The Journey of a Lonely Heart, Part 5 by DGB
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Trevor lay awake in the darkness of early morning, trying to sort through a swirl of emotions. He had lost a patient yesterday, a promising life at an end. But the rhythmic breathing of the man holding him was proof of a new beginning.
The news had spread quickly through the clinic, it always did. He was writing up notes between patients when a nurse told him. Looking back now he felt foolish for the way he had acted. Trevor couldn't remember all the details, but he remembered abruptly telling Tiffany to cover for him as he rushed out. He resolved to go to the clinic today and make a point of personally calling the patients he had left untreated yesterday afternoon. What if something happened to them because he had left? Even worse this wasn't the first time he had done this. But he knew it would be the last.
Derek shifted in his sleep, unconsciously tightening his hold. "And that would be my other problem," thought Trevor. "What am I going to do about Derek?"
He was scared by how much the man meant to him after only a week. Not even Tiffany had worked her way into his heart this fast. It had taken nearly three months as lab partners before they started to hang out socially, and several more before he considered her a friend. He could count on one hand the number of serious dates he'd been on. Always just dates.
Trevor had never recovered from his first love, if one could call it that. Kurt had been his roommate in college when he was a pre-med student. The university had randomly paired them together in the dorm their junior year, the stereotypical mismatch of the jock and the nerd. Kurt was blonde, buff and popular. It wasn't unusual for Trevor to get back from the library and find a sock on the doorknob, signaling that Kurt was screwing yet another girl in their room.
Things had changed just before Christmas. Trevor was up late studying for one last exam before the holiday. Kurt had come in drunk, complaining that a sorority girl had left him with blue balls. He had stripped down to nothing but his tight boxer briefs and flopped onto his bed. Normally Kurt would just pass out, but tonight he kept whining about how bad he needed to get off.
"I'll give you a blowjob if it will get you to shut the fuck up!" the words left Trevor's lips before he could stop himself.
Up until that point he had kept his desires hidden, but now Kurt was just staring at him across the room. "Fuck I knew you had to be gay since I've never seen you with a chick. Get over here and do it already."
That first time had been quick and dirty, Kurt holding his head as he thrust into him. He passed out shortly after he got off, still sleeping when Trevor left for his exam. Trevor had gotten a B, not because he didn't know the material, but because he was too worried about what would happen when he got back to his room.
But Kurt was already gone by the time he finished the test. Kurt avoided him after the holiday for a few days, but a week or so later they were almost back to normal. Friday night Kurt surprised Trevor when he brought a pizza back to the room and suggested they watch a movie. Trevor swallowed two loads by the final credits, setting the stage for the rest of the semester.
Looking back Trevor realized Kurt only used him to get off. Oh sure he had treated him nice enough, even letting him sleep with him now and then. Trevor told himself that Kurt never asked him to go anywhere because he respected his studious behavior.
The arrangement lasted until the end of the spring term when housing assignments for the next year were published. If both roommates submitted a request they could stay together, but Trevor had checked his letter to find he had been paired with someone new. Surely Kurt had just forgotten to submit the request?
That night Kurt had simply said "The head's been great, but why would I spend another year with you?" before he headed out to a party. Trevor slept in his car that night, and never spoke to Kurt again.
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After that Trevor had focused on his studies, refusing to ever be used like that again. But every guy he had gone on a date with wanted something. One kid thought he could score prescription pain killers, others wanted a sugar daddy, but most just wanted a quick fuck. He always felt guilty when he gave into hormones and fooled around.
And then he met Derek.
It was Tiffany's idea to invite him over for dinner. She had caught Trevor watching him several times at the donor event, and said there was really only one way to find out what kind of man he was. So they hatched the plan to casually invite him over. And then Derek had shown up with his favorite wine. Only an attentive person would remember something like that.
Hell, Derek hadn't even known he was gay, thinking he and Tiffany were married. They had talked all night, and aside from some suggestive flirting Derek hadn't even tried to get in his pants. Of course Sunday had been a different story, but he had stuck around to cuddle even after they both got off. Derek just felt right.
And Derek had picked up the tab for Mexican food so he couldn't be after money. He had bought Chinese last night too, without expecting anything in return. He showed up unannounced, "I need you to understand I'm here for you no matter what," he had said.
Trevor knew he would never forget those words, or how cute Derek looked saying it. The big man was trying to act all macho but was obviously worried he was about to get thrown out of the house. Trevor probably would have if Derek hadn't run for the guest bedroom.
Trevor didn't know if he was angry or something else when he went to the bedroom. He opened the door and looked into Derek's eyes and recognized the look he had seen so many times at the work; a grief stricken parent powerless to take away their child's pain.
In that moment Trevor finally understood what Derek was after. Him. Just him. His tears had been for far more than just his lost patient. Trevor had shed the shame he had held since that night with Kurt so many years ago.
The alarm clock jolted Trevor from his thoughts. He shut off the offending noise as Derek groaned awake. Trevor rolled over to kiss him good morning.
"Ungh is it morning already?" Derek grumbled.
Trevor couldn't help smirking, "I'll make coffee while you're in the shower."
Derek just grunted as Trevor left the room.
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Twenty minutes later Derek stumbled into the kitchen freshly showered, heading straight for the mug Trevor had just poured. Derek inhaled deeply before taking several large sips. "Gee, good to know where I rate," Trevor teased.
Derek finished the mug before setting it on the counter. "Sorry, I've never been a morning person until I get my fix," he said, pulling Trevor into a tight embrace, stealing his breath away with a kiss.
"That's better," Trevor smiled, "I guess caffeine is the way to your heart."
"You don't need coffee."
Derek had gotten cuddlier by the end of the second cup. "You need to get to work and I should get ready," Trevor said as he noticed the time.
"That reminds me... I need to tell you what happened yesterday."
Trevor remembered the text, "That's right you said you had some news."
Derek thought for a moment before he started, "I didn't want you to worry so I didn't say anything earlier in the week, but the foundation has a policy against staff and board members dating. I was ready to resign if I had to, but Robyn discussed it with the leadership team yesterday and they're recommending to change the policy with no disciplinary action." He hung his head before continuing, "Tiffany confronted me after the meeting and was pissed I hadn't told you."
Trevor started to giggle, causing Derek to look up. "Robyn called me Monday to give me a heads up before she discussed my personal life with everyone else. I offered to resign my board position too just so you know. I honestly thought you knew."
"Well aren't we a pair," Derek grinned before stealing another kiss.
"I'm sorry last night wasn't the most romantic," Trevor paused, "and I invited Tiffany and Ryan for dinner tonight earlier this week. I mean, I had planned to ask you too..."
"I sort of packed enough clothes to stay more than one night," Derek blushed before continuing, "wishful thinking I guess."
"Good so I'll see you tonight. Now get out of here before we're both late to work."
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Trevor was only 5 minutes late, surprising Tiffany when he walked into their lab.
Tiffany started, "I wasn't expecting you today. Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Completely," Trevor answered. "Derek came over last night... well I'll tell you about that later. Anyway this morning I realized no matter what happens on any given day I still have other patients counting on me, and I'm going to do my best to never let them down again."
The pair got to work in the lab as Trevor filled her in on his evening. He kept him morning revelations about Kurt to himself since he had never told Tiffany the whole story. It was just one of those subjects between friends that was avoided by silent agreement. Trevor thought that maybe one day he would be able to tell Derek.
Trevor's phone dinged with a text notification, "I was thinking about this morning. Hope you didn't feel like you had to invite me/pressured into. If you need a night alone or with Tiffany let me know and I can just head home after work, no hurt feelings."
"I need you to defend me! Those two will gang up on me," Trevor fired back. He thought a moment before adding, "I really do want to see you tonight."
"I can't wait XOXO," popped up in response before Trevor could put his phone down.
Trevor couldn't help but giggle. Derek may act like "Mr. Confident" professionally but he was a basket case of nerves when it came to their relationship. Maybe there was something he could do to change that.
"Hey Tiff, are you guys still coming for dinner tonight?"
"We don't have any other plans; do you still want us to?"
"Of course. I'm going to head out at 2 this afternoon to grab groceries and a few other things. Derek is coming over when he gets off work so head over whenever."
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Trevor had just put a box by the trashcan when Derek pulled into the driveway, so he waited by the kitchen door for his guest. "What did you get on your jeans? It looks like you had an accident."
"Well hello to you too," Derek gave him a quick kiss. "A waiter spilled coke on me at lunch. I've been sticky all afternoon."
"You've got time to grab a shower if you want before Tiff and Ryan get here."
Trevor hurried to finish prepping the lasagna, slipping it into the oven just before he heard the shower turn off. He dried his hands before heading to the bedroom where Derek was standing with just a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Hey babe, I was just about to come looking for you," Derek said. "Where'd you move my bag? I swear I left it sitting in the corner."
Trevor suddenly felt nervous, unsure of his plan, "I know last night didn't exactly go the way either of us planned, but you being here meant more to me than you'll ever know." Trevor paused for a moment trying to find the right words, "You said you needed me to understand you were here for me no matter what but I didn't really get what you meant. Then you sent me that text this morning to make sure I was ok and that you hadn't pressured me into inviting you back tonight, and that's when it clicked. I realized I need you to understand how much I need you, here, with me." Trevor's eyes were glassy with tears while he waited for the other man to react.
Derek crossed the room and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, "It's ok, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."
Trevor let himself be calmed by the hug for a moment before he continued, "I unpacked your bag into the two dressers drawers on the left. I cleared some space for you in the closet too, but you have to share the bathroom drawer, I mean, if you want."
"Oh I want. I definitely want." Derek moved his right hand to cup Trevor's head, using his thumb to gently wipe a tear from his boyfriend's cheek, his left arm pulling them close. "I love you Trevor Smith."
"And I love you Derek Evans," returning the kiss with fevered passion.
His confidence restored, Trevor let his hands roam along his prize, the towel dropping to the floor as they pressed their bodies closer together. Derek moaned into the kiss as he felt a hand caress his ass, a gentle whimper as a finger slid down his crack.
Neither man moved when the doorbell rang. `Fuck," Trevor groaned as a sharp knock echoed through the house. "I'll get the door while you get dressed."
He stole a quick final kiss before heading for the door. "It took you long enough." Tiffany said, "I was beginning to think you were indecent." Trevor's blushed showed just how close to the mark her barb had been. "Oh my, perhaps we should come back in 5 minutes," she finished, dramatically fanning herself.
Trevor wasn't going to let his partner have the upper hand this time, "Is Ryan only good for five minutes? You know you could get him drugs for that."
"Hey hey hey! Leave me out of this you two," Ryan interjected. "And you," he said looking at his wife, "play nice."
Feeling just a twinge of guilt Tiffany started again," Trevor you know I am just teasing. After Ryan you are the most important man in my life. I just want you to be happy."
"I am," Trevor replied with conviction. "I've fallen hard for Derek, and who knows what tomorrow will bring, but right now he's made me happier than I have ever been before."
Walking into the living room in time to catch the tail end of conversation Derek added, "and you make me happy too."
The two men shared a quick kiss as their guests looked on. Tiffany's eyes searched the kitchen, something seemed off. "Is that a new coffee machine by the mixer?"
Trevor smiled, "Yeah I bought a Nespresso machine this afternoon in self-defense, someone tends to be awfully grumpy in the morning before his caffeine fix."
Derek took Trevor in his arms and pulled him in for a deep kiss, not caring that they had an audience. "Welcome home," Trevor whispered when they broke apart.
Derek just leaned in for another kiss, hoping Trevor could feel his emotions.
Ryan broke the moment, "Well someone is getting laid tonight."
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All four had fun that evening, just enjoying each other's company. When they had moved the conversation into the living room Tiffany just smiled when Trevor sat in Derek's lap. She observed her best friend had changed, alight with the glow of love. A few minutes after nine she turned to Ryan, "let's head home before these two start going at it on the couch. If you play your cards right, they won't be the only ones getting lucky."
Ryan quickly departed with his wife, leaving the lovers to finish cleaning up dinner. Trevor started to wash dishes while Derek retrieved the empty wine glasses from the living room. Derek sat the glasses down and embraced Trevor from behind. He bent his head forward to slowly trail kisses along the smaller man's neck.
"I know we haven't really talked about it, but you can finish what you started in the bedroom whenever you want," Derek whispered in his ear. "I haven't let anyone else in years..."
Trevor shuddered, his lovers bulge pressed into his backside igniting a need a deep within him. He shut off the faucet, "I haven't either. We'll both need to start slow."
Trevor spun around to see Derek face filled with anticipation. They met in a passionate kiss before heading for the bedroom, turning off the lights as they went.
Hours later they drifted off to sleep, having claimed the other as their own. Trevor and Derek were home.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this story. I give a heartfelt thanks to those of you that sent me a note of encouragement, and for letting me indulge in a bit of storytelling. This feels like it might be the end of the tale, but I'm not ruling out more if I can find the right words. I might try to give voice to some of the other characters in my head too :-) -DGB