The Bet 3 - Bleed For Me
Disclaimer - If you shouldn't be reading this, don't.
1
Elaine Detloff looks over at her son with pride. What a fine man he has grown up to be. Todd Detloff holds a job in computer sales, goes to school to further himself, and not to mention is gorgeous with a beautiful future wife. If only every mother could have a son such as she.
She takes a quick glance over at the young couple as they hold hands lovingly. How happy she is to see her only child in such a content state. He finally has a woman who meets all her standards.
"Julie dear," she yells. "Come here a moment, I need to speak with you."
Julie raises an eyebrow, wondering why her future mother in law is calling her away in the middle of an engagement party. She looks at her fiancee a moment, andTodd's gaze falls upon her with a questioned expression. Julie can only shrug her shoulders in wonder.
She smiles nicely as she walks toward the older woman, hoping Elaine Detloff still finds her suitable to marry her son. Julie is positive she will die without consent, as well as Todd.
"Julie sweety, I have to be honest with you. I haven't seen Todd this happy in years," Elaine states with joy as her arm goes around Julies shoulders. "His eyes light up like a Christmas tree every time he looks at you. How do you do it?"
Being quite timid around Elaine still, Julie gives her an unknowing look.
"I guess I am oblivious to it. I just know I love him and he loves me. That's all there really is to it."
Elaine nods her head at this, and begins telling a long and completely dreadful story.
"You know, when I was your age I thought the same thing," says Elaine, carrying on. Julie smiles and laughs, reacting to every comment. She listens, but not really. Kind of like when you're at school and the teachers lips are moving, but nothings coming out. Almost as if Elaine has some kind of mute button that Julie can just push when necessary.
Then, like some kind of light from the sky, Neve comes into view. While still laughing, Julie turns her head, and gives her best friend the warning cue.
Neve smiles and puts one finger up, letting Julie know she will be there to save the day. All she needs to do is finish her margarita.
Elaine is hardly aware of the bore and torture she is bringing on her future daughter in law. She thinks Julie is hanging on every word, as if the speech is that enlightening.
"At first we didn't sleep in the same bed. Good heavens, back then it was terrible. It was like two females kissing in public today. It just wasn't socially excepted. Lucky for you, times have ch-."
"Excuse me, I need to steal her for a little while. It's an emergency, and I need girl talk A.S.A.P. Thanks a bunch," cries Neve as she locks hold of Julies hand.
Not even giving her another moment to speak, they walk faster than ever, leaving behind Elaine and the non entertaining old days. While chuckling, Julie hugs her faithful amigo. "You make me think God just might be a woman too. I don't know what in the hell I would do without you sometimes," Julie says.
With a smile her friend replies, "me neither."
2
I wonder how many girls a day I look at. I mean, yeah, a lot of them are hot, but how many of these girls do I actually respect? How many could I ever come to love with passion?
Does it really matter?
In honesty, there is only one woman I respect; Monica Nicholson.
The only person who through thick and thin has ever stood by my side. The same person who is sitting next to me as I speak.
"Hey Monica?" I ask.
"Hey what?"
"I was thinking that maybe I should go and see my Mom and Dad for this Christmas. I know I really don't care about them, but I miss my sister."
Monica looks up from the paper she is reading in shock. She sets the black and white page on the table next to her daily Nutri - Grain bar. Her eyes meet mine and really search deep.
"Well, that's a first. God Rachel, its been like four years. It's something to really think about, but I think if you wanted to it would be totally awesome. I mean, it's your choice. You can't ask me to possibly help you decide something like that, but either way, I am behind you one hundred percent."
I nod, grateful for having such a good friend. She always knows what to say. That is exactly what I love about her.
"I was wondering if you would go with me," I say quietly. My eyes never leave her face, and I wait for the gaze to be returned.
Finally, after what seems like an eternity, I come across those blue eyes. I can sense hesitation in her. She is scared of my family.
"I don't know Rachel. I mean, what are you going to tell them when I walk in with you? You're still a lesbian, I am still a lesbian. Nothing has changed. I will go with you, but I can almost guarantee your mother is going to go rambling on about some kind of crap again. I mean, going there is one thing, going there with another woman is another. That is like starting a fire, then adding ten gallons of gasoline."
After hearing Monica's comment, I know exactly what is going to be the perfect defense mechanism.
"Monica, you have been my best friend since sixth grade. My family knows how much you mean to me."
"Which is exactly why they are going to bitch you out for bringing me! God, Rachel! They accused us of screwing before."
I shake my head in disgust. In a way, we are both right, but in a way, we are both incredibly wrong.
"Monica, who cares? I don't care what my mom says. They have a kid. They need to start realizing it. Everybody is different. Some girls dress like weirdo's , some girls play sports, some girls have three boyfriends, and some girls like other girls. It doesn't make me fucked up. It makes me stronger that I admit who I am. They need to cope with that. I am sick and tired of feeling like shit all the time."
Monica looks over at me, kind of scared by this new found strength. She knows that family problems are tearing me up inside, but she seems to always try and pull through for me.
I keep glancing at my best friend, more than pleased. How do I get so lucky? People search their whole lives to find a companion in which they can rely on. Me, I have one handed to me.
Don't get me wrong, I care about Andrea. She has been our friend since late high school, but there is no bond like the one between us. The rest of the world can fall through, and I still would only trust Monica.
"Look," she says while putting her arm around me. "You're the strong one around here. You know what is best for you." she says as I become frustrated. Monica knows once I get a temper tantrum it is almost impossible to calm me down.
I continue to sit at the table, head in my hands, waiting for more of my best friends wisdom. It is only she that I will truly listen to.
"If you want me to go with you Rachel, I will. You just have to tell me that you understand what you're getting yourself into. There is no turning back."
"I know. I wasn't sure of anything anyways. It was just a thought."
"Hey," she says to me. I know she can sense the regret in my voice.
"It is a good thought. Trust me."
She looks back at me with a smile and hugs me closely. God, do I need this. It gets so hard trying to be civil all the time when your heart just yearns for closeness. I always act like I have everything I need, when really, music is the only other thing besides Monica and Andrea that hold me together.
I smell the fragrance coming off of her as we embrace. The scent of dove soap fills my nostrils as her arms hug my body, making me pull her closer.
"Hey, you don't smell like smoke. What's up with that?" I ask jokingly.
I sigh in disappointment when Monica's soft arms release me and pull away.
"I quit," she says with a smile. I give a grin back, letting her know I am proud.
After a minute of silence and smiles, I stand up begin walking to my room. I need to start getting ready for work.
"Hey," I call to Monica. She glances over at me and awaits my response.
"You're the best," I enounce before closing the door. I then shut myself away to dress and leave.
"If you only knew," Monica whispers to herself.
3
His lips sweep over hers, demanding more bodily contact. Todd simply cannot stand it when Julie becomes passive in the bedroom. It seems as though everything will be going fine, and then bang; she no longer wants anything to do with him. She stops touching and caressing him period. Todd may as well be sleeping with a rubber doll.
"Hey," he whispers to Julie underneath him.
"Are you alright?" He asks.
She nods her head, basically just laying there. Julie knows in her heart that she loves Todd, but something goes wrong every time they hit the hay. Everything will be hot and heavy, and suddenly Todd will do something that completely turns her off. Like just a moment ago, he grabbed her breasts as though they were boxing gloves. That is not exactly gentle romance.
"Yeah, I'm just not in the mood," she says. Julie knows it is the same excuse every time, but hey, it's the truth. The sad part is, she and Todd are soon to be married, and they still haven't even seen each other naked.
"Good God Jules, you're never in the mood. I might as well become a priest. At least they have a good excuse to why they never have sex."
Julie can see Todd's anger, and completely understands. She just does not want to ruin her first time. She wants it to be perfect, and well, Todd just is not fulfilling her requirements.
"Well, we are going to be getting married soon. Maybe we should just wait until the big day," she says.
Todd sarcastically chuckles at this. "Yeah, why not? It's not like I have been waiting two years already."
Julie looks at her fiancee with disgust. "You don't have to be an asshole about it. I just want everything to be done right. I don't want to screw on a couch, or in a van, or god knows wherever fucking else you were planning. I know your first time was probably different, but I have my reasons, and I don't need you being a prick about it."
And that ends the conversation.
4
"Can you see?" Monica asks me while watching me haul in the forty five pound Christmas tree.
"Um no, sorry. I have Gigantor, the eight hundred pound Christmas tree in the way. Maybe you could help a little," I reply sarcastically. "I don't understand why we couldn't get the small one. I don't even know if we can fit this damn thing in here."
"Don't be a grouch," Monica complains.
"I'm not a grouch," I reply while breathing heavily. The pines and scent of the tree are starting to make me wheeze. Monica isn't doing much to help either. She just stands and watches me lift the huge green tree up the stairs.
I finally make it up to the top stair as Monica assists me in taking the gigantic thing. I nearly fall over because the tree limb smacks me in the face.
"Don't take my head with you," I yell.
"Sorry," Monica replies.
I make an attempt to fit the fat tree through the door, but it isn't working out too well. I hop over from the back, and begin yanking the front from the inside of the apartment. Monica is grabbing on one side, and I am tugging on the other.
"We are going to fit this damn thing in here if it's the last thing we do."
Monica laughs at my comment, knowing this is all her fault. She persisted on getting the most ugliest, most fattest and heaviest Christmas tree on the face of the earth.
With one extreme heave, we manage to pull the tree into the apartment. I let go, and find myself flying half way across the room because I was pulling so damn hard.
Monica lands directly on my stomach, nearly knocking the wind out of me. I want to laugh, but can't because I can barely breathe.
I find my best friend next to me on the floor, laughing her ass off. If somebody is watching us, they are definitely laughing at us as well. Bringing that tree up here was like a bad three stooges episode. Well, more like two stooges.
"You're cutting off my circulation, fatty," I joke with Monica. She gives me the middle finger, adding a fuck you to my raunchy sense of humor. I can only reply with, "you wish."
And for no reason at all, she leans forward, and her lips begin to consume mine.
This is one of those moments in life I find completely strange. The front door is wide open, there is a half beaten to death Christmas tree on the floor, and next to it my best friend and I lay, making out.
Most people would say a moment like this is confusing. For some strange reason, nothing makes more sense to me. Monica and I are the opposite match, but nothing feels more right. The gorgeous, rich, store owner finds love with the butch, poor tattoo artist.
But on the same token, nothing feels more wrong. She is my best friend.
I immediately break away from her kiss, no longer allowing our tongues to interlock. I back away in horror, not only afraid of a relationship, but timid of losing my best friend as well.
"We can't," I protest.
Monica looks at me as though I have just gouged a knife into her back.
"Monica, you're my best friend. I don't want anything to change that."
Before I know it, she walks over the huge Christmas tree and into the hallway. I hear footsteps down the stairs, and the front door slam.
5
I sit in my room, wishing myself a merry fucking Christmas. Where could Monica be on December 24th? It is Christmas Eve. Not only that, but she is breaking her promise. She told me that she would go with me to see my sister.
I have no idea what to do. Andrea is having dinner with her family, Monica is nowhere to be found, Jerry is with his family. And me? I am just lost.
So I do the only thing I know how to do.
I gently prick at my guitar strings, making sure the acoustic is in tune. Then, I find myself in another world, playing the one song I can think of. The one song that can describe how I feel at this very instant...
Bleed For Me - Saliva
All I ever wanted Was to be at your service But now I'm alone Cause you were here and you're gone And all I ever wanted Was to feel I had a purpose But now that's all gone But if you could give me
Just one love, just one life Just once chance to believe in mine Just one love, just one life
You bleed for me, And I didn't get to notice you Now I'm stuck out on a line Bleed for me,
I didn't get to be with you Now you're stuck in my mind