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CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Our trip to Atami, Japan was coming up in a few days on January 15th. "Are you okay with work, for the trip I mean?" I asked after breakfast.
"I'm completely done with everything this time."
"Wow, talk about a rarity."
"I can get done when I put my mind to it."
"Then just always put your mind to it," I called after him as he went upstairs. Jackass.
The doorbell rang, and I winced. I was beginning to hate that thing. I went to answer it to see what bad news it was bringing today. "Hello?"
"Is that you Master Kip? It's been a long time. It's me, Tanner. Might Master Alistor be present?" I buzzed him in and did a face palm. Dear lord, what now?
I stayed in the kitchen while Tanner and Ali talked, but I was listening. "It's been a year since your grandfather passed away. You know how these things go with a man of such emanate wealth, his estate takes time to be settled. But it is finally time to divide his estate among his heirs. There will be a family meeting at the Smoak estate."
"I told you over the phone that I've forfeited any inheritance."
"It doesn't work that way. Even if you don't want it, certain formalities must be observed, with you in attendance."
Ali expelled an aggravated noise through his nose, along with cigarette smoke. "So, when is this meeting?"
"It's on January 15th."
"Oh, I can't make that. Right, Kip?" He sounded relieved.
"I don't mind. I could go on the trip alone," I answered just to push his buttons. The look he shot me was positively murderous.
"You have plans?" Tanner inquired.
"Yes. It's an extremely important trip. I've already made the reservations; they can't be changed."
"Then I shall ask Master Smoak to move the meeting from the afternoon to the morning. Would it be acceptable for you to go on your trip after that? And you, Master Kip?"
I knew very well that the plane left late. "Sure. Fine by me." Ali had no other excuses.
I did not want to go inside for the meeting. So, I waited outside in Ali's car. Ducked down low, I watched the Smoak clan arrive and go inside the house, that was more like a palace. I saw Halston and Karis, but I was glad they didn't see me. There sure were a lot of people in his family, I thought as I watched nearly a dozen people go up the walk.
Tap, tap. François was suddenly next to the car tapping on the window. "Hey there!" He smiled widely.
Fuuuuuck!
I rolled down the window. "Good morning."
"Morning. I came out to greet everyone and I happened to notice you over here. What are you doing?"
My stomach was in knots. I felt myself waiting for another tongue lashing. "Uh, after this, Ali...Alistor and I are going to a hot spring."
"Ah, yes. My butler told me about that." He continued to smile at me as though our last conversation had never happened. This was so awkward. There was no way he had forgotten about it. "A hot spring? How nice. I wish I had time for such a trip. Where are you going?"
"Atami, Japan, sir."
"Atami! Too bad I have a company conference after the meeting or I might join you." He laughed and I nervously joined, unsure of how to respond.
Tanner approached. "Master Smoak, everyone is assembled."
"Yes, yes. See you, then. Have fun on your trip."
"We will. Thank you."
He started to walk off when he turned back. "Mr. Lexington, it seems Alistor is truly attached to you." He went inside.
What was that supposed to mean? Essentially, the words weren't false, but the meaning, his reason for saying them, held divisiveness. I knew he didn't want me with Ali, so letting me know that Ali was very attached to me was his way of reminding me what he thought about my presence...troublesome.
I had planned on leaving after my portion of the estate was read and I forfeit it, but I sat there, a niggling little something in the back of my brain. As I sat there metaphorically scratching at it, I finally unearthed it. There was an article that I had completely forgotten to write! And worse, it was due in the middle of our vacation!
I sprinted out to the car. "We have to go. Something terrible has happened," I told Kip as I peeled out of the estate. "I forgot to complete one of my projects."
"What?!"
"I've got to get home and get my notes."
"But our plane?"
"We'll make it," I assured him as I pressed the gas harder. "Trust me."
My phone chirped. "Where the hell are you? I just heard from Donnan that you're going to Japan?!" Mira, the witch, was reading my mind. I hung up on her immediately.
"Uh?" Kip looked alarmed. Then his phone started ringing.
"I wouldn't answer that if I were you."
Sweet Kip, of course, answered it. "I know. I'm sorry. Yes, he is seriously stupid."
"Tell her to relax. I'll get it done."
"It's amazing!" Our room at the resort looked out over the cove and surrounding city. I had never left the United States, but I never imagined a place could be so different. Japan was spectacular.
"You like it?" Ali looked pleased with himself.
"Yes! I can't believe you got a whole cottage all to ourselves!"
He didn't say anything, just started setting up his laptop, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He worked the entire flight, but he didn't look the least bit exhausted. I had taken a motion sickness pill and passed out. I hadn't spoken to him at all about his family meeting. "Did everything get squared away with your family?"
"My grandfather left me an inheritance in petty cash. I told them I didn't want it, though."
"Is that all? If it was just petty cash, you should've accepted it. How much was it?"
"$11.4 million."
"M-million? Are you fucking insane? Accept it! That's something you should accept not matter what!"
"Ho! You just said I should accept it if it was petty cash, which is it? Make up your mind. Besides, I don't want it."
"Why?" I was baffled.
"Because I can earn that much on my own."
"Then accept it and give it to charity." I turned from him and mumbled, "Assface."
When Ali hadn't looked up from his computer in almost an hour, I told him, "I'm going to sit in the hot springs."
When he saw that I was leaving the room he told me, "You should just use the one attached to the room. It's private. That's why I got it."
"Nah. Since we're here, I'm going to the big main one first."
The hot water melted my bones like wax as I stepped in and sat on a smooth rock. Doing my best to ignore all the naked Japanese people around (perhaps I should have stayed in the private spring in our room) and relaxed back, breathing in the steam. Then something peculiar happened, four rubber ducks came floating past me. Looking around, I saw François sitting there.
"Hello." He waved with that giant smile he always had that I knew wasn't for me.
What do I do? Can I run? Do I care about being rude? More importantly, what in the actual hell was he doing here?!
Seeing that I was shocked, he held a finger to his lips. "Shh. There are other guests here." He always made me feel like a child, yet I found myself putting on my best manners as though I could change his mind about me. I nodded, sitting there in silence. He went on as though there were nothing strange going on. "I've had no opportunity to use these, so I wanted to give them a whirl." He squeezed a duck, shooting water out of its mouth.
"This morning, you said you had a conference." I couldn't sit there and pretend that this wasn't bizarre in the extreme, no matter how much I wanted his approval.
"Yes, but when you mentioned the hot spring, I just couldn't resist. So, I had the conference moved here."
"Oh," was all I could manage to say.
"But that's a lie isn't it?" My gaze went from the water to him. "The truth is, I came because I wanted to talk to you." I snapped back a response, of, 'What else could you have to say?' But the last time I spoke my mind to him, he hadn't held back, so I kept my mouth shut. My brow must have furrowed though, because he held up his hands. "Don't get your guard up like that. It's just a chat. Like about woodcarvings of bears, and other woodcarvings, and art."
"I see." I didn't see.
"And, I suppose, about my son." Now we were getting to it. "Well, you know, I'm mystified. There's a pretty big age difference between you two, so I was wondering how you happened to meet him."
"I'm Tavis Lexington's brother." The name didn't appear to ring a bell with him. How little did he know about Ali? "My brother was Ali's college roommate, so it was through him."
"Oh, that makes sense. So, how long have you been living together?"
"Since last April." I was back to staring at the water. Why was I sitting there telling him everything he wanted to know? "My brother had to move for work and Ali was kind enough to offer to let me stay with him so I could go to school."
"Alistor was the one to suggest it?"
"Yes." At least that was the way Tavis had made it seem.
"I see. This may seem odd coming from a parent, but Alistor tends to keep people at arm's length. It was even worse when he was younger. I'm not sure how to put it... I guess he needlessly soaks up people's emotions and actions. Empathetic. He's more fragile than normal people, if you will. Though he might make friends, I never thought it possible that he would ever live with someone else."
"I hear that a lot from other people, but life with him is pretty normal."
"Really?"
"Ali is fundamentally a kind person."
"Yes, but kindness is the counter part of weakness." That statement alone made me understand François much better. Kindness is weakness? He was akin to a monster, no matter how much he smiled or floated rubber ducks my way. "I'm glad that he found an outlet through his writing," he continued, "but the underlying frailty within him will never truly go away. Certainly, I wish for my son to find happiness, but... I'm telling you that I cannot have you feeling ambivalent. You're a very good kid. But I have no use for kids who are only outwardly good." He got out of the spring. "Sorry, but it's almost time for my conference. You'll have to excuse me. If you'd like, please take those ducks. Say hello to Alistor for me."
As I watched him leave I was angry with myself. Why did I take that from him? He knew nothing about me, but he accuses me of ambivalence, tells me I'm a troublesome presence. Francois, in his flowery, roundabout way, was saying that Ali will end up miserable if he stays with me. That's for Ali to judge for himself.
Anyway, Ali was the one who started it. I was a virgin, had never been with a man, had never thought about being with a man when Ali seduced me.
I stopped myself. This, this is what Francois was talking about. This kind of back and forth, ambivalence, is what he meant. I couldn't say that I love Ali, but also feel like he led me astray somehow. Perhaps Francois had a point after all.
This was why I had been so confused about our relationship, especially lately. Why I loved him and wanted him, but struggled to say it and to make the first move at all. And if I were honest, I had been doing everything I could to avoid the issue.
If I really want to resolve this, I must sort through this myself.
"You idiot. What sort of bonehead ends up passed out floating in the water from being in there too long?" This is what I said to Kip the moment he opened his eyes since the resort staff carried him into our room. They had been in a panic, but a nurse there had said he was okay and I assured them that I would take care of him. "This bonehead, does." I rolled my eyes and fanned him with a little Japanese hand fan they had in the room.
With his ire up, he charged, "It wasn't my fault. It was..." he cut himself off. Oh, so I suppose he was about to say something important, but didn't want to tell me. An upsetting trend as of late. I was tired of it.
I kneeled over him, caging him between my arms and legs. "You have been hiding something lately, haven't you?"
"Not really." He looked away, a sure sign he was lying.
"You're lying." I tapped the fan on his head.
"Never mind me. Hurry up and get your work done."
"I have an idea of where it's going, so my work is fine. Right now, we're talking about you."
"Like I said, it's nothing." He still wasn't looking at me.
Time to pull out the big guns. "If you don't tell me, you know what happens. I torture you."
"What?"
I got up and retrieved the book from my bag. "Alistor nestled Kip's member next to his. Kip was instantly overwhelmed by the strange sensation."
"Why did you bring that book with you? Alright! Just don't read it out loud!" He came up behind me where I was kneeling on the floor, grabbing a fistful of my shirt.
I turned to him, tapping him with the fan again. "You always keep all your troubles to yourself. I suppose you don't want to make me worry, but you need to catch on already that it actually makes me worry more." His evergreen eyes were downcast, and I could easily see the anxiety playing through his mind. "I'm begging you, trouble me with what's on your mind."
Going outside next to our private spring, we sat in two wicker rocking chairs and he at last told me everything. "Towards the end of the year, when the thing with Karis came up, I met with Halston by myself, remember? The truth is, after that, your dad was waiting for me down the street when I got back. He didn't exactly tell me not to be with you, but... Well, he said something to that effect. And then, I saw him in the spring earlier, too."
"What? I thought he was at some business conference." I was furious. I can't believe he would do this.
"Yeah, he said he had the conference moved here. And he doesn't want me to be around you 'if I have ambivalent feelings,' or so he said. So, after he left, I stayed in the hot spring thinking about it. And I thought about how when Tavis wanted me to move back in with him, and you asked me to stay, and I said yes. Or that talk we had that night that we were looking at the bridge and how you said that if I was going to leave you, you wanted to do it then so that it wouldn't be as hard. I said that I was staying. Well, I told you that I... you know. And things have been good ever since. Not perfect. I mean, I'm trying. If me not being able to say the L word constantly, or not being able to make the first move means that I'm ambivalent, then I'm sorry, but I don't think so. I just know that...that I...want to be with you."
My heart was bursting, and if I didn't do something fast, I might cry. So, I insulted him. "Are you stupid?"
"What?"
"This is stupid. This is why you've been upset? I already know all of this. Who cares what he thinks?"
"Stupid?!"
I put my hand on his head. "It's okay. We're fine." I rubbed his head good and hard to annoy him. He got quiet after that. But I could tell that it made him feel better.
After we ate dinner in our room, I left in search of cigarettes. On my way back in, I wasn't surprised to be stopped by my father. "Can I speak with you, Alistor? I won't take up too much of your time. Shall we sit?"
Fine. Let's get this over with. I followed him into the empty restaurant and we sat at a table next to a partition. This man had the biggest set of brass balls on him. I'd never met anyone with such nerve. "I have no idea what you're thinking, but I would rather you minded your own business," I told him right off the bat.
"I'm not sure how to put this... I'm just a little confounded, because he's an awfully normal kid. I believe I know you well. I am still your father, after all. Every time you lost something that you had secured for yourself, you were wounded far worse than most. And each time, you would then cut yourself off from the world."
"That was when I was a child." And probably the last time he really knew anything about me.
"Is that so? For my part I don't ever want you to suffer like that again. Kip is an exceedingly normal boy. I'm not saying that being normal is bad, but the environment you're born and raised in has a way of determining your sense of values. On that score, you and he are completely mismatched, but what do you think?" I didn't deign to answer him. I was merely waiting for him to run out of steam. "Reality can be harsh. Things may be fine now, but there will surely come a time when you feel weighed down by each other."
"Are you finished? Well, I have now heard you out. Is that all you wanted to say?" He would never learn that his opinion has no bearing on my life.
"Shall I put it to you in even simpler terms? If this is just fun and games, fine. However, if you're serious, I think you and Kip make a poor match."
Just about to tell him that I had heard enough, Kip stood up from behind the partition, where he had apparently been crouching behind it. "What...are you doing?" I was stunned.
"E-eavesdropping." He was practically shaking. I knew him well enough to know it was from rage. I hate that he had heard any of that.
"Well, well." Dad seemed smug, but I thought he had no right to be.
Kip came around and stood in front of my father. I knew that look; he was about to receive an invective. "There's one thing I know, neither Ali nor I have asked for your opinion, but you keep giving it like it means something. And two people don't have to be exactly alike to be a perfect match. But he's a wonderful writer, and I'm going to school so that one day I can be an artist that gets a little closer to his caliber. Being with Ali makes me work harder on myself. If I were ambivalent, why would I do that?"
"How are you working harder to be at my son's caliber?"
"Well, I..."
I wasn't going to let him do this to Kip. "Pardon me. Please don't continue this discussion as if I'm not here." Kip looked at me worried, but I told him, "It's okay." Turning to my father, I asked, "Have you read my recent novels?"
"I have. I've read everything since your debut novel."
"Have you noticed anything about them?" His answer was to give me a perplexed look. "It seems the worlds in my earlier novels were stark and desolate. But lately, people often tell me that my stories have grown more compassionate." I stood from the table. "That made me extremely happy." I laid a hand on Kip's chest. "It's all thanks to him." Kip, as usual, was easy to read, and he looked surprised by my words. My father, he was stoic as ever. "That's all I have to say in response. We're leaving." I took Kip's hand and lead him away.
"Work harder on yourself, huh?" he taunted as we left. "I think that's a nice phrase," we kept walking, "but even if you were to do so, getting a hundred percent return on your effort would be impossible."
When we got to our cottage, I didn't let go. I drug him through to the hot spring and threw him in. "Hey, what on earth are you..." I got in fully clothed. Threading my fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck, I covered his mouth with mine.
"Don't let what my father says bother you. No matter what anyone says, I have no intention of letting you go." I kissed him again, hurriedly. His eyes were dazed when I pulled away. "Fall in love with me. Come to love me ten times, twenty times more than you love me now, and become unable to part with me." Taking hold of his legs, I pulled him into my lap to where he was straddling me. "That's all you have to do," I said it trying to make it seem like it wasn't the tall order it was. "No matter what anyone says, no matter what they might do, I'll protect you without fail."
He was naked under the resort kimono robe, so when I quickly took my member out of my pants, I brought him down on it. "Ali!" My name was always on his lips when he was excited. And it must have been because of everything that had happened, him questioning any ambivalence he may have had, but I couldn't have been more surprised than when Kip took charge of our pace before I had a chance. He clung to me, using his arms and legs to move himself up and down on my dick. His rhythm went from steady to wild.
I sat back and enjoyed him riding me, reveling in this new take charge attitude. Opening his robe down the front, he began pressing our bodies closer together, attempting to cause friction on his own erection against my belly. I ripped my shirt off, buttons floating to the bottom of the pool, so that it pressed against my skin. I squeezed him closer helping him. "Kip! Good god, you fuck me so good." He made a whimpering noise in response.
Then taking his new self a step further, he groaned, "I love fucking you." I growled like an animal. And when he griped my hair and bit down on my neck because he was orgasming, I came too.
"I love you, Ali."
"I love you, too, Kip."
The next morning, I was drinking hot tea, trying to wake up. I wondered if Francois had left yet. I do think Ali would protect me at all times, but that's not how it should be. I must tackle everything head on, so I can eventually have the confidence to respond properly.
Ali came rushing into the cottage. "Something terrible has happened. I got too distracted by you and I forgot to finish the project I was working on."
As if on cue, my phone started ringing from Mira's call. "She really is a witch," I told Ali.