him. What Reinhardt told me under four eyes made me thinking. Losing my dad was bad enough, but at least we did know that it was a tragical accident and no fault of us. But Tim? He felt responsible for his "moms" leaving. It wasn't that difficult to imagine what's running through his cute head.
"Okay, it's settled. When has Tim to be home?"
I looked at his dad. But Reinhardt only raised his shoulders.
"Tim wasn't a big party guy yet, I don't know. Maria, what would you say?"
"Well, it's Saturday, let him a little off the leash. Two a.m. should be okay, Katjas parties usually end at this time anyways."
"Okay. Now you only have to tell where I can pick him up after the party. I don't like the idea of Tim walking through half the town in the middle of the night."
"He could stay overnight in our guest room. It's only a five minutes walk from Katja's, and he wouldn't walk alone but with Danny."
"Sounds good. Thank you for the offer, Maria. Okay, and what will we do this evening?"
"A couple of days ago you told me about this new restaurant in your neighbourhood."
"The Hotchkins? Good idea, I wanted to try it anyway."
Reinhardt looked at mom, and I could see his brain running on overdrive. Then he turned to Tim and me.
"Boys, can we count on you? It could become late with Maria and me also, and I think it would be better if she stayed with me for the night. But we have to know that we can trust you. What do you say?"
I looked at Tim, he at me. He raised his shoulders. That was all I needed.
"Make it so, I already told you that you'll have a free evening. And I'll take care of the little one."
The latter brought me a light slap of Tims elbow, but his smiling face told me that he wasn't really mad. Then he spoke to Reinhardt.
"But dad, we have to make a short stop at home, I'll need other clothes for the party and some things for spending the night."
"You're right. After your big victory we'll drive home, you get what you need, than I invite all of us to the new italian coffeehouse, and after that we'll drop you off at Marias place. That's okay?"
We all agreed. Now after we were all feed up, and the big palaver was successfully finished, we did leave the cafeteria and headed back to the pool - except Tim, who walked off to the locker rooms. I prepared the camera, changed the batteries and the memory card and started to take pictures again. While I did this my mind wandered back to what happened today so far. Up to now it was a nice day, and meeting Tim was a pleasent surprise. Well, not meeting him, that wasn't a surprise. But that he's such a cute and nice guy, that surely was. I doubted that I had any chances with him, but I was sure that I would also love it to have him just as a brother. I could have done much worse.
I didn't realize how fast the time passed - the announcer called already for Tims final. I hurried to be at the start on time. There he was already on the block in his cute blue swim suit - I barely had time to point the camera at him before the starting shot.
Over the next two minutes I took several pictures, mostly of Tim. And he justifyed this attention by swimming a great race, in which not one of his opponents had the slightes chance against him. At the finish he had build up a lead of more than two body lenghts, and he broke the country record too. The spectators went crazy - especially two of them - and I was also happy. This should take care of his low self-confidence. Luckily I was at the right position to congratulate him first when he climbed out of the water. He had a big smile (really, a big one this time) on his face and looked more confident than I have ever seen him before.
After the next race mom and Reinhardt joined me to watch the presentation ceremony up close. Tim got his medal and quite a big cup. He was smiling - no, that would be an understatement - he was laughing. This again brought his dad to tears of happiness. His son seems to be very important to him, and I guess that's a good sign. If someday I would be only half that important to him I could consider myself lucky. That my mom had taken Tim into her heart already was obvious.
When Tim left the victory rostrum he stormed to us to get the congratulations of the other two also. Reinhardt told Tim how proud he was of him, and they hugged each other heavily. My mom laid her arm around my waist and smiled happily at this picture. She seemed to be very satisfied with the day so far.
After that Tim walked to locker rooms, to shower and to change into some more decent clothes. Fifteen minutes later he showed up in the lobby, dressed all in black: black sweatshirt, black jeans, black jacket, black gloves and to top it a black cap.
"I'm ready, we can go."
"Did you dry your hair carefully?"
"Yep, don't worry. I wouldn't like to catch a cold that short before christmas."
During this little conversation we also put on our jackets and coats, and I added all my defense mechanisms. Tim looked me up and down.
"Cool jacket."
"Thanks. And nicely warm."
"Tim, that's something you have to remember: Danny and frost is like fire and water, they don't go well together."
Tim and Reinhardt giggled. Thanks, mom.
"Go ahead, make fun of me. But at least I'm not the one who will freeze his ass off."
We walked to the exit of the building, and I put on my hood.
"Are you sure you don't violate the ban on disguising?"
"So what? And Tim, what's all that black clothing for? Are you afraid of getting lost in a snowdrift?"
"Touche."
Now we all had a good laugh, and two minutes later we reached Reinhardts car. Not bad, really not bad. A dark green Chrysler Stratus. I always loved american cars, and even though this wasn't a Viper or a Lincoln Navigator - it was much better than the average car rolling around in Germany.
Five minutes into the drive the temperature in the car reached an acceptable level, and I leisurly leaned back into the cushions. Fifteen more minutes, filled with nonstop blathering between mom and Reinhardt, we stopped in front of a newly redeveloped appartment complex.
We climbed the stairs up to the third floor and stopped in front of a door with the nameplate "Bergner" on it. Reinhardt opened the door to a hallway, long enough to place a complete bowling alley in it. After taking off our jackets and coats, and the snowy shoes, Reinhardt showed us to the living room.
"Tim, pack your bag please, okay? We'll wait in the living room."
"Okay, I'm on my way."
I watched him as he started to move into the depth of the hallway. After a few steps he stopped and turned back.
"Danny, would you like to come with me to my room?"
Why not. I followed Tim to the end of the long corridor. My host opened a door with a big "No trespassing!" sign on it. I guess because of his invitation I wasn't a trespasser, so I followed him into his private kingdom. It was much smaller than I expected, especially compared to the other rooms I already had seen. My astonishment must have been visible.
"You don't like my room?"
"No! I mean, yes, I like it! But I expected something bigger."
The room was smaller than my own, maybe only half as big, but with a much higher ceiling. But it looked really comfy and homy. In one corner, at the window, was a transforming couch, at night used as Tims bed, at day as a cosy seat with lots of cushions. On the other side was a set of closets with a writing desk to fold out, a small tv and a hifi set. In a showcase were many medals and cups Tim won over the years. The walls were decorated with posters -- in a very strange combinaten. I mean, how fit Lara Croft and the Backstreet Boys together? I turned back to my host, who now started to answer my unasked question.
"I could have a bigger room, but I like it the way it is. I don't need much space, and I like a room where I can't get lost."
He grinned shyly.
"The next bigger room is three times as big, I wouldn't know what to do with all the space. No, I like this room. It's small but it's really comfy."
I smiled reassuringly.
"Great minds think alike. I was thinking in terms of `comfy,' too."
Now he smiled happily.
"Sit down on the couch, I have to pack a few things."
I did as he told me, while he switched on the radio before he started to pack. Spice girls. Ugh! But the couch was even more comfy than it looked like, so I not only sat but layed down on it.
Tim was now packing his sports bag. At first I tried to follow his work, but then the short night and the early waking up this morning took their tribute. I fell asleep. How embarassing!
"Danny? He, Danny, wake up!"
"Hm... What? Oh, shit, sorry!"
Now he didn't smile anymore, he grinned cheekily! Okay, I guess I deserved this.
"I just wanted to know what I should pack for the party. I mean, what should I wear."
"You can wear anything you want, as long as you're not stark naked -- and this I wouldn't recommend anyways, looking at the freezing temperature."
What was I saying! Or thinking! But what a nice picture to imagine ... Tim stark naked. Not bad at all!
"What will you wear?"
"Don't know yet. Maybe white jeans and blue sweatshirt."
"That's something I have, too. You've got a problem with me wearing almost the same as you?"
"Nope. I don't care about such things. But I have to warn you: never, never ever wear the same dress as my mom! She flips out if someone wears the same as she does."
Tim laughed.
"Thanks for the warning, I'll keep it in mind. But I have a closet full of different dresses, I guess I'll always find one which is different from what she's wearing."
Huh, the little one had a sense of humour! That's great. We looked at each other and broke out in laughter. When we calmed down again, he looked at me a little undecided.
"What do you think, should I change already in my party clothes, or take them with me and change at yours before we leave for the party?"
"Better pack them and change at ours. It's much safer: your dad has invited us to that coffeehouse, there are lots and lots of things he could pour over us."
Tim didn't take offence of my little joke about his dad, he even started laughing again.
"You're right, then I'd have a problem."
He packed his party clothes in the sports bag and left the room, returning two minutes later with a smaller bag with his toiletries. They too went into the sports bag.
"Okay, I'm done, let's go."
With a little melancholic look at the comfy couch I stood up and left Tims room, followed by him. From the living room we heard laughter, and we stepped in.
"Dad, I'm ready."
"You have everything you need?"
"I think so."
"And if not it's also no problem -- Danny can help him out with anything he forgot."
"If you say so. Let's go, coffee is waiting!"
We left the house and five minutes later stepped into the new coffeehouse. We found a nice table at the window and started to read the menu. Thank god they offered not only icecream but also cakes and pies. I decided on a piece of apple pie and hot chocolate and was a little surprised, when Tim did the same. We didn't have to wait long before our food showed up.
Thankfully Reinhardt this time didn't pour anything over other peoples clothes -- only decorating his own shirt with a few coffee stains. My mom shook her head in resignation.
"Reinhardt, when we'll live togehter I wont wash your stained clothes all the time! How someone so big can be so clumsy!"
"Okay, okay, I plea guilty, but there are extenuating circumstances: the hendle of the cup is just to small for big hands like mine."
He was right, and tankfully the remainder of our visit in the coffeehouse went without any further damage. We left the coffeehouse, and Reinhardt drove us to our house, where Tim and I jumped out of the care, followed by our parents.
"Here we are. Boys, I want you to be good today, we depend on you! Understood?"
Typical my mom.
"Yes, mom, don't worry."
"Hm."
She took me aside, speaking to me in a quite voice.
"Take a little care of Tim. Not that he'll be all alone with himself at the party. I don't think he has much experience with such situations."
"No problem, I'll take care of kid. He'll have a good time."
"Good."
We went back to the others, were Reinhardt just told his son the rules of the day.
"Well, Tim, have fun. And don't forget: Danny calls the shots, he's responsible for you today. If he tells you something, do as he says."
That sounded promising, been given all that power over cute little Timmy. But no, I'd never abuse this power. Honestly. Never.
"Okay, dad."
After a few last goodbyes the two adults went their way, and I turned to my charge.
"Finally alone. Let's go in."
I opened the door and pushed Tim in.
"Put your coat on the rack over there."
"Where can I put my wet shoes?"
"There's a rubber mat behind the door."
We took of our coats and shoes, and after coliding with Tim a few times I realized, that our corridor was too small for two people to work at the same time, so I stopped him when he tried to pass me to get to the coat rack.
"Wait, that wont work. Just give me your coat, I'll take care of it."
"Thanks."
Finally we were done, coats and shoes where they belonged, and I showed Tim to the stairs.
"Go up, my room is the second on the left."
"And you?"
"I'll follow you soon, I just want to bring a few things from the kitchen. I guess now that your dad's gone it's safe to open a bottle of coke. You want some, too?"
"Yes, thank you."
Tim grabbed his sports bag and went up the stairs, while I freed the fridge from a bottle of coke and took two glasses from the cupboard. Then I followed Tim upstairs, where my future little brother had found my room, putting his bag on the floor and took a look around.
As I said before, my room was much larger than his -- and I needed this space. Not only a big screen tv was taking a lot of space, my Mac with two printers, two scanners and 23 inch tft did too. But Tim was surprised by something else.
"Why do you have to beds?"
There were really two single beds in my room. With good reason.
"The left one belongs to Thomas, my best friend. He's sleeping over here quite regulary for more than 10 years know. He has an older brother and three younger sister -- do I need to say more? He's always happy to leave that chaos for a night or two."
"I always wished for a sister or brother. I don't like being a single kid."
I never thought much about having siblings. Being a single kid didn't matter to me much, especially with a good best friend and substitute brother like Thomas.
"Well, looks like your wish will become true in the end. I can't be a sister to you, but the job as brother I can do."
"Hm. I thought more of a little brother, but I guess I can live with big if I have to."
He smiled while he said this, so I wasn't that worried.
"So this is Thomas' bed. And I thought I would sleep there."
"You want to sleep in my room? Mom said something about our guest room, but you can sleep here if you want. We only have to change the bedding."
"If you don't care, I would really like to sleep here with you."
Sleep with me. Talk about a double meaning...
"Call me a baby if you want, but it's the first time for me to spend the night in a strange house for a long time, and ... well, I have to get used to it again."
How cute.
"No problem. It's more fun anyway. I'll take care of the bedding, you can bring your toiletries to the bathroom in the meantime."
Tim took his bag and opened the door I showed him, just to turn back to me with big eyes.
"You have your own bathroom? With shower and hot tub?"
"Yup. Let's just say that after a few run-ins with mom she thought it a better idea to each of us having his own private bathroom."
"That's great!"
That it is. He stepped into my little sacred place, while I took the bedding from Thomas' bed and brought it to the guest room, returning with the fresh bedding from the bed there. I tried to fix Thomas'/Tims bed again like it was before, but I'm really bad with things like that. Thomas is just the other way around. Just let's say that both the army and his future wife will be quite happy with his housekeeping skills. I capitulated just at the same moment Tim came back into the room.
"Everything stowed away?"
"Yes. You're really lucky to have such a big bathroom just for yourself. When I think of ours... Especially in winter it's really bad. If you need to go to the toilet at night it means a long walk through an icy corridor."
"Well, as they say: my toilet is your toilet. At least this night you'll be spared from this."
"Thanks. With such amenities I might even be able to get used to a big brother."
"I surely hope so, our parents count on us becoming at least friends, if not brothers."
"I'll do my best. By the way, when we have to leave for the party? Shall I change my clothes now?"
"No, we have lots of time, we have to be at Katjas at 7pm, so we'll leave the house around 6.45."
Tim looked at his watch, it was not even 4pm."
"And what will we do with all that time?"
"I don't know what you'll do, but I'll jump under the shower now."
"I thought you're afraid of water?"
Tim grinned, and I put my tongue out at him.
"That's only true for deeper waters, I have nothing against a nice hot shower. By the way, you already had your share of water today, but if you want you can still shower again after me."
"Thanks, but I'm not in the mood for a shower at the moment."
"No problem, it only was suggestion."
"Hm... Without being obtrusive, but..."
He stopped in mid sentence.
"Come on, out with it. I'll tell you if you're too obtrusive."
"Well... My muscles are aching a bit, and the best way to get rid of this is a hot bath. If it isn't too much trouble..."
"Not at all. When I come back from my karate lessons the hot tub is my first stop, too."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
I went to my closet, giving Tim a few big towels.
"Here you are. As soon as I'm done with my shower the bathroom is all yours."
Next I took fresh underwear from the closet and brought it to the bathroom. Now came the big question: where should I undress? In the bathroom? A little silly, isn't it? I mean, we're both guys. In my room? Undress in front of the boy I was fastly falling for? Not the best idea, too. I decided on a compromise. I'd dress down to my underwear in the room, then doing the rest of the task in the bathroom. I opened up the bibs from my dungarees, and the pants glid down my legs. Next came my fleece shirt. I was a little embarressed by my tights, but Tim didn't even look at me. He found my cd collection and was studying it. I put my clothes on a chair and went to the bathroom.
"I'm off now. You can start a little music if you want. If you need something just come in, with all the rushing water I wont hear you knocking at the door."
"Okay."
He answered without turning his head to me, and I vanished into the bathroom, where I got rid of my last pieces of clothing and then jumped under the warm rain of the shower. That's what I call heaven...
As always I totally lost my sense of time under the shower. There was only me and the warm water, and I was extremely happy and satisfied with me and the world. Than I was brought back to reality by a knocking at the frosted glass doors of the shower cubicle.
"Danny?"
"Yes?"
"Sorry to disturb you, but do you think I could start the water running into the hot tub?"
"Yes, start it, I'll be out in a minute."
"Don't hurry, I can wait a little longer."
I really should end my shower orgy now, but it was just too nice... Again it was Tim stopping my losing myself a few minutes later.
"Would it disturb you if I'd jump into the hot tub now?"
I took a look at my water proof watch. Damned! I was showering for almost 25 minutes now! I'm such a bad host. And because of this I'd now see Tim naked. And he'd see me naked too! But what the hell, it was his idea, and because of his swimming I surely wasn't the first naked guy he's seen.
"Go on. I'm sorry, I totally forgot the time."
"No problem, it happens to me quite often, too."
Time to get to work. I grabbed my shower foam and started to wash up, seeing only Tims shadow through the frosted glas walls stepping into the hot tub. Seconds later I heard a very satisfied sigh. It took me only a few minutes to get over with my washing, and I thought about how to leave the bathroom withou showing Tim too much of my naked body. Thankfully the door of the cubicle opened in the direction of the hot tub, so he couldn't see me that well. I dryed up with him seeing no more than my shadow, but my clothes were at the other side of the bathroom, so I soon had to leave my hiding place. I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped into Tims sight.
"And, little brother, is it nice?"
I dared to look in his direction -- without seeing much of his body. Only his head was showing over the water, the rest of him was hidden beneath a thick layer of foam.
"Yes it is, big brother. It's just great. I already feel my muscles relax."
"That's good. Stay as long as you want, I'll tell you when you have to get out."
"Okay. I'll try not to fall asleep."
I took my clothes and left the bathroom. It was now almost 5pm, we still had lots of time before we'd need to leave for the party. It was much to early to put on all my party clothes, so I only put on my warm underwear, again consisting of a t-shirt and tights (that's what I call a good trained son). Let's see how Tim will react.
That done and my hear dried, I sat down infront of my computer, starting it up. I wanted to use the time Tim spend in the bathroom to check my emails. Minutes later I was busy helping a girl from my class with a technical problem, I didn't even notice Tim coming back into the room.
"Here I am again. It was really great, exactly what I needed."
"Good. You're really a water rat, aren't you?"
"Yup. Even as a little kid I couldn't resist to jump in every puddle."
"I surely hope you've outgrown this habit!"
"I guess. At least it didn't happen for a few months now."
I turned my chair to Tim, who was standing in the room wearing only boxers.
"You got a hair drier somewhere?"
"Over there on the bed."
My guest walked over, but to do so he had to pass by me and I again was able to enjoy his well built swimmers body from a very short distance. It was december already, but still his body showed a little summer color, and his smooth skin wasn't disturbed by any hairs or blemishes. Thank god my t-shirt was hiding a special part of my own body! Especially since Tim was taking a closer look at my lower body parts now. But, as his next words showed, he wasn't staring at my not so little friend.
"What the heck are you wearing?"
I did exactly what he wanted to know, but I decided to do as if I didn't understand him."
"A t-shirt, why?"
"Rubbish. I mean on your legs. This are tights, aren't they?"
"Oh, that's what you mean. Yes."
"You wearing TIGHTS?"
"Not exactly voluntary, mom insists on them."
"That's something I'd never wear."
An idea was creeping through my brain. He shouldn't feel so sure about this!
"Just wait, when we're a family mom will make you wear them, too."
"Never! I'll speak with dad about this! He'll talk her out of it."
"Don't count on it. My mom can be extremely stubborn, believe me, I tried it before. Knowing her, after such a talk with your dad not only you'll be running around in tights but your old man, too."
"I don't think so."
"You'll see. But they are not THAT bad. At least they're soft and warm."
"Them being warm seems to be the biggest point for you."
"Absolutely. I might not be able to run away from the winter, but at least I wont freeze my ass off. You don't want to tell me that you're running around in jeans only at --10 degrees and lower?"
"I never said so."
Tim went on to my bed, grabbing the hair drier, than going back to "his" bed. He showed my a pile of clothes I noticed for the first time.
"Thermal underwear. I don't like freezing, too. And dad wouldn't let me go without anyways. But he'd never put me in tights!"
"I guess that's a moms thing. We'll see. There are two possible futures: either I'll be finally allowed to switch to something like you're wearing -- or you'll have a stack of tights in your closet. I'm afraid chances are like 10:1 for the latter."
Tim was mumbling something into his non existing beard and started to put on his long underwear. I was watching him intensly, and two minutes later he stood before me in the light blue garments and thick socks. Seeing him this way I remembered a question from the swim meet.
"Do those full body swim suits really help? I mean, you won, that should be evidence enough..."
"As you might have noticed, there was another swimmer with such a suit -- and he came in second to last."
"Hm, you're right..."
"But seriously: coach thinks, that you have to believe to make it work. I believe in it, and as you see: it seems to work. But there is more reason for me wearing that suit. As long as I wear it for competitions, the manufacturer sponsors our whole team with clothing and other things."
"Now that's what I call incentive!"
"Yep. We're not a big or successful club, it's always a fight for our financial survival. This sponsoring saved our butts last year."
"If you go on winnig every race like today, your club will be on top soon. Und don't start telling me again that you're not that good. You are that good, you have to beliefe what all the folks say, your couch, your dad, mom and I and so on! Do I have to beat it into your cute head?"
Did I just say "cute head"? Shit! Thank god Tim didn't see to realize what I said exactly, he just looked embarrassed at the floor.
"Maybe you're right... It's just that I'm quite critic to myself."
"You're not critic to yourself, you're harsh, much too harsh. But that's something I'll cure you from!"
Now he smiled, and I leaned back in my chair, feeling very pleased with myself. I just loved how he looked smiling happily! He grabbed the hair drier and turned back into my direction and looked at me. And he froze! What now? I thought he was over the tights thing? But wait a minute, he didn't stare at me, he stared past me! Oh. My. GOD! At once I knew what he was looking at! I turned back to my computer, which I hadn't touched for a few minutes. As a result my screen saver had started, consisting of a slide show. To be precise a slide show of pictures of a very revealing content. Pictures I downloaded from the internet in long and lonely nights, if you get my drift. I moved the mouse to stop the screen saver, but that was like covering the fountain after the child fell in. Good job, Danny! I didn't dare to turn back to Tim.
Silence hovered in the air, and it was like this silence would never end, eventhought in reality it didn't last longer than a minute. Then Tim found back his ability to speak.
"You're ... you're gay, Danny?"
What a question. My thoughts raced through my head, but there was no escape. No chance to hide it anymore, why would I have pictures of naked boys on my computer if I wasn't gay? I guess that's the end of my so promising new friendship with my future little brother. Without turning to him I answered.
"Looks this way, doesn't it?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"What and?"
"Are you mad at me? Shocked? Disgusted? I guess you don't want to sleep in the same room as me anymore. I'll change the bedding again."
"Wait a minute, not so fast, okay? I have to think a little bit about this new situation."
Was there still a little hope? Okay, I was quite sure that I wouldn't have a chance of him becoming my boyfriend, but I'd be happy if he'd at least accepted me as brother and friend. I took all my courage and turned back to him. In his face I noticed an expression I hadn't seen before. He didn't smile, he didn't look mad, I just couldn't read him. Then he stared directly at me, and it was hard for me to stand this look.
"I'll still sleep here. That's it, if you're okay with it."
"Of course I'm okay with it, but ... I mean ... can you manage?"
"Don't worry. Besides, I don't have anything to fear from you, do I? I mean, you wont jump my bones at night?"
I'd better not tell him how much I'd like exactly that! And of course I wouldn't do so anyway.
"Absolutely, I'm no danger to you."
"But why not?"
Huh? Did I hear him correctly?
"What?"
"I mean, why am I not at risk? Am I ugly or what?"
It was hard to digest this. Then I decided to answer him honestly.
"You're not ugly, infact you're extremely cute and good looking! But, you have to believe me, I'd never do anything against your wishes. I could never hurt you!"
"Okay. I was afraid for a minute that you found me revolting for some reason."
"Absolutely not!"
But now I had a question to ask. I just had to know why it was so important to him that I didn't found him ugly.
"Tim... Please don't flip out now but I just have to ask ... are you gay, too?"
He stared at my for a whole minute.
"Forget it, you don't have to answer."
"No. You were honest to me, so I have to be honest to you."
I stopped him.
"Tim, you don't have to do or say anything! My honesty wasn't really voluntary, if the screen saver didn't pop up I wouldn't have told you, at least not so fast. But with this stupid computer there wasn't anything to hide anymore."
"It's okay. You want to know if I'm gay? To be honest, I don't really know it myself. I mean, I never before thought about. I never had anykind of relationship anyways, neither with a girl or a boy. And till now I didn't miss anything. There is only one thing I'm really sure about: I don't have a problem with you being gay."
Relief raced through my body, the rock falling from my heart must have been the size of an ice age erratic block. And it's falling down surely was noticed by all seismologic stations in a 1000 mile diameter.
"Thanks, Tim. That's very important to me. I really like you. Don't worry, as brother and friend. I'd be crestfallen if my being gay would disturb our starting friendship."
"It wont. But to be on the safe side, not that I out you to someone: who knows about your being gay yet? I don't want your mom getting a heart attack because I say something I shouldn't say."
"Not mom, she was the first person I told. But thank you for being so considerate. My friends know it, too."
"And my dad?"
"If my mom hasn't told him -- and I don't think she would without asking me first -- he doesn't know it yet. And I'd like it to stay this way, at least for a while. I'll tell him some time, but only when I'm ready to do so."
"Okay, my lips are sealed."
"Thanks."
"But what I'd really like to know: how did you figured out that you're gay? It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but..."
"No problem."
So I started telling Tim the story of my coming to terms with my homosexuality. I told him everything, even about the time I seriously considered committing suicide. Not even my mom knew about this! Not even later, after my coming out to her, I told her this part of my history -- I didn't want so scare her. Why I told it Tim now I didn't know. Maybe because I just had to tell it someone. I had put this time at the farthes place of my memory, but it felt good to finally speak about it with someone. Tim was listening with attention, asking questions and trying to understand me.
"You really wanted to kill yourself?"
"Not really, I guess, or I wouldn't be alive anymore. But I seriously thought about it."
"Why?"
"I was afraird, terribly afraid. Afraid that nobody wants me anymore. Afraid of after losing my dad also losing my mom. Afraid of having not a single friend anymore. I was 14, 15 tops, at that age such thoughts are extremely terrifying."
"Sorry, that was a stupid question."
"No need to apologize. It wasn't a stupid question anyways. It's hard to understand for someone who didn't lived this time himself. I thought I had nobody to talk with. Thankfully one day I found the courage to talk with mom, and from this day on it got better, step by step. And Tim?"
"Yes?"
"If at any given time you need somebody to talk with, and you don't want to speak with your dad or my mom, try me. You can talk to me about everything, I'll never make fun of you, I'll never think less of you or whatever. You'll see, when you have someone to share your problems with, it's much easier to get over them."
"Thank you. Honestly. That's an offer nobody before gave me."
"Just always remember it. Whenever you want to take me on this offer, come to me. But I'm afraid we have to stop this now, it's getting late, and we have to catch a party!"
"Shit, I'm so stupid! Now we'll be late because of me!"
"Stop that constant apologizing. It's late, but it's not too late. And if I remember correctly, I was the one with the long monologe about my life. But now let's hurry. Dress up!"
"Okay. And Danny? It means very much to me that you told me all of that, that you've trusted me enough to do so."
I grinned.
"No secrets between brothers, okay?"
"Okay."
We stood up and completed our wardrobe. I switched off the computer and grabbed two big plastic bags.
"Come on, we have to take apart the installation a bit."
He looked at me with a blank look.
"What?"
"Mom is a big radio freak. She wants to listen to her favorite station in every room. But we only have on radio connected to the cable net, and the station isn't broadcasted via antenna. So I made a little wireless installation for her, with speakers in every room. And exactly this installation we have to take with us to the party. This way Katja can have music in the whole house with one single radio."
"That's why you have to be at the party!"
"Well, I'd like to think it's because of my extremely good looks and my imcomparable charm, but I'm afraid it's mainly because of my technical genious."
During this talk we went down the stairs, and I gave Tim the bags.
"You hold them, and I'll take care of the technics."
Ten minutes later we had everything we needed, put on our shoes and jackets and started our short walk to the place, where the big culturell event would take place...
..*
To be continued in part 2...