Title: Set Adrift - Second Chances 8 Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: This is fiction. Ben and Sully are figments of my imagination and The Backstreet Boys are strangers to me and not gay. This has not truth to it. This is for adults only, that's over 18 or 21, depending on your country.
The atmosphere between Alex and Sully was tense as they returned from the meeting that could so easily have changed it all for them. Sully knew that some things he had said might have hurt Alex, but he placed a high price on honesty and part of that was making sure that Alex knew he didn't want to be out yet. He loved Alex, he would give his life for him, but that didn't mean that he was ready to share that love with the rest of the world. What business was it of theirs anyway?
"Do you want a drink?" Alex asked as he headed for the Kitchen. For one brief moment Sully wondered if this was enough to drive Alex from the wagon but when he followed him into the kitchen he was thankful that instead Alex was popping the tab on a coke and nothing else.
"I'm okay." Sully replied, wondering when things between them had become so stilted. It was not that they were unchanged by their years apart, they had never really regained the full ease with which they had once had with each other, but since their few days away and since Alex's failed proposal it was as if Sully was living with a stranger. "I wouldn't mind a talk though."
Alex sighed.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked. A part of him half expected Sully to give him the brush off now, to tell him that he didn't think their relationship was worth it after all and that he was heading back to New York. At least this time he would get a goodbye he thought darkly.
"Alex, I..."
Sully paused trying to find the words to express all that he wanted to say. He took a deep breath, knowing that this would be hard but also conscious that it had to be said.
"I know that things have been hard between us lately, and this thing with Lou isn't exactly well timed, but I want you to know that I still love you." Sully said.
Alex refrained from interupting him, he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, there had to be a but in there somewhere and he wasn't about to expect anything more than he deserved.
"I know that you love me too." Sully continued. "And I'm sorry about how things turned out before, when we went away..."
Alex knew it was coming now, Sully had rejected him then and he was going to reject him again, it was what they did. The same pathetic conversation they had every time Alex went a step too far, or at least that was what his demons were telling AJ.
"I'm still not ready for that." Sully said, referring to marriage, or whatever type of ceremony they decided upon. "But I would like to do something that is a little more permanent. I know that we didn't talk about what we would do after the tour, to be honest, we haven't really talked about a lot of important things, but I want to make a concerted effort for this to work between us. I'm not going to run away and I want you to feel safe in that fact..."
Alex nodded, but remained silent. It was obvious that though Sully had stopped talking that he was not finished.
"If it's not too much, I was thinking that we could, maybe, if you don't mind...try living together." Sully said. "I mean, I know that I've been living here since the end of the tour and everything and I know that you don't mind but I was thinking of something a little more permanent. I could rent the flat out in New York, I've already got a permanent manager at the club and I don't have to do a lot up there anymore. My life is here with you and I'd like to make this..."
"Permanent?" Alex asked. Wow. He hadn't thought about that. Of course they could live together that would be...
Sully was looking at him forlornly and Alex realised that he had sounded more doubtful than he had meant.
"Yes!" He said a smile rising on his previously blank face. "Of course, I mean, I'd love to have you here full time. You know I would."
"I'm glad." Sully said, matching Alex's smile. "There is still a lot that we need to talk through though. I really do want to make this work."
"Me too." Alex said and for the first time in a while he actually felt something other than doubt. It was a good feeling and he hoped that he and Sully really could talk through their issues and get to a better place. He was tired of going around in the same circles and he hoped that Sully was too.
"You want to go out for dinner?" Alex asked as he played with his can of soda, wondering what was the proper thing to do after you had just been ask to move in with your on again off again partner. "We could celebrate."
Sully smiled lasciviously and lowered his eyelids, licking his lips softly before speaking. "I thought that we could stay in and celebrate instead."
Alex returned his smile, allowing it to grow into a grin as he thought of something.
"Okay, but I'm not letting you cook... Last time you cooked me a celebratory dinner the house nearly burned down."
Sully laughed as he realised what Alex was talking about.
"Hey, I was 14 and more than a little high on sugar." Sully argued indignantly. This only caused Alex to laugh more.
Sully threw a dishcloth at him but missed as Alex ducked out of the way, instead of throwing it back Alex ran, knowing that a full on assault was coming and Sully decided to give chase.
For a moment the depth of emotion they had shared and the still unresolved issues between them were forgotten. They were acting as if they were children again and perhaps it was what they needed. It had certainly been easier back then.
To Be Continued