Queer Fear

Queer Fear Chapter 4

Chapter 4

My best friend, a girl, has just told me that she had a crush on me.

"I should go use radiophone," I state, "Tell my mother about me fainting..."

"You don't need to say anything to me...just don't get pulled into that Omari guy. He's trouble..."

She sounded a lot like Chad at that moment earning me against other guys. The truth was I didn't know what to think.

"I should go..."

There were only two radiophones that we were given. The mist was so thick that we couldn't get past it without a specialized radiophone.

I use it as an excuse to get away from Alimah. The wait for the radio phone was ridiculous with most of the girl counselors always calling home. Instead of going to use the radio phone to call my mother I decided to go to bed.

I can hardly go to sleep that night after my best friend Alimah just revealed that she had a crush on me. I didn't respond. I couldn't. It was beyond awkward but luckily Alimah wasn't a pushy girl and allowed me to just give her an excuse for sleeping on it.

Sleeping on it didn't help.

I wake up with anxiety. It's the next morning and I wake up to Chad in my face as I brush my teeth. He gets close to the point that he rubs his crotch up against the side of my ass. Unknowingly I find myself getting hard and attempting to hide it with a towel that I quickly drop between my thighs.

"Look who's up," Chad states, "Are you doing better?"

I stand there hoping that he will back off a little bit and even muttering the words, "Can you give me a little space," but with the toothpaste in my mouth it blurs out any sort of logic to my statement.

He stays where he is giving me a big bear hug from behind. I can feel how massive his dick is from the back as he unknowingly keeps it there.

"I don't know what you're saying but I just wanted to let you know that I saw the helicopter land earlier this morning..."

I spit before grunting, "Can you please give me a little space?"

"What? You have a little crush and you forget about your best friend?" he asks.

"It's not that," I struggle, before taking a deep breath.

"I know it's him. I know he wrote that letter..."

"Who?"

"Him..."

We both turn and he's pointing back in the sleeping area. Omari has just woken up and he's having a conversation with Shaquille. Neither boy notices us staring from the bathroom.

"It's not him..."

"Then who?" he asks.

I think about whether or not to tell him that the person who was crushing on me was none other than the girl he was in love with. I knew this would do more than hurt Chad. Chad was a passionate guy and he could be emotional when he wanted something. The truth was that he wanted Alimah.

So instead of hurting his feelings, I just shake off the thought with a clueless, "I'm not sure..."

That's when he drops his pants. I'm shocked when it happens. He gets completely naked in front of me. His body is so toned and his waistline goes to a deep V. His chest is hard and built. His arms are three times the size that I remember them being before. Then there was his dick. Now that he was more tone his thick dick was like a third arm swinging brazenly in the wind as he takes a step away from me and towards the shower.

"Goddamit Chad," I state before taking a long sigh, "You do remember that I'm gay right."

He shrugs, "Fa real bro? You saw me naked before."

That was true, but I doubt he realized just how much more attractive he was now that he'd grown into his own. He stands there giving me this clueless look and I just struggle to keep my eyes pointed towards the ground instead of staring at the dick with a soda can circumference.

"That's not the point. The point is----"

"----The point is this random new boy who treats you like shit has a crush on you so you want to act all saved and sanctified so your prince charming can come running along."

This was deep. This was deeper than I could imagine.

"What is your problem with Omari?"

"I don't like him. He's slimy and I don't trust him with my best friend," he states.

I'm irritated at that moment, "Even if it was Omari, what's the problem here? Am I supposed to be single for the rest of my life or maybe you'd rather get approval for everyone that I date?"

"That's not the point."

"Then what is your point?" I ask, raising my voice a little bit.

He takes a step back and takes a seemingly real deep breath. After a moment or two of composing himself, he takes a step back forward. He rests his hand on my arm a bit.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt...again," he acknowledges.

At that moment, almost as though he hears us talking about him, I see Omari at the threshold of the bathroom.

"Whoa---- was I walking in on something?" Omari asks seeing my best friend naked just a few inches away from me.

I'm about to say no but before I can get the words out, Chad immediately says, "Yeah, you kind of were..."

"Oh, my bad..."

Omari's face twists up a little bit looking over at Chad. There is this awkward tension that I feel in my gut as it clenches up. Every time these two were around each other there was this sick tension like someone was going to get hit or something. I know I'm just imagining it or at least I hope I am.

I look over at Omari and try to give the most upbeat response possible, "You aren't interrupting Omari. Not at all. Just having a conversation with my best friend..."

"A private conversation," Chad adds in for some unknown reason.

"Alex just sent me in here to get Jarvis. The emergency medic just arrived by chopper to take a look at you," Omari interrupts.

"Oh ----thanks for coming to get me..."

I turn to leave but feel an arm gently grab at my wrist. It's Chad. Still naked, he leans in at me, "You forgetting something."

"What?"

"This..."

That's when he leans in at that moment and Chad kisses me on the side of my face so close that I think he's going to get me on my lips. I feel the kiss send this shiver throughout my body that I doubt I'd ever felt from a small gesture like this before. I take a deep breath letting the shiver rumble until it reaches my stomach. My stomach fills with butterflies and I sigh before taking a quick step away from Chad and following Omari out of the door.

As I follow Omari out of the lodge my fingers gently hit the spot that Chad kissed me. It's still wet from the kiss. He's made sure his lips were wet before he kissed me. I let my fingers linger there for a few seconds before turning to see Omari's eyes studying me. His eyes have probably been set on me for some time now, I'm not sure. Seeing that he has been watching me in deep thought catches me off guard.

"You can do better than that dickhead," Omari states.

I'm confused at that moment what he means.

"What?"

"You trying to make me jealous or something?" Omari asks me.

His stare lingers on and now that we are outside I can see the deep brown hues fading in and out as he focuses on me. He stops me in this masculine, demanding but still a somewhat gentle way.

"Wait," I pause fighting back a smile that is building upon my face, "You think that me and----no! No, we're just friends."

He pauses. He takes a deep breath.

"I was going to say if you were trying to make me jealous, it's working," he finally admits.

I pause trying to think about what he means by that. I'm still struggling to fight a smile but a small smirk sneaks its way onto the side of my face without me even noticing it.

"Is that so?"

Omari looks around. No one is looking. The helicopter has landed and it seems like a bunch of the other counselors have gathered around it. It's good enough of a distraction.

"We should chill," he states, "One on one..."

"You want to?"

I can't believe that this is happening. I feel my heart flutter as he says the words. He leans into me in this cool way as though he has bottled up all the swag in the world in his being. I am a victim of it and find myself melting into my boots as he moves one of his hands to my waist and pulls me into him. He pulls me in real close as I mentally float into his brown cinnamon eyes.

"Yeah, tonight if possible," he states, "Just you and me."

I smile, "That would be dope."

"Dope. I like that."

He moves away from me just in time for us to hear Alex's piercing voice calling out, "JARVIS! JARVIS GET OVER HERE!"

I move away making sure that I wasn't pushing my luck by getting too close to Omari. I quickly make my way over to where Alex and Page were near the medical helicopter.

~

Nurse Lina is a 30 something-year-old who likes to talk about her cats. She and the pilot of the helicopter have small talk while she does some check-ins right there. She asks me a million questions about what happened.

"So let me get this right---a boy was in the woods and he knocked you out?"

"He didn't knock me out," I shake my head, "He just...well...I don't know what happened."

"These kids and their stories. They all think this boy in the hood crap is real," the pilot shrugs off as though I'm some 12 years old with some active imagination.

"Listen I know what I saw."

"Of course you do sweetie," Nurse Lina says, "You want a lollipop?"

I struggle not to roll my eyes, "What I want is to know who that boy in the woods was."

There is a heavy shared look of exhaustion between the nurse and the pilot. They didn't have to say it but they were showing that they were heavily irritated at the idea of having to fly out here for what Nurse Lina wrote down on her paper as an anxiety attack. It's kind of embarrassing that Chad insisted that they come out here in the first place.

"We all believe you. I don't think there is a need to take you back, however. Unless you want me to. Is that what you want? You want to come back?"

A part of me considered it. I could call this whole summer a wrap right now and go home. I'd have the house for myself for the summer. My mother was so busy doing her own thing that it wouldn't make a difference. As I consider it I look up towards the lodge and I see a bunch of the other girls coming out. I notice how Alimah is off to the side away from the others.

Alimah looks over at me. The awkwardness between us is clear. I had to talk to her. I had to get some things clear this summer. There was no way in hell I could just leave like this.

"I'll be fine."

"Well if you decide to change your mind we'll probably be here until the evening. I was scheduled to come out in a few days and give all the counselors a physical anyway. Might as well get that taken care of now..."

"Right... before another one has a panic attack," the pilot laughs.

I walk away rolling my eyes at the asshole pilot causes Nurse Lina to giggle. The two continue this weird flirty back and forth not even noticing that I am going. I find myself walking over to Alimah who had some supplies in her hands.

Alimah and the girls seem to be having some sort of issue as I walk up to them. As I get close though it seems like Anais and her friends immediately retreat away from Alimah. This vicious lingering of "hoe" and "bitch" linger on their tongues as I leave. I hated the fact that she was alone with them in the girls' dorms. Chad and I could back each other up, but not her. Omari and the guys were nowhere near as vicious as Anais either. I couldn't imagine being stuck with Anais and her flock of admiring girls for that long. I'm not sure how Alimah did it. The look on Alimah's face is just something a bit negative. I knew Alimah. I knew when she was upset. Something had just happened.

"Everything OK?" I ask her.

She doesn't even seem to realize I'm standing there as well.

"Fucking bitches..." she states, "They are going to push someone too far one day. I swear..."

"What happened?"

She turns. The look she gives me at that moment had to be the same look that I gave Chad earlier in the day. She even uses the same words when she leans back and says, "Can you give me some space?"

I swallow my spit realizing that I had invaded her space.

"Can we talk---about the letter?" I ask.

"Not now..." she responds, "Got some work to do. Those bitches stole all of my meds..."

"Meds?"

"You know...meds.  Even took my birth control pills..."

"I didn't know you were having sex..."

"Birth control pills are used for other things besides birth control, Jarvis, but you wouldn't know that because you're gay."

I pause, "Yeah, Alimah. I am. Gay that is..."

I was referring to the letter.

"Yeah no shit, I got that part loud and clear," she states with a loud sigh.

I feel like shit at that moment. She's having a rough day. I had no idea what those girls had done to her but when I turn I see Anais watching us having a conversation.

"Alimah can we just please talk?" I ask.

"Later OK?" she asks.

She walks away not saying another word. I had thought today was going to be odd because I was avoiding her but it's the opposite. Alimah is avoiding me. I can see it in her dismissal of me. We weren't that busy. The kids still hadn't even arrived yet.

Things were going to get weird and I knew that I was going to have to fix things with my best friend before they got any worse.

I feel this anger growing up inside me at that moment. I walk over to them at that moment and all I can think is how fucking angry I am.

"What the fuck did you guys do?" I ask.

"The drama queen has something to say," Anais smiles, "What now? Another panic attack?"

She emphasizes the word, queen. The girls laugh when she says it. I can feel my face flush with red. Usually, I wouldn't have even come over here but the truth was this was getting old.

"What did you say to Alimah?" I ask.

"Who are you bucking at, Bambi?" Anais asks.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ALIMAH!"

I saw red. I hadn't even remembered this was Anais, the girl who was so petty she held a grudge with Alimah for years after James left Alimah for her. Her face sours almost immediately when I raise my voice. A couple of the girls around her who have done nothing but enable her all get quiet-looking more at Anais to see what her reaction would be then worried about me.

"I told her the truth. James killed himself because he was sick of her," Anais mutters.

The words sink deep. It all made sense now how Alimah was reacting. It all made sense that she was so reserved.

"You fuckin bitch," I state.

"Excuse me."

I'm confused, "Year after year you come to this camp making it hell for people. Of course, James wanted Alimah over you. Alimah is kind, she's sweet, she cares about people. And you..."

"Be careful Bambi...it's hunting season," she warns me.

"You're a fucking bitch..."

With that, I walk away. My heart is racing. I had just finally given Anais Rodriguez what she deserved and it felt good. It felt good to say it. As I walk away I know she is steaming. She'd gone after people for less. I'd somehow escaped the wrath of Anais and I think it was honestly because I'd stayed away from it, but knowing what she said to Anais pushed things a different level.

This summer was going to be different, one way or another. I wasn't sure if that difference was going to be good...or bad...

~

Alimah avoids me for the rest of the day for the most part. She doesn't even show up for dinner. I'm sitting in the lodge when I see Omari get up from his table of friends and sends me a signal. I think that meant that now was the time he wanted to sneak away with me.

"You think Alimah's sick?" Chad asks, "She's been acting so weird since yesterday."

Alimah had spent a lot of time with the nurse when she was here making Chad a bit concerned. I knew he cared about her. That's why I knew that I needed to tell him what I witnessed her.

"They are back to bullying her..."

"Like last time?"

There is silence. We all remembered the last time. Last time we went camping they had started a rumor saying that Alimah had a venereal disease. She's broken out on her vagina because she had an allergic reaction. It was reported to Page Jordan so that Page could get her some antibiotic cream. Well, word got around and Anais made sure the message was twisted into something a lot more...sinister. It had gotten around camp to almost everyone but our little group that Alimah had a venereal disease. Alimah spent the summer getting terrorized.

Chad gets up, "I swear to God..."

When he stands I can see him looking at the table where the others were sitting. It seemed like Anais was making friends with the new boys especially Shaquille. There is something going on between the two. There was a lot of laughing and joking going on. Chad was only one guy and they already had their eyes set on him. The last thing I wanted was there to be another situation like what happened between him and Omari.

"Sit," I state, "I handled it."

Chad looks over at me like I have three heads, "Handled it?"

"I called Anais a bitch in front of her friends," I state, "Probably put a target on my back, but it's worth it. I know what you're going to say. I should have kept to myself I should have----"

"I'm proud of you."

I stop talking and start listening. Chad is looking at me from across the table and he is almost squinting in a bit. He reaches over across the table. Just as he does that though I take a look behind him and see Omari walking out. Omari makes eye contact with me. Our eyes meet for a minute and at that minute I just can't help but get up.

"I gotta go..."

"You didn't even finish your food," Chad questions in a confused away.

"Not hungry."

The truth was I was hungry...but hungry for something completely different.

~

"Didn't think you'd come," Omari states, "I was thinking about heading back with Nurse Lina. She's leaving soon. I wanted to go just so I can spend more time with you."

I look over at the shore. Sure enough, Nurse Lina was packing her stuff and they were heading out. We watch together as the helicopter takes off. I keep looking wondering whether or not I made a mistake not going. I was still having a weird feeling about being here but the truth is it's was just a feeling. I shake off the feeling that I have to make sure it wasn't going to fuck up my mood.

"You stayed because of me?" I ask.

"Last minute yeah."

I'm confused, "My best friend is convinced your trouble...but you knew that."

He gives me a look, "You going to listen to a hater or you going to listen to the guy who's looking in your face right now telling me I'm all about you. Was Chad willing to leave to spend more time with you."

He has me in one of the canoes. The water is drifting all around us. I'm sitting across from him as he rows us out on the lake. The moonlight is shining overhead. It's probably just as romantic as I'd ever had anything happen before.

"Yeah..."

"You all of a sudden shy now?" Omari asks.

I shift myself in the boat. The truth was I thought I'd have more time to prepare for this date. I didn't have many clothes, I wasn't a very stylish guy, but I figured I could put in a little bit of effort besides a "Crystal Lake Earthquakes" t-shirt I got from my swimming group at camp a few seasons ago.

"Just kinda nervous. You know with the kids coming in a few days and all..."

"I'm sure you're going to be a good counselor."

"How do you know that? You don't even know me..."

"Maybe we can change that," he shrugs.

I pause for a moment. It's hard to be out here with him. I don't know why. I just feel guilty. I feel guilty because Alimah is having a bad time. I feel guilty because I left Chad in the lunchroom alone with those other assholes who hated him.

"How?"

"Well let's talk. What is your dream job?"

I pause for a moment. I'd never really thought of it.

"I want to be a swimmer," I shrug.

"We got that in common, but I guess you could have guessed that already," He shrugs, "From our last...interaction."

"You mean our last fuck session."

He laughs, "Right...was trying to clean that up a little."

I pause after a minute when I see him awkwardly look away. I wasn't doing a good job of keeping this lighthearted.

I quickly start playing in his game, "What is your greatest fear?"

"This is going to sound dumb..."

"No, tell me."

"Drowning."

I stare at him my eyes open, "Really?"

"Yeah. My dad...he used to...sort of holding me underwater," he explains to me, "For ridiculous amounts of time. It helped with my swimming but I always thought man, one day, he's going to hold me down there too long and I'm going to drown."

"That's sick."

"Whoa. I never said anything about my dad being sick. He did it to Shaquille and Elias too. That's just his training technique."

"I know it's just----"

"Maybe you shouldn't judge so much," he quickly shuts me down.

I watch how he reacts. There is this deep level of almost anxiousness in his voice. He almost spills the defense of his father out without thinking about it. He does it angrily. I can tell I must have crossed a line or something. His face just stares at the water and he stops rowing.

I had to change the subject. I knew that I was losing him and I knew that I had to do something to keep him in these moments.

"So what changed your mind about me?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, I guess seeing you with Chad. I came to an awakening that maybe there might have been something there between us that night...something that I was holding back and pretending didn't exist..."

I nod, "Only one way to find out."

I lean into him. Chad does the same leaning back. That's when our faces connect. His tongue goes into my mouth. I lean back and feel his body crossing over the canoe onto my side. He's so aggressive that he almost tilts the boat.

Before I know it we are kissing hard our mouths encircling each other. The warm tongue lashes to the back of my throat over and over. I feel a warm feeling in my groin when Omari slides his hand over.

That's when I hear him admit the one thing that I've been wanting to hear, "Damn I've wanted you."

That's when he leans back in the canoe. He unzips his pants and pulls his dick out. I look down on it watching the cum drip slowly from the top of its head.

He pulls it slowly and the precut gathers at his fingertips.

"Taste it..."

"What?"

"Taste me..."

I've never done something like this before but I slowly lean forward. He slowly puts his fingers to his lips. I can smell his manhood as the fingers flicker right below my nose. I put my mouth on them sucking him in and tasting him.

The taste is sweet and salty all at once.

"You taste amazing..."

"Come here..."

"Wait...you feel that?"

The boat seems to rock a little bit harder than usual.

"It's just the current from surface winds," he states, "Come here."

That's when he decides to stand up in the moving boat. This causes all this rocking.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask halfway amused and halfway nervous.

"Making it easier for you to swallow this dick..."

He places his long member on the tip of my lips. That's when I grab his dick with both hands. He had a beautiful dick. The kind of handsome dick you would imagine from someone like Omari and now we weren't in his dark stuffy room. There was nature all around us.

Just as I'm about to suck it he stops.

Just I open my mouth I feel the rocking again, "Wait...was that you?"

"What the fuck is your problem?" He asks.

"Whoa.. why are you talking to me like that?"

"You keep hesitating to suck my dick. Either you want to or not..."

"Excuse me?"

Hearing him say these words were shocking, to say the least.

"I should have ducking known you were just a fuckin waste of time," he grunts out of nowhere, "Don't think I can't get anyone else at that camp to suck me off..."

I'm kind of shocked when it happens. I'm even more shocked when the boat rocks again.

"You don't feel that?"

The boat rocks HARD! It's almost as though someone was underneath the boat shaking it over and over. I look into the water. I could swear I see a shadow making its way around the boat!

"Stop fucking around man," he says.

My palms are sweating. There is this feeling in my stomach that is unsettling. I get this nauseous feeling in my throat and a taste of lead fills my mouth. I don't hear anything save the crackling of the harsh lake wind against the boat. The empty silence seems to get louder and louder. Both Omari and I keep our bodies completely still and don't move but my eyes are jerking back and forth at the slightest movement.

"Stay...still..." I whisper.

Silence fills my ears. My fingers get numb. Then all of a sudden it happens.

The hand reaches out of the boat!

I jump almost falling into the water but catching myself. The hand isn't reaching for me. It grabs Omari! I see this person emerge from the water. It's quick, faster than I could ever imagine. It pulls Omari into the water.

"Omari!"

Sweat drips down my body as tears stream down my face. What the fuck just happened?

I look down trying to make sense of the fact that the boy in the hood emerged from the water to pull Omari deep into the water.

And that's when I see red. The area where Omari was pulled into the water is blotted... in blood.

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