Some Kind of Bliss

Some Kind of Bliss

Introduction

OK, I'm back. I've rediscovered my enjoyment of this story, and now I've lots of time to fill in at Uni, I've got lots more time to write! (Thanks to the good folks at UNSW library for providing a quiet spot. By the way, when those signs say to turn off your mobile phones, they mean it, folks. It really is annoying.)

Stories that you are probably already loving include: Studio in the Country, Brian and me, Forever, Common People, Lance in Shining Armour and Separate Lives, the final two of which have, sadly, concluded. Also go check out Intimate Stranger and Because I Love You, those two are also quite excellent. There are plenty of great stories out there, and though you probably already read them all regularly anyway, it's become traditional for authors to list their favourites in their tag lines. So sue me. :)

No Interactive Promotion this time, it's been the first adornment to fall by the wayside. First of many, probably.

Email me at braan90@hotmail.com I'd really like to hear what you think about my story, even if you think it stinks, I'd like to hear you tell me whyee. Cos, basically, with the response I'm currently getting, an earthquake or tsunami or something could be just around the corner......

Stop right here if you're under 18 years of age or not meant to read this for other reasons (whatever they may be). If you're not sure you'd like stories involving gay themes, then you really need to turn right around, and don't let the door hit your ass on your way out! This story is entirely a work of fiction, and isn't meant to imply anything about anybody's sexuality. It's purely a product of my warped antipodean imagination.

Absolutely last thing: Does anyone else think that JC looks like Ricky Martin in the video for `Bye, Bye, Bye'? Let me know if you do, I think he does!

And away we go........

Previously in `Some Kind of Bliss'

"I'm sure you're going to do fine, Drew. You've been great. We're all enjoying our time, and your friendship. Nick chose well when he picked you."

I laughed. "Oh, shucks. I'm blushing over here, Howie."

Howie shook his head. "Learn to take the compliment, Drew, because you'll be hearing it a lot. We all like you. I think it's clear how much Brian likes you, after the way he spoke to AJ this morning. And it's obvious that Nick really likes you."

Some Kind of Bliss 6

I lay there, my cheek pressed against my towel, conscious only of the warmth emanating from the sand underneath. I guess it took me a while to respond. I wasn't sure how to respond, really. Did Howie mean something by that? And if so, what exactly?

I became aware of my silence, and nodded in response.

He didn't mean anything, did he? Looking over at Howie, I could tell from his face that he hadn't. He had gone back to checking out the other sunbakers and swimmers on the beach. I let out a deep breath.

Hang on a moment - did I want him to mean something by that statement? The very thought threw my mind just a little, but then the realisation that I hadn't dismissed the notion immediately left me completely discombobulated.

I turned my head to face the other side, away from Howie. I shut my eyes tight and shook my head in an attempt to clarify my thoughts. It didn't work. Did I.........did I want Nick to `really' like me? Did I want a relationship with him?

The logical part of my mind resumed activity at that point. OK, first off, I could forget about it. Even if - and right now that was possibly the world's biggest if - that was what I wanted, there was no way Nick would want the same with me. That just wasn't going to happen. I knew he valued me as a friend, as I did him, but I had noticed nothing that would indicate anything more. So, really, there wasn't much point even considering this any further, was there?

But, secondly, I told myself, I didn't really want that, anyway. I was just lonely, looking for someone special, and, finding a handful of international heart-throbs landed in front of me, had simply reached out and picked one up, completely ignoring.....well, his gender, for one thing. That was wrong of me, absolutely. I was only even thinking this stuff about Nick because he was so famous, and desired by so many around the world. That was a terrible thing to do to anyone, but to someone I considered a friend? All I had thought was `Hey, here's something that lots and lots of people want - why don't I try and get it for myself?' I was thoroughly disgusted at myself now. I mean, there were many valid, legitimate reasons to like Nick - he was kind, caring, funny, intelligent, not even the least bit selfish, and, yeah, pretty cute, too. Yeah, I could admit that without having to be gay. Sure, no problem there. Lots of guys would agree that Nick was cute, so that didn't necessarily mean I wasn't straight. Right? Right?

Well, OK. I'd staved off those thoughts about as well as I was going to. I was reasonably comfortable in my relationship with Nick, and also reasonably sure that I didn't want anything more with him. I mean, not that he'd want anything more with me, anyway. So forget about it, OK? Sure.

I took a minute longer to arrange my thoughts to my liking, then opened up my eyes. About two feet away from me were Nick's baby blues, staring into my own eyes, with a glowing smile, and little droplets of ocean trickling out of his hair and across his face. I sat bolt upright, with tingles travelling down my spine. But were they shivers or chills? Was I scared, or excited?

As an afterthought, I kept moving until I was on my feet. Nick immediately sat up again, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you alright, Drew? You've gone really pale."

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'm going back into the water now. See ya soon."

I turned around and ran rather than jogged down to the surf.

Nick frowned. He turned around to face Howie, resting his feet on my towel in between them.

"Howie, did.....did that seem a little strange to you?"

Howie thought for a second, before replying, "Yeah, it did actually. Drew's normally so cool, unflappable, whatever. He did look pretty upset there, didn't he?"

Nick nodded, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "Was it me? Did I do something? I swear all I did was smile at him, I hadn't even said anything."

Howie smiled and sat up. He reached over to pat Nick's foot. "Nick, not everything that's wrong in the world is your fault. You can't let yourself feel responsible every time someone gets upset. You're only digging yourself an early grave."

Nick furrowed his brow. "Well, what was it then? Did you say something? What was the last thing you said to him?"

"Well, the last thing I said to him was.......'Did you just fart?'" Nick raised an eyebrow. "But I don't think he heard me say that."

Nick shook his head. "What did you say before that?"

"I said: `Holy crap! Take a look at that g-string down there!'."

Nick blinked. "And did he hear you say that?"

Howie blushed a little. "Actually, no, I don't think so."

"For god's sake, Howie! I'm fucking worried about Drew! Could you cut the crappy humour and tell me what the fuck you said to him, the last thing you said that you're sure he heard!"

Howie was stunned at the outburst. "Umm.......I think I said that it was obvious that you really liked him."

"Well, I do." Nick frowned again. "Are you sure that was what you said? That's nothing, really, and Drew isn't the kind of guy to get upset at nothing."

Howie nodded for a moment. "Unless...."

"Unless what?"

"Unless he took it to mean that you really like him."

Nick thought for a while, then slowly shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I mean, why would he? Drew's not gay."

Howie nodded, acknowledging Nick's reply. Then, seeming to change the subject, he said softly, "Do you?"

Nick's eyes grew big for a second. "Come on, Howie, I'm not gay, you know that." Nick cleared his throat.

"OK, but would you, if you were?"

Nick snorted. "Would you?"

"Yeah, easily. If he were even the slightest bit interested in me, I'd definitely go for him."

Nick laughed and looked at Howie, who was displaying no humour on his face at all. "You were serious?"

Howie nodded. "Why wouldn't I? He's smart, funny, easy-going, cute in a `Southern Hemisphere' kind of way, he's a nice guy. And, most importantly, he's foreign."

"Oh, come on, he's hardly foreign, he's Australian."

"Still, the benefits are still there."

Nick smiled. "All right, then. Tell me again what the benefits are."

"Easy. One, the accent. You can't tell me you don't love it. Two, when he comes to visit you, you're completely in charge, since he's got no idea where the hell he is. And three, in case of a messy break-up, you live in different countries anyway, so you never have to see him again."

They both laughed at this.

"But, Howie, he's your friend! Wouldn't that be more than a little weird having a relationship with him?"

"No, not at all. Take a look around, Nick. How many couples do you know that were friends first? Sure, it doesn't always work out, but it's a good thing when you already know the person before you start out. And I can tell you, from my experience, the closer they were as friends, the better couple they make." Howie winked at Nick knowingly.

"Was that...." Nick began to ask.

"Subconscious one, sorry." Howie smiled. Nick nodded, missing the obvious flaw in Howie's logic.

"But, this is all completely hypothetical, Nick, cos I know he isn't interested in me at all. From what I've noticed, though, there is someone else who's caught his eye."

"Well, fine. Just don't expect me to ask who it is."

"Great! Cos I wasn't going to tell you anyway!" Howie smiled.

Nick pouted his lips in frustration. "Well..........fine! I'm going back to the water!"

"FINE, then! I'll see you LATER!" Howie laughed.

I only planned to spend a few minutes in the water, since we'd have to take off again pretty soon if we were joining the others for lunch back at the hotel. I just needed a few minutes to get my shit together.

OK, this was really posing problems. I knew that I wasn't serious about....that thing I'd thought about earlier, but if it was going to affect our friendship like that, then it was something that required some thought. So, I'll just schedule that thinking in to my next free half-hour. `Do it now!' nagged the back of my mind, in vain. No, I convinced myself, this needed to be considered with my entire mind, when there were no distractions like.....keeping my head above the water, say.

I made my way back to shore, catching a wave for a few metres before falling off the back in disgrace. I stood up again and started walking, only to have Nick pop out of the water right beside me, obviously on his way out. "Hey," I smiled at him.

"Oh, hey, Drew. You OK now?"

"Yeah! I told you there was nothing wrong, and I meant it, Nick." LYING THROUGH MY TEETH. "Do you have the time on you?"

Nick looked at his sports watch. "Yeah. Time for us to go, actually. Let's just catch the next wave in and head off."

I nodded resignedly. God, did the whole world need to see me do this? We walked back out a little way, to where the waves were a little bigger, then turned. Nick lay down the rules.

"OK. We both go on the same wave, OK? And I get to say which one. We'll go on the third one coming. So, get ready!"

I turned to have a look, and, sure enough, the third one coming was the biggest.

Without turning this into some kind of Disney movie moment of personal achievement, let's just say I nailed it. For once I caught it brilliantly. Once I realised I wasn't going to fall off the back, I shook my head a few times to clear the spray and looked about. Nick was off to my left, he'd nailed it as well. Left arm out in front of me to steady myself, I came charging into the shore, smiling and laughing like an idiot, hoping to god there wasn't anyone in my path, cos I sure as hell wasn't getting out of their way this time.

Finally, when my knees hit sand below me, I knew it was probably time to give up on the wave and walk the remaining bit. I got to my feet and jumped high into the air, all my troubles forgotten.

"WOOO HOOO!" I cried deliriously, "I frickin' NAILED one, at last!"

I got a few strange looks, but then someone started applauding. I turned around to see Nick clapping his hands in appreciation, and by the time he stopped to slap me on the back, half a dozen other bathers were continuing the applause. I laughed at my own embarrassment, and kept walking up the beach.

"Drew, that was great!" Nick enthused.

I smiled. "Yeah, well, it wasn't anything you didn't do as well."

Nick chuckled. "I beg to differ. I didn't make an idiot out of myself in front of hundreds of strangers."

Oh, and for once I thought of the perfect comeback! But should I use it? It was a bit mean. No, I thought, I'm going to use it while I can.

"Oh, I don't know, Nick! You do the same thing every time you're on stage, don't you?"

Nick's head shot around to look at me, seeing me smiling innocently. "Oh, that was good!" he smiled. "Sure shut me up!"

"Yeah, well, I guess some people are just born talented, aren't they?" Nick shook his head with another smile.

By now we were back at our towels, where Howie was already getting ready to go. Nick and I dried off a little, before wrapping our towels around our waists and starting to walk off behind Howie.

When we were back to street level, Howie turned to me and said:

"Hey, Drew, I saw what you did back down there!"

I burst into a big smile. "How cool did I look surfing that wave? Huh? Go on, you can tell me, I won't get a big head or anything! How awesome was I?"

Howie smiled back. "Well, I couldn't really say, I didn't exactly see that. You did make a pretty big ass of yourself when you got to the shore, though. That much I did see." Nick began laughing straight away, as did Howie and I just a moment later. I probably did look pretty stupid, I guess.

We made our way back to the ferry wharf, stopping for a bite to eat, since the beach had made us really hungry. A ferry was just docking as we arrived, so we didn't have to wait at all, and we made our way onto the crowded ferry. As a result, we couldn't find three seats together, so, before I could sit down in it, Howie sat down in a single seat and pointed to two seats together across the aisle and a few rows in front of him, where Nick and I promptly sat our asses down. We chatted amiably as the ferry pulled away, finishing our snacks. I turned around to check on Howie, but he seemed fine. We made eye contact as he was looking over at us with a mystifying smile plastered across his face. I smiled and turned back around.

"So, lunch at the hotel, then a sound check, yeah?" I asked Nick.

He nodded. "Yeah, that's it."

"So, um......what am I supposed to do while you guys are doing your sound check?" I asked uncertainly.

Nick laughed. "Drew, you get to have the most fun of all! You get to sit there and watch us!" I smiled at his attempted joke. "That's the time when your job will start to seem like real work. It can be really boring. We'll just be up there singing the same stuff over and over again while the techs do their stuff. I might ask you to throw something at me if I yawn."

"But what if I fall asleep before that happens?" I joked.

"Then we dock your pay!" Nick replied, laughing. I didn't have a problem with his reply, since I knew it was a joke. Well, if it wasn't, I was contacting the union!

I turned around again to check on Howie, and found him looking over at us again, and again with a stupid grin all over his face. I waved at him, thinking that maybe he wasn't looking at us, but he proved me wrong by waving right back. I turned back around.

"Hey, Nick - don't turn straight around, but in a minute or so, have a look over at Howie, will ya?" Nick looked at me with his What are you crazy?' look, and I replied in kind with my Just go with me on this' face. Since conversation was impossible for now, we sat in silence for a minute or two until Nick turned his head, casual-as-you-like, to look at Howie across the aisle from us. I saw him wave his hand, then turn back around.

"OK, Drew, what was I meant to see, exactly?"

"Was he looking over at us?"

"Yeah," Nick replied immediately.

"And did he have a real stupid grin going on?"

"Yeah, he did, actually," Nick confirmed.

"Well, then, I think it's safe to conclude that he's been looking at us like that the whole time we've been sitting here."

"Huh," Nick mumbled.

" `Huh' is right," I agreed. "But what do we do about it?"

Nick shrugged. "Nothing. We're as good as there already, we won't have to sit like this much longer. I can handle it if you can."

I shrugged myself. "Whatever."

We soon got back to the hotel, without much happening, and went on up to our floor. We immediately made for our own rooms to take a shower. I revelled in getting rid of the sand and salt, but especially that darn pesky sand. The wonderful hot water was pretty sweet, too. Before I knew it, I'd spent half an hour in the shower, and I lazily stepped out and wrapped a towel around my waist.

Lunch went by in a blink, and, I guess because I'd expended so much energy at the beach in the morning, I was already pretty beat. But, like they say, there's no rest for the wickedly rich and handsome. Nor for me, apparently.

The afternoon was slated for a look at the concert venue, and a preliminary sound check, so when we were done eating, Kevin got on the phone and arranged for our pick-up. Our pick-up being a limo, of course, not an actual pick-up.....geez, give us a little credit! Although, that would be quite an image......the Backstreet Boys sitting in the back of a pickup truck, chewing on hay stalks.....hey, I think there might be a video clip in that.....

Not long after, the phone buzzed at us, so we left and took the lift down to the lobby, which we crossed, and hopped into the waiting limo. As we pulled out of the hotel's driveway, I suddenly couldn't stop myself from yawning - though I did manage to cover it up fairly nicely. Recovering, I asked, this time to the whole group:

"So what am I meant to do while you guys are up on stage?"

"You get to sit there and watch us," Brian smiled.

"Right," I nodded, "but how am I meant to stay awake?" I felt another yawn building.

"You can look at me!" Nick exclaimed.

I yawned - a really big one, inconcealable this time. The rest of the group laughed.

"Gee, Drew, way to build a guy's self-esteem," Nick mumbled through a barely repressed smile.

"Sorry! I promise that wasn't deliberate!"

"It's alright, I could tell that. What I was going to say was that you could look at me to make sure I'm not falling asleep. If I start to yawn, or close my eyes, or anything, I do want you to throw something at me. Deal?"

Brian, Howie and AJ's faces all lit up.

"I'll take that job," AJ offered.

"No, I'll do it!" Howie protested.

"Sorry, but that job belongs to me, right, Frack?" Brian countered.

Nick smiled. "Awww. It's nice to know I'm loved. Thanks guys. But you're forgetting one important point. I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" Nick smiled and looked at me. "I asked Drew."

"And Drew is happy to accept," I replied. "Might prove entertaining, really."

And we were soon at the arena. I'd been there a couple of times before for concerts, basketball games, etc., but never when it was empty. The place was enormous! Noise echoed around the room as stage crew busily assembled equipment, technicians checked lights, and managers shouted out instructions to people across the floor. Despite the racket, it looked to be a pretty smooth operation.

I made my way, with the boys, to the stage, which was on the floor of the arena, this tour being `in the round' as their previous tours had been. We threaded our way through the maze of equipment, work going on around us.........which struck me as quite odd! There were superstars in their midst, and these guys - and girls - weren't batting an eyelid! Some said hello or smiled at the boys, and nodded hello to me, the new face, but most didn't even look up! Of course, it took only a moment's rational thought to realise that the road crew had done this all a hundred times, packing and unpacking the set in concert arenas across the world, and had had plenty of time to get past being in awe of the group. In fact, it seemed to be quite the reverse. My companions looked around, still in awe after so many shows, at the work going on, and I, too, was amazed at how quickly and smoothly the crew worked to get everything done. In front of me, Brian was stepping carefully between boxes, jumping out of the way of people, and immediately apologising when he bumped into someone.

Brian walked up onto the stage, which had been assembled, and looked around the Entertainment Centre. I was so lost in thought, looking around myself, that it wasn't until I heard a throat clearing behind me that I turned and saw AJ, and behind him, the others, lined up, facing the (currently absent) audience, ready to start. I froze for a second, then my sub-conscious took the reins and had me jump down from the stage, back to where I belonged - and it was so obvious that I did, judging by the amount of butterflies which left my stomach as soon as I sat down on a closed lighting case a few metres back from the front of the stage.

I looked up to see AJ laughing. "Sorry, Drew, auditions were last week, mate."

I smiled weakly. "Ha, ha."

Kevin moved into leadership mode. "OK, guys, the quicker we do this, the quicker we can get back outside into the sunlight. Are we ready?" He was met with a chorus of nods. Looking into the distance behind me, he called out: "Are you ready for us yet, Bob?"

I turned myself around to see where Bob might be located, but all I could see was an arm sticking up from behind a desk, waving. That seemed to be a reply in the affirmative, so the guys each picked up a microphone from a tray on the edge of the stage.

"OK, LET'S HEAR BRIAN," a voice boomed across the arena. Apparently Bob had found his microphone.

Brian took a breath, then launched right into -

"You are my fire The one desire Believe when I say I want it that way."

I got shivers down my spine. I loved that song.

I looked immediately to Nick, expecting him to continue the song, but he stood there silently, staring down at me. I guess that was one joke which had grown old very early in the picture with these guys. They were at work now, and that meant no screwing around.

"THANKS. AJ?" Bob called.

"I never thought that I would lose my mind That I could control this, yeah. Never thought that I'd be left behind That I was stronger than you, oh-oh....."

Again I got shivers. Damn, he had a great voice. Bob took a minute or two before calling out:

"OK, NICK?"

Nick cleared his throat and began:

"And when I wake up to The touch of your head on my shoulder You're my dream come true, Girl you know I always treasure Every kiss, and every day I love you girl, in every way, And I always will, cos in my heart, ooh baby...."

The stadium rang with a deafening silence. That was so damn good! Whoa, multiple shivers down my spine. In fact, it still hadn't stopped. I'd never known so many shivers before - maybe I was coming down with something? At any rate, I couldn't understand how the others had stopped themselves from joining in - hell, I had nearly done so myself!

"THANKS, NICK," the voice rang out. Nick smiled, pleased with himself. I noticed Howie and AJ giving Nick a mean stare, with a look which said, (to me, at least) `Scene-stealer!'

"HOWIE, PLEASE?" With a final stare at Nick, Howie sang

"When you talk, Does it seem like he's not even listening to a word you say? That's OK, babe, Just tell me your problems, I'll try my best to kiss them all away."

Well, no shivers there. Then Howie winked, which must have triggered something subliminally, and my spine obliged. Firing off one last glance at Nick, this time saying: `That's all you gotta do, Nick, it's just a freakin' sound check,' Howie sat down on the stage edge, next to AJ.

"OK, KEVIN, YOU'RE UP."

The four others looked expectantly at Kevin as he sang:

"Life goes on, as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze, If only....."

I sure wasn't expecting what happened next.

"Guilty roads to an endless love There's no control, are you with me now Your every wish will be done They tell me -"

The remaining three chimed in after Nick, and I was now officially in heaven.

Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my...heart

Howie jumped to his feet.

There's nowhere to run, I have no place to go Surrender my heart, body and soul How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show?

You are missing in my heart Tell me why can't I be there where you are?

Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart

I was in awe, these guys sounded so good together it just wasn't a joke! And I was getting practically a private show!

Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are There's something missing in my heart

I jumped to my feet and started clapping as hard and fast and loud as I could! I could see a few of the crew around the place were applauding as well. And deservedly so. When the applause had died down, the disembodied voice returned:

"THANKS, GUYS. THAT'S REALLY ALL WE NEED FROM YOU TODAY. SEE YOU TOMORROW."

I walked forward and leaned on the stage. "Well, if I had any panties, I'd be throwing them now." That drew a few laughs. "That really was brilliant, guys. If that was just practice, I can't wait for the show!" I was met with a bank of smiles. Kevin jumped down from the stage and jogged past me, heading off to the sound desk a-ways off.

"What happens now?" I asked no-one in particular.

"Well, I think we're just waiting for Kev to...." Howie answered, his gaze focused behind me. I turned to see Kevin nod at the invisible Bob, then jog back up to the stage. Once up there, he turned to the others, saying:

"Well, assume the position. You know what we have to do."

Nick and Brian both groaned. "Why do we have to practice this again, for like the millionth time?" Nick.......yeah, OK. Nick whined.

Kevin sighed, but Howie answered for him - "Because Brian screwed this up in Singapore. Sorry, Rok, you know I love you, bro, but you did." Brian nodded repentantly. "So let's just do this right the first time, and we're out. K, Nick?"

Nick nodded and moved to his mark. I looked to reclaim my seat but found it being carried away by a couple of crew, so I went to the next closest candidate, a stack of cases off to my left. As I sat down, I looked back up at the stage and saw Nick standing in front of me, looking down with a smile. "Don't forget to throw something at me if....."

At that moment Nick was drowned out by the opening beats of `Larger than Life', which came thumping out of the speakers. The guys began to dance and otherwise move about the stage in a rhythmic fashion, something I am completely incapable of doing and, as a result, incapable of sensibly describing.

At first I kept my eyes on Nick, waiting for the opportunity to throw something. I soon admitted defeat to myself since he looked perfectly alert. I continued watching him though, which was easy to do, since he was right there in front of me, until AJ moved across the stage in front of Nick, jogging my memory that there were four other guys up there too. Oops!

I shifted my gaze to AJ who was grinning strangely at me. I smiled back, raising a questioning eyebrow. He glanced briefly over at Nick, I assumed in order to take some cue or other, then looked back down at me, his grin even more radiant, and even stranger. Yet, at the same time, there was something oddly familiar in that smile. I was sure I'd seen it somewhere else very recently. Hmmm......

Shrugging my shoulders after a few fruitless seconds, I looked across at Brian. You could see the concentration dripping off him. There was just no way he was going to screw this up again. I admired his determination.

Down the far end of the stage, Howie and Kevin seemed to be purring through the routine. I nodded in silent appreciation as they reached the breakdown in the song, the part which called for some pretty intense dancing. All five guys got through without a glitch.

I turned back to watch Nick, and as I did so I swear I saw him jerk his head up suddenly so that he was now looking over my head. Figuring that something interesting behind me must have caught his attention, I took a look for myself, and saw.....nothing. Well, not precisely nothing; to be sure, there was a stage crew member leaning against the wall and picking her nose, but, I flattered myself, that could hardly be interesting enough to make him look up. Which meant.....

Which meant that the reason he'd looked away was because he didn't want me to catch him looking at me. Why would he do that? Why would.....

"OK, we're done, let's go!" AJ cried, breaking form first. The song was still dying over the loudspeakers, but all the dancing was done, and the guys were ready to move on. No-one else seemed to be clapping this time, so as soon as I realised that, I stopped. The guys stretched and jogged their way offstage, moving towards the same exit we came in by. I scrambled to my feet and jogged over to follow them before Howie turned around to check if I was coming or not. Well, duh!

I followed Howie, bringing up the rear of the procession. Howie was periodically stopping to stretch his quads and hammies, so I allowed myself to fall behind a little, walking slowly through the arena, watching the set grow before my very eyes. I wanted to commit every detail to memory, so I could compare how it looked tomorrow, surrounded by screaming teenagers. I turned a final pirouette, and set off walking. Right into Howie's ass, as it turned out.

OK, so let me explain. It so wasn't my fault!

I had, unfortunately, knocked Howie over, but he had anticipated well and recovered with a half-decent somersault, scoring 7.5s, 8.5 from the Canadian judge. He pulled himself to his feet and winked to let me know he was OK. That aside - damn, was I embarrassed! I just wanted to roll away and die at that point. All the guys had seen what happened, and were laughing their heads off. Except for Nick, I soon noted, who was standing behind his bandmates and smiling concernedly through his teeth. I blushed a million shades of red, as did Howie, though he could at least see the humour in it and was grinning broadly. I was still too shocked at what I'd just done to react at all.

"Way to go, Sweet D! Bringin' out those smooth moves of yours, I see?" AJ teased his friend.

I snapped back to life at this, and began to laugh, nervously.

"Man, I'm sorry, Drew. Are you OK?" Howie asked, resting his hand on my shoulder.

I relaxed a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. How about you? You're the one who got sent flying." The others burst out again, and Howie assured me that he was fine. "So.....what exactly were you doing?"

Howie looked at me like I was nuts. "I was stretching. What else would I have been doing?"

"Sure you were, Howie. Yeah, stretching, that's what it was," Brian chirped. I relaxed a little more and was able to laugh fairly naturally.

I saw Nick still looked a mite pissed, though. I tried to set his mind at rest.

"Nick, everything's OK, mate. We're both fine. No broken bones. Just bruised egos," I smiled.

Nick wasn't happy. "Howie, that was fucking stupid, what you just did. Someone could have been badly hurt."

"But no-one was. We're fine," I repeated.

"Who the hell does stretches in a walkway, anyway?"

Nick's question raised a good point, but it was one I was happy to consider later. I slipped past Brian and grabbed Nick's arm. Looking deep into his eyes, I repeated:

"Nick, let it go. We're fine. We're both sorry it happened, and I think we can be sure it won't happen again. Now would you quit worrying? You're gonna give yourself wrinkles," I smiled.

Nick took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Alright," he said softly.

"Great," I replied, smiling again, and this time seeing it mirrored on Nick's face, and in his eyes.....

"A-HEM!" I broke the stare and turned to see AJ looking at me, again with that oddball grin. "We're ready to go now, boys. Have been for the last few minutes."

I nodded.

"So we really need you to move," AJ insisted.

I turned back to Nick and noticed that we were in fact blocking the entire doorway. Then I noticed that my hand was still on Nick's arm. I let it fall immediately and walked through the door, the others following close behind. I briefly considered bending over to re-tie my shoelace, but thought better of it.

We were now in the foyer area, and through the glass doors ahead was the outside world, and our limo. I held the door for the guys, insisting that Kevin pass through despite his repeated attempts to let me go ahead of him, before finally following him into the warm afternoon air. Nick got the limo door before the driver could get there, and he ushered us in. As Howie jumped in, I overheard him say -

"Oh, Nicky? That thing we were discussing earlier today, back at the beach? Just to let you know, I would. I so would."

He was in the car before Nick could respond, but as I got to the car, Nick had it figured out and was blushing profusely.

"Thanks, Nick," I offered as I climbed in, but Nick wouldn't meet my gaze. He got in behind me, closed the door, and stared straight out the window. Kevin distributed bottles of water from the bar fridge, and we pulled away.

I opened the door.

"We're leaving in 5, so get your butt downstairs."

"Yessir!" I snapped, coming to attention.

AJ smiled. "Finally I'm getting the respect I deserve."

I chuckled as I gathered up my wallet and everything else I needed, turned off the TV, cast a quick eye around the room, then turned back to the door. "OK, I'm ready."

We walked to the lift and waited for just a moment until it arrived. Since there was already a middle-aged couple in the lift, we did the usual thing and rode down in silence.

I'd spent the afternoon pretty quietly. When we got back from the Ent Cent it became clear that the guys were only going to kick around the hotel, so I excused myself and went to my room for a nap. A pretty good nap, as it turned out, for I wasn't woken until a phone call from Kevin let me know that dinner was on its way. We just had room service to eat - Nick had ordered me a steak, just the way I liked it. I swear, his memory of details was bordering on the freakish. I could barely remember what he'd had for dinner last night, let alone three months ago!

After dinner we'd split up to get ready for tonight's appearance at 2DAY FM, and we were planning to head out to a night club afterwards, as well. I'd changed my clothes and fixed my hair and brushed my teeth.....cos I was excited about who I was going to meet tonight! Oh, sure, relative to the Backstreet Boys, it........no, actually, it still was pretty big! For me, at least.

So I'd sat down and watched some cruddy American sitcom on TV, trying to chill out, and that was pretty much the state of play when AJ knocked on my door.

The lift doors opened and we walked out. The couple sharing the elevator with us walked past us, hand-in-hand, in the direction of the hotel's nicest restaurant. I smiled at that. That was nice. I wanted that, someday. Soon would be nice, but I wasn't dying or anything.

AJ drew a dramatically deep breath. "Well, will you look at that - we beat Kevin!"

"Not by very much, though," a voice came from about a foot behind our ears. AJ and I spun around in a second to see Kevin standing right behind us, and Brian, Nick and Howie tumbling out of the lift behind him, right next to the one we'd rode down. Brian raced around Kevin and grabbed me from behind, holding me firmly by the shoulders, using me as a human shield. Howie and Nick skidded to a halt in front of me, both with smiles the size of Texas. Or Minnesota, at least.

"Now, guys, you wouldn't want me to hurt Drew, would you?" Brian asked. I hoped it was a rhetorical question.

They stood stock still, eyeing me warily. I was curious.

"Umm, Nick, Howie? What exactly did Brian do?"

Howie answered. "Oh, he just said that Nick...."

"You know, I really don't think it needs to be repeated, do you?" Nick asked, his hand over Howie's mouth.

I smiled. "Well, Brian, I'm sure you deserve whatever's coming to you." I tried to slip out of his clutches but he grabbed me around the chest and pulled me to him roughly with one arm while the other hand he made into a pistol which he held under my chin. If I wasn't struggling to stand upright, I would have been laughing so hard!

"All right, guys, BACK OFF!" Brian cried. The others laughed in spite of themselves.

Kevin went on to roll his eyes. "Come on, Brian, not again."

Brian pressed his finger harder into my neck. It was actually beginning to hurt, a little. "Nuh-uh. You know how this goes."

Howie groaned. "Alright, alright. What are your demands?"

"OK, first I want immunity. You can't get me back for saying........ what I just said. Then, I want.......no, actually, that's about it this time. But if I don't get it, then......"

I scoffed. "Then what? You'll drag your fingernails back and forth across my neck a few thousand times?"

Nick and Howie laughed, while Brian shook his head in disappointment. "Why do I always end up with the smartass hostage?" He then did just as I had suggested.

"Ow! Brian!" I yelped. "Jesus Christ, cut those damn things!"

Nick appeared concerned. "Yeah, OK, Brian, just let Drew go." Brian did, but not before royally messing up my hair, which pissed me off no end, given that I was going to meet......

Nick walked up to me. "Jesus, Brian, I think you drew blood!" he exclaimed, lifting my chin gently with his index finger. I smiled weakly for him. "You did, you asshole! You cut those nails before I cut them for you!"

"Don't, Nick," warned Kevin.

"Yeah. Nick, trust me, you'd make a rotten manicurist," I attempted.

Lame humour rules, people. The tension of the moment was diffused; Nick smiled at me again, and we headed for the door.

The hotel was still mercifully unthronged by fans, and while the guys stopped to talk to the few fans that were there, I went ahead and got the door for them. Turning around again to see them, I was struck by how wonderful these guys were to their fans - it would be so much easier for them to just wave and walk on by, but it was the mark of their class that all the group stopped and shook hands, took photos, signed t-shirts and whatever was thrust at them. The smiles that lit up the faces of all the fans, and of their parents who were hanging discreetly off to the edges, trying to hide their own excitement from their children, were enough to warm even my cynical heart.

One by one the guys pulled themselves away, apologising, offering excuses, granting final hugs and kisses, and jumped into the limo. When Brian finally freed himself from one last hug and got in, I hopped in beside him and pulled the door shut, and immediately we set off.

"So, Drew? What can we look forward to with this radio guy.....what's his name? Blinky Bill?" Howie asked. I chuckled.

"No," I was still laughing, "it's Ugly Phil. He's a bit of an idiot, really. Harmless, though. He'll almost certainly make some stupid crack about hanging around with you guys so he can pick up women. He hosts a show called the Hot 30 with a woman called Jackie O. She's great, too, I love her. I'm actually getting nervous about meeting her, truly. I can't count the number of times I've agreed with exactly what she has just said on the radio. It's just freaky. And she's not bad looking, either. I've seen photos of her on their website."

Brian smiled. "Could it be that Drew has a crush?"

I considered this for a moment. "Maybe."

"And are you going to pay dearly for that admission when we get to the studio?" Brian broke into unrestrained laughter.

I bit my tongue and mentally cursed myself. OK, Drew, best not to show annoyance here. If he thinks it won't bother you, he won't do anything to embarrass you. Yep, good plan.

"Again, maybe." I replied coolly. Yeah. I think I got out of that.

AJ snapped his fingers, making me flinch a little. "So that's why you took so long getting ready tonight! I thought you were dressed to impress!"

The others laughed as I squirmed. "OK, new subject, please." I reached across to the control console and put my finger to the radio switch. "We gonna do the obvious thing and listen to the show before we get there?" Kevin nodded, so I flicked the switch and tuned in the radio. We just caught the tail end of `Smooth', and I was nodding my head in time with the music, as I often do, when Nick caught my eye and, smiling, said:

"You like this song, do ya?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I guess I do. How `bout you?"

"Hell yeah! That's the kind of music I've always liked. I mean, come on, what's not to like?"

I smiled as the song ended and Phil's voice came over the airwaves.

"Hot 30, get your votes in on 1-800........ that was Santana with Rob Thomas, Smooth', number 22 tonight, before that we had...... Madison Avenue, Don't call me baby' and Tina Cousins at number 24." Deep breath. "Jack, I'm excited about something."

A woman's voice came through the speakers. "Oh, me too, Phil. I'm pretty excited here, and I know the few hundred fans downstairs are already pretty hyped."

I felt all pairs of eyes turn upon me, and, damn it, I blushed. Brian laughed and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Yeah, I know, there are....thousands of people down outside the building here....I'm just takin' a look out the window......"

"Well, I wouldn't say thousands, Phil, but there's definitely several hundred."

"Yeah, and we've got our lucky competition winners here in the studio with us because..." dramatic sci-fi style build-up music began, "in just a few moments we are going to be joined, right here in the studio, by......well, by the biggest pop group in the world. Hey, competition winners, whaddoya think of THE BACKSTREET BOYS?"

Immediately there was an unearthly screaming coming at us, causing the microphones to distort. I looked around the car to see each Backstreet Boy with a differing level of smile on his face. Brian appeared least thrilled.

"Wow!" Jackie said.

"Folks at home, I can tell you, we only have 25 people in here. All that noise came from just 25 people, all of them winners of our competition here on the Hot 30. They're all here to see the Backstreet Boys, who have their fantastic album `Millennium' - you've really gotta go get it. They are really talented singers, all of them. And Jackie, wouldn't you say, they're all pretty attractive young men?"

Screaming filled the studio again and I laughed as AJ subconsciously checked his hair and Brian brushed a crumb off his shirt. Jackie laughed for a while before replying -

"Well, there's your answer! Yeah, I think they're all pretty gorgeous, actually. I mean, no matter what your taste in men, you've got one to suit you. You've got tall and graceful Kevin," screams, followed by laughter," then there's Brian, I mean, he's just so..... adorable! If you like sexy Latin guys, Howie's for you, if you like guys who are a little......different, then you'd go for AJ," mad screaming after AJ's name, and AJ grinned as wide as I ever saw him, "then, if you haven't found your type yet, then you've got the youngest member of the group, the tall, blond, and beautiful Nick!" More screams ensued, but Nick only blushed shyly as the others attempted to make him feel bad.

"Well, Jack you won't have to wait long now - hey, while we're talking about it, who's your favourite?"

"Oh, I don't know, Phil......."

"You have a favourite, yeah?"

"Yeah, I do, I just......don't wanna tell you. I just know you'll embarrass me over it."

"What, me?" Phil asked innocently. "Come on, Jackie, when have I ever embarrassed you?"

Jackie laughed incredulously. "Oh, Phil! Let's see.....how about when the Red Hot Chilli Peppers were here, when Westlife were here, then back when we interviewed Take That a couple of years ago......Phil, there's no way I'm going through that again. Cos I can't get you back! The only person I can embarrass you about is...."

Phil cut her off: "Is Geri Halliwell. I know, Jack, what can I say? She's my woman. I don't try and keep it secret, hell, I tell everyone I meet. See, if you'd only be open about these things, you wouldn't be embarrassed over them."

"Nah, nice try, Phil, but no!" Jackie laughed again. Ah, there was that laugh that cut straight through me. Of all the things I liked about Jackie, I loved her laugh. It was so honest and unreserved. So....not something you'd expect to hear on the radio. Snapping fingers in front of my face brought me back to earth.

"Oh yeah, he's got a crush, all right," Howie laughed.

Everybody laughed, myself included, except for Nick, who was staring out the window at something disappearing fast behind us. I took no notice as Phil's voice came back, this time obviously talking to someone else in the room, someone without a microphone.

"What was that? Oh, she did, did she? Come on, tell me! Say what? OK then. Listeners, coming up, Nic van dyke reveals who Jackie's favourite Backstreet Boy is. That'll be coming up, right after Killing Heidi, number 21 on the countdown as voted by you."

"Oh, Nic, no! Come on....." was all we were able to hear before Phil cut off Jackie's microphone and the song, `Mascara', began playing.

"Kevin, it'll be you," I spoke.

AJ screwed up his face. "She likes him best?" he pointed across the car. I nodded.

"Some women do have taste, Alex," Kevin smiled.

We were now only a couple of minutes away from the radio station's studios.

We arrived on the 27th floor and found ourselves in a busy reception area. Half a dozen people were craning their necks to catch a glimpse of the Boys, but it was only a moment before Ugly Phil came jogging down the corridor.

"Ignore all these schleps, guys, just ignore them!" he laughed, a little nervously. He came to a stop in front of us. "Hi, I'm Ugly Phil. I interviewed you guys a few years ago in San Francisco, but you've forgotten who I am. Don't worry, so has my Dad."

I could see that at least Brian and Nick were taken aback. Aged in his late 30s, Phil was completely bald but for a thin goatee. He wore glasses in front of a pair of eyes which looked a little......beady. He was a little overweight, but not terribly so. He was no oil painting, for sure, but he wasn't as ugly as he claimed to be, either.

Howie recovered first and stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Howie Dorough, this is Nick Carter, AJ McLean, Brian Littrell, Kevin Richardson." I stood there feeling just a tad superfluous.

"And this is Drew Campbell," Brian introduced me, "he's on tour with us for our Australian leg."

I shook Phil's hand. "Hi," I smiled. "I love your show. I listen almost every night."

Phil raised his eyebrow. "You're Australian!" I nodded. "Wow.....how did you get a job with these guys?"

I smiled, as I did every time I remembered how it had come to pass. "Long story. Not particularly interesting."

Phil asked us to follow him, so we did. Down a corridor, left, right.....and then, before I knew it, we were in the studio. With HER.

Jackie looked stunning. Her blonde hair was arranged perfectly around her face, her eyes were beautiful......her dress was great as well - and that was a little unexpected, I had to admit. Her dress sense did lean towards the way out. I guess she'd dressed up for the occasion, just as I had. But with different targets in mind, obviously. And all this against the backdrop of a panoramic view back up the harbour, with the last few minutes of light on the horizon behind the city skyscrapers. WOW.

Introductions were made again. I shivered when I shook Jackie's hand. Or, I think I did. I must have, surely. We moved to sit down, and I was surprised to see I'd be sitting at the desk with the guys. Phil tried to have Kevin sit next to Jackie, to suit his own evil plans, but Brian had his agenda, and since he had the upper hand, I sat down next to Jackie a minute later.

I cleared my throat and turned to Jackie. "I'm sorry. I know you'd rather be sitting next to Kevin."

Jackie blushed as Phil laughed joyfully. "Hang on - how did you know that?" Jackie demanded.

"I'm a regular listener. It's strange how often we think alike, actually," I smiled.

If I was too stupid to realise what it sounded like I'd just said - and I was - Brian sure wasn't. Nor was Howie. At the sound of their laughing I blushed deep red and quickly said:

"Not that way! Bloody hell, you guys! Sorry, Kevin. No offence meant."

He grinned back at me from the other side of the table. "None taken."

"I just meant that we agree on most music, for instance. And just.... opinions on stuff." Good one, Drew. Full marks for eloquence.

"So you'd side with me in an argument with Phil?" Jackie asked.

"Yep. Almost always," I confessed.

"Excellent," Jackie smiled. "We might have to keep you around, Drew."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt your mating ritual over there, guys, but we have a show to do!" Phil joked. I blushed and turned away from Jackie. Brian was grinning like a madman.

A few seconds later the ad break ended and the interview began. For some reason I just wasn't interested. I'd heard all the questions, and all the answers, before - let's face it, an original question was about as likely as....something really unlikely.

But Jackie was going good, though. Yeah. I thought we may have made a `connection'. Or was I just dreaming it? I wasn't feeling at all nervous around her, which was a good thing, if completely unexpected. And, though I was no expert - not even slightly - I think that she'd been pretty positive in what she'd said to me so far.

My ears pricked up as I heard my name mentioned. It was Howie's voice.

"This guy over here? His name is Drew, Drew Campbell. He's part of our tour while we're here. He's got the job of making sure we have fun while we're here."

"So, basically, you're buying their drugs for them, hiring prostitutes, that kinda stuff, yeah?" Phil asked.

I laughed. "Yep. Oh, that reminds me - I have your cocaine here, Brian."

"Oh, thanks, man." Brian took it in his stride, even if the others looked a little surprised. He leant in to the microphone and, clamping one nostril shut, inhaled deeply. "Oh, yeah!" He continued rubbing his nose loudly into the microphone, causing the rest of us to laugh.

Phil shook his head, laughing. "Man, you're gonna be in so much trouble for that."

Reality dawned on Brian and he tried to make the best of the situation. "OK, Kids? Don't do drugs, mmkay? Cos drugs are bad, mmkay?" We all laughed again.

Phil looked at me again. "So, Drew, what's your story?"

I blushed. "I.....I don't think anyone wants to hear me talk, Phil."

Jackie disagreed. "No, that's not true. When a good-looking young guy like you starts hanging out with the Backstreet Boys, people are gonna be interested. I think it's safe to say that you'll soon be getting admirers of your own. So, tell us a little about yourself."

"Yeah, and make it snappy, could you? I allocated a minute for you to speak, and the clock's ticking," Phil joked.

I didn't have time to sit stunned at what Jackie had said, much as I would have liked to. "OK, well, let's see. I'm 20 years old, I'm a Scorpio," I laughed, "I live here in Sydney. I'll hopefully be going to uni next year, not sure what I'll study. Umm.....I have one sister, older. I like.....movies? Favourites? I don't know..... Mission: Impossible is up there. So is American Beauty, that was a great movie. Music? Yep, I love it. Of course, I just love these guys here," I indicated with my hand, not thinking of the radio audience, "they're my favourite group." Brian and Nick both `Yayy'ed softly. I laughed again. "But other artists? Garbage - I love them. Jennifer Lopez - hey, don't laugh," I glared at Howie, "I happen to like her music, OK? It is possible. I love Killing Heidi, they rock and..... well, that's probably about it. I'll shut up now, let everybody hear these guys talk."

"Actually, it's funny you should mention Killing Heidi, they're up next on the countdown, their second appearance tonight. Guys, would you like to intro them?"

"These guys rock," Nick declared.

"You've heard them already?" Phil was surprised.

"Yeah, Drew's been sending me some mp3's," Nick replied.

I smiled. That just sounded funny, somehow.

"Here's Killing Heidi, number 12 on the Hot 30 tonight. This is their third single, `Live Without it'." Nick did it all himself.

"Hey, what about us?" Brian demanded.

"Too slow. You snooze, you lose," Nick cheerfully intoned as the song came up and we went off air.

I picked up the glass of water in front of me and put it against my lips. OK, back-track, back-track. She thinks I'm good-looking? Wow! That's......incredible! And she actually wanted to hear me talk about myself as well. This is great.

"You know, you're right, we do have things in common. Music tastes, at least. I love Garbage, and Killing Heidi are my favourite Australian group. You'd like Ella, the lead singer. She's great, so down-to-earth."

"Name dropper," I jibed.

She laughed. "Well, maybe I am, but look at you! Look at all those names you can drop," she gestured at the Boys, "Drew, you're no lightweight yourself." I laughed again, as did she. "I don't know about Jennifer Lopez, though......" she trailed off.

I smiled. "Yeah, I know. You're a Marc Anthony girl. He's pretty cool."

I made her blush. She looked wonderful. "Guilty as charged. Boy, you really are a regular listener, aren't you?"

I nodded in response, a smile in my eyes.

"OK then, tell me this: who's your favourite member of Bardot?" she didn't need to ask me whether I liked them - she just knew that I would. How neat.

"Sophie," I returned. "And yours is......?"

I could see this was hard for her to admit, since she'd been one of the judges picking the girls to form the group. Under her breath, I just caught her saying:

"Me, too." She smiled guiltily. Man, she wore guilt well.

Jackie glanced up abruptly and blushed again. I looked to see what she was looking at, and saw six faces looking at us with varying degrees of interest and amusement. Brian and Phil had their big smiles out, they were loving it. Kevin just looked amused, like he didn't really get what was going on, but knew that it was funny all the same. AJ was looking at me curiously, like he was trying to figure something out. It was a look that made me a little uncomfortable, I'll admit. Howie was doing the same.

Nick had his lips pressed tightly together and was staring at us with an expression I couldn't begin to fathom. It could have been anything from disinterest to despair. Our eyes met briefly but then he looked over at Jackie, where his eyes stayed. Mine stayed on him, though, trying to figure him out a little better. I realised that, though he was the Backstreet Boy I knew best, in some ways, I knew less about Nick than all the others. He just wasn't usually as open and candid as the others could be. That only made me like him more, though. When he did open up he was such a great guy, he made everyone around him feel so.....special. That was how he made me feel, anyhow. He definitely was intriguing.

I looked back at Jackie, who quickly turned away from me. Oh, my, god! She'd been looking at me! That was a signal, wasn't it? That meant something, right? I had to admit, I didn't really know what did and didn't constitute a signal.

"You know, Jackie, Drew was really looking forward to meeting you tonight," Brian spoke up. Boy, that little bastard was going to cop some......well......I'd be less civil to him than to my other bosses, anyway.

"Really?" Jackie asked disbelievingly. Then, looking into my eyes, "Did I live up to expectations?" Something flashed in her eyes as she spoke.

OK, now that was a sign. I cleared my throat. "I think it's safe to say you exceeded them."

There was a moment's pause before Phil interjected:

"OK, this is completely unrelated, of course, but at this point I'd like to remind everyone that all the bathrooms in the building are equipped with condom machines."

I was completely stunned. I think the rest of the room burst out laughing - I could hear Brian thumping the bench top - but I froze. Jackie at least had years of experience being embarrassed by Phil, so she was able to laugh a little and hide her face in her hands, but even that was beyond me.

Before I had recovered, we were back from the ad break and the interview resumed, over the top of Brian's continued laughter. This time it had even less to do with me or with my role - in fact, it wasn't even talking about the tour, so I rather selfishly tuned out entirely, preferring instead to relive and rehash to death every nuance of every word and look that had passed between Jackie and me.

I snapped back into focus as I heard Phil say in a perkier-than-normal voice:

"So what are you guys getting up to while you're here? Do you guys mind if I just.....hang out with you for a while? Cos I know you must have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you, and I was just wondering if you'd let me have some of the rejects?"

I rolled my eyes at this unsurprising turn of events. Kevin answered -

"Well, we are going out tonight, actually, but.....I think most of the women who throw themselves at us aren't really your type, Phil. I guess they'd be around.......15 to 20 years too young for you?"

"But.....but......hey, I don't care!" Phil joked.

"Oh, Phil!" Jackie replied first. "You do so care! Ignore him!"

The Boys nodded, as if that was exactly what they had planned on doing, and after he'd finished laughing, Phil continued.

"OK, Coming up in just a minute now, the Backstreet Boys are going to sing for us, LIVE on the radio. Right, guys?"

"Yep, that's right. So stay tuned, y'all." Kevin answered.

The show went to break, and the guys followed Phil out of the room to go off to `Room 11'. I was hard pressed to decide whether to stay and talk to Jackie, or follow the guys to watch them sing. I had the decision made for me, though, when Nick turned back and looked at me through the window. It was clear he was waiting for me to catch up to him, so with a short sigh, completely inadequate for what was to become a life-altering moment of the highest order, I got myself out of my chair and joined him in the hallway.

Nick smiled. "We're not paying you to flirt, you know."

I grinned. "Not even with gorgeous blondes?" Nick bit his lip and turned away. I ploughed blindly on. "Well, I just thought that, you know, as long as it didn't interfere with you guys in any way......"

"What if it did?"

"Huh?"

Nick didn't answer, merely shook his head and walked on ahead of me. I continued walking, a little more slowly now, as confusion took over. What the...... Had one of the others been eyeing Jackie? I certainly couldn't blame them, she was beautiful. Somehow I didn't think that was it, though. There must have been something else...... Damn, all those things I'd been putting off thinking about, they sure were coming back to haunt me. Still, I wasn't about to do this right here and now, so I added another to the list.

Jackie, though, was something I could handle thinking about. God, had we hit it off well! I'd never connected like that with a woman in so short a space of time. I mean, I'd known from listening to her for so long that we had a lot in common, but never in my wildest dreams had I imagined us getting on so well, so soon! The cool bit was, I was almost certain she felt the same! I'm the kind of guy who will downplay even the strongest positive signals, convince myself they mean nothing, but this time, I couldn't - nor did I want to - ignore them.

And so now I was in a crowded room with a couple dozen loud teenage girls instead of down the hall talking with her? That didn't seem to make much sense. Why was I here, exactly?

At that moment Nick produced a note, as did each of the others in their turn. The room quietened instantly as the crowd realised they were warming up. I smiled as each note hung in the air - I guess that was the effect they had on their fans. I leaned back against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest.

After a moment or two, they were all done, and we sat in silence. I guess the girls were just too nervous to chatter, but that changed when Brian caught the eye of one of the younger ones, who looked to be about eleven, and flashed her a super-cheesy grin. That set the room giggling, which I thought was pretty cute.

It wasn't a minute later that Phil said into his mic, without any introduction, - "Thanks Jack. We're down here in Room 11 with the Backstreet Boys, they're going to sing live for us right now. What song are you gonna be doing, guys?"

"Uh, we're gonna do `Show me the meaning of being lonely'," Howie replied.

"OK, great... That's off your latest album, right?" Everyone else in the room said a quiet `Duh!' which, taken together, was really quite loud. Phil laughed. "Geez, sorry! OK, then, guys, you ready to go? Let's hear it for the Backstreet Boys!"

Screaming and clapping filled the room. When it died down, together the five sang the first line, and Brian came in immediately after.

So many words for the broken heart.... .... .... .... ....

My gaze travelled over all the guys, resting on whoever was singing at the time. Their eyes either scanned the room, or, in Brian's case of course, remained closed for about the entire time. I just leaned back, enjoying the harmonies.

Until it came to Nick's part of the song. My eyes moved to look at him and met his eyes, looking right back at me. And there they locked. He wouldn't look elsewhere, and I soon discovered that I couldn't look away.

Guilty roads to an endless love There's no control, are you with me now? Your every wish will be done They tell me......

Still I couldn't look away. I was a deer frozen in the headlights. That might not sound like the most appropriate metaphor in the world, but, I mean, Nick's eyes were pretty bright, and they were pointed right at me. I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, to tell the truth - what was happening? Why couldn't I look away?

Nick smiled a little half-smile, which, in the corner of my eye, set half the room a-twittering, and which I felt myself return. What followed was a see-sawing effect which I think neither of us could control, that obeyed only some kind of physical law of nature. He smiled bigger, I smiled slightly bigger. That pushed his smile a little more, etc etc, until all his teeth were showing.

Well, the only place I could go from there was to laugh, and I actually did for a second, until it hit me that Nick was singing..... or was supposed to be, anyway. At that exact moment, something broke the spell and I quickly looked down at my shoes, hoping Nick could go on without interruption. He certainly sounded pretty darn good, so I was taking that as a yes.

Song done, much applause, blah blah blah. Phil did a quick back-announce and threw back to Jackie in the studio, and the girls rushed forward to talk to the guys, shoving stuff at them to autograph. Kevin sought me out at the back of the room and beckoned me forward. I pushed myself off the wall into an upright position as he held up his hands, asking for some quiet. Ugly Phil quietly slipped out the door.

"OK, folks. Calm down. We've got plenty of time, you'll all get your stuff signed. We just need you to calm down a little and listen to Drew here, he's gonna direct traffic for us." All heads turned my way and I waved nervously. "Drew's on tour with us right now, so if you see him around, say hello. He's a real nice guy."

That at least took care of most of the `Who the fuck are you?' looks I was getting. These girls obviously hadn't been listening to the interview they'd just done. All right, time to bring these teenyboppers to heel.

"OK, girls. Could......If you'd just form a line, I think that'll make it easiest. So just form a line in front of me over here." I could see a few disbelieving looks as my accent registered. I guess they expected me to be an American, too. The looks I was getting now said `You lucky bastard - you're nothing special, you're only one of us! How'd you get here?' Still, I now controlled access to the Boys. RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH! There was a bit of a rush as the line formed and some pushing and shoving went on. This was great - I felt like a school teacher! I couldn't believe they were listening to me! Thank-you, Kevin.

"OK, what's your name?" I asked the girl in the front of the line.

"Kylie."

"OK. Guys, this is Kylie."

"Hey Kylie." "How ya doin?"

Kylie walked, nervous at first, but then a little more confidently across to Brian and dumped a whole pile of stuff in front of him. I could see T-shirts, CDs, stickers....Brian laughed and set to work, passing each item down the line as he signed it.

The system seemed to work pretty well. Each fan had a minute or two with each Boy, and got their stuff signed. Around half an hour later, Nick was signing the last copy of `Millennium', and the fans were beginning to slowly move out, obviously loathe to leave.

"Are y'all coming to see us at our concerts?" Brian asked the remaining girls. They all nodded, smiling. "Well, we'll see you there, then!" he grinned. "Good night!" Now in a happier mood, the girls took the hint, probably subconsciously, and left the room, chattering excitedly. The noise could be heard moving down the corridor, with the occasional squeal and subsequent laughter, and a chorus of `Awwww' s.

"Aaaahhhhh," Brian moaned, flexing his left hand repeatedly. Throwing his arm my way, he demanded imperiously: "Hand massage!"

I took his hand and obliged. I soon had him eating out of my hand, squirming in delight over on his own chair. I just wished I had a pair of scissors with me to take care of those damn nails!

A couple of minutes more and Brian's hand was as relaxed as it was gonna get. Taking it back, Brian exclaimed: "How much are we paying you again? Whatever it is, we need to make it more. Let's double it."

I laughed. "Thanks, but you're already being very generous. In fact, if you were paying me any more, I'd begin to feel like I was a lawyer or something. I mean, I don't do any work, either. There are a few points of comparison, actually." I frowned.

Brian drew air in dramatically. "Well, we don't want that, do we?"

"No," I laughed, " we certainly don't."

Howie cleared his throat. "Drew, can I have a hand massage?"

I could see the others were about to ask the same thing, so I shook my head.

"Nope, no more for today. Only if you've been extra-nice to me." I smiled.

AJ frowned. "Then how the hell did B-Rok get one? He slit your throat just a few hours ago!"

The reminder caused my hand to reflexively jump to my neck, checking the wound......which was healing OK.

"Well....." I thought for a second. "I guess because he did ask first. Also because now he'll know what he's missing out on if he's mean to me like that ever again," I smiled evilly.

"Tease!" Brian threw at me.

"Yep, that I am!" I replied laughingly.

Howie muttered something under his breath, but I decided I could live without knowing what it was, so I let it slide. We all looked up as Phil came into the room.

"Hey, thanks for sticking around, guys."

Kevin assured him that it was no problem.

"Would you mind just doing a couple of station IDs for us? You're free to go, of course, but it'd be really good of you if you would."

Unsurprisingly, the guys agreed, and we went back down to the studio proper, where Jackie was sitting down with her headphones on, bopping along to the new Popstars song. It sure was annoyingly catchy. I sat down in the chair beside her.

"Hey," I smiled at her.

She slipped her headphones off, leaving them hanging around her neck. "Oh, hi, Drew."

I could sense it right away, little as I wanted to.

"So what'd you think of the Boys?" I asked, rather haltingly.

"Well, they were great. Of course," Jackie added as an afterthought, smiling half-heartedly.

What the hell had happened? Whatever rapport we had going before was completely broken now. How had this happened? What had changed? I could see Jackie sensed it too, and we both leaned back almost imperceptibly in our chairs, moving away from each other. I began to panic. I had to fix this, and fix it now. But.....god, I had no idea what the hell to do!

I swallowed. "Um, I think the guys are just going to record a couple of IDs for you, then we're going to head off."

Jackie smiled weakly. "OK, thanks."

I sat, stunned for a second, then turned around in the swivel-chair. Jackie slipped her headphones back on and I slipped into despair. I must have screwed something up. Damn it, how was I ever gonna have a relationship with a woman I liked and found attractive if......shit like that happened? God, I'd had the perfect start to an almost-relationship, and had still found some way to screw it up. A feeling of loneliness washed over me, and at the back of my mind I could hear my grandma saying "Why haven't you found a nice girl and settled down yet?" Now, granted, she was just a little senile - she was confusing me at age 20 with my cousin Aaron who was ten years older, and who, I imagined, was getting mighty fed up with being asked how High School was going. Still, she had a point. Somewhere.

I guess on some level I knew it hadn't really been my fault. What had happened, I mean. Between me and Jackie. I was just looking to beat myself up. It probably wasn't her fault, either. It was just something that had happened, for better or for worse (and right now it definitely felt for worse) that was beyond our control. Which left.......what - divine intervention? My mind scoffed at that. Whatever kind of god I believed in, he/she wasn't the type to play a crucial role in my love life. `No, you won't love her, you'll love the person I tell you to!' Whatever. I guess it was just one of them things. Fate. Or something.

I looked up when someone tapped me on the shoulder. AJ.

"We're all done now. You coming with us?" he grinned, smiling anxiously at Jackie's back.

I tried to smile. "Yeah, I will be." I stood up. Nick had already said goodbye to Phil and was walking out the door. Phil shook my hand last.

"Nice to meet you, Drew. Hey, give us a call when the tour's over, we might get you to do a report or an interview for us or something!"

I smiled genuinely. "That sounds great! I'll do that, Phil. Thanks." I turned before I walked out the door and called "Bye, Jackie." Whether she heard me through the headphones or not, I didn't get a response.

It was a quiet ride back down in the lift. I was deep in thought, Nick looked deep in thought, and if the other guys were talking at all, then I guess I must have been deeper in thought than I thought, cos I sure didn't hear them.

Out the front door, through the crowd of fans - one or two of whom even said hello to ME as I passed, much to my surprise - and we jumped back into the limo.

Nick sat quietly, staring off out the window, again. Something was up, I could see plainly. I made a note to talk to him later. Just cos my life was screwed up wasn't going to stop me from being there for Nick in any way I could.

"Well, that was fun!" Howie bubbled.

"Mmm Hmm," I replied, my mind a hundred miles away.

"Are we going back to the hotel, or straight to the club?" AJ asked as the driver pulled away from the curb.

"No-one wants to change, do they?" Kevin asked us. I looked at what I was wearing and decided that if it was meant to impress Jackie O, then it was more than good enough to impress anyone I might meet in some night club. Everyone else seemed to agree, so Kevin turned to me and said: "OK, Drew, what's a good club to go to?"

I must surely have turned white. "Ugh.......Um........let's....... let's ask the driver to recommend one," I finally got out.

Kevin frowned a little, then nodded and moved forward, lowering the window to talk to the driver.

"You don't go out much?" Brian asked me.

I shook my head. "Not a lot, no. And when I do, it's usually just to a pub, not to a nightclub or anything. I really don't dance, I prefer to just sit around and talk to friends."

Brian smiled an understanding smile. "I'm about the same. I really don't enjoy them all that much, and I've already met the love of my life, so really, what's the point?" he chuckled as Howie and AJ groaned comically. "But then, it doesn't hurt to go once in a while. I've never been to an Australian nightclub before, it might be fun! Maybe we can go to a pub some other night and just talk. Know any good pubs?"

I smiled. What a nice guy. Even with the fingernails. "Yeah, I know a few."

"Great. But don't think for a second that you're not gonna dance tonight," Howie grinned.

My stomach churned again. "Sorry, no way. Not happening."

Howie leaned forward and began pointing at me. "Oh, it's happening, all right. You can't not dance! What else is there to do?" I shrugged. That was pretty much entirely my point. "Look, I don't care if I have to handcuff you to me, you are going to dance tonight. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," I mumbled.

AJ shook his head. "D, I told you man, I don't think Drew goes in for that kinky stuff."

I laughed a little at that, happy to be doing so in the midst of what I was feeling. Right now any diversion was quite welcome.

We pretty shortly arrived at the nightclub - though to be honest, I was in such a funk I really couldn't tell you its name. It was fairly packed inside without there being a queue to get in or anything - it was only a weeknight, after all. We all got in without any trouble, since in modern democracies the legal age is 18, and were able to find a table against a wall after a couple minutes waiting.

"Who's drinking?" Kevin asked.

"Me. Bourbon and Coke," I said bluntly. Kevin looked shocked - I'd evidently forgotten my manners. "Sorry. Please," I added with a similar lack of expression. He was still looking at me, but now I could see it was only with concern.

The orders came from around the table, until it came to Nick.

"Tequila." Kevin's eyebrows shot up, but he bit his tongue, obviously the result of some practice, and nodded. "Umm.....can you see if you can find a couple of lemons as well?"

Howie beamed. I could see he was fighting within himself whether or not to....

"Uh, Nicky, I don't think we're in that kind of bar, here."

I laughed, another welcome relief from the pit of depression I was currently wallowing in. "God, this is Sydney. If we were in that kind of bar, trust me, you'd know about it. I think the table would already be surrounded by guys offering to buy you all drinks."

Howie laughed back. "Well, you know, I have been saving up to do some renovations back home......"

Kevin shot Howie a look and it didn't miss its mark. Howie shut up and stared down at the ashtray where he tried vainly to stop smiling.

Kevin sighed deeply. "Alright. I'll be back in a few."

AJ jumped to his feet. "Who's dancing?"

Brian nodded and stood, swivelling his hips comically.

Howie stood as well. "So am I, and that means Drew is, too." Brian made a joke about Howie being a bossy bitch.

"I'm not moving a muscle till I have a drink," I warned, "so just sit tight."

He sat back down, telling Brian and AJ not to wait. They moved off to the dance floor and I soon lost them in the crowd. We sat in silence until Kevin returned, much too soon, with our drinks. I took mine and took a sip. Nick wasn't happy with his.

"I meant a bottle, not a shot, Kevin," he grumbled. "Don't worry, I'll get it myself." He was out of earshot before Kevin could reply.

"What's up with Nick?" he asked.

"No idea," Howie replied. I shrugged.

"Whatever it is, can we all make sure to keep an eye out for him tonight? If he's going to drink, we need to be really careful. And we do have a concert tomorrow, remember," Kevin reminded us. "Now, where are those other two clowns?"

Howie pointed in the direction of the dance floor. Kevin nodded and moved off that way himself.

"Would you hurry up?" Howie demanded.

"Just a minute," I insisted, taking a decent-sized mouthful. After a short while, I decided I might as well get it over with, and drained my glass in a gulp.

"That's more like it!" Howie smiled. "Let's go!"

I tried one last, feeble line of defence.

"Do I have to?"

Howie held firm. "Yes, you do. Come on, Drew, you need it. I can see you're not your normal cheerful self. Trust me, you'll have fun. Do you trust me?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah. I mean, I've no reason not to, do I?" I got to my feet just as Nick got back with his bottle of tequila. He sat down immediately and drank the shot Kevin had bought. "You gonna come dance, Nick?"

Nick shook his head. "No, you guys go. I might later." Somehow I doubted that very much.

I sighed dramatically. "OK. Clear a path, people. Dead man walking here."

To Howie's credit, I did sort of enjoy myself. It was impossibly loud, of course, so I didn't have to do any talking, and it was also really dark. After a minute of standing around rather awkwardly, I realised something strangely liberating. No-one was looking at me. Sure, it was also a bit of a blow to the ego, but I chose to look on the bright side. I let go and just allowed the music to overwhelm me. Cliche, sure, but how are you gonna describe it? Huh? Punk.

Someone bumped into me. Howie. The intermittent flashes of light showed him smiling, and if my lip-reading skills are any good, I think he said `I told you so!'. I laughed silently and we separated again.

Some time later - I guess it could have been as much as half an hour - a tap on the shoulder turned out to be Kevin. We were on the edge of the melee, so I could actually hear him when he shouted into my ear:

"You look like you're enjoying yourself!"

I nodded and was about to scream my reply when something behind Kevin caught my eye.

Nick was sitting on his own at our table, staring into a glass and resting his head on his hand. He looked pretty upset - which may have been due to the alcohol - and he stood out like nothing else, a tall blond guy sitting by himself in the middle of a noisy, crowded bar. My expression changed entirely, and I couldn't help but reach out to help him.

Kevin sensed my disturbance and spun around. His face fell as he saw Nick. I could see it wasn't in anger or disappointment, only concern for Nick and, I guess, shame that he wasn't there to help him. Kevin turned back to me and yelled:

"I'm going to go talk to Nicky...."

But I cut him off with a shake of my head. "No, Kev, I will. I want to. I feel awful seeing him like that, too. Plus it'll get my off my feet for a while," I joked.

Kevin queried me with his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Yep," I replied, patting him on the shoulder as I walked by him, glad to be heading for quieter climes.

I approached our table from behind Nick and tapped him on the right shoulder as I quickly sat down in the seat at his left. My cunning and highly original ploy did the trick; when he turned back around after establishing that there was no-one behind him, he was suitably surprised.

"Christ, Drew, you scared the crap out of me," he muttered, slurring slightly. I glanced down at the bottle he held in his right hand. It was getting close to halfway down. Oh, dear.

As Nick went to pour himself another shot, I grabbed hold of the bottle. Nick looked over at me angrily.

"Nick, maybe you should go a little easy for a while."

"Why?" Nick demanded, the alcohol making him at once angrier and more defensive.

"Well, you are about halfway through the bottle, mate." Nick glared back without speaking. "And I was hoping you'd save some for me," I tried hopefully.

After a second's processing delay, his glare melted into a huge grin. At the same time, his iron grip on the bottle loosened, allowing me to take it and pour myself a shot, setting the bottle down away from Nick.

"Of course. Anything for you, Drew, sweetie pie," Nick slurred. I congratulated myself on getting the bottle away from him.

"Awww, thanks, baby doll," I replied, which set us both laughing, Nick even more than I thought could be reasonably explained away by the alcohol. I took a deep breath then drank the tequila. Taking another deep breath and shaking my head briskly, I turned again to Nick.

"Nick, man, are.......are you OK? You just seem......I don't know.... a little depressed or something."

My tone apparently flicked some switch inside Nick's head, and he stopped laughing and looked at me seriously. I could see in his eyes, suddenly so mournful, that there was something wrong, but he needed to say that there was if I was going to be able to help him at all.

Nick nodded silently in response. When it was clear he wasn't going to say anything more, I asked -

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nick shook his head slowly.

I sighed and placed my hand over Nick's, sitting on the table, trying to give comfort. "Nick, I really want to help you. I hate seeing you so sad. Ever since we met you've been nothing but good to me, you've always been supportive and a great friend......maybe the best friend that I have. Now, I'm not going to push you, but I want to be able to do the same for you, Nick. Are you sure you don't want to talk to me about it?"

I looked up at his face and saw his eyes, cast down at my hand covering his. I immediately felt guilty for making him more uncomfortable, and apologised as I moved my hand.

"Sorry."

Nick cleared his throat. "Don't be," he whispered, so softly I mightn't have known he'd spoken except that I saw his lips move.

I stared back at Nick, wondering what he'd meant. After a moment he raised his eyes to meet mine, and I tried to get inside his head. The attempt failed after a second or two as Nick broke the eye contact and laughed drunkenly. I smiled and let out the breath that had somehow caught in my throat.

"Nick," I repeated, getting his attention again, "mate, do you want to talk about it?"

"No, thanks, Drew. I really appreciate your offer, but......I don't know. My life's just so screwed up right now, ya know? I thought I knew what the hell I was doing, thought I had some control over parts of my life, and was OK with not being able to control the rest, but.....I don't know. It's all so confusing now. Everything I thought I knew for sure, I just don't know anymore. My mind is one fucked-up place right now, and I really need to sort it out a lot before I can talk to anyone about it." I nodded my understanding. Actually I was pretty impressed he'd strung that sentence together. "Drew, it really means a lot to me to have you here. I mean, I know I'm not being a very good friend to you right now....."

"Oh, Nick, that's rubbish! I can completely understand that you don't want to talk. It doesn't make you less of a friend at all." I paused. "You know that you've got four of the best friends in the whole world as well, right? All of us are here for you, Nick, we all love you."

Nick took a moment to react then smiled. "Thanks," he said, gently squeezing my own hand on the table for a second before taking his hand back. "Now, get drinking!"

"Huh?" I grunted.

"Get drinking! You've got a lot of catching up to do!"

I smiled and poured myself another shot. I went to set the bottle back down, but Nick took it, saying -

"Here, give me that! I'm not that drunk!"

I would probably have disagreed with that, but we'd already touched glasses (rather heavily on Nick's part) and the shot was gone before I could say anything, so I downed my own shot and moved on. I reasoned that, at the rate Nick was spilling tequila onto the table, we wouldn't have a problem much longer. I wondered whether it would be appropriate for me to unload my own troubles right now. Maybe not, because of Nick's emotional state, but......maybe hearing how dumb I was would make him feel a little better in comparison.

"Well, Nick, you're not the only one who's all fucked up," I finally came out with.

"Huh?" he asked cluelessly.

"That embarrassment at the radio station. I just don't understand what I did wrong."

"Umm, Drew, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Jackie." Nick's face remained impassive. Stoic, even. I sighed. "How I screwed up whatever we had going."

Nick looked genuinely shocked. "What? What happened? You guys were getting on great!"

I nodded. "Yeah, that was before you guys sang. It was perfect! We just clicked, you know? It was so exciting to just connect with someone like that. It's never happened to me before, you know, an instant and undeniable connection. You know what I mean?"

Nick was staring off into space over my shoulder, but he nodded slowly.

"I thought I might finally have found someone. How great would that be? God, I want that so much. I feel so lonely sometimes. I'm so sick of.......going to the movies by myself." I paused for a pensive second. "But no, I had to go and screw it all up!"

"How did you do that?" Nick asked the question.

Yessir, that was the question. Cos I hadn't really done anything, had I? Much as I might like to cop the blame on this one, for whatever masochistic purposes I had in mind, it was pretty clear that whatever it was had been beyond my control. I guess that didn't sit well with me. I'd rather have been able to put it down to my own stupidity or incompetence than have to leave it unexplained like this.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"What happened, then?" he asked.

"I......it was when we came back down to the studio after you guys had signed all that stuff for the fans. I....I went over to talk to her, and it was like all of a sudden there was this invisible brick wall between us. Nothing I could think of, nothing I could say would help. She could feel it too, so she just gave up trying."

"You know," Nick replied, "it sounds like it wasn't your fault at all."

God, he knew! He knew, he knew, he knew! How the hell did he know? He wasn't even there! What, was he reading my mind or something?

I nodded and said softly, "Yeah. You're probably right. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, though."

Nick cleared his throat. A few times. "Drew, you really can't keep beating yourself up over this. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. And that's OK, cos I know there's gonna be someone else out there for you. And when you find that person, you'll know it. There won't be any of this confusion bullshit. You'll just know. And you'll know what you have to do."

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, man." Nick rubbed my back comfortingly. Hang on.

"I thought I was meant to be here comforting you!" I smiled. Nick just giggled and shrugged his shoulders. I sighed. "Well, does hearing my pathetic little tale cheer you up any?"

Nick thought for a second. "Actually, it does."

I pretended to be hurt. "Well, great. At least I didn't go through that pain and humiliation, then relive it all again right here, for no reason."

"Drew, I'm sorry, really...."

"Gotcha," I said with an amused smile.

"You're an asshole," Nick recovered quickly. "Now pour yourself a drink, and let's get trashed together!"

I'm not particularly proud of what I did next. I mean, it was done with the best of intentions in mind. Nick had to do a show tomorrow, and he was probably already going to be suffering a major hangover. On the other hand, all I had to do tomorrow was sit around and keep the guys company, then go watch their performance. They needed the energy, not me.

Still, I'm not entirely proud of what happened. I took the bottle in my hand and took a look at it. Still about one-third full, or thereabouts. If Nick drunk anymore of that, he'd be an absolute wreck tomorrow. In the finest traditions of self-sacrifice, and pretending to be drunker than I was, I stumbled out:

"You know, it'd be sooooo much more efffficient if we got rid of the glasses here. Say, if we...." I raised the mouth of the bottle to my lips and commenced to pour.

Like I said, really not something to be proud of.

And boy, was I gonna pay for it tomorrow.

So yeah, I sculled the rest of the bottle (ughhhh), which, understandably, drew a bit of a crowd, clapping and cheering me on. It wasn't pretty. I'm bad enough at sculling water, and the fact that it was a damn strong spirit passing through my mouth didn't help any. My mouth was burning after the first gulp, but I had to see this through.

I finally slammed the empty bottle down onto the table, to a rousing cheer and round of applause from the crowd, and a shocked but amused grin from Nick. I immediately began to feel awful. A couple of guys patted me on the back blokily as the crowd broke up.

"That's a great idea!" Nick exclaimed. "I'll go get us another bottle!"

My stomach lurched as Nick stood abruptly, knocking his chair over behind him.

"No, I don't think so," I heard a deep voice say. "I think we're all gonna head back now."

I looked up and saw the other four Boys looking down at me, concern on all their faces. Thank god. Talk about my knights in fashionable streetwear. I smiled to let them know I was OK, which was of course a blatant lie.

"Let's go, Drew," Kevin said, helping me to my feet.

I leaned in and whispered into his ear, "I'm really sorry, Kev. I couldn't think of anything else. If......I didn't drink that, Nick would have. And he......he needs to be on the ball tomorrow. I'm really sorry I did that, though. I wish I hadn't drawn all that attention to us."

Kevin grimaced. "You'll be sorry, all right. In the morning. You shouldn't have done that, Drew. I don't care who saw it and who didn't; that kinda crap makes people really sick." He paused. "Having said that, though, thankyou. I'll make sure Nick knows what you just did for him, and I can tell you the rest of us are already grateful."

My stomach tumbled again. "Kevin, please don't tell him. And, um, can we go now, please? I'm beginning to feel a little....." I said, pointing at my stomach.

"Sure," he replied. "You OK walking?"

"Yes!" I insisted. "I'm not feeling drunk......yet. You might have to give Nick a hand, though."

We made our way out of the club, back into the now cool night air. That served to freshen me up a little, but not much more than that. We waited for just a couple of minutes for the limo to come, during which time Kevin, Howie, AJ and Brian all asked if I was OK about 14 times each. I felt like writing the answer down on a card. Once the car arrived we got in, the guys letting Nick and I in first, gingerly, before piling in behind us. The 10 minutes or so we spent in the car were pretty silent ones. I was just sitting there feeling sorry for myself, trying to meditate myself onto another plane where I wasn't feeling quite so appallingly bad, but to no avail. I quickly realised I wasn't going to vomit, at least, as my stomach got progressively better, even as my head became progressively lighter.

Back at the hotel, and now I did need some assistance walking. This I realised after taking a few shaky steps and suddenly finding Brian under one shoulder. He was such a nice guy...... I leaned in and kissed his hair above his ear. Brian just laughed.

"No problem, Drew."

We limped through the deserted lobby and a lift opened for us immediately we called one. Brian dragged me to the back, next came Kevin who was holding Nick up, then Howie and AJ squeezed into the front corners. Howie pushed the button for our floor.

"Hi, Drew!" Nick waved at me in the reflection off the side wall of the elevator. Since three of the walls were mirrors, I could see quite a few Nicks waving at me, which I found unusually funny.

"Hey, Nicky!" I laughed back, waving wildly. "How are ya doing?"

"I'm good thanks, Drew!" he nearly yelled back, which made me laugh harder. "How are you doin'?"

"I'm pretty fucked up, actually!" I laughed back. We both laughed then, probably laughing at each other's laughter. After a moment, the lift came to a halt and the doors opened with a loud `ding'. I laughed.

"Ding!" I echoed.

"Ding!" Nick repeated.

We broke out laughing. "Ding!" "Ding!"

I could see in the corner of my eye that Brian was struggling not to laugh, since he obviously didn't want to encourage us. We were way past needing encouragement, though. It was lucky we had the floor to ourselves or all the other guests would have heard a series of

"Ding!"

s going down the corridor, followed by gales of raucous laughter.

"Ding!"

We finally made it down to our rooms, which were opposite each other. I turned to Brian. "Thanks, Bri, I can take it from here." The alcohol had made me unusually expressive all of a sudden, so I leaned in and kissed his hair again, sloppily.

"Ewwww, Drew!" Brian cried, first wiping my saliva off his hair then back onto my shirt sleeve with a laugh. "See you in the morning, Drew." I fumbled with my key for a second until Brian came back, took it out of my hand, and opened the door. He just smiled wordlessly, staying carefully out of kissing range, while I mumbled my thanks.

Nick chuckled. "Well, good night, sweetie pie."

I laughed back. "You too, baby-doll." Feeling unusually expressive again, I decided to kiss him on both cheeks, in the European style. I don't know exactly what went wrong, but somehow the second kiss landed on something much softer, moister, and more responsive than his cheek. My addled brain eventually made the connection - Oh my god, those were his lips! How the hell did those get there?

I pulled back instantly, mortified and amused at once. "Shit, I'm sorry, Nicky," I laughed. "I didn't mean to.....do......that." A serious look on Nick's face prompted me to make good my escape. "Well, that's it for me today, guys. See you in the a.m." I heard Kevin say something which I didn't really understand as I pushed the door shut behind me a little stronger than I realistically needed to.

Realising that there was no chance of me surviving a shower just now, Imoved over to my bed, kicking off my shoes randomly, and began to unbutton my shirt. When this proved too taxing, I pulled it off over my head awkwardly and threw it away. I lay down on the bed without pulling back any of the covers, and the only thought that crossed my mind between then and sleep was that maybe I should get up and turn out the l.......

Meanwhile, back in the corridor.......

Kevin took Nick's key and opened up his door as Brian had mine. Pushing it open, he supported Nick into the room, walking him over and sitting him down on the bed.

"You gonna be alright now, Nick?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, thanks," Nick's voice rasped.

Kevin grimaced. "OK, but you let me know if you need me. You know my room number, right?" Nick's nod was enough for Kevin, who said goodnight and left the room. He walked quickly down to his own room, where he decided to take a quick shower before going to bed.

Adjusting the shower temperature to his liking, he stripped off his clothing piece by piece, letting it fall into a pile around his feet, before stepping into the shower.

Well,' he mused, that was an interesting day. Relaxing morning - check. Sound check went smoothly - check. Good radio interview - check. Then what the hell happened at that night club?' He paused for a minute, putting his head under the shower, letting the warm water run through his dark hair and down across his shoulders, meandering its way slowly to the drain. I sure wish I knew what was going on with Nick. I don't understand what made him drink like that......he's never done that before.' Kevin stopped again to make the water a little warmer. But thank God Drew was there. Man.....I still can't believe what he did. What a guy. Note to self: Must see about his Christmas bonus.' Kevin chuckled at his own joke.

Turning the water off, Kevin shivered for a moment as the cool air moved around his warm skin. Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed a towel from the shelf next to the shower, and began to towel off his chest and stomach thoroughly, then his arms, before throwing the towel across his shoulder and drawing it to and fro across his back, soaking up each stray drop of water. Next he ran the towel through lightly through his hair, leaving it still slightly damp. Then, drying each thigh in one stroke, Kevin bent over to complete the job, getting to his calves and finally his toes. Wrapping the towel around his waist and securing it tightly, Kevin walked back into the bedroom.

The more he thought about it, the more Kevin saw, or imagined he saw, a link between Nick's state and Drew. They sure do seem to share something, at least. Don't understand it; don't even pretend to, but there certainly is something there.' Kevin turned up the controls on the room's air conditioning a few notches. Makes sleeping naked that bit more comfortable.' Turning around Kevin turned down the covers of his bed, then called reception to make sure of his wake-up call. `And that's everything....except for the teeth. Gotta look after those pearly whites.' Returning to the bathroom, Kevin brushed his teeth carefully, at the same time turning over in his mind what he knew of Drew - the pile he'd heard from Nick over the past three months, and the strong, positive impression of him he'd formed for himself over the past days. Finishing up, he rinsed his mouth out and replaced his toothbrush on the little glass shelf above the sink. Finally he untied the towel from around his waist and hung it over the rail to dry.

Striding back into the bedroom, he switched out the overhead lights in the room and then slipped into his bed, stretching his limbs and moving around lithely, luxuriating in the feel of the soft sheets against his bare skin. When he was done, Kevin rolled across the expanse of empty bed to switch off the lamp.

Doing so was like throwing a switch in his head. If the room around him was suddenly pitch black, then Kevin's mind was brightly illuminated just as suddenly. Oh, my......' he thought. Well, it does explain quite a bit.....all those phone calls,' Kevin nodded, agreeing with his brain, `and his mood swings.....hell, the whole picture.' Kevin re-evaluated everything he knew about Drew and Nick in the light of what had just somehow leapt into his mind. Dumbfounded, he made a mental tally of all the incidents he could recall, and......suddenly it all made sense! No, wait, it actually made no sense at all, but......at least it explained a hell of a lot of what had been going on. As the explicit words popped into Kevin's mind he suddenly sat bolt upright, naked in his bed in the middle of the dark hotel room.

"Oh, my Lord," he said out loud, taking a deep breath and letting it out again. "Nick is in love with Drew!"

Well, there it is. I'm sorry for dragging you through the mental image of Kevin taking a shower, I realise it was a difficult ordeal. :) Lucky water molecules, I say. :) I promise never to do it again. It was just nice to have that freedom, since I was already in the third person. And nice to throw a bit of a tease in there for you, too.

Look out for another little something I might soon be posting, tentatively titled 'The Love of a Stranger'. If you like SKoB, then you might like the newie; if you don't like this story, then you really should check out my new story, cos it will be considerably different. Anywho, that's probably a few days away at least, but do keep your eyes open. :)

Write to me if you like, I'd really appreciate it. I can guarantee a (reasonably rapid) reply, and it's always good to hear people's opinions on what I do. If you're as lazy as I am, here's the address so you don't have to scroll back up to the top of the page: It's braan90@hotmail.com

Hope you liked the good long installment, and that it made up for my.....extended absence. :)

That's all for now. Until next we meet. :)