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CHAPTER TWO
Alistor was sleeping after writing all night striving to meet his deadline, though he rarely did. There was an open delivery box on the coffee table when I came home from school. Inside was a stack of books, all the same book. He must have a new novel coming out. Picking up a copy, it wasn't by Alistor Smoak; it was written by Savion Vale. He had a pen name? Upon closer inspection, I could see why. The cover was a picture of two hands holding in front of a sunset; two male hands. It was called From Friends to Lovers. Opening to a random page I read:
Travis caressed his cheek. "Alfie, you have always been there for me.
And when my parents died during college, I would have never made it through
without you. I didn't recognize the true love that was right in front of me."
Covering his mouth with his own, he poured all of his love into that kiss. "Alfie,
I love you."
What the hell was this?! Was this book about my brother? Was Alistor in love with Tavis? Have they been together? Suddenly I was furious, and instead of stopping to examine the reasons why, I flew off the handle. Charging upstairs, I threw Alistor's bedroom door open. "Did you write this?" I held the book up before throwing it on the bed. "You bastard! What the fuck is this? Is this my brother in this book?"
Laying on his stomach, Alistor propped himself up on one elbow. His hair was hanging in his lavender-gray eyes, and they were practically glowing with rage at being woken up.
Don't be intimidated, I attempted to steel myself against the vision of his wrath. "The characters in this smutty novel are you and Tavis, aren't they? What is going on with this? Is this real, or did you make this up? Because I don't think Tavis would appreciate this. You know Tavis isn't gay, right? You're the one that's gay, not him. Don't try to drag my brother into something that it's not."
He slowly got out of bed, trudging over to me; I strived not to stare at his bare chest and clingy cotton pajama bottoms. Slamming his hand onto the doorframe directly next to my head, scaring the absolute shit out of me, I tried not to show it. "Did Tavis say that I was trying to drag him into something?"
"Uh, no...he didn't, but... A-anyway, don't go near my brother! Go find someone else. Any guy will do, right?" His eyes widened with contempt. Grabbing my wrist with a firm grip, he dragged me towards the bed. "Hey, wait!"
Throwing me onto the messy covers onto my back, he straddled one of my legs, still keeping a hold of my wrist which he pushed over my head. "What would you know about my relationship with Tavis?"
That much was true. First, I was a kid who could care less about my grown-up brother's best friend. And then after my parents died I barely cared about anything. But for some reason I was caring too much right now. The moment he touched me, this feeling of want came over me, and I couldn't have it. "Hey, let go!" I started to roll away, but he pushed me back down on my stomach with a hand on the back of my head.
"'Any guy will do,' eh? You piss me off," his voice was laced with disdain.
Releasing me, I went up on my knees and started to crawl away. He wrapped an arm around my waist. "Wait! Bastard! What're you...?!" Trying to flip over, I flung out with a flailing hand which he caught, cradling my back against his strong chest as we both kneeled on the bed.
With his mouth near my ear, he said huskily, "Any guy...you're the one who said it." Letting go of my hand, he placed his under my sweatshirt, running a hot hand over my flesh to a nipple.
"Th-that's not what I meant. Hold on a second!" My throat was making noises I didn't recognize and I was breathing heavily as Alistor began kissing my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling perspiration starting on my brow.
Bringing his hand up through the neck hole of my shirt, he gently cradled my chin and rubbed a finger over my bottom lip. "If you want me to stop, why don't you go ahead and cry out?" His other hand was unfastening my jeans. At the same time that Alistor removed his hand from under my shirt, his other slipped inside my boxer briefs, wrapping long fingers around my swelling length. I fell onto my arms, pressing my face into a pillow scented with Alistor, which only made me harder. He was stroking, and not gently so. He was hammering me with the anger he was feeling over my accusations. I felt his large erection through my pants as he pressed it against my bottom, grinding it into me as he drubbed my dick.
I refused to cry out. I wouldn't give him that much satisfaction. He's a guy, I thought even as I stifled a whimper. His very male hand squeezing and pumping on my cock was going to make me come. Alistor shifted so that his dick was rubbing directly in my crack, and that was all that it took. Hot liquid spilled all over his hand, and I was proud of myself for not crying out. I fisted my hands in the covers and poorly stifled a grunt of pleasure.
"You're cute," he taunted. And then he was gone, standing at the foot of the bed, looking down at me. I glanced back to see him take a lick off the pad of his thumb. "Hmph, that was fast."
Straightening myself up, I left his room. Looking down into the living room, I found him sitting on the sofa, smoking a cigarette, looking infuriatingly collected. "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about without barging into my room and yelling?" he asked without a glance in my direction.
Going down the stairs, I sat on the sofa opposite him. "Are you in love with my brother?"
His eyes shifted to the box of books on the table. "Don't worry about it. It's a one- sided thing for me, as it were. That novel is my fantasy." He took a long drag off his cigarette. "Being able to stay close to the one you love, perhaps, is the special privilege of being a friend."
So, he was in love with Tavis, but he only saw Ali as a friend. I was surprised to feel a sting in my heart for him. Unrequited love was more than a tragic story, it was heartbreak. "That's too much pain to deal with," I didn't mean to say. He looked startled at my comment. Embarrassed, I blushed to my roots and then awkwardly went up to my room.
Wait...when had I started thinking of him as Ali?
Yes! I walked out of school holding my latest project assessment. A+! Having that big space at the apartment seemed to unclutter my mind and improve my work. I've got to let Ali know right away! I can't wait to see him. My feet picked up the pace to the bus stop. I just knew he would be excited for me.
My feet skidded to a halt. Hold on a second. What did I just think? I have to let Ali know? I can't wait to see him?! What the hell am I doing racing home? Tavis is the one I should be telling this to first.
No...
It can't be true...
I...
I don't like men!
"What are you doing?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin. I had somehow veered toward the wall of a building and was standing there facing it for god knew how long.
It was Ali.
"Ah, hi. I-I thought you weren't picking me up today."
"I wasn't' supposed to, but your brother called and is making a surprise trip. He should be at the apartment soon. I bought a cake." He held up a grocery sack with a white bakery box inside handing it to me.
Since it was already in my hand, I handed him my project grade. "I...got this back today."
He read it, smiling. Laughing, he rubbed the top of my head, messing up my hair. "What're you doing that for?"
"Good." He gave me a big smile.
I felt my face go red. Why am I getting all flustered?
Kip and I answered the door, both of us shouting, "Tavis!" Neither of us was prepared for him standing there with a woman at his side.
"Hey you guys! It's so good to see you! It feels so much longer than a month." We both stood staring at the small brunette at his side. "I want you to meet Courtney...my girlfriend."
There shouldn't have been, but there was a vice grip on my heart. He had had other girlfriends before, so this wasn't so different. But why hadn't he said that he was bringing her with him? And on his first visit back. I had an odd sense of portent.
During dinner Tavis told us about how he and Courtney had reconnected. They had dated in high school, but had broken up when they went away to college. I found myself staring at them together. Trying to discern just how serious they were, and if this churning in my stomach had merit. I was so busy staring that I failed to notice Kip watching me out of the corner of his eye all night.
When we all had a slice of berry cake in front of us, Tavis announced, "I have something important to tell you. Courtney isn't really my girlfriend. She's my fiancée. We've decided to get married!" He was beaming from ear to ear, and so was she.
My eyes went wide before I controlled my features. But there was no controlling my heart that had just been ripped from my chest and shattered on the floor. "Ah, is that right? So, you've finally meet the one, Tavis?" I somehow pulled myself together. "Congratulations, you two." My smile felt tight, I hope it didn't appear strained.
"Thank you. It makes me really happy that you approve. I wanted you, and Kip, to be the first to meet her."
A loud thud resounded, causing us all to look over at Kip who had his head hung low and had apparently just slapped the table.
"Kip?" Tavis was concerned.
"I'll go."
"What?" Tavis and Courtney looked stunned.
"I-I'll go buy champagne."
"They won't sell it to a minor," Tavis said as Courtney and I sat staring at Kip and his peculiar outburst.
Kip grabbed my hand, pulling me out the door. "Ali, come with me."
He called me Ali.
When we were out of the building he stopped on a quiet street. With his hands on his knees, he started to cry.
I let him. I didn't go to comfort him...yet. I knew he needed a moment.
With tears on his cheeks, facing away from me, he sobbed, "I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because, that was awful!" Rubbing the heel of his hand over his wet eyes. "After you've loved him all this time, after all the care you've shown him...for h-him to say that he wanted you to be the first to meet her...it's so incredibly insensitive! For the first time in my life, I wanted to hit my brother!"
"The way your cry is appalling," I whispered through a raw throat. I didn't mean to say it, but I was so stunned at his words.
"I'm crying because of you, aren't I?!" He finally turned around and looked into my eyes. "Once you start crying, you can't stop, even if you want to!" he shouted angrily. The emotion or the cold leaving fog in the air.
"You're right." I patted him on the head, not wanting to get too close because of how much I cared about him. And because of how much I cared about Tavis getting engaged. I felt like a water droplet that might break. But the fact that Kip was crying for me, because he knew how much it must've hurt, was too much to take.
I kissed him.
He stiffened at first with the shock of it. I moved closer to him, wedging a knee between his legs. I placed my hands on either side of his face, drawing him in. His hand kneaded the front of my trench coat for a moment, and then just fell away as though he could no longer hold them up. I bent an arm around his back, my hand coming to rest on his hip, bending him backwards a touch as I deepened our kiss.
Lifting my head to look at him. "You've stopped," I noted that his tears had quit. Something about it truly made me suffer my broken heart. "I'm sorry," I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder in grief. "Just for a little while."
His hand reached around me, gripping the coat on my back. "A-Ali, if you want to cry, go ahead and cry."
I wouldn't have thought of doing so, but him saying it caused it to happen. I was embarrassed, so I said, "Moron. A brat has no business spouting precocious lines like that. I'll have you know, I haven't cried in front of strangers since the day I was born. You're the only one. I'll be damned if I let anyone but you see me in this wretched state." He placed his hand on my head tenderly.
Feeling his teardrops on my shoulder, I was filled with so many shapeless emotions. What if I could be his special someone? I suppose that isn't possible because he was in love with my brother. But he was getting married now, so perhaps Ali can move on. Move on to me... With thoughts like that running through my mind, refusing to think about what feeling this way meant, I found myself unable to release the arms I'd put around him.