Richard, my reason for living.. Copyright Alex Carr 2009.
I had come to a crossroads in my life - I just didn't want to live in my body anymore. I knew how I was, discovered my leaning , but shyness held me back. I wanted a relationship so bad and when I got my first computer I soon
mastered the art of communication and chat
Was this the breakthrough? Would I at last achieve that which I could never
have the courage to do before, to simply show another guy whom I had grown to like - that I was interested in him for more than a mere friendship.
I was so lonely and unhappy, wondered what it would be like with another guy, I had never had that feeling for girls. If only.
Anyway I got chatting to a few `possibilities' - guys who lived nearby and
exchanged sometimes very personal details with me online, but I soon realised that most of them weren't serious, it was just a big game or they were doing it for a cheap thrill, To think I did a webcam thing with this fifty years old revolts me now, but all the time I was learning, eventually I met a real nice guy called Danny. He lived about five miles from me so we arranged a meet.
That was maybe the best move I had ever made in my life and I was determined to make a go of it. We decided to meet in Morrison's supermarket car park, he told me the number of his car so I shouldn't mistake him. Making my way down to the meeting place I almost turned back, could this really be happening at last and would it really work out. After all I had only chatted to him through the computer, had never ever seen a picture him. Anyway it was 10am and I was there, gingerly walking amongst the parked cars until I saw the number I recognised. And there, behind the windscreen, was Danny - staring at me as much as I was him I guess, this would be the real moment of truth, would we like each other, would we be compatible to one another?
He opened the passenger door and invited me to join him. We talked a while face to face ,he was about 48, a little older than me but he had a really nice disposition. Having no idea what one should do next in the circumstances I bravely put my hand over his jeans as we spoke about our turn ons. There was an ominous silence, he looked down and then turned towards me, I wondered if I had done the right thing but he didn't stop me. "That's nice, Pete" he said softly so I squeezed him, through his jeans, again watching his response and so very exited by the firmness there. He sort of rolled his eyes so I found myself unzipping him as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but I felt very audacious, I seemed oblivious to where we were, it wasn't exactly private and next thing I had his erection deep in my mouth, realising for the first time the taste and feel of cock.. The pungency of it was divine, it had a nice firm and warm feel to it as I rolled my tongue over his uncut plum.
Danny was panting when he pulled back my head and pleaded me to stop. "Not here" he said, "let's find somewhere private, where we can both enjoy and relax" I reluctantly came away feeling his gorgeous cock slip away with that certain sound.
I was game for that and when we arrived back at my place we soon found ourselves in the bathroom stripping each other. I knelt and sucked his cock again and soon he was doing the same with me, that first experience of feeling a guy suck me was so wonderful and I was finding another reason for wanting to carry on living in my body.
The first time he fucked me was over the edge of the bath the same day, he helped me lubricate myself with lashings of baby oil and I was pleasantly surprised, Danny being so big and all, that he slipped inside me with hardly any real effort at all, I wondered how it was for him as I dipped my head down into the bath, feeling him begin to thrust, now I knew at last the feel of cock inside me and, although it hurt a little at first, Danny was very considerate, asked me if it was alright, stopped a while when he must have been halfway inside, me rolling my ass to prompt him to continue. "Can I cum inside you?" he asked and I immediately said yes, I want that - and then it happened, the climax of that very first fuck, a fuck that would prompt the beginning of so many more.
I grew besotted to Danny, the things he wanted me to do sometimes seemed repugnant to me, like when he asked me to urinate over him in the bath - but because he was everything to me I went along with it, showering him down afterwards and sucking his cock whilst he stood up in the bath - that didn't seem so bad, because the smell of urine soon went when I gave him a good
shower. And yet, it's a strange thing, do you know something? I started to think along the lines that yes, I would like to do that again and, anyway, he compromised by doing something to me which didn't particularly turn him on - and that was spanking, the thought of being spanked was a real turn on for me, the thought of bending over his knee in my tight jeans was somehow wonderfully thrilling and the first time he spanked me really stung and, would you believe, somehow the pain diminished into a wonderful sensual feeling of well being, and in a while, as our relationship grew, he was regularly taking me over his knee, sometimes stripping me and caning me. Once he broke the cane and somehow, the way he looked, the way he froze, holding the
snapped cane, somehow set us into roars of laughter so humour became part of our scene. He' always finish the session tantalising me crazy, his fingers rimming me, balling me and squeezing me there, then a little more spanking for good stead I loved it and told him that simply made me game for anything.
We'd been meeting each other off and on for about three years when suddenly
one day he did not show up. we'd arranged the meet as usual over the mobile phone and he said he couldn't wait, that he so looked forward to our sessions.
I had something special planned too. Last time I told him I would like to swallow. I set my camera up because I wanted to film it for prosperity, something to keep me warm when in the winter nights I felt horny - and only being able to see Danny about once a fortnight I always tried to make the best of it. But somehow it didn't work out like that, there was I knelt between his legs , him sprawled on the armchair, balling and sucking him with the extra bonus of knowing it was all being recorded. I think Danny liked that too because he was there much quicker than usual, it was either that - I mean the camera making him reach a climax quicker or the thought that I was going to swallow and I was strongly wanking him like never before.
He caught me unawares, spurted and yelled he was coming into my mouth at the same time. Looking back I think the problem was, as I had already discussed with him, if he came would he be able to fuck me afterwards?, would he have enough impetus, that wouldn't it be better for him to fuck me first? But I picked the wrong moment because I guess he was already at a point of no return as I found that special way of jerking him. He said it would be fine, that he could easily raise a hard on again so I thought was I being a trifle too selfish and then ... well he shot his load not as planned into my mouth but over his thighs and onto the cushion.
I continued to feel him, smearing his cream over his balls, I loved to do that, but I was thinking all the time just how it would have been if I had taken all that inside my mouth, and how would it feel to swallow - I was determined to try that though, it was just unfortunate it didn't happen then. But there was no fuck, he couldn't make it and I knew it. He tried taking me over the table, I spread eagled to make it easy for him, but no go - he got it about halfway into me then it diminished, there was no fuck that day and I was so disappointed..
But no matter, better luck next time, That's what I planned but without rhyme or reason he decided not to turn up, and I have heard nothing since, no reply to my texts, nothing, it was as if though he didn't exist. Yet he'd
said in his texts that he couldn't wait, and how much he looked forward to
it. And I had aimed on doing something he had asked me to do several times, to urinate in his briefs as he stood there in the bath, he said he would
love that, to feel it dripping down his legs with me rubbing and squelching it through his briefs , another thing I had gotten my mind around to, but that day I was all set, as much as I was to wank him into my mouth and swallow his cream, for him to watch me as I did it, it would be magic! But I still had the copy of the film shot the last time we met, which gave me some joy afterwards - but even that got stale, I just didn't want to know anymore, I`d wanked myself so much, pausing it in several places, watching how the semen spurted through his p-hole and all the things I remembered doing with him . and the way he treated me, dumping me like that after he'd had his gratification with me. So I was back to square one, hating to be living in my body again!
For a while I felt at the end of my tether, with Danny dumping me like that
what would I do, I'd enjoyed him so very much in every way, even that which at first I found was repugnant , and now all that was gone. I would never ever find another like Danny. Or so I thought .....
All I wanted was to be out of my body, whatever that took, even resorting to drugs crossed my mind. Because all my body seemed to give me was grief. I was in a turmoil searching for a solution, whatever that may be, I was right back to how I was before Danny but worse, because now I had the memories of Danny - and pined in what I was missing, all those things we did to gratify the needs and comforts of each other.
But this time I wasn't even looking, having been once stung I had given up the idea of meeting another, perhaps to take Danny's place, believing that was an impossible task anyway.
Somehow, I don't know exactly how, word had gotten to this Lord of the manor that I was quite good with plants, that I had green fingers and the rest of it. To cut a long story short (to reach the better bits) he took me on to look after his flower beds, and not only that, he took a liking to me, realised my position ( the social services had told him I guessed) and offered me a rent free cottage on the estate. I was in my element, doing what I enjoyed doing, working with plants and maintaining them was a joy. But for all that I still missed something else, something that Danny gave me.
We got talking, Lord Aldridge `call me Richard' he insisted. He was ever such a nice guy for a lord, he was I think about the same age as Danny and somehow along the line we became very intimate, he invited me to dinner and things, strolled around the gardens with me, talking, I realised his interest was more than merely an employer/employee one. Feeling comfortable with him I confided in him - I came out with it and told him how mortified I was to have been dumped by Danny, that I had lost that certain companionship Danny had given me and immediately Richard reassured me - his arm extending around my shoulders, I felt a real warmth in his karma and all at once I wanted to share everything with this fabulous guy, and that was not for his money or anything like that, it was because of him, and how I had grown to like and respect him, for even though he was a Lord, he treated me on an equal basis and I just felt I had reached a new crossroads in my life - and the reason for that? Richard of course, whom I was delighted to discover, had the same leanings as me. One thing led to another very quickly indeed and as if it was meant to be, I was soon sharing his bed.
"I understand your dilemma, Peter, so why destroy this lovely body?" he said to me after I had told him about my feelings, that I hated being inside my body, that In wanted to be out of it, even if the meant suicide. "That would be such a waste, at least keep it for me, to have and to hold, whenever I want, how`s that?"
I`d felt his fuck for the very first time. - so warm and tender, he was a true romantic, he said he wanted to love and pamper me to the hilt. He said he was obsessed by me, that he wanted me complete, that he would keep my in return for my body and all that goes with it.
I felt so good and so wanted, at last had I found someone that really cared, that would never dump me. Being with Richard was to be a different kettle of fish, not just the occasional meeting like it was with Danny but every night. I'd spend days in the garden doing whatever wanted, their was never any pressure, that's how Richard wanted it to be, I guess I was his kept lover, but I didn't mind that, because it would enable me to be completely free of any inhibitions I once had, I could just be myself and all Richard wanted of me, that evening fuck after dinner, the showering me with compliments, the wonderful way he enjoyed me, wanting me wide open for him on the edge of the bed while he knelt to enjoy me orally, it was so wonderful, I can't fully give justice to the
way his fantasies effected me, the heavenly feel of his mouth eat me, his
tongue pressing and rimming my hole, and all the sucking and tasting that ensued, going on for ever it seemed. So lovely and wonderful, then his thing about squirty cream, and how he enjoyed tasting me with it all over my cock and balls and my ass cheeks too.
"I love you Peter, I really do, let nothing change, be like this always for
me and I will be truly a happy man"
He would indulge me in all sorts of positions, tie me up and smother me with his cock and balls as he sucked mine, all those things we did, all those wonderfully fantasies he shared with me, like the one where he tied me up, wrists and ankles, on my hands and knees on a bench, ass presented to him for his pleasure, he'd strap me several times across the buttocks, then massage moisturising cream into them, underneath as well to give me the most wonderful soothing feeling of being wanted and loved.
Then he'd leave me for an hour or so, a sort of pleasure I came to enjoy immensely, like I was waiting there to be of service ton him whenever he was good and ready, and when he returned I wondered what next, sometimes he came with another implement in his hand, a paddle or a cane, then he would spend time stroking and massaging me with it, rolling and stroking it over my buttocks, emitting those certain pleasurable sounds I loved to hear, He always told me how wonderful my body was, how he loved to spoil me, I felt the pressure of his wanting grow in the way he caned me, saying what a pleasure it was to see my buttocks flushing so brilliantly red as the cane bounced of them, me feeling the sting of that, waiting for the next strike, feeling it again and again, until it was no more, the caning continued and I felt a pleasurable numbness extend all over my body, knowing soon the ` punishment' would stop, how he would say that he was so sorry, that my ass was meant to be spanked and so on, and how he liked to show just how sorry he was afterwards if he had taken me for granted, but I always told him not to be concerned, that my pleasure was his, and I felt the measure of his appreciation as he massaged the redness and then dowsed me with a good spray of his fresh cream soaking my ass and balls as he wanked himself soundly. Then the wonderful feeling as he sucked his cream off me, tasting ad sniffing me again, he loved to sniff me, then sucking my ass and balls, feeding my cock into his mouth as he twisted his head to reach me, his mouth doing things to my growing cock as the feeling in my buttocks soothed complimenting the feel of his mouth envelope my now firm cock, the way he sucked my p-hole - all that, it was so wonderful and heavenly, I knew I would soon be there as his sucks grew stronger, and he knew it too, that's what he wanted, to taste and swallow me, and I was soon there, like it was a thing shared, our own heaven to enrapture and enjoy, as I felt the surge come, heard his moans as it shot into his mouth, and then the sound of that, his mouth drenched in my cream, and him enjoying it so much, licking and tasting and sucking me, almost like he was eating me.
And so it was, I was there for him any time he wanted me and any way, if he
wanted to dress me up in laborious costumes, like I was a page boy from old, or if he wanted me to be a servant boy, a butler whatever, I would be that for him, and share the wonder and sheer pleasure of his lust and his undying love for me. And sometimes, in the garden, he'd want me to wear tight boxer shorts, then he'd take me into the greenhouse and have me over the bench, after dowsing my ass with rose petals.
It was then I realised Danny was no longer missed, for what Richard gave me
was a lot ,lot more. Hardly a morning or night goes by without Richard's deep thrilling fuck, he thrills me always, telling me how he loves this and that, how I wiggle and tempt his fuck.
I just want to be all ass and cock for him, whatever he wants and I am his,
for always. Richard was now my reason for living.