Reality Slap By tsunami
Disclaimer: If you are not 18 (or 21 in some states,) you should not be here, unless you just accidentally tripped and landed on the left mouse button. ^^
Disclaimer 2: Sailormoon and her friends/enemies/family are not my property. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animations, and Kodansha Comics.
-This is a true story. Names and places have been changed. - Chapter 4: Descent into Confused Darkness, part two of two Words from 'By Myself' by Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory)
We stood there for what seemed like ages, staring into each other's eyes. I seemed to find my voice again, and playing the contemptuous one...
"Fine, but don't think we're like, friends or something."
"Fine by me. I'll be right back." He left to get some pillows and blankets. I sit on the floor, and I grow tired, so I yawn and stretch, curling up on the floor. I think about the day's events and a smile (which is rare, I hardly ever smile) comes to my face. 'Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all. I guess I should thank Tyler or something. Hmm...'
And with that, I fall asleep.
What do I do to ignore them behind me? Do I follow my instincts blindly?
6:30 am. I wake up and look around me, noticing I have a nice warm blanket around me. I rub my eyes, and see that Tyler had fallen asleep in the chair next to me, and I start feeling weird again. 'He stayed up all night for me?' I stared at him for a while and then got up, pain-free this time. (Whoohoo) I find that I have a bandage above my eye, and several wrapped around my midsection. I grab my spell book and my shirt, and then I quietly slip out of his room and out the front door, making my way through the still unlit morning back to my own house. I stumble up the stairs to my room, and then flop down on my bed, and I fall asleep.
Do I/hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
All of a sudden, I'm startled awake by the sound of my answering machine going clicking on. "Hey, sorry I'm not here right now, I'm out performing some of my ungodly satanic rituals, so leave a message at the beep, and I'll get back to ya as soon as I can... if I give a damn. Gotta blaze!" -beeeeeeep-. I roll over and look at the time; it's 7:55. I mutter under my breath. "-The hell?!"
"Max! Max are you there?! Please be there..."
I pick up the telephone and respond in a gruff voice, "Hello?"
"Max I'm so glad you're alright! I woke up a half-hour ago and couldn't find you anywhere; I thought something had happened to you."
" Don't worry, I just went back here to sleep."
"Okay. You comin' to school today?" He inquired.
" Uh-uh. I think I'm just gonna stay here for a day or two, y'know, chill."
" Did they hurt you that badly?" What is this, Twenty Questions, now?!
" Nah, I just want them to be surprised when I kick their asses upon my glorious return."
Tyler laughs at this. "Whatever man, I gotta jet for school or I'll be late. You stay cool, ok?"
"No prob." Click. I toss the telephone on the floor and I go back to sleep, dreaming of him, nothing sexual, just of us holding each other...
(Eventually I heal, and I'm back on my feet, and that's the end of this part of my oh so DRAMATIC saga..)
Do I/sit here and try to stand it? Or do/I try to catch them red-handed?
Over the next few weeks, I start losing my edge. My comments are way off base, and I'm not near as much a smart-ass as I used to be. To my surprise, I actually find myself hanging out with Tyler, actually his friend now, however because of this I'm ostracized by not only the preps, but the other 'Goths' as well. I snapped in between them, for I want to be with Tyler, but I'm doing it at the cost of losing all of the few friends I have.
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, or do I trust no one and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin, I make the right moves but I'm lost within.
Whenever I'm around Tyler, I feel...weird. I can't explain it. No matter how hard I try, I can't hate him, and I can't be the person I used to be around him... I find myself actually being NICE to him! (-Gasp- dun dun dunnnnnn) Though I'm completely rejected by his friends and mine, we still hang out. (Let's fast forward to February 2001 shall we?)
I'm spending the night at Tyler's house, and we're watching Endless Waltz, a Mobilesuit Gundam movie.
(By this time, I've got him hooked on anime. It took me 3 days to get him hooked on Gundam, but it took me almost 3 MONTHS to convince him that Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon isn't all fluffy as DiC made it seem. V.V()() Personally, I think Gundam is a tad boring. And how DO they make all those explosions in space?! There's no air up there man!! THINK ABOUT IT TOEI! Ehehehe...um...back to the story?)
We were halfway through the movie when Tyler turns to me.
"Max, let me ask you a question... How come you're all tough around everybody at school, but when you're hanging out with me, you're just like everyone else?"
I was munching on some popcorn at the time and stopped mid-chew. My eyes kinda glazed over as memories of me 4 or 5 years ago flooded back to me. Being picked on because I was short, because I wasn't interested in anything the other guys were, like sports...my art being torn up...being called 'fag' and 'queer' and 'pansy' because I like shoujo anime like Sailormoon. I used to be a doormat for everyone; I used to let people walk all over me because, before the sixth grade, I was afraid to fight. However, once in a flare of anger, I stabbed a classmate in the leg for bullying me, and the others were actually afraid of me. Me. Max Watson. I felt, the only way to protect myself was to keep up the image. It had worked well so far, why not stop...right...?
I fought hard not to cry as these memories came back in a flash, so without looking at him, because I knew I would cry if I did.
"For protection..." 'Protection from all the pain,' I thought to myself sadly, my eyes trying to focus on the TV in front of me.
I put on my daily facade but then, I find myself getting hurt again...
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to get outta there. Standing quickly, I used a lame excuse. " I gotta go...to the bathroom; gotta piss like a racehorse." I walk out of the room and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. I sit down on the toilet, and no sooner I do so, the tears come. Losing my friends, the way I feel about Tyler, knowing that he doesn't feel the same way, my past, my probable hopeless future, all hit me like a sack of bricks, making me cry even harder. I run a hand through my blue hair as I sob silently, hugging my knees to my chest. Through my tears, I mumble to myself.
"Dammit, Max. You're just kidding yourself if you think you have just a SLIM chance of being with Tyler. Pull yourself together. It's not gonna happen and you know it, so just go out there, and act like the trash spewing asshole you've always been."
By myself (myself). I ask why, but in my mind, I find I can't rely on myself.
I manage to pull myself together and I get off the toilet. I wash my face to try to hide the fact that I have been crying. I unlock and open the door, totally surprised when a body, that has obviously been leaning on the door, falls in and crashes to the floor. I gasp in shock, my eyes wide in terror and disbelief as I take a step back.
"Tyler?!?!"
Comments to sunkamen@netscape.net, or IM at Hyabuso Yuriyko.