Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, loosely based on the members of *NSYNC. This story is not meant to imply the sexuality of the members of *NSYNC or that they would say or do any of the things mentioned. This story will contain explicit homosexual content. If it is illegal for you to read fiction of this type please stop reading now. This story is copyright 2000 T. Marie. Comments, suggestions, feedback... may be sent c/o ficklepickle76@hotmail.com
Searching For the Light (c) 2000 T. Marie
Chapter 7
The men of *NSYNC we backstage getting into their costumes for the opening number of the concert. Justin hurriedly put on his outfit and tied a bandanna over his temperamental curls. He rushed over to where JC was putting the finishing touches on his costume. JC looked up from adjusting his shirt and saw Justin studying him intently.
"What?" He remarked, as he looked himself up and down in the mirror critically. "Is something wrong?" JC asked Justin.
Justin simply shook his head no and motioned JC behind a rack of clothing. As JC got closer Justin grabbed his arm and yanked him against his body. Justin ran his hands over JC's shirt clad shoulder blades and nuzzled JC's neck with his lips. "Nothing's wrong" he panted. Justin took several steps forward, backing JC up against the wall of the dressing room. They were still partially hidden from the rest of the room by the rack of clothing.
A half growl, half moan escaped Justin's lips before his mouth attacked JC's with a vengeance. Justin rubbed his thigh against JC's crotch as they kissed. As the kiss grew deeper JC whimpered softly and thrust his hips against Justin's leg. As he broke away from the kiss to catch his breath JC looked up into Justin's sparkling blue eyes he held the younger man's arms tightly against his sides as he deliberately ran the length of his hard penis against Justin's. Justin's lips were parted slightly and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. With a strangled cry he struggled out of JC's firm grasp and resumed his position leaning against JC's body while kissing him. His fingers traveled over JC's chest and shoulders and burrowed into his perfectly styled hair. As their tongues battled they lost track of time.
Suddenly they were interrupted by a purposeful cough. As they looked up and slowly moved a bit further away they glanced at Joey. Joey briefly looked apologetic and then grinned mischievously. "Sorry to interrupt, but we have to be onstage in less than ten minutes."
Justin mumbled "Thanks Joey".
JC stepped closer to Justin and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. He softly kissed his lips as he mindlessly toyed with Justin's curls. "I love you Justin" JC said with a sigh, briefly resting his head in the crook of Justin's neck.
"I love you too" Justin responded as JC lifted his head, placing a kiss on JC's chin. " We better go." They adjusted their clothing and walked out from their hiding spot hand in hand. Justin stood behind JC with his hands on his boyfriend's hips as JC touched up his hair that's Justin had mussed as they kissed. He studied both his and Justin's puffy lips and wondered if anyone in the audience would notice. Joey and Chris walked over to the couple and herded them into the hallway.
The men performed a few last minute rituals and made their way backstage, preparing to go on. The tension in the air was thick as the count down began. JC bounced around anxiously and Justin took calming breaths as he paced back and forth. Lance and Joey talked quietly amongst themselves and Chris drummed his fingers against the wall impatiently. The stage manager came forward and positioned the men. Justin looked over his shoulder at JC with a wink and a smile as he heard the opening chords. The first part of the concert went smoothly, Justin forgot about the heated situation with JC as he began performing. It was smooth sailing until "Digital Get Down" began Justin tried to concentrate on the words to the song and his own dance moves but his eyes were drawn to JC. As he watched his boyfriend put every ounce of himself into performing the song that he had written Justin lost his breath. He stood shell shocked for a moment as he viewed JC's gyrations, and took in the power of his voice.
Justin was brought back to reality when Lance elbowed him in the ribs and shot him a confused glare. Justin attempted to push the thoughts of JC to the back of his mind. Once again Justin's eyes were drawn to JC as he watched his boyfriend kneel on the floor and perform a single, drawn-out, full-body thrust. As Justin performed the dance move in tandem with JC an image of the two of them naked, covered in sweat with limbs entwined, filled his mind. Unconsciously he let out a loud "Ugghhhh."
Joey, Lance and Chris all turned to stare at Justin after they lifted themselves from the floor. As he realized he'd groaned out loud Justin flushed and stole another glance at JC who seemed oblivious to the passionate grunt. For the remainder of the concert Justin avoided staring directly at JC. Against his wishes the vision of JC's naked body repeatedly flashed through his mind. When the notes to "Bye, Bye, Bye" began to die down Justin let out a sigh of relief and hurried off stage.
JC was extremely quiet on the way to the hotel, he smiled warmly at Justin however it was obvious to the group that once again he had withdrawn. As the other four band members talked and joked amongst themselves JC sat staring into space oblivious to the conversation around him. JC and Justin walked to their room in silence; JC got into the shower as soon as he walked into the room. When he was showered and wearing a clean pair of boxers JC pulled back the covers and slid into bed. He listened to the noises Justin made as he bathed and rolled to face the wall when the sound of the water stopped.
Justin made his way to the bed studying JC's unmoving body. His boyfriend looked somewhat unapproachable. JC's posture was stiff and he was turned completely facing the wall. Justin crawled under the covers and heard JC sigh loudly. "What's wrong Josh?" Justin questioned.
"Nothing really" JC turned to face Justin after a brief pause he said, "Have you ever felt alone even when you were surrounded by people?"
Letting out a sigh of his own Justin replied, "Yeah, I feel that way on stage sometimes. More often it's when I'm not with you guys. It's an uncomfortable, icky feeling. Kind of like I'm there but no one really sees me."
JC took Justin's hand in his own, running his fingers over the contours of his palm. "I'm glad you understand, and I'm not the only one who feels that way." JC kissed the center of Justin's hand lightly "When I feel that way, it hurts everywhere and I feel sick to my stomach, almost homesick."
Justin wrapped his arms around JC and JC responded by curling against Justin's warm body. "Homesick" Justin repeated "that's a good way of describing it, you're right it's the same feeling I got when I went to camp for the first time."
"Umm hmm" JC murmured as he ran his hand over Justin's back to settle on his hip. "When I'm performing I forget about feeling alone. For those moments on stage I don't think at all, I just feel the music. Everything else is invisible. As soon as I leave the stage it hits me like a ton of bricks." JC's hand ran over the planes of Justin's chest, he bent his head to kiss Justin's shoulder "Jus, I don't want to feel like that" he whispered. "Sometimes it's like I need to be alone, like if I'm around people for one more second I'm gonna explode. Then other times when I'm by myself I feel abandoned. I start thinking that no one in the world likes me, that there's something wrong with me."
Justin lovingly traced a triangle on JC's shoulder, connecting the dots of three distinctive freckles. He brought his eyes up to meet JC's "Maybe this is something you should talk about with your therapist when we get back to Florida."
"Yeah, probably" JC replied with a deep sigh.
"Josh," Justin began tentatively "Is there anything I can do? I want to help you, and you know I'm always here for you."
JC smiled and kissed the top of Justin's head "You're doing it Justin. Just being here, holding me and listening helps more than you could imagine."
"I don't want you to feel alone when you're with me."
JC scooted down in the bed so his face was level with Justin's "I don't." A mischievous grin played across JC's face "Justin, you complete me."
Justin glanced at JC's face and saw the amusement painted there. "Oh yeah, that line sounds pretty practiced. I think I may have heard it somewhere before."
"No, way!" JC yelled in mock protest. "I just made that up, you couldn't of heard it before. Both men laughed and Justin moved closer to JC nuzzling his head against JC's neck.
Placing a kiss on JC's collarbone Justin sternly said, "Don't do that."
"Don't do what?" JC asked in confusion.
Grinning widely Justin said, "Use cheesy lines from movies."
"Why not?"
"You know it turns me on."
JC grinned and chuckled silently. "Wow, really! Actually I didn't, I'll have to keep that in mind."
Justin's lips met JC's he kissed one corner of his upturned lips and then the other "Yeah you will."
They lay there in comfortable silence holding each other JC's body spooning Justin from behind. As he felt Justin drift into sleep he whispered "As you wish".
Still not quite asleep Justin murmured "I'm gonna remember you said that tomorrow."
Both men fell asleep with content smiles on their faces.
Justin awoke to the sun shining brightly on his face, he gently crawled out of bed and made a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth. Crawling back into bed he lay there watching JC sleep thinking how grateful he was they had the weekend off.
JC stretched as he woke up form a pleasant dream his arm connected with Justin's head. JC opened his eyes to see Justin rubbing a spot on his temple where JC's knuckles had hit him. "Ouch" Justin complained, JC really hadn't hit him that hard it was just that he had been deep in thought and JC's hand hitting his face had startled him.
"I'm sorry" JC said with a grin "are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I think a kiss will make it all better."
"I haven't brushed my teeth yet."
"You and you teeth" Justin teased "go" he said pushing JC out of bed "but I expect two kisses when you get back."
After brushing his teeth JC returned to the bed, he crawled over Justin, straddling his hips and kissed him deeply. After several kisses he moved to lie next to Justin. Justin propped himself up on his elbow and rested his head on his hand. He ran the thumb of this other hand over JC's jaw. "I like the stubble, it's sexy."
"You think? I don't want to scratch you." Justin leaned forward and let his lips travel over JC's lower face to show he didn't mind.
JC shivered as his boyfriends lips barley grazed his chin and jaw line. He rolled to his side, wrapping arm around Justin and pulling one of his legs between his own. "How long have you been awake?"
"About an hour."
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"I figured you'd want to sleep in, Mr. Sleepy." JC smiled and took Justin's hand in his own. Their fingers laced together and JC rubbed the back of Justin's hand with his thumb.
"Hey, C" Justin said breaking the comfortable silence.
"Yeah."
"You never finished telling me about you and that Tom guy."
"Has that been bothering you this whole time?"
"Kinda, I'm just curious, and it seems like you never get around to talking about it."
"I guess I keep getting distracted." JC said with a smirk as he ran his hand seductively down Justin's chest.
"Don't start that now mister, I want to hear this." Justin teased.
"Okay, where should I start. Besides you I've only been with two guys." Justin propped his chin on his hand and watched JC closely as he spoke.
"You sort of know the first guy I was with."
"I do?"
"Yeah" JC smiled nervously. "It was Tony."
"You're shitting me!" Justin exclaimed with wide eyes. "Tony from, MMC! Keri's Tony?" He continued incredulously.
JC laughed at Justin's shock "Yeah, that Tony."
"Wait, wasn't he with Keri even back then?"
"No, not really. See when I started on the show I'd never had a real relationship of any kind. Just a few Junior High girlfriends, but nothing major. Keri, Tony and I all started on the show the same season. We were all just friends at first, but early into the second season Tony started hitting on me. At first I though he was just being friendly, we were bud's ya know. He invited me to his parent's house during a short vacation, we broke into the liquor cabinet and got a little tipsy. That night Tony kissed me and told me he loved me. I didn't know what to do, I hadn't ever thought of him as more than a friend but I'd enjoyed the kiss. The next day we talked about it and he told me that he'd had feelings for me since we stared on the show. Things moved pretty quickly, we were both young and horny and we were together almost twenty-four, seven. We weren't very discreet, I'll never know how we weren't found out." JC shrugged, "I guess they only saw what they wanted to see. I thought I was falling in love with Tony, when I look back on it I think I misinterpreted my feelings of lust for love." He looked over at Justin with a sad smile. "Tony had started to see Keri without telling me, when I found out I was heartbroken and felt completely betrayed. The next season you, Brit, Christina and Nikki joined the cast. Nikki and I hit it off and that helped me get over Tony."
"Didn't Nikki end up cheating on you too?"
JC laughed bitterly "Yeah, more than once. I really fell in love with her, and I thought she felt the same. Every time we were apart for longer than a week she found someone else."
"I'm sorry they hurt you Josh."
"It's not your fault. Like I said, they were just practice." JC gave Justin a look that plainly said 'I love you.'
With a sigh JC continued, "Bobbie and Tom, I didn't fall for either of them, it was just mutual using. Bobbie wanted to be in the spotlight; I wanted someone to come home to at night. To have someone on my arm at social functions, we both got what we wanted. I just got sick of it. We weren't even friends. We were like two strangers who stood each other to fulfill our needs. Towards the end even the sex was terrible, both of us were tired of the act. That's when Tom came along. I needed someone who really wanted me. I needed to be desired, I was definitely attracted to him and that was a welcome change from Bobbie. The sad thing is that Tom and I really never got to know each other. It was just hot sex, and when the depression started Tom was offended by my pulling away."
Justin leaned down and kissed JC on the lips softly. "Everything makes more sense now. Thanks for telling me Josh."
JC smiled at Justin's concern "Justin, I love you to pieces."
"How many pieces?" Justin asked with a giggle.
"I guess I'll have to count." JC said positioning himself above Justin. He bent his head and kissed Justin's ear. "One," JC's mouth moved a fraction of an inch "Two..."
+To be continued...