Snow Day

This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.

Copyright 2005 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to: "JasonCalme@yahoo.com". My blog: http://jcalme.blogspot.com/

Snow Day - Chapter 3

By the end of the afternoon I was about as high as you can get without artificial stimulants. I mean, I was practically floating, even though I was just sitting on the couch with my new best friend, Howie.

Best friend? Well maybe not, and yet somehow, that's what it felt like. We just were having so much fun. Or I was having lots of fun and it seemed like Howie was having fun, and I tried really hard not to over-analyze it.

We spent much of the time sprawled on the sofa, and, was it my imagination, or was Howie always sitting very close to me?

Half my brain was screaming 'he's straight, you're wasting your time,' and the other half was screaming, 'yeah, but maybe you'll get a chance to lean against him.'

Rejection doesn't kill you. It's hope that kills you.

I was thinking about what we'd do later, and almost dreaming about falling asleep on the couch together, when my Mom came in with news that ruined it all.

"Sam, Louise is on the phone. She's having a party tonight and wants to know if you and Howie would like to go."

I stared at my mother. She was standing there holding the phone, and I guess expecting me to tell her whether we'd accept the invitation or not.

My first reaction was 'Louise who?' as Louise never called me, and had never invited me to a party since her sixth one. But I didn't say that, because I did know who it was, and Mom would just get mad at me if I said it. Never mind that Howie would probably think I was acting like a spoiled kid too.

But for Christ's sake, I wanted to act like a kid. I wanted to tell my mother, 'No! No! No! Howie's mine and Louise isn't getting him.' But I didn't. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't do that.

I had to do the grown up thing and be polite and not let my stupid feelings for Howie influence my judgment. Yet the very last thing I wanted to do this - or any other - evening, was to go to a party that Louise was having.

I glanced over at Howie, who seemed to be watching me with interest.

"Ahh, you want to go?" I asked him with very little enthusiasm.

He shrugged his shoulders. "You?"

I was stuck. What was I supposed to say? The last thing I wanted to do was go to that party, but what about him? He'd probably love to go to the damn party. Probably pick up some girl too. And if I didn't appear to be interested, would he think there was something weird about me? Should I go just for appearances? So that he'd think I was a regular guy?

Fuck! All it took was one phone call to bring reality crashing down on top of me.

And then the thought of Howie flirting with some girl - or worse, Louse - flashed through me head.

"Uh..I don't know if I want to go," I said. "But you can go if you want."

Howie frowned. "I won't know anyone," he pointed out.

"You'll know Louise," I said.

"I hardly know her at all," he objected. "Anyway, I don't want to go if you don't want to go."

Inside I was secretly thrilled. But my brain was torn. Man this was so fucked up. What was I supposed to do?

I looked back at my Mom, who had this curious expression on her face.

"What do I tell Louise?" she asked.

Never good at snap decisions, I equivocated. "Umm..."

"Why don't you go over for a while," she suggested. "Maybe you'll have fun? If you don't, you can just come home."

I frowned. I knew my Mom was thrilled at the idea of Louise and I being friends. Or at least talking to each other. She was deluding herself, but I didn't want to take that away from her. On the other hand, I really didn't want to go.

I glanced back at Howie, who only stared at me blankly. I wished I knew what he was really thinking. Was I totally moronic? Had we really become such fast friends in just a day? Was I riding for a fall?

I wasn't sure what to do.

"Why don't we do that?" I heard Howie saying, and my heart broke. He wanted to go to the party. He didn't want to hang out with me. I sighed inside.

"Sure," I said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

"I'll tell Louise," my Mother smiled, and left the room talking into the phone as I stared after her.

Damn! Damn! Damn! So much for my hopes and plans.

I felt a jab in my stomach and turned and grabbed at Howie's hand as he made another attempt to poke me in the side.

"Do you mind?" I said, probably sounding angrier than I intended to, but I was frustrated. I turned to see the smile on Howie's face vanish and immediately felt like a total bitch.

"Sorry," Howie said quickly.

"No, no, I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm just..." and I didn't know how to explain my brattish behavior. "I'm sorry," I finally said.

"It's okay." Howie said, then added quietly; "If you don't want to go to the party we don't have to go. I don't mind."

"No," I tried to smile at him. "It's fine." He raised his eyebrows and, not knowing what else to say, I turned and stared at the television, not really watching, I just needed time to think.

There was a long uncomfortable silence.

"You don't like your cousin much do you?" Howie said rather flatly.

Startled, I turned to see him staring intently back at me.

"Ahh...shit...is it that obvious?"

Howie grinned. "Uh huh, Dork!" he said, and kind of giggled under his breath. "You..." he paused as though thinking quite how to put it. "You like tense up whenever she's around, or her name is mentioned."

"Oh," I said.

He shrugged. "I don't care if we don't go."

"No, it's okay," I said brightly. "Anyway, I think she likes you."

"Oh," Howie said rather flatly.

"Yeah, she likes ugly guys," I said, grinning. "A doofus like you should be just her type!" and I poked him in the stomach and he pretended to be mad about it and lunged at me as I tried - not too hard - to get away from him.

Somehow we ended up rolling around on the floor for a moment, wrestling. Howie, being a bit heavier than me, seemed to spend most of the time on top, and even though I struggled underneath him, I didn't try too hard to actually get him off of me.

Mom let us eat dinner watching TV, so I guess it's official; Howie is part of the family. After dinner we both changed and cleaned up a little. Or more accurately, I cleaned up a little and Howie showered, changed and spent an age doing stuff to his hair.

Or at least that's what I think he was doing.

A little after eight we put on our coats and gloves and headed out to the party. I was half way down the driveway when I realized Howie wasn't behind me. Turning around I saw that he had walked towards the car.

"What you doing?" I asked.

"We're not driving?" he asked.

"It's three blocks!" I laughed.

"It's cold!" he whined, then he shrugged and started walking towards me.

"Do all your relations live around here?" he complained.

"Just my Mom's brother and sister and their families. They work for my grandad's business too."

"And you don't want to?"

I frowned. "Nah, not what I want to do. Anyway, you don't want to work with family if you can avoid it."

Howie laughed. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to be working with Louise."

I laughed and slapped him on the back.

"You know," I said, "this party is probably going to suck."

"Yeah?" Howie raised one eyebrow. "Other than your favorite cousin being there, why you say that?"

I shrugged. "You know, it's just gonna be a bunch of kids from around here. Nothing much."

Howie laughed. "I'm from Bangor Maine, dude!" and he punched me lightly on the shoulder. And then in this dreadful Maine accent, sounding like some old guy, he said; "I'm just the country boy and you're show'n me all this craza big city stuff!"

The party was everything I feared it would be, and worse. A bunch of people I didn't know, and Louise fawning over the only person I wanted to be with; Howie.

There were several cars already parked in the large driveway and on the street when we got there. It seemed this was a big event - not something casually thrown together - which made it even clearer that I was only invited because of Howie. Not that I was surprised.

Howie followed me up to the door and I rang the bell, my stomach doing cartwheels. I really didn't want to be there.

The door opened and a girl I recognized from school stood facing us. She was one of a group of friends that often hung out with Louise, but I couldn't remember her name. Her lip curled just a little when she recognized me.

"Uh, hi!" I said nervously.

She said nothing, but she moved back and I stepped inside, Howie right behind me. We stood in the entranceway and tried knocking the snow off our boots.

"Sam!"

I looked up. Louise was advancing towards me. Before I had time to react she put her arms around me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

This was weird.

"Hi Howie," she said, and she went over and did the same to him. 'Uh huh!' I thought. That was why she kissed me; so she could do the same to Howie.

"Here let me help you," Louise said, helping Howie out of his coat. "Come on, I'll show you around and introduce you to some people," and she turned to me and handed me Howie's coat. "You can put the coats up in my parents room," she said, before turning back to Howie and grabbing him by the arm. Howie cast a backward glance at me and I stood there watching as Louise took away the cuddly bear.

I silently cursed her.

"It's up the stairs on the right," the girl that had opened the door said to me.

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"Okay," she said disinterestedly, and turned and followed Louise.

I took the coats up stairs and into the master bedroom and threw them onto the bed. I still had a real desire to just go home, but I realized that I couldn't just leave without first telling Howie, and that would be awkward.

Sometimes I pretend I'm a movie camera. I imagine that what I'm seeing is what's being projected on a screen. As I move, I try to keep my head level and move smoothly, composing an interesting picture. It's like I'm making a movie in my head. Does that sound weird? When I read it here it certainly does. Oh well, I'm weird, what can I say?

I don't know whether I do it because I'm bored, or as a way to escape the pressures of the moment, but for whatever reason I was busy making a documentary in my head as I walked back out into the hall and started down the stairs.

"Hi Sam!" I heard a voice and I had to halt production on my movie. I turned to see Jen, a friend from school, coming out of the bathroom.

"Hey Jen!" I said, stopping and waiting for her.

"Haven't seen you in a while," she smiled.

"Yeah. What are you doing back?"

"Just came up for the weekend. It's my Dad's birthday tomorrow," she said, starting down the stairs and I followed her.

"Oh. So how's school going?" I asked.

"Better! First semester was rough, settling in, you know."

"Yeah. Well glad it's getting better."

"There's beer in the kitchen," Jen said.

"Okay," I agreed, and we walked into the kitchen. There was a pile of snacks, drinks and other things in the kitchen, and a couple of friends of Louise were scurrying around. Jen and I both grabbed a beer. Most of the noise and people seemed to be in the living and dining rooms, but we walked into the sunroom, which was actually empty.

Jen waved at one of the chairs and I sat down and she sat down across from me.

There was a bowl of potato chips on the coffee table in front of us and I reached out and grabbed a couple.

Jen grinned at me. "So who's the guy?" she asked.

"Guy?" I repeated blankly.

"The really cute guy you came in with."

"Oh, that's Howie," I said, and then proceeded to give Jen a quick sketch of rescuing Howie.

Jen nodded, then leaned forward conspiratorially.

"So are you two..."

"No," I shook my head. "He's straight."

"Oh," she nodded. "But you like him, don't you?" she said, smiling.

"I might," I smirked, and was about to gush a little about how wonderful he was when someone appeared in the doorway and I looked up and saw Howie standing there.

"There you are," Howie said, then he glanced over at Jen.

"Howie, this is Jen. Jen, this is Howie."

Howie stepped in and they both said 'Hi' to each other and Howie came and sat down on the couch next to me.

"What happened to Louise?" I asked him.

"Oh, some problem in the kitchen or something and I managed to escape," he said casually, and Jen and I both laughed and Howie grinned, pleased that we'd found what he'd said amusing.

"Sounds like Howie needs protection from Louise," Jen said, and she glanced at me and I rolled my eyes.

"So Howie," Jen said. "Sam says you're from Maine."

"Yeah."

"So what on earth are you doing in this godforsaken place?!"

"I'm looking for somewhere a little less exciting," he said and we all laughed. "Maine's an exciting place yah know," Howie said in his Maine voice.

"Howie!" came Louise's voice from the doorway and the three of us stopped laughing. "There you are! There's someone I want you to meet," Louise said. Howie turned towards me and made a face, then somewhat reluctantly got up and followed Louise out of the room.

I glanced over at Jen and she made a face too.

"Looks like Louise has her sights on someone," she said.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Why don't you go rescue him?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Go on. Whether he's gay or straight it doesn't look like he wants Louise's attention."

"He's just acting that way because he knows I hate Louise," I said.

"If so, why'd he come looking for you?" she asked.

I shrugged. Jen gave me a 'Don't be stupid look,' and I wasn't sure what to do. Then I got up and started towards the door. Jen got up and followed me out and we wandered around, trying to find Howie.

It didn't take long. He and Louise were in the living room, standing with another couple. Louise was talking away and I watched as she reached out and touched Howie's arm. I stopped in my tracks.

"Keep going," Jen whispered in my ear, but I really didn't want to, and then Howie leaned over and whispered something in Louise's ear and I turned around and headed towards the kitchen. Maybe there was something good to eat.

I walked into the kitchen and glanced around. There was nothing interesting to eat, but then that wasn't really why I'd gone in there. Still, I guess I could pretend to be interested.

"What happened to you?"

I turned around. Jen had come after me.

"Hungry," I said, and waved an arm at the bags of snacks on the table.

"Uh huh," said Jen. "What happened to the rescue mission?"

"He looked like he was having fun," I said.

"Okay, so what do we do now? Build a voodoo doll and stick pins in it?"

"That's an idea," I said. "Do you have any really big needles?"

Jen smirked at me. "Ok, well I'm going back out. You can hang out in the kitchen if you must, but I'm not spending all night in here."

"Okay," I said.

"If I run into you-know-who, I'll let him know where you are."

"Uh huh," I said, and opened a tube of Pringles and then decided I'd had enough chips and closed it up again.

Jen walked out and I looked at the clock. I wondered how long I had to stay and whether Howie would come back with me or if he'd end up staying without me.

Then Louise walked in with one of her friends and I almost leapt out the door and went back looking for Howie, finding him and Jen talking together in the living room.

"There you are," said Jen as I joined them. "We were just talking about you."

"Nothing good I hope."

"Just the really juicy stuff," said Jen.

"That must have taken up all of ten seconds. What are you talking about now?"

"This and that," said Jen, and I looked to Howie and all I got was a big grin and a bit of a nod. I knew they were playing with me, but it was still annoying.

"I'm gonna go talk to Brin. Why don't you show Howie the family room?" Jen suggested.

Howie looked at me questioningly and I just shrugged. Then I leaned over and whispered. "It's the furthest room from the front door."

Howie still didn't understand, so Jen translated.

"The host doesn't get up there much," and she grinned and walked off.

"Yeah, lets go check that out," Howie said, suddenly interested. So off we went.

My uncles house is pretty large, and they added a family room / play room over the garage some years back. But to get there you have to go up stairs and then around. It's kind of out of the way. Kind of like going for a hike in your house. My Mom said that was on purpose to keep the kids out of their Mom's hair.

When we got there we found some people playing pool, a few talking. Howie seemed as shy as I was, and we settled into a corner and were just watching the game for something to do. This wasn't exactly much fun and I was just about to suggest that we go home when Peter Harris walked into the room with one of his dumb jock friends.

I knew Peter from school. He and I had never gotten along. He was one of the bullies; the guy that pretty much made my life miserable. When I finished high school Peter Harris was the person I most looked forward to never seeing again, and until tonight, things had gone exactly as I'd hoped.

Peter walked straight up to me and announced loudly. "I wondered what that smell was." It wasn't quite as threatening as it would have been at school, but it wasn't exactly friendly either.

"Hey Pete," I said evenly.

Peter looked me up and down and then looked at Howie and gave his hair a long stare. Then he turned back to me.

"Who's your fag friend?" Peter asked. His friend snickered and I saw Howie stiffen.

Peter didn't know I was gay. Maybe he suspected; more probably it was just his standard taunt. He'd been calling me gay before I really knew I was. Now I was used to him saying it. Fag, queer, gay boy, words like that constantly came out of his mouth, it all pretty much was the same and I tried not to let it hurt me.

I turned to Howie. "Howie, this is Peter. He used to beat me up at high school. Peter, this is Howie, he's not from around here."

Howie held out his hand, but Peter ignored it.

"So I thought you were gonna leave this little hick town and go off to the big city," Peter asked me accusingly.

"I decided to take some time off," I said. "And I never said the town was a hick."

"Yeah sure, loser," he said derisively.

I stood there, expecting Peter to move on once he'd run out of witty banter - which he'd pretty much exhausted by the time he entered the room - but instead he continued to stand there staring at me.

"So who invited you two loser's anyway?" he asked. I felt like he was trying to provoke me. But I wasn't going to be provoked. We weren't in school anymore. He couldn't just beat the crap put of me; could he?

"Louise is my cousin," I shrugged.

"Should have known it was something like that," he said. "Why else would they have a loser like you here?"

This was getting tedious, and rather unimaginative too. Why wouldn't Peter grow up? It was like he was still 12.

Howie leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

"How come this guy is so hung up on you?"

"What's that?" Peter asked, leaning forward menacingly. "What'd you say fag?"

"You talking to me?" Howie asked blankly, though clearly Peter was.

"Yeah."

"Oh sorry," said Howie. "Cause you seem so fixated on Sam, I thought maybe you had a thing for him."

Peter visibly stiffened.

"What?"

"It's cool," said Howie. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Listen squid hair," Peter snarled.

I laughed, and both Howie and Peter scowled at me.

Peter moved towards Howie menacingly.

"I ain't a fag. Shut it or I'll shut it for you."

"Shut it?" Howie asked innocently, as though he didn't get it.

"Yeah," Peter said very slowly.

Howie frowned. "Uh huh..."

Peter stepped even closer to Howie.

"Listen..."

"Hey!" said Howie, as though an idea had suddenly come to him. "How about we play a game?"

He stepped past Peter and walked towards the pool table.

"Yeah," Howie continued. "Sam and I against you two. We win, you leave us alone, you win, we go home. Oh, and whoever loses..." he paused, thinking. "Whoever loses has to run to the end of the street and back, naked." He smiled.

"What are you?" Peter almost spat at him.

"What? Don't think you can beat us?" Howie asked, a big smile on his face.

"We'll fuck'n wipe the floor with ya," said Peter's goon, the first sentence he'd gotten out.

"Okay!" said Howie, and he went over to retrieve the pool cues.

I watched as Howie set up the table, then he came back and stood next to me.

"How good are you?" Howie whispered.

"Okay," I said.

"Good. Maybe we have a chance, cause I suck."

I grinned. For a moment I wondered why I wasn't nervous, but then, after thinking about it, I started to think about the options. For one thing, I had Howie by my side, and I felt a lot braver because of it. And if we lost, that meant we'd run to the end of the street naked. When I thought about that, well actually it didn't sound so bad. In fact, I started to think about whether I should try and lose.

Peter broke, and nothing went in. Howie followed and sunk two balls. I think he was exaggerating about not being any good.

Peter's friend followed and sunk three. They were hooting and hollering and making noise. But then he missed a shot and it was my turn.

"Come on queer boy," taunted Peter.

I wished he wouldn't say that. Not because I thought Howie would think I was queer - it was just the standard taunting after all - no, I just didn't like that word.

I cleared the table.

Howie leapt in the air and came over and high-fived me. Peter and his friend didn't look happy at all. I was thrilled. I'd actually beaten Peter. Even if he turned around and beat the shit out of me, I wasn't going to forget this moment.

"Okay," Peter threw down his cue and turned to go.

"Hey!" called Howie. "You two ready for a little run?"

"Fuck you," said Peter.

"Oh, gonna chicken out huh?"

"Howie," I hissed. God, they were gonna leave us alone, just let them go. But Howie ignored me.

"What's that?" Peter demanded, advancing towards Howie.

"Aren't you forgetting the bet?" Howie asked.

Peter started toward us, but then he noticed that a small crowd had gathered. He sneered at Howie, and then he turned around and the two of them just walked out.

"Jesus! Howie! You don't know when to quit!" I hissed at him.

"Oh God!" Howie breathed deep and turning to face me. "I was scared shitless."

"Why'd you go after them then?"

"I dunno. I just..I dunno."

I rolled my eyes at him and then gently shoved his shoulder and he grinned back at me.

"Well that was fun," I said. "But I gotta go to the bathroom and throw up now."

"Really?"

"No, just gotta take a leak."

"Okay."

After taking a few minutes to calm down - we were still kind of high on the adrenalin - I left Howie in the family room and went to find an open bathroom. When I came out I found Howie nervously waiting for me.

"What's the matter? Did Peter come after you?"

"No. It's Louise, she cornered me again. I only got away cause the fire alarm went off in the kitchen."

I laughed. "Oh, is that what that noise was?"

Now that Howie didn't seem to be warming to Louise's advances, I was starting to enjoy the evening.

"Can we go?" Howie asked. "I think she went looking for a guitar and if she finds one I'm gonna hit her with it."

"Yeah, sure," I said.

"Save me," Howie suddenly hissed, grabbing my arm. I turned to where he was looking and saw Louise carrying what appeared to be a guitar.

I couldn't help it, I started to laugh, and then Louise looked down the hallway and saw us.

"Howie! I found my brothers guitar," she called, and I heard Howie grown.

"I thought you could do a song," she continued as she advanced towards us.

"Oh Louise, I'm glad we found you," I said, injecting myself between her and Howie. "Howie's not feeling too good, are you Howie?"

"Oh, noooo," Howie groaned on cue.

"I think it's a stomach thing or something," I said, taking Howie by the arm. "I'm gonna take him home before it gets too serious. Don't want him barfing all over the carpet."

"Oh," said Louise, not looking as though she believed it.

If it had just been me, she would have said something, but Howie was an unknown, and I think she couldn't quite figure him out, so she gave us the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, thanks for inviting us," I said.

"Thanks," Howie whispered.

"Come on, you," I said good-naturedly to Howie, and we went and grabbed our coats and walked out into the cold night air.

"Can she still see us?" Howie whispered.

We were walking down the street and Howie was kind of hobbling along, clutching his stomach as though in pain, and leaning on me.

"I don't know," I said. "But if I keep looking back she'll get suspicious."

"Okay," said Howie.

Howie was silent for a moment. Then he mumbled. "I told you we should have driven."

I laughed. "Walking is good for you."

"Not when I'm in this condition," he complained.

We continued on this way until we turned the corner at the end of the block.

"Okay," I said. "I think it's safe now."

Howie straightened up and we both laughed, and then walked the rest of the way to my house reliving the events at the party. Mom was sitting watching television when we came in.

"How was the party?" Mom asked.

"Oh, okay," I said.

Mom nodded.

"But Howie came down with a stomach bug," I said. Howie grinned at me.

"Oh, are you alright?" she asked, looking as though she was going to get up and fuss over him.

"No, he's fine. It's one of those 12 hour bugs I think. He'll be fine in the morning."

My Mom looked at me suspiciously.

"So, if Louise calls, just tell her he went to bed and should be okay, okay?"

My mom looked at us, then, as if deciding the less she knew the better, she said "All right, well you two off to bed, you're gonna have to get up early to go dig out Howie's car."

"Oh yeah," I groaned. I'd forgotten about that.

We trooped up to my bedroom. I saw the sleeping bag on the floor and remembered the night before and waking up in bed with Howie. It all seemed so long ago.

You want to use the bathroom first? I asked.

"Nah, you can," said Howie.

I grabbed my sweats, clean boxers and t-shirt, and went into the bathroom. It was kind of a nervous moment in there. The calm before the storm if you will. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and lightly brushed my hair as I wanted it to look neat but didn't want it to actually look brushed. Who brushes their hair before bedtime? I also washed under my arms.

Cleaned up and ready to go, I stepped out and walked down the hall and into my room. Howie was in there sitting on the bed playing the guitar.

He looked up briefly when I entered and, after a few seconds, started singing.

I wasn't really paying attention, and then a couple of lines seemed to leap out at me.

"It's your secret, it's your secret Tell it to me, tell it to me"

My imagination took over. I knew it was a song on his CD so he hadn't made it up for me, and yet it seemed like he was singing a message to me.

He stopped, and there was this awkward moment; or was it just my imagination? Howie then got up, put the guitar in the case, and without another word, went out to the bathroom. I stood there for a moment, wondering what to do. Finally I decided to get into the sleeping bag.

Howie came back from the bathroom, tidied up his stuff, turned off the light and climbed into bed.

We both lay there in silence.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Sure? Cause there's plenty of room in the bed. More comfortable too."

"Uh...you sure?"

"I don't mind," he said.

Well he didn't have to invite me twice.

"Uh..okay," I said, and climbed out of the sleeping bag and went over and climbed into bed.

With Howie.

We lay on our sides, facing each other. He smiled at me and I grinned back at him.

"You have fun?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he smiled.

I tried to think of something else to say. I wanted the conversation to continue. I guess I just wanted to lay there and talk with him, but for some reason my brain wasn't cooperating and I couldn't think of anything to say.

Howie finally broke the silence.

"Thanks for everything, Sam," Howie said quietly.

He smiled at me and I couldn't help grinning back at him.

"It was...hey, I had fun, you're..." and I was about to say he was great or something stupid like that and I realized how stupid that would sound so I just kind of ground to a halt.

My verbal skills just seemed to be abandoning me today.

But before I had time to start fretting about that, Howie reached out his hand and flicked something on my shoulder.

I glanced down and then back at him.

"You had something on your shoulder. Some lint or something," he said.

"Oh."

I reached out and flicked him the same way.

Howie looked puzzled.

"You had...something on your shoulder too," I said.

"Oh," he nodded. He grinned. And then he reached out again and touched my shoulder again, but this time he just left his hand there for a moment, and then he slowly ran it over my shoulder and I shivered and he pulled his hand back slowly.

I slid just a tiny fraction closer to him and then he shifted a little too. We were now staring into each other's eyes, both with dopey grins on our faces, and we were really close. This wasn't just two guys sharing a bed, my brain was telling me.

And then Howie frowned a little.

"Sam," Howie whispered.

My brain was imagining all kinds of things, but I just wanted to reach out and run my hand over him.

"Sam," Howie repeated.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"Sam...uh...I have to tell you something."

Oh my God, I thought, he's gonna tell me he likes me. My heart was beating fast.

"Sam, uh...I gotta tell you something..." Howie paused, and I realized I was holding my breath.

"I'm sorry..." he almost mumbled.

Oh no, I thought, he has a boyfriend...

"Uh...it's kind of embarrassing," he continued.

Now I was wondering. Was he impotent? Had some disease? Oh my god, did he have herpes?

"Well," I said, almost swallowing the word before it could get out. "It's okay, you can tell me," I said, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

"Uh...well...it's...Don't be mad at me...I think you might have gotten the wrong idea. Uh..the thing is..." and there was a long pause. And then he took a deep breath and said the three words I was least expecting, and yet had been assuming all day.

"I'm not gay."

I stared at him, not quite digesting it.

"What?" I repeated slowly.

"The thing is..." he began

"You're not gay?" I repeated slowly.

"No."

"Oh," I laughed nervously. "Well that's cool," I said. "I don't mind...I'm not...I mean I'm not gay either."

Howie frowned at me.

"I..."

"It's okay...I know," said Howie.

Now I frowned. Fuck!

"Know what?" I asked.

Howie raised his eyebrows. "That you're gay. And it's okay."

I stared at him, not sure how to respond. But the way he was looking at me I knew he was sure, and my continuing to deny it was pointless.

"Who told you? Louise told you, didn't she?"

"No, well, she kind of hinted..."

"Shit!"

"...but I already knew."

"You knew already?" I asked, surprised, or maybe not surprised.

"Yeah...I...well last night when I was checking email I happened to look at your book marks."

My mind digested this. Last night he used my computer to check his mail.

"Wait! You were spying on me?" I demanded.

"No! No! I was just...you know...kind of seeing what you were interested in."

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"It's okay, Sam. I don't mind. I really don't. It makes no difference to me."

"Okay," I said slowly, but my brain was working over time. "Wait, wait," I said. "So all day today...you knew?"

"Yeah," he grinned at me. Maybe he wanted to reassure me, but instead I was suddenly very mad.

"And you...you..."

I sat up.

"Sam!"

"Fuck! How could you? You knew and you let me think...Fuck!"

"No Sam! It wasn't..."

"I can't fucking believe it! You shit!"

I don't know whether it was indignation or embarrassment or a combination of both, but I was livid. Here I'd thought I'd been getting these signals that he liked me and all along he knew I was gay and had been playing along. Playing along really well.

And if he wasn't gay, then what was with the whole touching me in bed just now? Okay, I'd been sick for hoping to make it with a straight guy, but he was fucking sick and twisted.

"Sam I.." Howie interrupted my thoughts.

"Fuck you!" I shouted, and jumped out of bed.

He'd been..what? playing some kind of game? Lead the queer guy on? What the fuck was this?

"Sam stop!" Howie clambered out of bed. "You've got to understand..."

"No, screw it," I was screaming at him. "I don't have to understand shit about you."

I turned, grabbed up the sleeping bag and the pillow and stormed out of my room, ignoring Howie calling for me to stop.

And I didn't stop until I got to the spare bedroom and slammed the door closed.

Fuck! My anger had carried me here, but now it was all too much and tears started pouring out of my eyes.

Then I head footsteps and since there was no lock on the door I had to grab the door handle.

There was a tentative knock on the door.

"Sam?" came Howie's voice through the door.

"Go away!" I yelled back at him.

"Sam!" Howie called. "I just want to talk."

"Go - a - way" I yelled back.

"Sam! Please!"

"What part of 'Go away' don't you understand?" I yelled back at him.

Then I heard more noise and some whispering.

"Sam?" It was my mother.

"What?"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing!" I said. "Ask Howie," I added.

There was a long silence.

"Sam," it was my mother again. "Sam, Howie wants to talk to you. Can't you come out and talk to him?"

"No! I cried. "I don't want to talk to him."

"Sam!" came Howie's voice.

'Go away," I begged.

There was more silence.

"Sam, can you open the door?" my Mother asked quietly.

"No."

"Howie's gone back to your room. I just want to make sure you're okay. Please, open the door."

I stood there for a moment. Damn, I felt like a kid. Couldn't my mom just trust me? I was 19 for Christ's sake. I opened the door, trying to keep myself under control.

"Are you alright?" my mother asked, she stared at me appraisingly, and I tried to appear as casual as I could. I hastily wiped my eyes with my wrist.

"Yeah," I nodded. Clearly I wasn't, but I was as all right as I could be given the circumstances.

"You don't want to talk?"

"No."

She pursed her lips. "Okay, well if you change your mind," my Mom said.

"I will mom. I'm okay," I said, barely keeping it together.

"Okay," she said softly. "Well, good night Sam."

"Night Mom."

And then she turned and left, leaving me alone, and suddenly I was like -huh? That's it? She didn't even try and talk me down?

Fuck it. See, that's the problem. You want your parents to treat you like an adult, and they don't. And then the one moment when you real feelly like you want to be treated like a little kid - to be gathered up in your parents arms and told everything will be okay again - they turn around and treat you like an adult that can be left to your own devices.

I was just not going to catch a break tonight.

Miserable, I closed the door and went and lay down and tried to sleep.

----------------- to be continued.