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POLL QUESTION- SHOULD ERIC BE FORGIVEN? EMAIL YOUR OPINIONS AND READ TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
Sum1pleZzCall911@hotmail.com - Definition of Rain \ r-an\ v 2: To bestow abundantly
RAIN ON ME
CHAPTER TEN
"Damien..." I heard the voice calling me and let out a slow, "Aww...", so that I could let them know I was awake. It was Eric. He had a couple of bags underneath his eyes probably from the sleep and he was staring at me wearily. "What is it?" I guess I sounded a lot bitter than he expected because he breathed deeply. I was still so mad about when he had sex with Timothy Grains. Eric and I were once in a 'kind' of relationship, but now I made it a point to let him know that as long as he stayed inside my house, we were just friends. There was a little silence with Eric standing over my bed, timid and smiling. I wondered if he was embarrassed to talk or just embarrassed because we hadn't talked in so long. "I...I...uh..." "What's the matter?" "I just thought that...uh..." He stiffened with fright and our eyes almost locked to the point that it would make it too awkward to look anywhere else. "Spit it out." "I know that it's nothing, but yesterday you came home all high. I mean somebody just left you at the doorstep and rang the door...I thought maybe you're in trouble..." I didn't remember any of that. I picked myself off the bed and put on the white t-shirt that was right at my bedpost. I must have really been high, because I wasn't feeling too good. It was a Saturday morning and the day was really cloudy like it was about to rain. I faced Eric who stood near my dresser. "Why would I be in trouble?" "I mean, Damien. I never seen you smoke." "That's the only reason?" Eric went out into his fit of shyness as soon as I started getting a little defensive. He started looking at the roof, at the floor, at my hand and at the window in a frightened manner. "Robbie was going all last night. I guess his friend Byron came over and they were talking for a while. Thank god your father wasn't home because they were cussing you like you were a dame dog." "What about?" "I dunno." Eric looked at me for a long time. I could tell Eric was yearning to be with me again, aching almost. But that could not happen now. His betrayal was still fresh in my mind, so much that it burned. I wanted to forgive, but then realized that it would have been far too easy to just forgive. There had to be something more, a way to mend the anger within myself. I wanted to grab him and give him a little hug, but instead I just walked out of the room, without looking at him again. "Thanks for the info." I procrastinated going downstairs, partially because I knew that Robbie was waiting for me and partially because I wanted Eric to hear what Robbie was going to tell me. I knew Robbie knew about what went on at 'his' gambling club. That was the only reason Byron and him would be so angry with me. I heard a girl playing on the radio that was in the bathroom, as I stood brushing my teeth. I recognized that girl and it was Ashanti. She was singing Breakup 2 Makeup. I didn't understand why she made that her single. I like the other song on there...I DON'T MIND. Still, it was refreshing to feel something feminine after all this masculinity had started to turn my mind a little crazy. She seemed to balance it, as though she was my female lover after I got tired of men. "I'll tell ya a story, it a girl. I can't even say a girl. She more like...more like...an angel. <deep breath> Ashanti," said a man's voice started the song. Then came Ashanti, "If you touch me here, I don't mind." I laughed at how much I was getting into the song, while I knew that Robbie was probably waiting to yell at me downstairs. I brushed my hair and put on some clothes, as though to show that I wouldn't be staying in the house for really long. I wasn't high when I remembered hearing an older guy (a friend of Terrence) saying that he was going to pick me up in the morning and take me shopping. I didn't even know the guy's name but I knew he was one of those guys who made a nice sugar daddy. I had no problems with it. I walked down the stairs and saw Robbie sitting on the kitchen counter. He was staring at me, almost like he was a predator or something. I breathed a little deep, probably underestimating the sobriety that could come from Robbie. He seemed to shed his playful skin and show the beast. "Where's my father?" He was silent. He didn't answer and then I saw Eric come up from behind me and answer. "He went out with his girlfriend and his brother." It was funny! I was mad at Eric, Robbie was mad at me and Eric was mad at Robbie. It was almost poetic. I had a renewed confidence; even though a little challenged by the way Robbie stared at me. I didn't look at him as I passed by him and went to the refrigerator looking for a drink. "You should have told me you're on your period," I told him, taking notice to his angry stares, "I would have brought some of your mom's tampons downstairs for you." "Say that again," he clearly threatened me, jumping to his feet. Eric stepped forward almost jumping over the counter to get in his way, but I wasn't anyone's bitch. I pulled Eric away. "Stay out of my business!" I warned Eric and then turned to deal with Robbie, "Get out of my face, Robbie." Robbie slammed the refrigerator so hard that I thought the fringes were going to come off. I saw Eric tense up from his hatred towards Robbie and his sudden protectiveness of me. "I told you to say that again!" Robbie fussed. "You'd better state your point." Robbie armed balled up and I thought he was going to swing at me. I could already picture his hand flying my way and then missing me slightly. I already picture how my knuckles would bleed when I jabbed him in the jaw. Then I could picture how Dina would look when she came home and saw Robbie injured. She would start to ball because her precious baby got hurt. Robbie was always a momma's boy. But all that didn't happen. "Tell me that it was all just a lie. Tell me that you didn't go back to that club after I told you to stay away from there." "I went there yesterday," I told him and tried to play it off like it wasn't anything big, "I was bored." "So why there?" "That place is fun, Robbie. I mean you aren't my father, my brother or my boyfriend." I squirmed on the boyfriend part. It sounded a little awkward with Eric there and the memory of their little feud on who should be with me still fresh in our minds. I wondered what Eric was thinking. He wasn't my boyfriend either, anymore at least. I wondered if he was trying so hard to protect me because he thought that he still was. I hadn't made it so clear to him that we had broken up. Thoughts of talking to him about it came in my mind. Robbie was getting even worse that before. He was biting onto his lower lip. He wasn't licking his lower lip; he was biting into it, piercing the skin and all. It was turning red. It looked so lickable...so beautiful. I wondered still what all this was about but found myself stuck in the beauty of Robbie again. "What did you do there?" "Its none of your business. I mean why do you care..." "ANSWER ME!" "You want to know! I was sucking them off," I admitted, drawing a sizeable reaction from both Robbie and Eric. I could see both of them almost go into a little fit and too my surprise it was Robbie who was calm one. I was even more surprised to see both of them deciding to stay in the room at the time. "I can't believe you. You know what they are think of you now." "Who cares?" "They are calling you a whore. All you are is a piece of ass." "Robbie, I don't really care." Eric was the one who was crying a little. He wasn't really speaking. He just sort of went to sit down so that he could let out some emotion. I knew he probably felt exactly the way I felt when I cheated on him. He looked so innocent when he was crying. He buried his face in his caramel hands but I could still tell he was crying because of the soft whimpers. "Why? I mean why them. I deserve it more than anybody." I was surprised at this, so much that my mouth dropped. Even Eric was a little surprised at it. He turned around to hear what just happened. "Deserve what?" "I deserve you," he told me, "You don't know how it's like. Being around you like questions my sanity. Ever since I met you I liked you. I mean, I loved your lips and your face. I liked how your ass could still pop out even in baggy jeans. I loved your personality. You were so nice to me and that time, no one was nice to me. No one really understood me. No one really cared about how I felt inside. They just labeled me a freak and it didn't matter. You were different. That day when Dina brought me here to play with you, you wanted do anything to make me laugh. I had a crush on you from the start." There was a slight pause, which he just stared at me making me timid. He continued. "It was like, I finally found the guy that I love and that I want to spend the rest of my life with, regardless of what anyone says. You don't know I would cut of my head for you! You should have seen my face when Dina said that we were going to move in with you and your father. All this time, I was just wishing that you had a little gay in you so that I could get to it. When I found out you were gay that first night, I couldn't sleep. I was so happy! But then 'he' came along. He spoiled everything. Do you know how it feels when you finally find 'the one' and he loves someone else?" "I don't know," I answered, trying not to look him straight in the eye. "So now that you and Eric are broken up, why don't you give me a chance..." There was a big bang as Eric jumped out of his seat and picked up his finger pointing at Robbie, almost like he was going to poke him in the eye. "You liar! It was you all along. You wanted Damien so you set me up with Grains, so that Damien would catch us!" Damien looked at me and squeezed my hand immediately after, not even turning to confront Eric or answer to his accusation. His hands were so soft as he turned to me and tried to search in my eyes. "Damien, he's lying. I love you." There was an utter silence. Damien was staring at me again. He had told me the words only once before and before I wasn't too sure if he meant it. Now I knew he meant it. I hadn't known that Damien had liked me from the start. I didn't know that even from the first day he met me. I knew that he wanted me, but I thought he was only horny about me. I thought he only wanted my body. Before I knew it the guy who had told me to meet him come to pick me up. He wasn't as old as I remembered he was last night. He looked like he was in his mid-twenties. The conversation was cut short immediately when Eric stormed out of the house, after seeing the twenty year old men and having to stand by and watch me listen to Robbie's confession of love. I guess it was all for the better, because I didn't want to leave them home together. I figured trying to stay home with Robbie, but the feeling just wasn't right. It was almost like I needed to think more. Still finally, I had no real emotion on going out with the man, whose name I found out to be Mr. Night. I knew it wasn't his real name, but he told me to call him that so that was what I called him. Night was handsome for his age, making you wonder what he was doing flirting with guys in their teens. I figured it was some sort of fetish that he had. I knew that he could get anyone around his own age but I guess he really didn't want it. Night was tall, almost 6 feet and 5 inches. I looked like his son in some ways or probably like his younger brother. We had similar facial expression. That intrigued me about Night but I hated his personality. "Ain't no thing. Anything you want. You know I take care of my baby." He said that as soon as I got into his truck and asked him if he could turn up the radio. Night sure did have a lot of money, though. He had on this fly valor outfit and the truck he had was a Hummer. Those Hummer vehicles were expensive. I wasn't sure on how much the cost, but since had had televisions in his back, I figured it was a lot. He was a friend of Robbie, so he didn't automatically try to fuck me, but as we moved on, he started to forget his personality. He drove me towards the Movies, but I told him that there was nothing out so he said he would just take me shopping. That was when we turned around and I got a text message from Eric on my 2-way. ~~~~I DON'T WANT YOU W/ THAT GUY DAMIEN I'M NOT TRYING TO BE TOO PROTECTIVE BUT I WANT YOU W/ ME. I SHOULD OF TOLD YOU FROM THE GET GO WHAT WAS GOING ON I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, NO I NEED TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING PLEASE. HIT ME UP~~~~~~ I pushed the 2-way away just before Mr. Night could lean in and read the screen. After I caught him and showed how irritated I was in the way I pulled the 2-way back away from him, he gave out a little laugh and then went back into telling me all about bluffing about all the things that he had. He kept asking me if I knew how to sing. I told him a little but not really and he kept asking me if I knew how to rap. It was getting annoying but then finally I caught up to his game. "You know I'm about to open a new music studio," he told me and put his hand on my shoulder, patting it at first and then rubbing it. "I can't really sing or rap." "Well, if you were down with me. It wouldn't matter. I'm Mr. Night, shorty. I can't make things happen." His pompous attitude continued even after we got into the mall. He showed me all of his credit cards and told me that I could buy whatever I wanted. By this time, I had lightened up on him a little (because of the money) and decided to take his one of his credit cards. I bought a couple of shirts in one store and bought a suit in a store where he promised me that Sylvester Stallone bought one of his outfits. I didn't know why I bought the suit; but then again, I didn't have a need for the rest of the clothes that I bought that night. I just didn't give up good opportunities. Still as the night went on, I realized that all these things weren't 'exactly' gifts. I knew that Mr. Night would want something in return. I knew he didn't expect me to pay back the money, but I knew he was expecting me to have sex with him. For all the things he bought me I had a slight urge too, but then I began feeling something, sort of like the old me. The old me that wouldn't just have sex so easily. That was when I got another message from Eric. ~~~~DAMIEN, ARE YOU BACK AT THE HOUSE TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE BACK AT THE HOUSE I BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ARE YOU STILL WITH MONEY BAGS? HE'S JUST LIKE ROBBIE. THEY THINK THEY CAN WIN PEOPLE LIKE PRIZES. WHERE DID HE TAKE YOU? DAMIEN, I KNOW YOUR MAD BUT I'M STILL ERIC. I KNOW YOU STILL LOVE ME OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T STILL BE MAD~~~~ Mr. Night was now at the cash register paying for shoes to go with the suit that I bought myself. I thought deeply. Eric was right. I was mad at him, but he was still Eric. I began wondering what he had to explain about the night he cheated on me again. He would only even mention it through notes. I began to feel really bad about the whole thing again, but also began to feel what I felt for Eric again. I began to think about how he smelled. He always smelled so fresh and clean. The way his hair smelled. It was always shampooed. He always had that stud earring in one of his ears and it brought out a masculine sparkle in his eye. I remembered how his little, hard to see brown freckles looked on his caramel skin. I realized that I was beginning to miss Eric. So I wrote back, the message on my text-messenger. ----YEAH I AM STILL WITH MONEY BAGS HE TOOK ME TO THE MALL. I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE HERE. ERIC OF COURSE I STILL LOVE YOU I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU. IF I REMEMBER RIGHT, IT WAS YOU WHO STOPPED LOVING ME.---- I waited carefully after sending my message for the next message. I was sort of afraid that if Mr. Night caught me, he would take away all the things he bought because I was flirting with someone else when I was with him. I almost knew for sure that he was the type of person who would act that way. I felt my pocket vibrate immediately and I reached into my pocket to pull out the 2-way. Immediately I saw Mr. Night finish paying for the things. He was going to be coming soon. I rushed as I pulled it out my pocket and looked at the message. ~~~DAMIEN, I LOVE YOU 2! THANKS 4 WRITING ME BACK! WHAT PART OF THE MALL ARE YOU IN? ~~~ "Still playing on that thing?" I heard Night call from the front of the store as he watched me. He was now coming towards me, walking quickly as though he was going to snatch up my 2-way immediately. He acted like my father, only with more sex appeal. I quickly started to write back knowing that I might not get another chance. I started to type quickly knowing that he was right on his way. ---NEAR GIORGIO SHOES---- As I suspected, he took the 2-way. "This color is so ugly. How bout I buy you a new one." I nodded and he laughed, taking me quickly underneath his arm. I tried to look calm. I mean I didn't really care about the old 2-way anyway. It was really ancient and the only one that I gave the number to was my father and Eric. I always did want a new one. I kept thinking about Eric as we walked out of the store. Eric cared so much about where I was with Night. He even wanted to know what part of the mall we were in! Like that would change any part of his life. I figured he just wanted to know, so that he had a visual of what was going on or probably was just testing me to see if I hadn't already gone to the guy's apartment to fuck him. We walked out of Giorgio Shoes and went towards the electronic store, which was right down the hall. As Night shopped for me more, he began to act more and more comfortable. He seemed to be obsessed with my ass, almost like how Robbie was he moved in. He would keep asking me if I ever got fucked with a nine-inch dick. I doubted his dick was so big but said I wouldn't do it anyway because I was saving my ass. The way Night came onto me was almost like his 'suggestions' were more like orders that flirting. It seemed like he really did expect me to give up his ass to him. I was confused and really could careless. I had probably made up my mind after talking to Eric that I really wasn't interested in this guy. I knew that it would have made too much of a scene just to sleep with some guy because he had money. I felt as though he would be using me and my body for a price. We had spent almost an hour eating in a restaurant. The restaurant was dark, almost like all the lights had been turned off. I didn't understand why the waiter decided he would turn off all the lights. I could hardly see my food. Anyway, as I stood there in the dark restaurant with Night, who was eating his food like a bird, I watched the roof ceiling, wondering. I was wondering about Eric and his plea for forgiveness. I was wondering about Robbie's determination to be with me. I was even thinking about what was happening between my father and Dina. Everything seemed so confusing to me. I couldn't get my emotions right. I wanted to cry just then as I sat there in the dark restaurant trying not to stare at the gross soup that Night had suggested I try. "You just gonna sit there?" I startled back to life and saw Night looking back at me. "Humph?" "I said you just gonna sit there and daydream. Why won't you eat?" I gave out a little yawn. It wasn't that I was bored (even thought it was), it was because the lights had a dizzying affect almost like they were going to whisk me to sleep. "I'm gonna eat---soon." I didn't know if I was telling him the truth. The dish looked like something that they had spit in. The soup wasn't brown but gray. It had little pieces of ---I don't know what they were exactly. They were little brown lumpy things that were kind of gooey when I passed the spoon by them. "You always like this?" I shrugged in confusion, "What do you mean?" "You always this nervous? It's like you got something on your mind." "I do." He gave me a look, almost a blank look, but none-the-less, a look that was full of questioning and almost a will to search deeper. I wasn't sure if I wanted to open him up to that deeper side of me. I reached my nose down towards the soup and pulled back as the aroma of bitter garlic entered them. I tried not to make a face as he stared insistently at me. He paused a little, "What is it?" "Love." He looked at me again, this time, not out of curiosity, but out of a deep loathing. I could see the hatred in his eyes that was so seldom and so silent. It was like I had spoken another language to him, a language that he didn't know or didn't hope of knowing. "Love?" "Yes. The love of life, the love of life and the love of man." He gave out a little laugh and leaned closer to me in whisper. "And let me guess. You're just one of those dreamers?" I paused, unsure of what he meant. "Dreamer?" He whispered in my ear; "The kind that think that your lifestyle is excepted. The love you speak of is not accepted. It is forbidden. It is even hated. Be careful, you little idiot. They will find you, label you and punish you. I know what happens to dreamers like you." "I'm not a dreamer." He laughed a little, almost like he challenged me. "Oh yeah. So what were you thinking about just now?" he told me.' I changed my opinion quickly, "So, I might be a dreamer." Night looked at me and started to laugh again. This time, his laughs were deeper and with more intent to break everything in me that was still brave. "We are a new race," he told me, "You aren't one of those brave souls who will fight for their own little beliefs. You are just like me. We will rather not love than fight for love. We have no more energy." I knew what he was talking about. I hated him for talking about it. I hated the way he smelled when he spoke about it. I wanted to jump over the table and stab my fork through his dick until it couldn't react any longer! He was touching on the issues of gay marriage and all just prejudice to it at all. Thinking on it, I felt just like he was. It was so easy to pretend that you were straight if you wanted to. If you pretended you were straight you could fuck any guy you want and still be straight. If I pretended I was straight, I wouldn't have to deal with the war that was being fought all over the country at that right time. I could see that poll on the internet saying, "SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?" and I could just check the box saying I don't care. What he was saying would be so easy. There would be discussions in the community, "IS GAY RELATIONSHIPS RIGHT?" I could easily just try to ignore the questions. Everything would have been so easy. Wasn't your whole plan messed up if you fell in love? "Who the hell are you, a busboy or something?" Night's demanding voice asked over the table. I jumped out of trance and looked at Eric who was standing right over us. He was a little wet, which signaled it was raining outside. "How did you find me?" I asked him. "I asked around. C`mon. I hope you're done here. I wanna talk to you." He offered me his hand. I looked at the hand, probably for so long that any normal person would have retracted the hand. I watched Eric's determination as he kept his hand reaching out for mine. Finally I took the hand and Eric pulled me up. I followed him, not running with him, but followed him trusting that he was going to take me somewhere besides here, where the truth was burning into me like a dark torch. How could something so beautiful look so wrong in the eyes of so many? His hands were soft and a little sweaty as I grabbed onto them, almost like he was trying to make me comfortable on purpose. I felt in a way that Eric was saving me for the truth that Mr. Night had offered me. The truth that I knew I would have to face. "Remember what I told you," Mr. Night's voice trailed from behind, "Don't fall too deep in love." I don't know if Eric heard what Night said, but he didn't act like he did. He just kept pulling me, taking me where he thought I wanted to go. Suddenly I wasn't so sure if I wanted to go. I kept thinking about Mr. Night. I kept thinking about what would happen if I did fall in love with Eric. I would have to deal with issues that would only trample my heart over and over. Love could conquer and love could yield. Love could raise you as high as heaven and then kick your ladder so that you tumbled into hell. 'Don't fall too deep for love', I was told. Then I would cry since then.