Disclaimer: The actors portrayed in this story are not as they are portrayed, as far as I know. I do not pretend to know anything about any persons mentioned hereafter and this piece is merely a work of fiction for entertainment purposes. No money is being made off of this story.
The Crimson Ocean
One: Andy
I really couldn't tell you what gave me the urge to just head over to the Harvard dorms like I had a reason to be there. Except, you know, I kind of did. Not a good one, or at least, not one of good intentions. I knew better, I really did, but when something that should be so obvious finally jumps out at you and shouts hey, look at me, I'm over here, well, you just have to listen to it. I mean, I guess I knew. No, I did know. I knew he was attracted to me. I knew he was gay. Hell, I knew I found him pretty cute. I don't consider myself gay. Bisexual, maybe--very selectively, that's for sure. Besides Ben, I think there was one other guy back in the fifth grade that I might have dreamed of kissing. Of course, with Ben, I dream of a lot more.
I smirked at the thought, the smoky smell of the taxi cab less noticeable tonight than normal. As I got out of the cab, which stopped just in front of the building where Ben would be, getting into his pj's--most likely flannel or plaid--his hair wet from his shower. Just the thought had me grinning like the big bad wolf, although thankfully Ben Moss is no pig. As for me being a wolf, well? I can't really say either way.
I held back my grin as I paid the driver, telling him there was no need to wait. I would call for another driver if I needed one--I did not plan to need one. Slipping out of the cab, I quickly forgot the driver as I headed down the sidewalk, ignoring those students still out and about. I shouldn't have been surprised to see other people besides myself. Just because Ben was the ideal student didn't mean that everyone else at Harvard followed the same sleep regime as him. I myself was very happy he kept to his schedule. I hadn't planned this--not that the idea hadn't entered my mind the moment we had learned we would be playing in Massachusetts--but now that I was here and fully dedicated to my plans for the evening, I was grateful that he was as dedicated to his studies and his sleep. Not that he would be getting much of the latter, if I could help it.
It didn't take long for me to get to his building. I'd been here before a few of the times that Ben had come before he left the cast and even after that. Those times I had been with a few of the others in Spring Awakening but there was no chance I was letting anyone come along with me tonight. Besides, Ben had told us that we shouldn't call on him every time we are in town because he wanted us to keep our heads in the play. The only people who knew the truth of where I was going--I had told the others that I just wanted to be alone--were Steffi and Blake. In the time we had spent together, those two had become my closest friends. Closer than even my friends back home. They had also hit it off well, and though everyone knew it would happen, they were now dating. I don't know how they can do it. The public knows, even if it was never officially confirmed. I don't think I could handle that. The weight of the public added to the weight of a relationship. That was why I was walking down the hall toward Ben's door at eleven-thirty on a Saturday night. I wasn't ashamed. If anything, I was being cautious. I liked Ben, liked him a lot but I didn't want any chance I had? for whatever that could be between us? to stop dead before it had even gotten started.
I reached Ben's door and suddenly I was no longer so confident in my ability or myself. The feeling lasted for only a minute but it was enough to bury a small seed of doubt in my mind. It didn't matter though. This wasn't the first time I'd ever felt this way. The musical itself was a perfect example. No matter how many times I get on stage, there is always that tiny shadow that causes me doubt. Not letting myself become handicapped to it, I raised a fist and knocked loudly upon the door. The moment after, I found myself wondering if I had woken him. Guilt passed over me before I pushed it away. If I woke him, so be it. All for the better if--no when--when things began to fall into place. My mouth went dry the moment I heard the metal mechanism of the door lock and the door opened just a crack. I put on my cheesiest big smile, my blue eyes meeting eyes just as blue, if not more so. There was that spark of recognition that always seems that much more prominent when it's Ben. The door opened wider and that sort of half smile that I love to death slid onto his face, followed by a set of matching dimples. This only made me smile more, though his words helped a bit as well.
"How did I know that of all the others it would be you who didn't listen to me?" he asked, and then his smile grew into such a warm smile I wasn't that Ben's dorm even needed their heating system. He stepped aside to let me in and I couldn't help but look back in the hall. Again, I wasn't ashamed. I just prefer for personal and private things to remain both personal and private. The door closed behind me and with it followed the most delicious sound I had heard in? well, seconds. It was the lock, only this time I was on the right side of that lock. I turned around and looked up at Ben, not for the first time wishing he wasn't taller than me. He quirked a brow in an amused sort of way and combined with his knowing little smile, and those damned adorable dimples? well, I couldn't help it. My devious smile was on full flare and the little laugh I let out before I spoke was anything but innocent.
"What?" I asked, as if I had no clue as to why he was looking so expectantly at me. He rolled his eyes at me and then shook his head. With his own little laugh, the same little giggle-like laugh that has all our hearts a-flutter, he took a step closer.
"Well, you're standing inside my room, so there must be a reason that you're here. You came alone, which makes it a personal one. So what is it? Must be pretty important? it's almost midnight? if you didn't notice."
I laughed again and held out my hands. "Alright, you caught me. I do have a reason for being here? at midnight? all alone? standing in your room." I don't know if most people notice but I do enjoy putting emphasis on words. I also moved closer, tilting my head ever so slightly to the side. Quirk went Ben's brow again, but this time it marked his intrigue. I smiled softly and leaned in closer, as if I were about to tell a secret. Ben leaned in as well but at the last minute I straightened up and spun on my heels, heading deeper into the little apartment style dorm. I wanted the timing and everything to be right. I was so very happy to know that Ben lived alone here, or things would become very awkward, very fast.
The dorm was small. There was a bathroom, average sized with a tub and shower, sink, and toilet. There was a kitchenette, and the rest was Ben's room and den. When you walked into the place, you were immediately in the kitchen. I walked past the kitchen and into Ben's room. He only had a bed, desk, dresser, and night stand. He did luck out on one thing: he had a walk-in closet. I was surprised again to see he didn't have a TV. Instead, stacked on the top of his dresser were two rows of books and then things like keys and coins had been placed there as well. His phone was charging on top of King Lear. I snorted and headed to Ben's bed, throwing myself onto it, settling into a lounging position. Ben followed me and leaned against the door frame as he grinned.
"Yes, please make yourself at home," he said, his voice lilting with good humor. His eyes seemed to shine with that playfulness that made him so? desirable, among other things. "Is there anything that I can get for you?"
I made a show of indecision before I grinned. "I guess being a college boy you must have all sorts of caffeine?"
He laughed softly and nodded before disappearing into the kitchen. From here, I could still see him. I watched him closely as he opened the door to his fridge, bending lower to reach for whatever it is he was retrieving for me. I know I really should have been more polite but I'm an opportunist. If I'm given the chance to check out something I really, really want? well, I'm going to take it. I didn't look away either as he headed back toward me. He entered the room completely, tugging over his chair--not an office chair but a simple wooden one that matched his desk--and with the backrest closest to me, he straddled the chair. I tried not to think of another thing--more like person--that he could be straddling and thanked him with an easy smile as he offered me a can. It was Dr. Pepper and he had one as well. It's funny, the thing about Dr. Pepper. You either like it or you don't. Ben and I both liked it--we have good taste.
It's not really the taste that makes it what it is. The part I like best is the way it burns down your throat. Like alcohol but without the side effects (except, maybe, getting very, very hyper). Thinking about Dr. Pepper and how it tastes suddenly had me thinking about Ben and how he would taste. Really taste. As I thought about this, I took a drink from my can before licking my lips. I watched Ben, who wasn't really looking anywhere, but then an expression passed over his face and he looked straight at me. I could see the faintest blush rise in his cheeks. I didn't look away and he only smiled--the smile self conscious as he brought a hand to his face--and his blue eyes looked worried.
"What?" he asked, his voice rising at the end of the word. He brushed his face and then pushed back a bit of his hair. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me and I sat up, raising my shoulders in a half-hearted shrug.
"Oh, nothing. Just the bit of toothpaste at your mouth that you missed." And he fell for it, wiping his mouth with his hand and then glaring at me when nothing showed for it. I held up my hands in a request for mercy. His eyes softened and he allowed that cute little grin to slip back onto his face. I leaned over and set my can on his nightstand, straightening up as I pulled one of my legs up and held it to my chest. Watching him then it seemed as if he wanted to say something but just wasn't able to find the right words. I don't know why but my heart went out to him right then. I should have said something? I should have done something to help him get whatever it was out but instead, I just watched him. The way his lip quivered the slightest but then he would bite softly upon it as if to stop himself from going any further. His eyes looked everywhere but at me. That same flush had not left his cheeks and his leg was shifting back and forth. He was uncomfortable and that made me very happy. I know, I sound like such a cold hearted bastard. Not really. He was uncomfortable because while he had probably dreamed of being alone with me, they had always been in dreams and every time I had actually come here, it had always been with other people. He knew that, but there was one important bit of knowledge that he didn't have just yet. The fact that I liked him, I wanted him. More than I had ever wanted anything before. So instead of speaking up or tactfully pulling a topic of interest out of my ass, instead of doing something helpful, I leaned forward and I kissed him.
I wish I could say that there were fireworks and I suddenly learned my life's purpose but that's not quite what happened. Okay, that isn't what happened at all. The moment I pressed my lips to Ben's, even before and really get into it, the lips that I felt against mine were gone and when I opened my eyes, so was Ben. I looked up. He was standing just in front of the chair he'd been sitting on and his eyes were wide. This would have made me laugh but after further review of his face I saw that his jaw was tight and his lips were a thin, thin line. The air in the room had changed too. No longer was it a mix between comfort and discomfort. Now it was alive with something that I couldn't quite identify. I tried to stand but Ben stepped back and his brows snapped together and the surprise on his face was filled with two emotions I had seen often to know what they were. He was angry and hurt. That it was my fault went without saying. I tried to speak up, to maybe explain myself but he wasn't having it.
"No? don't," he said. He swallowed hard and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed up and then back down. My eyes returned to his face and he wasn't looking at me again. Without warning, his eyes found mine and his voice was no longer the friendly one we had all grown to know and love. It was layered with annoyance, anger, and hurt. So many emotions we had all the ability to act out at a drop of a hat. Seeing it, and hearing it now? I just couldn't get my head around it.
"What? did someone put you up to this, Andy? Or was it a group of you? all getting together and deciding to pull a prank on me? Did you think I would find this funny? 'Go kiss Ben for old times's sake, it'll be a great laugh'." His nostrils flared as he bit his lip again and I could see that he was shaking. If I didn't know him so well and hadn't come to know all of his quirks this would have passed without me ever noticing. The fact that I noticed had me on my feet. I was concerned and maybe later on we would all laugh about this--or maybe just Ben and I--but that couldn't happen if I didn't do something. I walked to him, cutting around the chair as if I wasn't even aware of it. Ben stepped back again and I just stopped. I sighed heavily. Maybe this wasn't the best plan. Maybe I shouldn't have teased and joked and kept my actual feelings to myself. I smiled apologetically, shaking my head.
"You've got it all wrong, Moss," I told him with a little laugh. I licked my lips and shrugged again. Lay it all on the table, get it all in the open. "This is no joke: I really do like you."
The way Ben's eyebrows snapped upward and his eyes grew wide, I knew that image would be stored in my mind forever. I didn't care about it then as I closed the distance between us. My hands reached out, one closing into Ben's pajama shirt--very flannel--and the other closing around his forearm as I leaned up enough to press my lips softly to his. My eyes were closed and I could hear the suddenly frantic beat of both his heart and mine. The silence all around us was deafening and then, after what felt like an eternity, Ben's lips moved against mine, hesitantly. The moment Ben kissed back it was as if he was the ignition to my feelings. My hands closed tighter around both shirt and arm, and I moved closer, and my mouth was far more needy as I grinned into the kiss, my teeth tugging upon Ben's lower lip before I was kissing him again. He kissed back and soft sounds somewhere between a squeak and a sigh escaped him. His hands had found my hips and were tugging me closer and it was becoming very, very hot.
Ben was the one to pull away first but I was grateful--secretly so. I opened my eyes and couldn't help the smirk that slid across my mouth at the sight before me. Ben's cheeks were completely flushed and his lips deliciously bruised. He licked his own lips and I was very jealous of his tongue, even if I had been right there a moment before. Then he smiled and the smile was so adorably embarrassed I couldn't help but laugh. My laugh was deeper, huskier and it pulled a similar laugh--lighter and breathier than my own--from the boy I held. When I glanced at his lips, he bit them and I could only grin like an idiot. I looked into his eyes and leaned in, catching those lips once more. Closing my eyes again, I parted my lips and in tradition, he followed suit. I couldn't believe my lucky stars but who was I to look a gift horse in the mouth--or, more importantly, turn down whatever it was that Ben Moss was offering. Not one to beat around the bush when it came to the things I wanted--and I wanted to do so many things to this boy--I slipped my tongue into his mouth, so eager to taste every bit of him.
I don't know how long we stood there kissing or how many times one of us would pull away only to get right back in their again. It wasn't long until our tongues were sliding against the other and our hands shoved into our hair, gripping. When I pulled away next, I turned my attention to a cute freckled neck. I pressed kisses to the bit of skin peaking out from his shirt and then continued a path up his neck. My nose brushed at the hair just below his ears. When I blew against his ear, he laughed softly and I pulled away to take in his face. Damn, he is so perfect. I'm not sure how anything can be so perfect and adorable and cute. To think he'd want something to do with me--okay, really, who wouldn't?--but seriously, it amazed me. I was right there. I was in Ben Moss' dorm, tangled into him, and light headed and love drunk from making out with him. Really, how many people can say that?
He sighed and this brought me back to the present. He bit his lip in that way if he did that and then asked me to do something, then hell yes I would do it in a heart beat. He was a tease, that's all I have to say. He might not be aware of it or whatever but he is one A-Class natural in the teasing department. This was further proved by the little cheeky smile that flashed across his face, setting those dimples off like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July, and those blue eyes shinning with so many things at once. Fuck, I was sure I could kiss him all night and I sure as hell would have except Ben chose at that moment to clear his throat and work his way out of the tangled mess that was us. He just kind of looked around, his eyes falling to the ground at the Dr. Pepper that had been dropped and spilled at some point. Most people get mad at this point but either it was Ben or the who knows how long mack out with me, but he didn't even spazz. Just kind of looked at it and shrugged.
"Shoot," he said and then turned back to me and I felt my body stiffen as his eyes traveled up and down its length. The smile returned and he giggled softly before his eyes found mine. "That was? nice."
I snorted and grinned wide, my teeth flashing in a very predatory smile. "No shit," I said. "And that's definitely the understatement of the year. No, make that century." I fell silent and when he didn't speak again I knew that the dreaded time had come. I would have to leave. "I guess you didn't get away so we could get a little more comfortable on your bed?" Yeah, a long shot but I had to try. He only smiled wider and shook his head. I pouted, once. Then I crossed the distance, reaching out to cup his neck as I kissed him goodnight. Rather than gentle and sweet, it was hot and lingering and needy. He kissed back too and I pulled away just in time to keep us from entering round two. I left him breathless and wanting and that was just perfect for me. I winked and waved as I headed back through the place.
"Night, Moss. Sweet dreams."
"Goodnight, Andy. Think of me."
I had to get out of there or I was liable to pounce him or something. And thinking of him, well that pretty much went without saying considering the way my pants felt far tighter than they were supposed to feel. All I could think of as I headed down the hall way was that it was a low down, dirty shame that I would need a taxi after all. Tugging my cell phone from my pocket, I called up a cab and started to imagine Kyle in a really frilly dress to curb my excitement. It worked, thank god.