Hello everyone. I'm so sorry that it took so long to get this part out, but I've been through a lot since the last time (i.e. moving to another country). LOL, now that I think of it, the 2 or 3 people who read this already know and I guess that nobody could care less... Anyway, this chapter is just kind of background stuff, hopefully I will come up with a good plot and continue with something worthwhile for you to read.
Please forgive any mistakes I make, English is not my native language. And if you want to read the first three chapters, you can look them up at the Nifty Archive, under the Celebrity/Boy Band category. Or you can email me and I will send it to you.
You can also read this and other stories at Egroups. I strongly recommend you join the NsyncSlashChronicles list (http://www.egroups.com/group/nsyncslashchronicles), the owner is a friend of mine and I would love to see that list grow.
Dedications: This story is for the people who have given me their friendship, Jrok, Dara, Red, Piper, Jamaal and thank you to the people who have written about the story, I love feedback :-)
Disclaimer: Ok, only JC is mine, the other four you can have, LOL. Seriously, I don't mean to imply anything about them.
TEARING UP MY ASS
CHAPTER 4: Peeking at Justin's Diary
By Rick - jc.chasez@gmx.net / jc.chasez@ifrance.com
[Sometime back in 1993]
Dear Diary:
Ooooooh! This week has been the coolest of my life!!! I'm here in Orlando and new to the cast of the Mickey Mouse Club!!! Isn't that like the most awesome thing? At least for me. All the boys and girls are really nice and friendly! That's cool too because I miss my mom, I have to spend many hours in here and even though she moved here with me, she can't be with me all the time... There's this really neat guy called Josh, well, everybody calls him JC but after I found out that his name is Joshua, I started calling him Josh. The first time I did that, he kinda looked funny at me, but he just mussed my hair... He's always playing with my hair, I used to hate these curls, but now I think they're cool. There's also this girl called Britney, she's nice and she seems to be interested in me. I'll have to ask Josh how I should act with her. Anyway, I think I'm going to have a great time!
Justin
Dear Diary:
I'm so tired today, we had to shoot for soooo many hours... At least Josh was there, joking like he always does. He's my best friend now, I don't think I would be having such fun if it weren't for him. He always has a smile for me, I didn't think I could be so close to a guy. I've only known him for six months, but I feel like he's my brother or something. I hope we'll be this close for the rest of our lives. Britney told me that we should date... I don't know what to do, I like her but I don't feel like we should be more than friends. I'm always getting the others to go with us, but she says we should go out alone. She's a little crazy, we're still kids and I feel like she wants to marry me... Josh says I don't have to feel forced to go out with her if I don't want to. He's always right, so let's see what happens. Tomorrow I'll tell her I just want to be friends with her.
Justin
Dear Diary:
I told Britney and she got mad... but she'll forget it soon. Anyway, I don't think she'll be angry for long, not like I care too much. Josh was really great today on the show, he sang beautifully. I wish I could be more like him, I mean, he has the most amazing voice... wait, I'm sounding like one of the fans! But I really admire that guy. I got pissed today because Tony was telling Josh today that he has become my nanny... he should mind his own business! They argued a little, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I hope that Josh isn't loosing friends because of me, I would be really sad to know that. I need to sleep now, my mother is being obnoxious...
Justin
[Some months later]
Dear Diary:
Oh, something really strange happened to me last night... I was having this weird dream and when I woke up my underpants were soiled. I was so embarrassed because I thought I had peed. But then I realized that it was some sticky goo. I had heard something like that before, so I had to ask Josh When I told him, he blushed completely... but he then told me what is it about. He said to me that it is called ejaculation and that I shouldn't be embarrassed, but who's gonna explain my mom? I threw those shorts away, but I can't do that every time, because he also told me that boys my age start having "wet dreams" and this happens. I asked him if he knew of a way to stop it, and he told me that there is a way to not have much of those things. But he said that he wasn't going to show me now. I begged, but he said that maybe later. I hope I can get him to tell me soon.
Justin
Dear Diary:
Oh my gosh! After one month of begging him, Josh finally gave up and he said he would tell me the secret. But he said that I should go and stay with him so he could show me. I had to beg my mother, she didn't want to. He asked me to bring Josh home instead, but after hours of plead, she said yes. So here's what happened: We were at his home and he said to me with a very serious face that what he was going to tell me, should be kept privately, just between him and me. I agreed and then he got from underneath his bed some magazines. I had taken small peeks at them when I was still in a school, but I had never had one in my hands. I was amazed, I didn't really know that women looked like that without clothes. Josh laughed when I told him, he said that he didn't think that I was still so naive. I felt embarrassed, but well, I was intrigued and kept looking. I started to get a woody right there! I felt stupid but then Josh told me that it was very normal and that I was supposed to get what he called a hard-on. He then made me promise I would never ever tell anyone about this and that he was going to teach me how to masturbate. He lowered his zipper and told me to do the same. He took off his pants and went to sit on the bed. Then he patted the place besides him and I went to sit there too. He started to show me the magazines and I couldn't keep my jaw in place. I had never seen that stuff before and after we saw the naked women, he also showed me a couple of magazines were couples were having sex or fucking as he said. After a while my pecker was so hard it was starting to hurt... Josh told me I should rub it over the briefs I had on. He was doing the same and I kept staring at the bulge he had... Some minutes later he said to me that we should do that the proper way, I was clueless. He took off his briefs and I got to see him naked for the first time... I was agape. I was kinda curious too, I mean, you don't usually get to see your friends naked and with an erection... he had much more hair down there than I do and of course a bigger pecker. I would have liked to touch it, but of course I couldn't do that. So, he showed me how he rubbed his pecker slowly... and I started doing it too, I hadn't feel that before... it's awesome! But I was doing it too fast. When Josh realized it, he took my hand in his and he rubbed me slowly. When his fingers touched mine I felt like something electrical, I don't know why. He did that for just a couple of minutes and told me to keep that pace. I felt something that made me shudder and then the white goo came out of my pecker. I was breathing so hard and felt like I was going to pass out. He was looking at me and when I turned to look at him, he winked and then resumed stroking his own pecker. After a couple of minutes he sighed deeply and the stuff came out of his pecker too. Later he explained to me that the stuff is called sperm and also cum by some people. Gee, I hate the fact that mom had me so sheltered. Josh is so kind, other guy would be laughing at me for being such an ignorant. But he always is acting like a big brother, I feel so protected around him. This is ridiculous, but after we got our clothes on again, I hugged him and thanked him. He blushed and told me that I should never mention this to anyone and that he will always be by my side whenever I need him. God, I want to believe that.
Justin
[Around 1994]
Dear Diary:
I keep having these weird dreams, I'm getting worried... I think that I might need to see a shrink, but I would be too embarrassed to tell him, I just don't know how to deal with this. Last night I was dreaming that Josh and I were playing basketball, then came into the house to drink some water. Just when we were in the kitchen, I turned to look at him and he had taken off his shirt. The look of him, half naked, turned me on... and that was completely strange... then, he approached me and ran his hands over my arms... when he leaned and his lips were almost touching mine, I woke up all sweaty and sure enough, my shorts were messed again. I've been trying to understand why is this happening to me. I've heard some people say that it looks like I'm Josh's little girlfriend, those mean bastards (sorry for that, but they are)... but I haven't thought of him that way, and I still don't think there's nothing going on between him and me. He would kill me if he knew I'm having those thoughts about him, at least I think that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. What am I going to do?
Justin
[Months later]
Dear Diary:
I've come to realize that I'm in love with that guy. Joshua Scott Chasez is the center of my universe. I don't know what I'm going to do! God, please help me! I mean, is not that I regret being in love with him, for he's the most beautiful person on earth. He's the most talented, bright, caring, handsome, lovable, and anything-else-you-want-to-add man that has ever been born, but... why? Why did I have to fall in love? Why do I ask why? Because I know I will never have a chance to fulfill this urge, this need that burns me inside... Even if I ever had the guts to stand in front of him and tell him what I feel, he would never consider that option. He's perfect, why would he want to have something to do with a freak like me? I don't know how, but I have to get over with this. Otherwise, I will have to kill myself. I have to sleep now, because I haven't done so in a week, people are starting to notice.
Justin
Ok, this is it. I know that it probably sucks, but someone asked me to write about the previous entries in Justin's diary and I thought it was a good idea. Hopefully I will think of something better next time. If anyone has comments or suggestions (I need a lot of that), please drop me a note at: jc.chasez@gmx.net or jc.chasez@ifrance.com
-- ---[ Rick ]-----------------------------------------------------------
If you love someone, let him go.
If he doesn't come back, go find him and shoot him. ----------------------------------------------[ jc.chasez@gmx.net ]---