Not a Perfect Love

Published on Jun 21, 2001

Gay

Ok, so, here's the deal, see. I am the copyright holder of this story. It may not be posted anywhere without my conscent, nor is it allowed to use it on a paysite.

This is my first story involving boy-boy love, so it might not be the greatest of all, but hey, I'm only 16! Anyway, this story will not contain any sex, whatsoever. There might be scenes implying on that the characters do have sex, but if that is the case, the scene will not be graphically described.

This episode's quote is:

Taken from: Charmed Prue: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Piper: Whaaaaa!!!!

But I'm too sad to sing, Too sad to dance, Too sad to give in, And give love one more chance,

Am I just a coward?

P.W.

THE MIND OF RIPLEY

I can't believe it. They just told me, but I still can't believe it. It took five minutes for their words to sink into my brain and here I am, sitting here, still not believing it. I hear someone call out. I don't care. Then, he walks up to me and I realize that it's Philip. I look up and decide to just say it. - Philip, I have cancer. - You what?! He exclaims. He looks like he'd just been hit by a train. - It's... it's a fast growing brain tumor. I say quietly. - It is operable? He asks. - Please, tell me that it's operable. - No...! I say quietly while looking at the floor.

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 05, Part 1 of a 2-part episode Sadness Is Beautiful

UNDER PHILIP'S SKIN

I can't believe it! My boyfriend... the guy with whom I'm seriously thinking of taking china pattern shopping has got a deadly disease! - But... it can't be. I muster to stutter. Muster to stutter? "But... it can't be"... how redundant and clichee. But, but... it just can't be! How can it be?! Is there really a God, who's up there, looking down at me and mocking me right now?! Why does this have to happen?! I can't happen! I can't! - I'm... sorry...! It was him. Wait, it was him?! What?! - What?! I exclaim. - I'm sorry...! He repeats. - No, don't be. I say and embrace him. - It's not your fault. I whisper into his ear. - Don't feel sorry. And don't worry. I'll be here, the entire way. - You mean, you'll stay with me, even though I might drop dead any minute? He sobs. - Don't joke at a time like this! I exclaim and hug him tighter. - And yes. No matter how bad things get, I'll be there for you. Ouh! "I'll be there for you"... "I'll Be There For You"... Friends... tv... Buffy The Vampire Slayer... Angel... City Of Angels... wait... focus! - I love you. He whispers in between sobs. - I love you too. I whisper back.

THE MIND OF JULIA

  • Oh dear lord. I say. Philip just told me that Ripley's got cancer. - That's when we first said it. He continues and a tear trickles down his face. Well, actually, there were give of them, but saying one single tear sounds much more poetic. - "I love you." He says. - Oh my God! I exclaim. - Someone actually said that to you?! - Yeah. Philip says. - But... he's dying. And I can't do anything about it. - Let's make a pact. I suggest. - What? He wonders. - If anyone ever walks up to either one of us and asks if we've accepted Jesus as our saviors or yaddi yaddi yadda, we'll get the other one so that we both can pound the geezer into a bloody pulp? I say and smile at him. - Well, isn't that kinda... illegal? He chuckles. - Hey! I exclaim. - Do I rain on your parades? - Well, there was that time when I saw a really cute bloke walking down the street, but then you just had to run up to him and snatch him before I got the chance...! He mumbles. - Hey! I exclaim. - That guy was just soo straight! - Like straight guys walk around in skin tight jeans, sweaters around their necks and wear t-shirts with "Nobody knows that I'm gay" written on them! He growls at me. - Well, when I saw the t-shirt, I did leave him alone and suggest that he goes out with you. I giggle. - How generous of you. He says and pouts. - Lighten up. I giggle. - I am. He says, still pouting. - Doesn't my face just scream "I'm so gay"! - No, maybe queer, but not gay. I giggle.

THE MIND OF RIPLEY

  • "I see poison took his timeless life". The teacher continues reading from a book of small quotes from Shakespear plays. Oh, I hate litterature. - "Parting is such sweet sorrow." He continues. His thick glasses, greasy hair and raspy voice. Oh God, he makes me skin crawl. And hey, he's given me the grade A, but I still diss him. Maybe I'm just cruel. - "Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefor are you Romeo?" He continues. Why does his voice seem deeper? And the room... it feels like it's moving. - "Deny thy name..."! Why did he stop reading? Wait... he didn't. His lips are moving, but I can't hear anything. What's that? - Aaaahhh!!! I cry out and fall back in my seat. It hurts!!! My head!!! I flail with my hands and legs. I hurts too much! Oh God, just kill me! I can't stand the pain! Pain... - Ripley...! Who's that? The voice... it sounds digitally slowed down, like in the movies. Why can't I see anything but these fancy colors? Why... BLACKNESS

THE MIND OF PHILIP

  • Philip, Philip, come quick!! Julia exclaims after bursting into the classroom, in the middle of biology. - Mrs. Hurl, what are you doing in here?! The bitch of a biology teacher, Mr. Twede, exclaims and his face goes all red, a warning sign for that he's about to explode. - It's Ripley! Julia stutters, franctic and shaking. - What?! I demand and stand up. - Mr. Wester, sit down at once! The bitch cries. - Shut up, you fat bafoon!!!! I cry and the entire classroom goes silent. Yes, she was fat. Her chair squeaks at her every movement, like a robot saying "Danger will happen, Will Robinson". But she was also a bitch, the only reason why she's the only one to whom I've said the word "fat" in a bad way. She had been plotting to find a way of failing me ever since I came out. - What did you just say?! She demands and her face goes red all over. - I said, shut up you fat bafoon! I repeat. - I liked biology, up until I met you. So, just sit downand try not to cause that chair yours to have a atomic breakdown because of the pressure of your weight! - Ripley... he's... he collapsed in the middle of litterature class...! Julia says and my mind feels like it's having a meltdown. - Oh my God! I exclaim. - Move it! We're going to the hospital! - Mr. Wester! The bafoon cries. - You walk out of that door and you can expect an F. - Let's just see what you'll do when you boyfriend, that stupid sucker, is dying and needs you! I spit and actuallyt spit at her and then take Julia with me out the door, slamming it behind me. As we run towards the exit, I can hear clapping. They were applauding me for standing up to that bitch! - Silence! Silence!!! The bitch cries. But it all fades away as Julia and I reach the parking lot, where her car's waiting. Thank God her parents got her that car for her birthday.

So, here we are, once more. But this time, it's not me, but Ripley that's lying on that hospital bed, with all kinds of machines and wires attached to him. - His condition is critical. The male doctor foretells me and Julia. - He suffered a severe brain bleeding. - Which means that he might die any second. I say quietly. - I'm sure of that he'll...! The doctor stops. - Don't lie to me!!! I growl at him. - I was in here once! My state was critical too and I died on the operating table! - Then how can you be here? He retorts. - Because I came back, three minutes after that you doctors pronounced me dead! I spit back. - Now leave us alone!!! The doctor just frowns at us and then leaves. And then, a man and a woman, both dressed in black walks up to us. Amish people...! They just ignore us and enter Ripley's room. - They must be his parents! Julia gasps. They walk up to Ripley's bed and just look at him. Suddenly, his eyes flicker open. - Oh my God! Julia and I exclaim in unison and rush into the room. - Hi, guys. Ripley says, exhausted. - These are my parents. - Yeah, we figured. I chuckle. - Please, could you leave us alone? Ripley's mother asks us. - Sure. Julia says and she and me leave the room. Ripley's father closes the door after us and we can hear low voices that then turn louder. - They're fighting...! I think in the back of my mind. The next thing I knew, the door opens and Ripley's father storms out of the room, followed by his mother. The two walk around a corner and that's the last we saw of them. - Let's go to him. I tell Julia and we re-enter the room. Ripley's crying. I rush over to him and start cradling his head in my arms, slowly and carefully. - What's wrong, honey? I ask him. - They... they knew. He sobs. - What?! Julia exclaims. - Apparentely, I've had the tumor since early childhood. Ripley continues sobbing. - It was operable back then, but they chose not to do a thing. "God gives and God takes", they said. And now, it's nonoperable. - What kind of people would do something like that?! Julia exclaims, repulsed and angered. - Amish people. I say slowly. - They don't believe in modern technology and chemotherapy has exactly been around for the last couple of centuries. - Aaah!! Ripley gasps and goes limp in my arms. All of the machines attached to him start to beep and I glance at his pulse... 0... - Oh my God! I exclaim. - Get a doctor, stack!!!

NOT A PERFECT SUMMER Chapter 05, Part 1 of a 2-part episode Loneliness Is Tragical

  • Oh God, oh God, oh God! I keep repeating as I pace back and forth through the waiting room. Julia is also here and so are those bastards of parents of Ripley's. - How can you just sit there and let your son die?! I demand from them. - Our religion forbids the measures needed to fight this disease. Ripley's mother says calmly, all "lady-like". - That's bull! I cry and they both flinch. - Yeah, so I said it! Bull! Maybe I'll say it again! Or even that nasty little word with four letters that starts with an F! - Philip, calm down. Julia ushers me. - How can I with these parents, parents even worse than mine, sitting here next to me?! I cry. - We are not bad parents!!! Ripley's father cries and stands up. - You are too! I retort. - If you were good parents, you'd ignore your religion and do everything you can to save his life! - Our religion is very important to us! Ripley's mother protests. - Your family should go first! I cry. - Unless it's my family, for whom I wouldn't give a rat's ass. - You have a very foul mouth, young man. Ripley's mother says. - It always goes foul when I speak to bastard who deserve to burn in Hell, had there been one! I growl at them. - Young man! Ripley's father cries and raised his hand to hit me. - I wouldn't do that if I were you. Julia says and grabs him by the arm. - I've got a black belt in Take Won Do. But I guess stuff like that isn't allowed where you're from, so just sit down and be quiet! - You know what, I pity you. I spit at the parents. - You are following your "God" like sheep. Sure, why not sacrifice the life of your son if you can show your God your devotion? Why not do like that Abraham guy, or what the Hell his name was, and prepare to sacrifice your own son. "He'll go to Heaven" and all. Did you ever ask your son what you want?! My parents are bad people! They threatened to force me to take three needles of hormones to aid my growth against my will! Just because you're his parents and has control over him, according to the law, until the day he turns eighteen doesn't mean that you can do whatever you like without asking him, especially if it directly affects him!!!! Silence... they can't say a word. I just look disgustingly at them and leave the room. I can't even stand the sight of them!

THE MIND OF JULIA

  • That poor little boy. Ripley's mother says. - We'll have to pray for his soul. - Don't do that. I say with disdain clearly ringing in my voice and visible in my eyes. - It'd be an insult. And don't pray for me either. I guess I'll have to burn in Hell, with him and Ripley, 'cause did you know that he's gay and that Philip's his boyfriend? They both gasp and make big eyes. I guess they didn't. Well, now they do. With that said, I storm out of the room, too, and catch up with Philip. - How are you? I ask him and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. - Not well. He replies. His hair's messy and his eyes look really tired, like he's aged during these few hours of waiting. - You don't look well either. I say. - Maybe you should go back to your room and rest for a while. - No! He cries in protest and shrugs my hand off. - I love him! I'm seriously thinking about marrying him the day we turn 18. Either that or run off somewhere where it's regal to marry at the age of 16! He stood, or rather sat, by me when I was here. Why shouldn't I?! - I know. I say. - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to leave. - No, it's okay. He says weakly. - You're looking out for me. But let me stay here. I'll even sleep here. - It's nice to have someone to love, isn't it? I ask him. - Yeah. He sighs weakly. His eyes look like he hasn't slept for over seventy-two hours. It's nice that he's got someone to love... I don't. But I will, some day.

THE MIND OF RIPLEY

Where am I? A cliff... I'm standing before a cliff. And who's that? He's got his back to me. He turns around and... - Hello, Ripley. He says. It's me! Or someone who looks exactly like me. - Who are you?! I exclaim. - Where am I? A mist suddenly clouds the air and a gust of wind blows through it, making my hair flow. - This is your mind. He replies. - That cliff is your future. You can choose to either jump off of it or not. - But who are you? I ask. - Your inner self. He replies. - I know all that you know. If you have any questions, I've got the answers. - No, this isn't real. I mumble. - Oh, this is real. He says. - There's a borderline between one and one's mind. When one is sleeping, one gets closer to the line than usual. That's why your inner dreams and fantasies can be manifested in your dreams. However, when in comatose, the borderline get's completely opened. I know all that you know and nothing that you don't. This is your chance to get to know your inner feelings, those which you have denined. - Then answer me, is this real love that I'm feeling? I ask him. - Love towards Philip? - It is. He replies and smiles widely. - He is our first true love. I know that you, I mean we, have had doubts. But we are in fact gay and he is our true love. - Is this the guy we're going to spend the rest of our lives with? I ask. - Yes. He says. - Hopefully, we'll marry him someday. - God, I hope you're not with me when we're doing it. - Oh, I am. He says and smiles widely. - And oh, it's soooooo good! - You've noticed you, haven't you? I chuckle. - Well, duh. He giggles. Oh my God! I'm having a conversation about my sexlife with myself and I myself am answer myself and I can't hide anything from myself since I myself and me myself are the same! - We share the same thoughts too. He chuckles. - Just don't repeat what that you just thought to yourself to anyone or they'll think that you're crazy. - Like I could. I said. - I always make me laugh. He giggles. - What a coincidence! I exclaim sarcastically. - Me too! - Is that sarcasm I'm sensing? He leers at me. - You are me and I am you! I say. - Then shouldn't you, being the same as me, know what I'm thinking and saying and how I'm saying it, being so that you are me and I am you and we share the same thoughts and all. - Again, don't repeat it. He chuckles. - Like we could. We then both say in unison. The mist disappears and strong continous winds start blowing through the air. I can see something in the end of the tunnel, I mean the ravine. A light. - Don't walk into the light! I exclaim. - A reflex? My image asks me. - Yeah. I chuckle. - Look down the ravine. He tells me and we both look down. Nothing... only light. But I can hear something. - "Ripley...!" It's Philip! - But how? I wonder. - One's conscious, even during comatose. My image explains. - How do you know all of this? I wonder. - I'm just guessing. He says. - We're a straight A student, aren't we? - Yeah. I say. - So... we're still conscious. But only semi, right? A nod and a wide smile. - You're thinking like me now. I hear, but his lips don't move. - Oh, the "share-thoughts-thingee". I think for myself and he nods again and his smile widens even more. - So, we can still hear what people say and do around us, but we can't see anything, 'cause, we're in a coma. - Well, duh. I think and he rolls his eyes at me. - Don't roll your eyes and yourself, you moron! I growl at him. - Oh my God! I just called myself a moron! - Well, we are, you know? He giggles. - Hush, he's trying to say something. I shush him and we both look down the ravine. - "Please, come back." I can hear Philip's voice begging. - "I love you. I can't live without you. I swear, if you die on me, I'll kill myself!" - No! Don't! I exclaim. - You have too much to live for! We'll be reunited again, someday. I just know that. - "I'm thinking about marrying you here." He continues. - "I truly love you. I'm thinking about giving you a ring for your birthday here! Please! Please, come back!" Then, a series of sobs follow. - He's crying. I think. - Wish you could be there with him? My image thinks back. - Yeah. I think and sigh out loud.

THE MIND OF PHILIP

  • I love you. I whisper into his ear again as I carress his hair. - Get your hands off of my son! I suddenly hear Ripley's father's voice and feel something hit my head. I fall off of Ripley's bed and onto the floor and feel how blood start running down the side of my head, where he'd hit me. I look up and see that he's holding a chair, probably what he'd hit me with. - Oh my God! Another voice exclaims. It's Julia's. The next thing I know, two security guards come and restrain Ripley's father and I can hear how Julia dials 911.

THE MIND OF JULIA

  • How's your head? I ask him. - Fine. Philip sighs in reply. He's got bandages wrapped around his head and looks really weird. But he still looks tired. - I've got to go back to my room now. I say. - You might have tomorrow off, but I've got class at eight o'clock, so I can't stay here any longer. See you. - See ya'. He says back.

THE MIND OF RIPLEY

Everything starts getting blurry again, like in litterature class. - What's happening? I think. - You're... slipping. My image thinks back in reply. - What?! I exclaim. - I guess we've got no choice anymore. He says. - Our body can't contain us any longer. - No! I cry. - I don't want to die! He needs me! I need him! - It's no longer a choice for us to make. My image says. - No!!! I cry. - No!!!

THE MIND OF PHILIP

  • Mr. Wester. A male nurse says quietly and walk up to me. - What? I wonder. I had just finished the final preparations for my night at the hospital. A bed, my stuff and Ripley's, in case he wakes up during the night. - It doesn't look like you have to spend the night here. He says quietly. - I don't?! I exclaim and hope fills my body and I smile. - I'm sorry...! He says and the smile fades. - He didn't make it. - No!!!!! I exclaim.

NOTE: The following remake is different from the previous remakes because it's nothing like the original, except for some lines. It's only based upon the instrumentality and scores of the original song. So if you've got a karaoke version of it, sing along!!

Also, it's the one that I've put down the largest amount of time to make. So, please don't steal it! :^)

If Walls Could Talk - Remake by Philip Wester The original song was sung by Celine Dion

Verse I: "Strangers in the mind,

But not in the heart,

Cause our love's genderless and blind,

Even if we're far apart,"

Verse II: "Changing destiny,

Beyond the horizon,

Rewriting history,

Rejoicing in the love that's won,"

Refrain I: "A love once lost, oh,

It's the one that got away,

I keep thinking of, him,

All night long, all day,"

"And for every day that passes,

I miss him more,"

Verse III: "A picture, a hidden image,

Meant only for him,

Illusion, it's just a mirage,

In an ocean impossible to swim,"

Verse IV: "Dancing shadows,

In the darkness,

Lost loves,

Found again,"

Refrain I: "A love once lost, oh,

It's the one that got away,

I keep thinking of, him,

All night long, all day,"

Refrain II: "A love in disguise, so,

They can hide what that's inside,

When he touches, me,

I feel so happy and free,"

"Yet, he's no longer here to,

Share this feeling with me,"

Stick: "When the morning comes,

I long for night,

'Cause he's no longer here,

And I want him back again,"

"So, I shy away,

From the sun, from day,

Hiding in the shadows,

Longing beyond the rainbow,"

Refrain I: "A love once lost, oh,

It's the one that got away,

I keep thinking of, him,

All night long, all day,"

Refrain II: "A love in disguise, so,

They can hide what that's inside,

When he touches, me,

I feel so happy and free,"

Write to me at FallenAngelII@hotmail.com Just write to me if you want to flame me, give me comments, suggestions or just chat. Why not send some nudes too? And if you live in Sweden, in Stockholm and are 14-18, please, please, please email me about a date!!!!!! For all of those who read and give me feedback:

Thank you! (English, well, duh!)

Tack! (Swedish)

Takk! (Norwegian)

Tak! (Danish)

Spatsiba! (Russian)

Arigato! (Japanese)

Gracias! (Spanish)

Gratzie! (Italian)

Merci! (French)

Cam on! (Vietnamese)

Cap con cah! (Thai)

Danke! (German)

Genkuyi! (Polish)

Next: Chapter 13: Not a Perfect Summer 6


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