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Part Four
"Mum says you need to get up and have some breakfast!" Ryan bashed on the top of the tent and made the material shake alarmingly. Little brothers, I cursed. My brain began to slowly switch on. Parts of me still felt completely asleep. I massaged my shoulders and tried my best to properly wake up. "Tell mum, I will grab some toast in a bit!" I said, managing to string words together. "Mum says do you want to go to Lands End today?" Ryan yelled. He was probably only about 6 inches away from my eardrums, but didn't want to risk me missing the vital information mother had entrusted him with. "I'd rather be dropped naked on Skaro with a baseball bat!" I groan and turn over. I hear Ryan's feet stomping away. He is back in seconds. "Mum says she can probably arrange the baseball bat and alien planet if you don't get up!" he said. With a sense of defeat I roll onto my hands and knees. I find my jeans and tug them on.
The caravan seemed to be awash with the smell of bacon. My stomach lurched and I realised how hungry I was. I stuck my head inside the door and looked at mum and dad battling the cooker. "Anything I can do to help?" I asked, hoping the answer would be no. "Get the water container and go down to the water point and fill it." Dad said. I groaned theatrically. At least the water container was on a wheeled hand cart. I wandered around to the back of the caravan and unhooked the pipe from the barrel. I rocked it back and forth a little and heard barely any water moving. I dragged it down toward the water point, which lay at the main intersection of all the holiday park avenues. As I approached the wooden framed enclosure I recognised the spiky blonde hair of Claire. She was standing with a huge water barrel and filling it from the standpipe. "You got caught with the water duties as well?" I yelled. "Morning, Surely!" she called out. I hauled our water barrel to the next standpipe. "Yes, it is .. and don't call me Surely!" I said. "What shall I call you?" she said. "I'm not sure yet, I don't want to rush into a name .. I want it to be right." I replied. "In the meantime you are Princess Surely." she said. "My name is Lee, so for now call me Leela." I said. "Surely we didn't get through a whole day and not discover your name yesterday?" she said. "Yes, you did, and don't call me Surely!" "Princess Leia, then .." Claire said. "Leela, and no Princess." I said, unable not to laugh. "You are so good for my sister," she said, blindsiding me with the change in conversational tack. "I think she is good for me as well," I said. "She has woken up and is drifting around the caravan like a dreamy nature spirit. Singing and laughing." Claire said. "What?" I asked. "I swear, if there were flowers nearby she would be making daisy chains and putting them in her hair." Claire said. "This is not normal behaviour for her?" I asked. "She normally makes Goths seem like a cheerful and happy go lucky crowd in contrast to herself!" Claire said. "It is her thing to get great joy out of being serious and moody." "Really?" I said. "But she seemed to spent half of yesterday laughing?" "Yeah, weird, wasn't it?" "I didn't know any better!" I protested. "Whatever you are doing, just keep doing it," She said. "I am just being me .. and wearing a dress .. which I have discovered is just being the new me!" I said. "Are you really at ease with that?" Claire asked. "You had me sussed very quickly." I pointed out. "You were wearing black tights and a girl's swimsuit .. I didn't need Sherlock Holmes to help me!" Claire said. "I keep forgetting my giveaway fashion choices at our first meeting!" I pushed the heel of my hand into my forehead in mock anguish. "I had better warn you now, I am never going to let you forget that!" Claire said. "I suspected that might be the case." I said with irony laced into my voice. "However much I might tease you, I have to confess I haven't ever felt such an erotic moment as discovering you like that.. an orgasmic cross dressing wood nymph isn't something you find everyday." "Cornwall probably has a higher proportion than the rest of the country," I pointed out, feeling the blush colouring my face. "I just regret letting my libido get the better of me." Claire said. "If I had known how perfect you and Sarah would be together I never would have jumped you first." "It feels strange that yesterday lunchtime I was between your thighs and by the afternoon you felt like an older sister to me." I said. Claire burst out laughing and took a few moments to contain herself. "I know .." she gasped. "I went from wanting to tear off your swimsuit to feeling all protective toward you." I grinned at this. "You want know something?" she continued. "What?" I asked. "Sarah wanted you straight away, I just didn't realise it until afterwards." "Really?" "Well, before I had a chance to get my hands inside your swimsuit, she had reached in and beaten me to it. It was effectively GAME OVER for you continuing any sort of encounter with me." "That is one way of putting it." I agreed.
"She had seen a possibility in you." Claire said, with that trademark laugh in her voice. "I wondered about that strange look that passed between you." I said. Claire's water barrel began to overflow and she shut off the standpipe. "Will we see you after breakfast?" she asked. "I was hoping you both would be around today?" "Yes, we will be. Mum and Dad are planning on going to discover some local beauty spot this morning, so they will be back mid-afternoon. We've cried off going." "I've done the same." I said. "Sarah is just waiting for you to arrive." Claire said. "I will be over as soon as I can be. I don't want to sound all gooey, but I miss her." I confessed, thankful of a person to tell it to. "You are both such smitten kittens!" she said. "Last night should have been that one where we stayed up talking until dawn" I said wistfully. "As the immortal bard says, You guys have got it bad." Claire said. "Yes." was the only thing I could think of to say.
I got the water carrier back to our caravan and hooked it up. I barely remember wolfing down a bacon sandwich and grabbing my shower stuff. I took the fastest, but most lonely shower of my life. Shampooing my hair with ruthless efficiency and minimal care toward my roots. Within 20 minutes I was scrubbed and shaved. At my age I only needed to shave very occasionally, but today I didn't want even a hint of even downy fur on my face. Part of me was longing to be Princess Leela again, damn it, Leela. I cursed Claire. Her sense of humour was bloody infectious. "Off to see your friends again?" my dad asked as I returned for my bag and to say goodbye to the family. "Yes, we are walking around the coast today. I wanted to take my sketch book and try and draw some cliffs." I improvised wildly. "Sounds great. Hey, we are off tonight for a fish and chip dinner in Mevagissey, do you and your friends want to join us?" Dad asked. "We wouldn't have enough room in the car, dad." I pointed out. "How many of them are there?" "Two," I said. "Heck, Ryan is tiny .. we could pack all of you in, unless these friends are huge American Footballers." "The friend I met last night was very petite, she doesn't look like the American football type." my Mum chipped in sweetly. She favoured me with a conspiratorial look. "Really?" my dad said, suddenly interested. "Well, the offer is open if you and them want to join us. Be back here for around 6-ish and we are going to have fish and chips on the harbour quay." "I'll ask, Dad .. thanks." I said. I grabbed my sketchbook and some pencils. Stuffed them into my pack. I noticed the unopened pair of tights still lay inside. I quickly buried them under my A4 sketchpad. I hoped Ryan hadn't been snooping inside the bag looking for chocolate. He was only 11, but even he would recognise a pack of ladies tights. "See you later!" I called out to whole caravan and ducked outside.
Leela was going to have to get more careful storing any clothing she collected. The swimsuit was dry and hidden under my sleeping bag. I'd regretfully dumped the barely black tights into the waste bin last night. They had been sadly beyond saving. I covered the distance to the Knight caravan with eager steps. I wanted to get there as quickly as possible, but my heart sank a little at the sight of the parental Volvo estate still parked along their caravan. Last night Sarah had sneaked back inside and I'd missed the encounter with the parents. It looked as though that wasn't going to be the case this morning. I steeled myself with the thought that two such amazing daughters had to be the product of some equally amazing parenting. While I was comforting myself with that idea a tall man emerged from the awning with a large blue cool box. He opened the boot of the Volvo and popped it inside. As he straightened up he caught sight of me walking purposefully toward their caravan. I supposed he put two and two together quite quickly. "Hello," he said in a friendly way. "You must be the young individual Sarah and Claire can't stop talking about." "I think I am," I said nervously. "Thinking you are is 9 tenths of the way to being there" he said mysteriously. He was probably the same age as my dad. In his 40's, but he dressed much more bohemian. He wore long multi-coloured trousers and a loose green sort of potters smock. The combined effect was to make him look younger than my dad. His hair was also longer and he sported a sort of shaped beard that would have looked a bit satanic if the rest of his "look" hadn't stumbled out of the 60's. I liked him immediately. "I'm Lee, sir." I said. "Nice to meet you, Lee" he said. "Please drop the sir though, it makes me feel like some Knight Errant. Call me Chris." "Okay, Chris .." I said, laughing. "Lets get you inside, I swear Sarah is going to start making a replica of you in Potato Salad if you don't appear soon." He pulled open the awning and shouted "Lee is here!" "Hello?" I called out. Sarah literally bounced out of the caravan and into the awning like a rabbit. "Hi!" she said smiling massively. "Hi," I replied, grinning equally hugely. I wanted to hug her, last night seemed such a long time ago, but in the company of her dad I felt awkward and obviously so did she. Bizarrely we both shook hands. "Hello!" A woman in a long summer dress stepped out of the caravan."I'm Elaine." she said. "Hello." I replied. "Sarah and Claire have been refusing to give up your name .. I began to think you were a Russian Spy or European Countess in hiding." she laughed. This had to be the mum. I could see both Sarah and Claire in her features. She had very long blonde hair and gave off the same bohemian arty vibe as her husband. "They were protecting my secret identity, I swore them both to a pact yesterday!" I said laughing. "That is so much more reassuring than just thinking they forgot to ask you!" Elaine said. "I can see from your hair and looks you are obviously a Valkyrie in disguise." "Guilty as charged, now you need to swear the same pact as your daughters!" "I so do swear!" she held up a hand in mock salute. I loved these people already. It was quite obvious where Claire and Sarah got their sense of humour and eccentricity from. "Hi, Princess!" Claire called from inside the caravan. I got the distinct impression that a lot of talking about me might have taken place last night .. or this morning. Possibly both. "What are you doing today?" Elaine asked. "I wondered if Sarah and Claire wanted to walk along toward Mevagissey. I thought it might be nice to do some sketching." I said, mentally combining my improvised day goal and my Dad's fish and chip dinner location into one plan. "Sounds great," said Sarah. "I'll go and get my art things." She escaped back into the Caravan. "Are you an artist, Lee?" Chris asked. "Not really," I confessed, "But I'm off to art college in September, so I hope to become one." "Which college and what area will you be studying?" he asked. "In a place called Wrexham," I said. "And I want to do illustration and design." "I've heard of it," said Chris. "Good school by all accounts. And the world needs more illustrators. Too many Graphic Designers out there!" Claire looked at me with an open mouthed OH MY GOD expression. I didn't know what I'd said to provoke that reaction so I just pushed on. "I'm really looking forward to it, but not the commute. It is 35 minutes each way on the train from Shrewsbury." "Are you not going to get digs in Wrexham?" Elaine asked. "Do the whole student experience?" "Maybe in the last year, but the train journey each day will give me lots of time to read. I'm addicted to reading, but my little brother is so noisy at home it is like trying to read during a nuclear attack." "Claire is learning the saxophone, I know what you mean!" Chris said. "Do you want us to drop you off in Mevagissey?" Elaine asked. "We will be driving past on our adventures today." "Thats okay, mum." Claire said. "the walk along the A40 will be one of the exciting parts of today." "Her super powers are irony and sarcasm." Chris said, scooping up some folding chairs and heading back out to the Volvo. "Well if you change your minds before we leave, the offer is still open." Elaine said. "We will be back around mid-afternoon." Chris shouted from the car. "Oh, looks like we are leaving now?" Elaine dithered by the doorway. "Bye mum!" Claire said. "I know when I'm not wanted. Nice to meet you, Lee .. take care! Girls, don't do anything that causes the West Cornish Constabulary to moblise helicopters or search dogs!" "That is all saved for the end of the week!" Claire said. The Volvo clunked into life and the Knights, all waves and cheery smiles, pulled away. "They are lovely!" I declared. Sarah emerged from the caravan with a bag of art stuff. She looked off toward the retreating tail lights of the Volvo. "They are crazy, so Claire and I are in excellent company." She said. "And they are fine leaving you both at my mercy?" I asked. "I think mum was a bit worried about leaving you at ours." Claire said. "I said we were going to dress you up as a princess and go discover some Cornish history." "Seriously?" I asked. "Yes, but then I told them I was lying about the Cornish history bit." "So they know I'm going to cross dress with you today?" I said. "Did you want them not to know?" Sarah asked. "No, strangely it doesn't worry me." I said. "It will be nice not to pretend around at least one set of parents." "My mum and dad know I need someone a bit .. special .. to date." Sarah said. "Special?" I said. "I don't know, struggling with words here. You are so very ...you know,right for me." Sarah said, shaking her head. "I get it," I confessed. "And it explains why your mum thought I might be a European Countess or Odin's hand maiden." "I think she was disappointed when you didn't turn up in an evening gown, breast plate and winged helm!" Claire pointed out. "So do they know I spent yesterday dressed in Sarah's clothes?" I asked. Sarah crossed to me and slid her arms around my waist. I breathed in the smell of her hair and kissed her. "I am so happy to have met you. They are happy that I am happy .. and having met you, I think they like you as well .. it is all good." Sarah whispered. "They have accepted Sarah unconditionally and totally ... you have nothing to worry about." Claire said. Sarah began to pull me toward the caravan. "Lets say goodbye to Lee and get you out of those clothes." she said. "My cue to go for a walk. Shall I meet you by the Camp Shop in a bit?" Claire said. "That sounds like a plan I could endorse!" Sarah said. She went into the Caravan and pulled the curtains shut. The van was bathed in a colourful light as the sun filtered through the wild floral print of the curtains. "Naked, please, I've missed you so much!" she said. I hurried to strip. In moments I was down to my pants and bra. "I slept in them." I confessed, pointing to the bra. "Time to change it then." She pulled a white one with floral lacework out of a drawer and handed it to me. I started to struggle to the pull the black one over my head. "Oh, you slept in it because you couldn't get it off! Drop the shoulder straps, then spin it around until the fastener is at the front." she instructed. "Genius!" I said, following the guidance. "God, I am dying here ... I want to drag you off to bed and spent the day glued to you!" she growled. "Oh no," I said, feeling myself respond. I'd been struggling with a semi-errection from the moment Sarah had hugged me. Now it was pushing the front of my briefs out. "You are so perky, it takes almost nothing to get you ready for me." she said. "What makes you think this is for you?" I asked. "It is all mine, you are all mine!" "No arguments .." I said. "So come here!" she said in a low voice. I walked toward her feeling that light headed buzz. She reached over and eased me out of the briefs. "Oh my god ...." I whispered as her fingers closed around me. "My lovely girlfriend," she said, stroking me and making me tremble. "We haven't a lot of time now .. so don't be impressing me with your stamina and self control." "Okay," I agreed. "I am going to take you in my mouth and you are going to have a wonderful experience." "That is nice .." I said. "Nice is the wrong word for it, but you can wrestle with your vocabulary later." she said. "Right now you task is to fill my mouth." Her fingers tightened around me."You are to cum inside my mouth and then you are to pick a beautiful skirt for yourself from the wardrobe." "Are you normally this dominant?" I breathed out, loving it. "Never, but I've never missed anyone like I missed you last night." she said. "New day calls for new rules. I'm asserting a little ownership." Her lips closed around me and she moved her head forward until her nose bumped into my pubic bone. Without noticing I was doing it my hands lifted and slipped into her hair. It flowed like silk around my fingers. I was completely alive and every nerve ending in my crotch seemed to buzz. Sarah's tongue rolled around my hardness and she began tiny movements of her head. I completely surrendered, a feeling I was getting used to. I shuddered, feeling a sudden wild orgasm racing across my nervous system and emptied myself in her mouth in four exquisite pulses of pleasure. The speed of it took us both completely by surprise and she broke contact for a moment. Desperately swallowing, she recovered and looked up at me accusingly. "Oh god, I'm so sorry!" I said. "That was fast!" She replied, wiping her mouth. "And unexpected, I didn't have time to warn you." I said. She took me into her mouth again and twisted her tongue. I felt myself spasm again. For the next few minutes she performed intricate and mind blowing tongue movements around my slowly diminishing erection. Though she didn't draw another spasm from me it was breath taking. I reached up to steady myself on the caravan's fitted cupboards. Finally she broke off, patted my thigh affectionately and went to drink a glass of water. I sank to my knees and got my breath back. I could hear her brushing her teeth in the sink. "Time to become my princess again." she said.
As we approached the shop Claire was drinking a can of something very off brand and browsing a couple of comics she had discovered somewhere. "These American comics are very strange." she said. "I've never even heard of Alias Comics." "Alias?" I asked. "Dr Neuron and the Time Prince ... I don't think anyone needs to worry about the day not being saved with these two on the job!" Claire handed me the comic and took in my look for today. "Nice, Leela .. you are beautiful." I took the comic and gave her a 360 twirl. Sarah had done my make up again. I was in a beautiful ethic full length dress. Scrunched in around my waist by a wide leather belt with a huge oversize buckle. A ribbon had been tied into my hair and woven into a braid. White leather boots with a low heel finished off the look. The boots had come from Elaine, who was the same size as me. Obviously more discussions before I'd arrived. My breasts were again the creation of Sarah. They subtly filled out my front, restrained with a kind of pleated braided criss cross cord that woven into the dress front. I felt magnificent, sexy and very female. "Dr Neuron?" Sarah asked. "What are his powers?" "He can reprogram his own brain." Claire said. "And the Time Prince?" I asked. "Can travel 10 minutes backwards and forwards in time." Claire explained. "What is to stop him travelling ten minutes backwards, then travelling another ten minutes backwards from then?" Sarah asked. "The editor of the comic .." Claire said. "These comics are from the 70's" I said, opening the front cover and looking at the publication information bar at the bottom of the first page. "I wondered why they only cost my 10p each .. I just thought it was because they were most lame superheroes to ever pull on a pair of tights." Claire said. We wandered back into the shop and dug through the rack for more ALIAS COMICS. Soon we had a small pile of comics almost nobody had ever heard of. The woman at the till looked at us giggling and digging around in the garish comics. She was the same woman who had disinterestedly sold me the swimsuit the previous day. I wondered if she remotely recognised me. "Nobody ever buys these things!" she said, chuckling at our antics in deciding which of the ALIAS back catalog to take with us. "I've got Dr Neuron issue one here ..." Sarah said. "Collectors Item!" "Space Vikings issue four stars the Time Prince!" Claire called out. "Are you girls really going to buy all this rubbish?" The Shop Lady asked. "The Enigma Six with Dr Circus and Emerald Girl." I announced grandly. "I'm getting this one!" "I don't think our holiday will be complete without two issues of Battling Apache and Vortex, Master of the Unknown." Sarah said. We gathered all our prizes and paid the lady. As we left the shop and looked toward the main road the bus was chugging up the hill from the direction of St Austell. "We can hop this and ride into Mevagissey." Claire pointed out. "No walking involved." "Your spirit of adventure taking a holiday?" Sarah teased. "Who needs a spirit of adventure when you are carrying back issues of LIGHT LEGION and the Puppies of War?" "Did you really find a comic called Puppies of War?" Sarah said, flagging the bus down with enthusiastic hand gestures. "Issue nine and ten!" Claire said as we piled onboard and paid the driver.
Mevagissey is more of a town than a village. The bus stopped well out of the centre and we walked down through narrow and busy streets filled with interesting shops and cafes. Sarah and I drifted together and our hands met and intertwined. The sun was now high enough to peak directly into the twisty side streets. We paused at a gift shop to buy hideous retro plastic sunglasses. They might have been cheap and disposable, but they were rated 400 uv. We put them on and strolled along looking fabulous. I suddenly felt exotic and slightly like a film star. My dress flowed and billowed around my legs. Without realising it the heels on the boots had also changed the way I walked. I had never been one to clump along like a caveman, I tended to naturally take smaller and more delicate steps. Now my gait had become smoother again. We rounded a corner and entered the harbour area. The harbour front was mostly shops, restaurants and cafes. Small boats filled the huge square inner harbour and the bigger outer harbour seemed to be where working fishing boats and tour boats were moored. I fancied a boat ride, but Claire had a shopping buzz developing so we spent the next hour just doing retail exploration. Most of the stuff was well out of our price ranges, but a couple of small bookshops and secondhand places held treasures we delighted in finding. I found a shoulder bag of white leather. It was tasseled and stitched with an ethic theme that complimented my outfit. I paid the shop keeper and transferred the items in my canvas backpack into it. Claire happily took my backpack. She'd been carrying her improbably large store of ALIAS Comics in the plastic bag from the Camp Shop. My US Army camo canvas backpack seemed to fit perfectly with Claire's spiky blonde GI Jane look. "Perfect for the Puppies of War!" she laughed. "I still don't believe there is such a comic." Sarah said. "Why didn't I see a single copy of it on the racks at the camp shop?" "You were too slow and too busy rooting through issues Dreamy Teen Love Scene!" Claire said. "Kiss my puppies of war!" Sarah said, hitting Claire with her sketchpad.
We walked along to the side of harbour and found a shady spot not far from the Aquarium. A long wooden bench completely free of tourists and seagull poo seemed to welcome us. Claire wandered off into a nearby shop and emerged with a double handful of cans of lemonade glistening with cold condensation. We sat and chatted, chugging lemonade. The dreadful and unintentionally hilarious 1970's comics continued to be a talking point. Sarah and I snuggled together, heads resting on each other's. The world through my sunglasses seemed slightly green tinted and soothing. I felt my eyes drifting closed and entered a warm languidly comfortable place. I felt contented to be in this public place and fully female. Well, looking fully female. There was something about the holiday and the company of these sisters that seemed to sweep this process of transformation along. Had I met Sarah in Shrewsbury library say and begun a relationship. Finally allowed this side of me I'd walled off so effectively to blossom, I might have spent months in agonised indecision before deciding to go outside with even one or two items of girl's clothing on. Maybe a blouse and a pair of tights under my jeans. It probably would have taken a year and lots of therapy to get me to take a walk in a skirt. Here I was just one day after acknowledging my inner feminine swirling around in public like a gypsy princess. I suspected all this princess stuff I found comfort in was a little like a mask though. I was hiding behind a delightful but subtle fantasy persona. Becoming the real girl I wanted to be was going to take time and courage to journey toward. Being on holiday gave me freedom and space to explore this. There was safety in such anonymity that nobody I knew personally was within 300 miles. Naturally I'd missed my immediate family out of this safety equation. They wouldn't be in Mevagissey today though, since Dad had planned the cosy fish and chip supper here this evening, they wouldn't opt to spend the day here as well. They were safely in Lands End or something, Ryan had mentioned it this morning. It was as I was casually going over this in my sleepy brain that I naturally spotted my family wandering along the shops and in our general direction.
I wanted time to freeze. In various novels I devoured I recalled that whenever anything truely universe annihilating was about to occur time usually froze and the hero, heroine, cyborg or Elf got a couple of pages to inner monologue to agonise about it. When I was younger I hadn't recognised this was a literary device and wondered why they didn't use this time to actually act and prevent the 'thing' from happening. As I grew up I spotted the writer's trick for what it was, but with all that intellectual acknowledgement of the trick it still didn't stop me wishing time would come thundering to a halt. I groped on the bench beside me and picked up a random ALIAS Comic and lifted it to my face. Too close to actually read, but close enough to hide my face behind. Suddenly the irony of how I looked hit me. In my chunky plastic sunglasses, sat on a public bench and hiding behind a flimsy screen of a comic, I was that European Countless/Russian spy double agent Elaine had jestingly suggested I was. Sat here, avoiding my KGB handler and waiting for the British contact to sit down beside me. "I see The Penguins fly south for the Spring?" He would say enigmatically. "To avoid the Puppies of War." I would give the appropriate acknowledgement. I began to giggle at my own inner dialogue and the comic shook in my hand. "What is it?" Sarah asked. "What is so funny?" "The Puppies of War!" I said. "I don't believe you, give me a look," she reached over and yanked the comic from my fingers. I started in fright. My family were massively closer. Ryan looked utterly bored as Mum and Dad looking into the front window of an antiquey nick nack place. He was letting his eyes wander around the harbour, probably looking for Ninja Turtles or whatever his current 11 year obsession was. I grabbed another random comic and hid behind it. "This isn't Puppies of War, this is Vortex, Master of the Unknown." Sarah said, playfully punching me. "My family are less than 50 feet away from us ... walking up the harbour and looking in shops." I hissed under my breath. Sarah dipped her head and looked over the top of her sunglasses. "Oh, there is your mum." she said a little redundantly. "My dad and young brother are with her." I said. I risked a glance around the comic to see they had moved up from the shop and were reading an outside menu at a cafe. Ryan was still bored, even the promise of knickerbocker Glories or Banana Boats didn't impress him. He glanced directly at us and then walked purposely over. "Oh shit, he has seen me!" I said, burying my face in the comic. Ryan stopped just beside Claire. "That is a cool bag!" he said to her, pointing at the US Army Canvas pack she had stashed between her feet. "It is, isn't it." Claire said. "My brother has one just like it and I keep hoping he will give it to me. He isn't really into Army stuff, he likes more girly things." Ryan said. "Is he a younger brother?" Claire asked, amazingly not collapsing into giggles at Ryan's assessment of me. "No older brother, what are you reading?" "It is called PUPPIES OF WAR, it is about special soldiers who are genetically modified dogs and have to go and fight to keep America free in the far future." Claire said. "You are really cool for a girl." Ryan pointed out. "I like your hair." "Thank you, where are your mum and dad?" Claire said. I imagined Ryan pointing over his shoulder. I didn't dare drop my comic to look. "There." he said. "Why don't you have the comic, I've finished it." She said. "You'd better go back to your mum and dad before they start to worry." she said. "Thanks!" he said brightly. I heard the scuffle of his sneakers heading away from us. "I can't believe you gave away PUPPIES OF WAR!" Sarah said. "Only issue nine ... I still have issue ten!" Claire replied. "Besides, it was an emergency. We have a catatonic princess to rescue. I lowered my comic slightly to check where Ryan and parents were. I was just in time to see Ryan explaining where he had got the comic from. He pointed across at our bench. "Are you sure it is okay?" my Mum called, looking over. "Honestly, he can have it!" Claire said, giving Ryan a thumbs up. "Thank you!" Ryan yelled, much to loudly. My mum waved at us and they vanished into the cafe. "I don't believe that has just happened." I said. "The world is a small place." Claire said. "I don't believe you know all the tutors at Wrexham Art College either." " What?" I said, still reeling from the massive bad luck of almost running into my parents in my gypsy princess guise. "My dad teaches design and illustration there.. he might be one of your tutors in September." "What?" I said. "Stop damaging my girlfriend's brain!" Sarah said. "Let's get out of here!"
Chapter Six
We ducked through the back streets and toward the bus stop. Not one of us had thought to collect a bus timetable or check the one posted at the stop. I was worried that we'd be stood out on the road waiting as my parents and brother drove past. After the bad luck of them almost finding me in the harbour, the universe decided to nice to me. Almost before Claire and decoded the bus time table and announced we'd just missed one, the bus turned out to be running late and rolled cheerfully around the corner. Return tickets in hand we piled aboard. "That is not how I want my parent's to meet Leela." I said. "Certainly not how I want Ryan to meet her either." "Do you feel certain that Leela is going to stick around?" Claire asked. "Yes, I miss her when she isn't here." I said. "Is she going to art college in september?" Sarah asked. I thought about the liberation of being in a new city. A fresh start and new friends. Nobody I knew had applied for Wrexham, most of my year who were going to study art had either opted for local colleges in Shropshire or picked the 6th Form at the High School. I was something of a crazy dreamer among my peers for opting to put up with a commute each day. I had a vision of myself in september. Black tights beneath a short tartan wrap skirt. Chunky boots. Multi-coloured tops. Possibly a beret scrunched over my hair. "Yes, she deserves it." I said.
The bus ride was nothing. It hardly felt it had begun and it was over. I wanted to escape straight back to the Knight family caravan, but Sarah was on a mission to find another issue nine of Puppies of War. We called back into the shop to find a fresh box had been dug out of the store room to fill up the multitude of gaps we'd made. The box looked as though it had been untouched from the 70's that spawned it. To Sarah's delight it contained the entire run of ten issues of Puppies. Crisp and fresh as when they were spat from the printers at ALIAS Comics headquarters in Wisconsin. Our mood somewhat lightened with the new comics we collapsed into the caravan and the coolness of the awning. Sarah spread out a thick padded picnic rug and pulled some pillows from the caravan out. We ate a hastily prepared lunch of cheese rolls with tomato slices. We then sprawled in privacy of the awning reading tales of radioactive dogs with uncanny powers and unfortunate back stories. Eventually Claire took a towel outside and spread herself out to absorb some sunshine. Sarah and I took advantage of the relative privacy and cuddled on the picnic rug. "Would it be alright to ask you some personal questions?" Sarah said. "Not having direct permission before has never slowed you down." I countered with a chuckle. "Sorry, that was really rude. I sort of grilled you badly at first, didn't I?" "You did!" I said. "I fancied you so much and just had to know if my gut feeling and Claire's instincts about you were close to true." "I understand in retrospect." I said. "being faced with your secret, you had to worry if I would panic or embrace it.. so to speak." "A lot of people when faced with a penis, other than their own, don't have a positive reaction." Sarah said. "You had thankfully not just encountered your own, you had a play with someone else's." "I wouldn't describe it as 'having a play' ..." I said. "Okay," Sarah laughed. "but you took him in your hand and you coaxed him physically to orgasm. That is pretty big stuff to someone who identifies himself as not gay and liking girls." "I still like girls, I think of you as a girl." I said, "That is my reality." "And if I stopped taking the hormones, cut my hair and grew a beard?" she asked. "Could you take me in your mouth?" "I would still have feelings for you, that wouldn't change but I would struggle to lust you physically under those circumstances. "Could I still cum in your mouth?" she asked. "Do you want to now?" I said, reaching down and stroking her leg through the fabric of her skirt. "That isn't the question." She whispered. "If you became male and began to identify yourself as male." I pondered. "I think it would be same as you struggling if I decided to remain identifying myself as male. You don't want me as a boyfriend, you want me as a girlfriend." "I said that, didn't I?" she sighed. "Yes." "Here is me wanting you to accept me totally and utterly ... worrying about the maleness that I still have .. the damn little thing that ties me to male gender." "Have you thought of the operation?" I asked. "A billion billion times." she said. "and I want to be fully female, but that is a discussion for another day... and trust me, I will discuss it." "That is fine," I said. "Going back to your worries ... and this isn't a topic I've ever spent anytime worrying about in my life, so please forgive me if my thoughts aren't that well formed and I occasionally say very stupid things." "You are intellectually forgiven for anything stupid you might say, but if I get upset and cry it is because my emotions travel in a slower car than my intellect. Yes?" she said. "That is a fair way to view things" I had to confess. "Then you will forgive being punched in the face by them?" she smiled. "Fair enough again ..." I said and prepared to duck if needed. "The question of what makes a male and female isn't all about equipment." "Equipment is important though." she cut in. "I agree, massively important and hugely fun to use." I said, "But so not the end of the story." "I agree as well." she pointed out. "I hoped you might." I said smiling."The female/male thing isn't all about society's perceptions either. Though we take a kicking from the moment we are born because of what is between our legs." "Or not between our legs!" "I was trying to not be long winded, but yes, not between our legs, but coiled up inside our hips." I corrected myself. "You are talking ovaries?" she said. "Yes, I don't have a David Cronenburg-esque vision of female internal anatomy... of course the ovaries." "No matter how good surgery gets, we are never going to have ovaries." Sarah said. "Makes our fantasy yesterday evening quite bitter sweet doesn't it." I said. "Yes, but something inside is still driving that urge..." "Back to society, sorry .. I am easily distracted." I said. "I am genetically predisposed to distracting you!" she laughed and kissed me on the nose. "Society has cooked up all these labels, the minute it starts to wholesale apply them to people the individual says 'hang on, that isn't me' ... and the cycle rolls around." "The adventures of the gender bicycle." Sarah announced. "I don't label myself as gay. I don't feel gay, whatever that is supposed to feel like." I said. "My first sexual experience with another person was with a boy, but I doubt neither of us would say it was a gay thing." "I wouldn't see it in those terms either." Sarah said. "My second sexual experience with another person was with a girl ... your sister." "I'm listening .. sorry!" Claire said from outside. "How loudly are we talking?" I asked in a whisper. "Not very loudly, but the only thing between you and me is a sheet of fabric." Claire replied. "But get back to your theory .. as a gay or possibly bi-sexual woman, I am finding it fascinating." "Thank you for your support!" Sarah said. "No problem." Claire assured us. "Ahhh, my brain is mush!!" "Second sexual experience .." Claire said. "As breath taking and tragically beautiful as it was .. your first and last time with me!" "I didn't feel male during it." I said. "Get out of town?" Claire said. "No, I am not sure if it was because of the girl's swimsuit, the tights, the place I'd got myself into in my brain ..." I mused. "But I felt like a girl with another girl." "My preferred sexual position .. and the preferred male fantasy for porn." "Why is that?" I said, distracted again. "They don't want to accidentally see a penis and find themselves remotely excited by it, bless them!" Claire said. "Yes, I am sure that is the reason, anyway .. I found myself in a profoundly female place." "What a compliment ... I am a profoundly female place!" "Claire, shut up ..." Sarah said. "I can't help it .. she walked right into it!" "Shuffled forward on her hands and knees ...but shut up." Sarah insisted. I found myself feeling an inner glow at the automatic way both Sarah and Claire attached the female pronoun to me in remembered our misadventures at the Secret View. "I was referring to the mental place I'd reached, but you both know this and it isn't half as funny as the physical humour you can coax out of it." I grumbled. "Stop upsetting my girlfriend!" Sarah hissed. "I am okay, but it is making me thing this is a discussion for another time." I said. "No, please carry on. Claire is going to shut up now unless she has something profound and important to say." We waited for a moment but silence greeted this. "My second sexual experience felt lesbian, though society would see me as male and Claire as female and regard it as heterosexual. Fact is, it really wasn't anyone elses business to regard it as anything. I experienced it as ... may I reuse the phrase .. profoundly female .. and so Claire said as well." I paused. "It was, all joking aside. I said afterwards it was the most gentle, feminine and sensitive oral sex I'd ever had." Claire said. "Can we regard this stage of the argument as agreed by all involved parties here present and move on. I am a deeply jealous girl with a collection of sharp craft knives in my art box .. so any further reminiscence by you both about amazing loving you shared better be done when I'm not around." "Sorry!" Claire and I both said in almost perfect synchronization. "God!" Sarah muttered. "Please, lets move on ..." "My third sexual experience .." "Where your world seriously began to be rocked ..." Sarah said. "Insecure .. much!" Claire muttered quietly. "I wasn't in girl's clothing, I was just a naked.. and focused just on my boy bits .." "And?" Sarah asked, as though she hadn't been there. "It was all about getting my erection to go away so I could fit smoothly into a dress and not create an unsightly bump." "I was trying not to think about what you two were up to .. now I am learning the full details, thanks!" Claire commented. "I enjoyed it, it was a lovely moment shared with Sarah and yet it was so much about my anticipation to become a girl with her." "And the point you are making?" Sarah asked. "My gender focus is female .. that is how I feel inside and sexually I think I always have felt that, and I am interested in females ...one particular one, of course. I don't think my experience would make sense to anyone else and I am still making sense of it myself." I said, "But you feel like a woman to me, even when I am holding your only remaining male attribute." "I am going for a walk if you start to go into anymore detail about your love making!" Claire said, but with a warmness in her voice. "And you feel totally female to me ... even when I am doing unspeakable things to your male part. It is just an extension of you, and you are female to me." "This all makes complete sense on an emotional level to me ..." Claire said. "But you are right, it is going to take a miracle to make society understand it." "They don't need to .. not their business." I said. "Naturally my family are a different matter .. and they will need to understand it at some level ... so I am going to have to come up with a miracle or a better way to explain it to them." "Your mum seems very understanding." Sarah said. "She says she wants my happiness ... and really was sort of expecting that I would bring a boy home eventually." I said. "Will she understand you bringing home a girl who was a boy and wanting to become essentially a girl as part of that relationship?" Sarah asked. My brain ached. "The whole thing is a totally mixed up, and that will be the hard part. I have discovered over the last few days I am happy and secure as a girl. Even if we broke up and you needing me as female was no longer part of the equation, I feel I would still want to continue forward in my life as essentially female." I said. "It has just been 2 days" Claire said. "I know .. and I am just 16 and tortured by hormones and my body changing." I said. "I'm picking things about my life that people will say I'm too young to really know about." "I had that talk with my parents when I wanted to live as a girl ... They then talked to some experienced and very wise folks who worked in Gender Dysmorphia." Sarah said. "The important thing is your inner self knows what it wants to be. It can be battered by society and expectations, family and expectations, the equipment you are born with .. and it's biological expectations ... but you need to be guided by the compass of your inner peace." "I want that as a tee shirt .. Guided by the Compass of my Inner Peace .." Claire said. "Order me one as well." I said. I felt I had moved across onto the course indicated by my compass. I also had a nagging worry that the course wouldn't be a clear or easy one to keep upon.
Chapter Seven
The sound of a Volvo pulling up broke our Inner Peace a little. Elaine and Chris piled out sharing a joke we hadn't heard the beginning of. Claire picked herself up off the towel and walked across to help unpack the boot. Sarah and I stood up. I felt nervous and remembered my compass. "Mum, Dad ... this is Leela, the girl I was telling you about." Sarah said. And so I got introduced to Chris and Elaine a second joyous time. "Leela, what a beautiful name!" Elaine stepped forward and hugged me. "Thank you!" I said. "I love your boots, thank you for letting me borrow them!" "Don't they go well with that skirt and belt?" Elaine laughed. "I found a shoulder bag in a Charity Shop in Mevagissey that is the same shade of leather!" I picked it up and showed her. "Charity Shopping, I like someone with a good eye for a bargain." Elaine said. "Oh, you are right .. that matches so well. You must keep the boots and belt so they all accessorize together." "I couldn't!" I said, finding myself tearing up at her kindness. "I am not going to discuss it, ask Sarah, once I've made up my mind I can't be swayed on something." Elaine said. "She is lying ... outside of work she is a total pushover, but just make her happy and agree!" Claire said. "Thank you!" I said and hugged her. "I'm the one nobody is going to introduce .." Chris stepped in. "I am Chris Knight, I'm one of the tutors at Wrexham Art College and I think I might be teaching you in September. I'm looking forward to seeing some of your drawings." "Hello Mr Knight," I said. "I've not got anything very good with me you could see." "No rush, I like the thought you are working on sketchbooks over the summer, I bet you are one of only one or two starting students who has even picked up a pencil since they left school." "I can't go anywhere without a sketchbook," I said, "always itching to draw." "I predict great things for any artist who has that itch." Chris said. "And please, don't call me Mr Knight, Chris is fine." "Okay, Chris, thank you." I stammered slightly. I totally loved them. The first proper adults who had met and talked to my female self and they made me feel accepted and comfortable. No wonder Sarah and Claire were such wonderful people. "Do you girls have any dinner plans?" Elaine asked. "My parents did offer to take Sarah and Claire to Mevagissey for supper tonight, if they wanted it?" I said. "That sounds exciting!" Elaine said. "You've been to Mevagissey?" Claire asked. "Prior dinner invitations trump any offers we can make .. so we will take you all out tomorrow night instead." Chris said. "A plan, I love it when a plan comes together!" Elaine said. "Did your mum just quote the A-Team?" I asked Sarah directly. "She did ... she says ignorance of your pop culture is not considered cool." Sarah said. "Does she paraphrase THE RESIDENTS frequently?" I asked. "The fact you get that means I feel no qualms about welcoming you whole heartedly into our family!" Elaine said. She turned to Sarah and winked "This one is a keeper!"
We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out on the beach with Elaine and Chris. They told us tales of their morning adventures and we shared our new obsession of ALIAS Comics with them. I basked in the warmth of this new family. Sarah sat behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Claire verbally sparred good naturedly with Chris. He was as fast as she was, with 20 years more knowledge of art, culture and philosophy. Probably the only thing she outclassed him in was knowledge of PUPPIES OF WAR and the related ALIAS titles. Eventually we broke down into laughter and reading through the stacks of ALIAS Comics. "This much raw entertainment for only 10p ..." Chris concluded. "No wonder they sadly never lasted." "I almost want to write issue eleven of PUPPIES and get Sarah and Leela to draw it for me." Claire declared. "Leave me out of your twisted schemes for world domination!" Sarah said sleepily. "I'd draw it for you." I said. "I'd do a Kirby pastiche of his Sgt Fury and the Howling Commandos and his later Captain Victory!" "Now that is something I would love to see." Chris said. "I will ink it ... Mick Royer style." Sarah said, "If you will all just shut up." "Do you and Leela want a little alone time?" Elaine asked diplomatically. "It couldn't hurt," Sarah yawned. "Go and have a lie down in the awning and have a sleep" Elaine suggested. Sarah stood up and took my hand. "Read to me .." she said. "You want me to read you to sleep?" I asked. "Vortex Master of the Unknown will send me right off." "What time do you need to go back for dinner?" Elaine asked. "About six o'clock." I answered. "Well, around 5.30 I'll come and make sure you haven't overslept." Elaine said. Sarah glanced at her watch and groaned. "That gives us just an hour and a half," she said. "Well Leela might want a little time to change for dinner before you all walk up to her parent's caravan." Elaine pointed out. "Oh, yes." Sarah said.
We walked back to the caravan and zipped ourselves back inside the awning. Sarah unrolled the padded blanket and got a large fleece throw from the caravan. We made ourselves comfortable with pillows and snuggled down. "Do you really want the adventures of Vortex, Master of the Unknown." I asked. "I am touched that you picked up the comic and carried it back here," Sarah said softly. "But I do just want to cuddle and talk .. and maybe snooze a little. "That sounds nice." I said. We kissed and I stroked down her back. "Yum," she breathed in my ear. Her hands found me and returned the stroke. We melted into each other for a time. It was all sensual, but not sexual. "I love touching you," I finally confessed completely uselessly. "Thanks for confirming that." she chuckled. "I do love being touched." "Good" I said. "Shall I tell you about my previous experiences?" she offered. "You don't need to." I said. "Will it make you feel funny?" she asked, "I won't do it if it will gross you out or anything." "No, it isn't that," I replied, "I just didn't want you to feel you had to. I am curious." "Fine, I've learned about your extensive and checkered past, you probably should hear about mine." she planted a kiss on my nose, took a deep breath and began. "I transitioned in between junior school and senior school." "Transitioned?" I asked. "Went from living as boy to living as a girl." she clarified. "Much to my annoyance, my parent's made me wait until I moved up to the Senior School before Sam finally went away during the day and Sarah became the only person going to school." "I see," I said wisely. "Sarah was developing as a young lady, began to have real breasts, softer and more feminine features and I'd started to attract the attention of a few boys who weren't totally irritating and macho jerks." "But you don't like boys?" I said. "No, I really wanted a girl friend, but in my peer group all the talk was about boys, had you kissed one, how far would you go with one. I was a 13 year old, and despite how cool and free thinking I was, I was also a bit keen to fit in and make some friends. This one boy was very sweet and actually kind of girlie in so many ways. He always hung out with us and wasn't crude. He had long hair, as long as yours and soft features. It wasn't hard to relate to him in a female way and I suppose I developed a little bit of a crush on him." "But he didn't know you weren't ... you know" I said. "Fully female in downstairs department, no." she replied. "I wasn't ready to share that with him. I said I wanted to just be friends, which wasn't the truth. The truth was I kinda wanted a physical relationship, just kissing, hand holding and maybe a cuddle in the cinema queue." "Nothing more?" I asked. "Well, I was in a love/hate relationship with my downstairs department." she said. "I could realistically leave it alone for ages. It obviously wasn't part of my female self and thankfully the hormone treatment had lowered my sex drive. I wasn't plagued by erections and needing to vent off my lusts everyday, but I still did have needs. Those needs would find me in my bedroom in a total dilemma." "Total?" I had to ask. "I wanted to masturbate .. and naturally I was still attracted to girls. My equipment, was designed to be inside girls, but that felt much too male. To reassert my femaleness, I had to masturbate in as female a way as I could. I would bath and shave my legs. Do my make up, dress in very sexy items of clothing .. then finally, worked up into a state of desperation I would allow myself to cum to an elaborate fantasy." "Of being with another girl?" I asked. "Yes, she would be touching my girl parts and we would kiss and fondle. Somewhere in this fantasy of extensive foreplay I would shamefully cum." "That seems really sad." I said. "It was the only way my brain could cope with my sexual needs." she said. "Anyway back to Peter. He was very sweet and totally sending all the signals that he wanted a girlfriend and boyfriend relationship with me. My parent's didn't think it was a good idea and it wasn't, but I needed something. One afternoon and just after my 15th birthday I planned a day out with him. Picnic, long walk, lots of talking and if the talking went well I was going to tell him my secret. It was a kill or cure situation. Either he would be freaked out and it was rightly all over .. he wasn't the person I could confide in and hold hands with. Or he would be okay with it and we might be able to move into a sort of relationship." "How did it go?" I asked. "Really well, he took the news that he was lusting after a 15 year old transsexual really well." "Good for him!" I said, feeling a little jealous, but wanting to sound positive. "Yes, quite ... it didn't appear to freak him out at all, in fact he started to be very positive about it. Got interested in learning about "my condition" as he called it. Read books and leaflets about transgender issues and I began to get hopeful that this person might be someone I could have a relationship with. Deep down I would have much preferred that he was a girl, or more feminine, but at least I had found someone who appeared into me and understanding about the very big issue of my trans status." "This isn't going to have a happy ending, is it?" "One saturday my parents and Claire went off to Liverpool for the day. There is an amazing music shop there and they were buying her a saxophone. The last thing I wanted to do was a day of saxophone shopping, so I opted to stay home and just spend it slobbing out in my jammies." "Very good plan .. sax shopping, honestly!" "Well they hadn't gone very long and there was a knock at the door. Peter is there. I invited him in and we had a coffee. We end up on the sofa and begin to kiss. It is exciting for both of us. Soon I am very aware of two facts... I'm very perky in my jammies and Peter is struggling with an erection in his pants. We should have taken a break, me got dressed and gone for a walk, but we continue to kiss. I start to worry that I will just cum. I'm feeling very turned on and we are now hugging, stroking and touching each other, though not in the genital region. I start to joke that I might 'have an accident' in my jammies if he kisses me anymore. He jokes that he might have one too ... and asks if he can take his pants off in case that actually happens. It sort of makes sense to me, or my lust was making it make sense. He can't make a mess in his pants. We take his shoes and pants off. He is just in his underwear and already there is a little damp patch on the crotch. He is keen to take them off as well, but I manage to persuade him not to. We end up back on the sofa again and kissing. He unbuttons my top and begins to pay some attention to my breasts. It is very nice. He constantly tells me he wants to make love to me, which gives me a warm glow. Then suddenly he stands up and pulls himself out of his underwear, groans a 'Sorry' and just blows off all over me. My breasts, hair. He would have hit my face had I not ducked out of the way. I am shocked and run off upstairs. I'm in the bathroom trying to get spunk off me when he creeps upstairs and begins apologizing. He didn't know what came over him. I said I knew what came over me. He is naked though, he has stopped to take off his shirt. This cute boy, his dick all shrunk, pleading for me to give him another chance. I should have booted him out and taken a shower, but somehow we ended up in my bedroom." "oh no ..." I said. "Yes, I blame sex .. it really doesn't let you think straight. He takes me into bed and somehow my jammie bottoms get taken off." "Somehow?" "Okay, I took them off. First danger sign was he didn't appear interesting in taking them off, but I hadn't noticed that. I wanted him to touch me, but though he was all desperate to stroke my breasts and kiss me, his hands hadn't wandered southward at all. We got into bed and it is all kissing and breasts. He starts to get hard again almost straight away, bless that 15 year sex drive, yeah?" "Yeah," I agreed, hating it for that moment. "We are bumping our hips together and he seems expert in rubbing his penis on me, but I struggle to connect with him. Eventually all this grinding and dry humping gets him so turned on he wants to take it further. To have me to take him in my mouth. Part of me is thinking 'hang on, you've already cum once, isn't it my turn before you go for number 2?' but the other part of me wants to please him. I want him to have a nicer experience than accidentally blasting over me." "I don't think that was an accident." I said. "So I am down there, trying to learn the fine art of cock sucking and doing a terrible job of it. He keeps telling me to do this, or not that .. taking my head. It isn't fun and it isn't loving. I want it over, but I'm naked in bed with a horny boy and saying 'We are stopping now because I am beginning to hate this' doesn't seem like it will wash. I end up grabbing him in my hand and begin to wank him angrily. Sadly he really likes this ... I start to fake sex talk 'Oh god, hun, cum all over me!' I've already had it once this morning and didn't like it ... but I want this over. He promptly obliges me and I'm dowsed in boy stuff for the second time in 20 minutes. After this he jumps out of bed and rushes off to the toilet. I lie there, my arousal has vanished completely, my erection has gone limp, but some part of me wants him to come back and touch me. Make me hard again and give me an orgasm. I lie there, his stuff cooling on me. Then he calls from the landing. 'Shall I put the kettle on for a cup of tea?' and I hear his feet going downstairs to the kitchen." "No!" "Yes, he makes a cup of tea .. two of them, because he is a sensitive and caring guy. He brings them up and sits beside my bed. He had also got dressed. I've pulled up the duvet over myself and I don't know whether to cry or shout at him." "Both, always go for both." "For all his talk and empathy and caring, he couldn't face the lower part of me. He didn't touch me there. When he spent his passion it was essentially a selfish thing, not a sharing thing." She said quietly. "I'd never considered selfishness as part of sex, isn't it about sharing two bodies?" I said."Becoming one person?" "You've probably read too many romance novels." Sarah said. "I've not read any," I protested. "Sex can be as solitary and selfish as masturbating alone if the other person is just there as a blank canvas for your creative outpourings." "You paint an uncomfortable picture, but I can see what you mean." I said. "So that was it, he was being polite, but he knew there was no way around the reality of my downstairs. I wasn't enough of girl in his head to actually make love to .. And when faced with it he couldn't touch it. He was happy to have my female top half and have me perform acts on him, but he could never had reached down and embraced rest of me. He hung around with me and my friends for a little while longer and then out of embarrassment drifted away. I wasn't sorry and I never discussed it with him." "You never talked to him about it?" I asked. "What was the point?" Sarah said. "There was no fixing it and after the way he treated me in the bedroom, I didn't really want it fixed or to even to talk about it with him." "Shesssh," I sighed. "Moving quickly on toward number 2, Claire began to coax me to connect with some of her friends who were bisexual. There is sometimes a weird tension between transsexuals and gay people, but both sets of folks know what it is to be misunderstood and side lined by society. Claire and I are relaxed enough with each other that it bothers neither of us to be a room while Claire with someone. A couple of Claire's girlfriends actually found it exciting to have me watch." "Having sex?" I asked. "Good grief, no, making out. It was never sexual and it had to be under exceptionally relaxed circumstances." Sarah said. "When Claire brought a friend called Jade home with her it was very strange evening. Our parents had gone away to stay with old friends in Weston Super Mare for the weekend and we planned to have a party. Low key sort of thing, but we wanted to all end up in an affectionate tumble with some of the guests before the night was over." "You know boys fantasize about girls having parties like that?" I said. "They happen much more rarely than boys hope for ..." Sarah said. "The mere fact that at least one such party has really occurred in the actual history of the world will give the straight male population hope for the future." I confirmed. "Anyway, Jade began by being very forward with us. She really was a girl who knew what she wanted. Very liberated and not shy. She arrived at the party and french kissed Claire at the front door. Thank goodness our neighbours don't overlook us at all. By nine o'clock she had cornered Claire and made out with her. By ten she was chatting me up and kissing me. It much hotter than we usually allowed between us. Eventually Jade just grabbed us both by the hands and hissed she needed to talk to us. We adjourned to another room while our friends watching movies, braided each other's hair and baked cookies." "Really?" I asked. "There wasn't cookies." she said. "But it was all quite innocent." "But not with Jade?" I asked. "No, Jade had a fantasy to be with sisters." "At the same time?" "Yes, three in a bed and Jade in the middle of lots of attention and clothes being taken off." Sarah grinned. "No way!" "She was a girl who knew what she wanted and what she liked." "Did you?" "I knew what I wanted and what I liked as well, but didn't pursue it as assertively or as enthusiastically as she did." "You knew what I was asking!" I said. "Did you ... go there?" "Well Claire said she fancied Jade quite a bit, there was a lot to fancy. She was gorgeous. Short, possibly not over 5 feet tall and petite perfectly proportioned figure. She had beautiful elfin features and hair you wanted to push your nose into and breathe in, a dark bob of chestnut that hugged her face like it thought she was gorgeous as well." Sarah elaborated. "Claire doesn't normally jump at girls, but I could see she wanted to get up to things with Jade. I wanted to as well." "But with your sister in the room?" "Never mind in the room, in the bed?" "Wasn't that weird?" "I love my sister very much and we are very casual around each other, but that was a hurdle to get over." "You got over it?" "Well we grabbed a bottle of wine and some cups and settled down with Jade for a chat .. and a little bit of kissing." "A bit of kissing?" "She said obviously we would stop doing anything if it became too weird and just stay friends." "Obviously!" "And what about your downstairs department?" "Well, I confessed that I was a spiritual sister, but that there was a certain gender issues here, she didn't blink. It might well have been a tiny internal shift from 'I want to sleep with two sisters' desire to "I want to sleep with a girl and her transgender sister' desire. But we talked and talked. Claire and I said outright that we wouldn't do things with together, aside from lavish attention on Jade." "And she was okay with just that?" "Wouldn't you be?" She raised an eyebrow at me. It was true I'd be happy enough to be between both of them on our first meeting and I'd not even had the excuse of being at an alcohol fueled girl's make out party. "Anyway," she continued, "we took her upstairs, and things went from friendly and teasing to naked and under bed sheets so fast I don't remember even undressing. Jade wasn't remotely selfish as a lover. She was all over us both and at no point did I feel neglected or just sat there twiddling my thumbs." "Oh," I said, feeling myself getting turned on. "Are you getting into this?" Sarah asked. She slipped a hand under my dress and found my arousal. "I don't know!" she laughed. "This is a much nicer memory than number one and pretty hot." "For both of us. Anyway, Jade was also much more careful than Peter, the minute I was excited enough to receive any attention she had a condom on me. She put it on and her fingers around me was the first positive and loving attention my slightly despised poor little thing had ever received from another human being. It felt lovely ... and very erotic, but I still felt very female." "Did Claire watch that?" "No, she looked into my eyes the whole time, She could see it wasn't a moment of lust for me, just a very positive life moment." "Positive Life Moment?" I asked. "You wait until they get you in counselling for your gender life choices, you will be sounding like a therapy survivor in no time!" Sarah said with some seriousness. "Anyway, I'd told her all the horrible details of my encounter with Peter and she knew how I wanted my next sexual encounter to go. With Jade stroking me, kissing me and slipping a condom over my erection, it had already gone 100 times better than Peter's clumsy and selfish lovemaking." "Wooo" I said. "Yes, she was reassuring and lovely .. told me how beautiful I was all over. Told me to not worry about cumming really quickly. That if I felt I was about to cum and that she and Claire were all wrapped up in each other, to tell her and I would immediately become the centre of attention and held. It felt that my orgasm was important not just for me, but for her as well .. she didn't want to miss it accidentally." "Talk about a contrast from Peter!" I said. "Yes, it was little like finding myself with a small sexual goddess. She was 19, so nearly 4 years my senior, but her appearance and manner made me feel like I was older than her. It was odd and very erotic. She took me first, stroking me and kissing me. Lying me down on the bed and making my body hum with an almost electrical charge. Claire kissing and touching her from behind. She parted her legs just a little to let Claire access. She took me in her mouth, condom and everything. I felt myself crashing toward my orgasm so quickly, then she stopped, suddenly changing her love making and distracting my premature finish. She seemed to have an exquisite awareness of how aroused I was. She switched backwards and forwards between both Claire and myself. Claire she allowed to cum in totally her own time and pattern, I lay there listening to her little cries of pleasure, but me she carefully nurtured my growing arousal. I was brought to point of nearly cumming several times, then left to cool off a little. It didn't feel frustrating though, it was teasing and erotic. Each time I went toward my orgasm felt sweeter. Finally Jade rolled over, kissed Claire, asked her if she wouldn't just give her and myself a little privacy. Claire grabbed a bath robe, slipped out of the room." "She say anything?" "Nothing to be said. Throughout our build up Jade had used nearly every part of her body to arouse me, her mouth, hands, breasts, rubbing her bum on me, but she hadn't once invited me to be inside her." "Curiously that feels like too much information." I said. Sarah laughed at me. "Now Jade asked me if I wanted to enter her." she said. "It was sex, sex in almost the traditional way of viewing it." "Did you do it?" I said, feeling a little jealous. "You want to hear that I didn't, don't you?" Sarah asked. "Truth, it really shouldn't matter, but I can't help hoping you didn't." For a few minutes she held me really tight and I knew what the answer was going to be. "I needed it, and I afterwards I had mixed feelings, but in retrospect I know it was the right thing to have done." "Talk to me then .." I asked, worried that were the story was going to end. "Firstly I went on top with Jade beneath me. She reached down and guided me inside her. I raised myself on my arms and began to move. She responded by wrapping her legs around me and meeting each shy thrust of mine with a grind of her hips against me. She also began to tell me what a beautiful sexy girl I was. My only previous experience with sex talk was the fake stuff I threw at Peter in the desperate hope it would excite him to finish quickly. Here was someone building my confidence and reinforcing my femininity while I had my penis deep inside her. I was far too turned on to wonder why she was doing it, then realisation hit. I suddenly felt male. I was on top, I was doing the majority of the thrusting and she was down under me receiving me. I stopped and my erection began to wilt. I might even have started to cry a little. It wasn't the sex I wanted. Jade rolled me over in an instant and reversed our roles. She was on me, hips straddled and holding me inside her. She began repeating how beautiful I was, what a sexy girl I was .. How she loved being inside me ... it reversed more than just our bed orientation. Suddenly this petite intensely female person had taken on a masculine persona. She rode me gently, I'd become quite limp and my penis kept almost slipping clear of her. She held me inside her with sheer inner muscle control, contracting and squeezing only when our pubic bones pressed together. Slowly she brought my confidence back and my feeling of femininity. I felt my erection returning and Jade began to ride me in earnest. Kissing my breasts, reminding me of my beauty and adopted gender. She maintained our curious reversal of roles right up to my orgasm, crying out that she wanted to come inside me .." "She sounds amazing." I said, "Beyond the bounds of normal human empathy!" "She was and no doubt still is." Sarah said. "Like some kind of Goddess of Intercourse." I said. "Yes," she said, "I think she might be. After I'd orgasmed she held me for ages, stroking my hair and whispering lots of positive and lovely stuff. It went a long way to heal the experience with Peter. My regrets after were all about the way I'd lost my gender focus during the sex." "You dominated me a little during one of our love makings." I said, "It was sexy, and a little bit masculine." "Yes, I've come to the realisation that everyone has both male and female inside their psyches... Men can get in touch with their inner girl ... some better than others, and there is nothing undermining a woman if she enjoys being dominant and masculine on occasions. Remember, it was nearly two years ago when Jade took me to bed. I've learnt a lot since then and thought about things." Sarah's voice had become more and more sleepy. As it trailed off during the last sentence I just cuddled her and didn't reply. Within minutes we were both asleep.