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CHAPTER FIVE
Mira was back again a week later. Ali had been working so much that I had barely seen him. She was here going over the work. I watched them as I made lunch. Things seemed pretty intense over there for some reason. I guess these meetings were a lot of work.
Just about to put the sausages in the pan, Ali came over and leaned on the bar. "Make the sausages Octopus-shaped," he requested. "I had a nanny do it once."
"I thought you were having a meeting."
"I'm bored," he said petulantly, resting his elbows on the counter.
"Don't get bored," I chided him. "Octopus-shaped are for kids in grade school...or younger."
Now he laid his head down with an aura of dejection. "So, the only octopuses I'll ever eat are to come from the ocean."
"Alright, already! Here you go. Octopuses!" I cut the sausages vertically, twice, half- way up so that they looked like they had little tentacles, and threw them in the skillet. "Sheesh, Mira's here. She's going to laugh at you."
In the living room, Mira was having a giggle fit. "You two are so playful with each other! Just like L-O-V-E-R-S! "
I scowled at her. "Mira, would you please stop looking at me with those boys-love fiction-loving googly eyes?"
I hoisted my school bag up my shoulder at I walked to the bus stop. They were agonizing over it so much, and it turns out the meeting was for a boys-love novel. The most important thing is he shouldn't be putting me in the novels without my permission! But when I got mad he told me plainly, "I am merely combining business, pleasure, and my fantasies, and giving them shape. What's wrong with that?"
Where does Ali get off acting so high and mighty?
That's because he's Ali. It's kind of frightening how easily that sums it up.
It really bothered me when Mira said we were like lovers. Lovers?
Wait. Am I...going out with Ali? Lovers?
In love? With Ali? Me?
No. But...lovers are a little more flirty and lovey-dovey and pink. What my idea of lovers is: they live together. We do, but it just happened. Eat meals together. We do, because we live together. Go on dates. We do, if you count when Ali drags me to the grocery store. Kiss. We do. Have sex. We do. Sleep together. We do.
Jesus Christ! We fit the bill. But no matter how I look at it, it just seems like we're different from lovers... somehow.
"I'm back!" I put my bag down in the hall and carried the mail in. "Ali, there are a lot of letters." I found him asleep on the couch, on his stomach, a big pillow under his head. His meeting must've worn him out. He looked so peaceful. Taking a blanket, I spread it over him so he wouldn't get cold.
Grabbing my arm, he pulled me down to the couch, pinning me underneath him. "Ugh! So, you were faking it?"
"Nutritional supplement," he muttered sleepily.
"Don't draw it from me!" He held me close and squeezed me. I sighed, resigned for the moment. "Ali, you really reek of cigarettes. Cut back. You're going to going to die young for sure."
"Yeah... I'll quit when I die."
"What's with that? Here I was..." being concerned and caring, I couldn't bring myself to finish.
"What? Are you worried about me?"
"N-no, it's nothing like that," I denied.
His hands started to rove. "Ali, stop it!" I threw the pillow at him and fell off the sofa. He made a noise of annoyance and went into the kitchen to make coffee.
Is it alright for situations like this to happen on a daily basis? It's practically...like we're lovers. I rubbed my face, uncomfortable with the thought. I've had sex with Ali a few times, but if I seriously didn't want to, I could've refused him. But I didn't. I suddenly had a flash of Ali moving on top of me and me whispering, "Ali, I think I love you." I punched the pillow, and then I stood up and kicked it.
"Are you okay?" Ali was back with coffee cup in hand.
I sat on the couch and pulled my knees to my chest. "Um, may I ask you a little question?"
"What is it?"
"Well...so, that is to say...wh-what do you think it means to be lovers?"
"What?"
"I mean, a friend of mine found a girlfriend and they're really lovey-dovey, so seeing them, I thought it must be nice to be in a relationship."
"But we're in a relationship, too, right?" he commented so casually he could have been asking about the weather.
"We are?!"
"Why are you so shocked by that? We live together, eat, and sleep together. I mess you up in those places; we do things like that. Thrust in this and that, and finally..."
"Don't say it out loud!"
"Having done all that, how can you say that we're not in a relationship?"
"B-because something doesn't seem right when it's with you!" I hated that he was so calm when I was over here freaking the fuck out!
"Then, what's your definition of lovers?"
"Well... That's... Uh... So like..." Good god form a sentence!
Ali looked embarrassed for me. "I've got it. Let's go on a date."
"A date?"
"You don't have any classes tomorrow afternoon, right?"
"I don't, but..."
"Then I'll come pick you up after school. There's nothing you can't eat, right?" He didn't wait for me to answer. "Alright, it's settled."
"What? Why are you deciding everything on your own?" He climbed the stairs, ignoring me. "Ali!"
"Now then, time for work." He closed himself up in his study.
But this is so sudden. Come to think of it, what should I do for a date? Is there stuff that I need to get ready, or anything? I started to pace. Pack a lunch? Snacks? No, that's a field trip. I paced to the patio. A date... I paced to the kitchen. A date... I'm stumped.
Wearing a nice button-down the color of mulberries was the best I could come up with the next day. And yet again, everyone what staring when Ali pulled up in his Acura, looking like he'd just had it washed and detailed, the cherry red gleaming in the noon sun. And if that weren't bad enough, he got out of the car dressed in a bespoke ebony suit, leaning on the side of the car. I could practically hear the girls swooning.
On the highway he asked, "There's still time until the movie you wanted to see, so shall we go to the beach?"
"The beach?" I would have never thought of that.
"Is there somewhere else you wanted to go?"
"It's fine. It's fine. Let's go to the beach!" I cheered. "Uh, but you know, aren't you overdressed? You're just going on a date with me." His suit was even more impressive close- up.
One hand on the wheel, he pulled a cigarette out of the box with his mouth. "On the contrary. It's because I'm on a date with you."
My stomach actually fluttered. "You're weird."
We went for a drive, and saw a movie. We went shopping, and then to a restaurant. When we were sitting in a private room, with two different kinds of wine, too many forks to count, crystal and linen, wearing a brand new Tom Ford suit, I felt...uncomfortable.
"Isn't this a bit cliché?"
"Is there some place else you would have rather gone?"
"What I mean is, I don't know how to thank you for buying me such expensive clothes." I felt like I was in a Pretty Woman movie.
"It won't hurt you to have at least one proper set of clothing. Besides, they won't let you in here wearing jeans and sneakers."
A gentleman in a tuxedo with a tea towel draped over his arm, came in with our first course. I had no idea what it was. It was shaped like a cylinder comprised of lots of colorful layers. "Uh, what should I do? I don't know anything about proper etiquette."
"It's okay. I thought you might get nervous, so I picked a place with private rooms. You can just eat normally."
"Oh." He was thinking of me. That sort of...makes me happy.
The main course was filet mignon with sauce. Also known as steak. I could handle steak, and this was the best one I had ever had. "So, my French literature professor is this really terrifying guy. He throws stuff at us over the littles things. It's kind of unbelievable in this day and age."
"French literature? Oh." Ali had a knowing smile on his face, but I missed it.
"Oh, Ali, teach me French!" He gave a low laugh and smiled, sipping his merlot. "I'm having a seriously hard time keeping up. You grew up in France, right? What's it like there? Is it cold?"
"You want to go there together sometime?"
"For real?! I'd love to!" My excitement drained away. "Oh, but I don't have the money for it."
"I'd pay for something like that."
I waved my fork at him. "That's okay. You don't have to do all that for me."
"Don't be shy about something so odd. I'd do anything for you, if it meant that I'd get to be with you."
I set my utensils down. Why is my heart racing like this? Not knowing what to say, I blurted out, "This is the best meal I've ever had!"
"Eat." He pushed his untouched fillet towards me.
"Oh, that's okay. That's yours."
"It's okay. Eat it." There was a small smile on his mouth.
Cutting off a piece, I chewed thoughtfully. I've never been in a situation like this, so it's kind of weird. It really does feel like we're on a "date". Maybe I'm nervous because of this place, or maybe...
Ali reached over and wiped my chin. Licking the sauce off his hand, he made a tiny noise of enjoyment. "You don't have to eat in such a hurry."
He licked it! Who the hell does that?!
He stared at me, and I stared back at him. Could it be? Could I be...
"Hey, if it isn't Alistor."
Pulling us out of our trance, a man in his thirties, in a navy-blue suit, purple tie, and a sharp slash of a mouth with a cruel smile was standing in the door of our private room.
"Donnan," Ali announced in disbelief.
"Well, well. Look at that undisguised glare of loathing. Thank you for that." He flicked his eyebrows up in an odd gesture. He lurched over to the table. "Running into you in a place like this, it may be coincidence, but I feel destiny's hand at work."
"I don't feel that at all." Ali had become stoic, but I could read the anger in his posture.
"Whoa, that's cold!"
"Are you drunk?" It was obvious he was.
Donnan ignored the question and asked one of his own. "How's your manuscript coming? Mira was howling that she was going to kill you for sure this time."
"I'm here because I finished it." Ali shot him a cutting glare, and then back to being stoic. "Pardon me, but I am with someone, so I'd like for you to hurry up and get lost."
Donnan looked over at me as if seeing me for the first time with a studying gaze. I nervously took a bite of steak. "Hmm, so you won't spend any time with me, but you'll go out to have fun with cuties, huh?" I nearly choked on my meat. He gave me a smile that didn't really look like a smile, but a pained expression. "Good evening. Sorry for barging in here. I'm no one suspicious." He took a card out of a silver case and handed it to me. Penguin Books, Executive Director, Donnan Dorsey.
A director at Ali's publisher?!
"I'm a childhood friend of this guy's big brother." Ali's big brother? I looked over at Ali; he was taking a sip of wine. "Don't you find it exhausting to be with Alistor? He's always had this arrogant attitude since he was little, but for all that, he's an awfully sensitive and touchy guy."
"Donnan." I was still holding his business card which Ali yanked from my hand. "There's no reason I should have to take that from you."
Leaning heavily on the table, he went on as though Ali hadn't said anything. "I'll tell you something that'll be good for you to know. He's like this now, but he was as adorable as can be when he was a kid. You know he lived in Paris until he turned ten, right?"
"Uh, yes, that I know."
"Donnan..." Ali tried again.
"Then have you heard this story? It was shortly after he returned to the US..."
I didn't have to hear the story to know I hadn't heard it. I've never heard any stories about when Ali was a kid. But, I guess this person knows. Mira probably does, too. And my brother, too. Am I the only one...who doesn't know anything?
Ali set his wine glass on the table and stood. "Donnan, enough is enough. There's a car here for you, isn't there? I'll walk you to the exit."
"Why? What's the big deal?" He was being belligerent. Darting a hand forward, he grasped Ali's chin. "Really, quit being forever stubborn...," he moved in a breath away from his lips, "and just be mine."
I very nearly leapt out of my chair, but Ali had it handled. He shoved Donnan against the wall by his lapels with just one hand. "Donnan, are you trying to make me angry?"
"Ow! Let go!" He wrenched at Ali's wrist with both hands, but couldn't move him.
Just then, someone else entered, pulling Donnan away by the scruff. "Hey!" Ali stood straightening his tie.
"Mr. Smoak, please pardon us," the man told Ali, a firm grip on Donnan. "It seems our stupid director has been bothering you again."
"What do you mean stupid?!"
"We will come by at a later date to apologize again. But for today..."
"Yes, it's fine. Please hurry up and quarantine him somewhere." Ali waved a hand shooing them out of the room. "That will be more than enough."
The man nodded and drug Donnan out of the room, all the while yelling, "What's with you? You're just a secretary!"
"You've had too much to drink."
"I haven't been drinking!"
"We are leaving."
Ali came over and placed his hand on my head, but somehow it didn't make me feel any better.
Ali thought it would be fun to end the night with a trolley ride. It was late enough that the one we rode was completely deserted, so we went to the very back away from the driver.
"Sorry about that. I hadn't expected that piece of shit to barge in on us."
"Somehow...I think he was definitely doing it on purpose."
"Doing what?"
"Because when you were ten years old, I was one! There's no way I'd know about something from when I was a baby. He had to know that, but he went and tried to act like he knows you so well. Even if I don't know about your past, I'm living with you now, so I definitely know you better! Besides..." Ali stifled a laugh. "What?! Is anything I said wrong?"
"No, sorry." He couldn't stop smiling. "I was just a little surprised. With Mira, you were jealous without realizing it. But this time, you were clearly aware of it. I'm so happy." His visage was beatific.
I was flustered. "You're wrong, it's not like that."
"Kip, when we get back home, I'm making love to you."
"Y-you've got to be kidding! I don't wanna. Absolutely not!" This conversation had gone off the rails.
"I'm so happy."
"You're being ridiculous! Really, I'm not jealous!" Truly, I was, but for some reason I couldn't admit it to him. Like I was saving face somehow keeping my feelings to myself.
Even though we were alone in the trolley, Ali didn't try to touch me. "I love you," he told me simply.
"Don't say that!
And that made Ali's low voice resonate all the more. Striking me like lightning all over my body. "I love you, Kip."
"Shut up!" He was mixing me all up.
When we got home he could barely control himself. He took me on the floor right there next to the kitchen table with the moonlight from the patio windows shining down on us. He took off our jackets, and then my pants. Laying me down on my back, he brought my knees up around him. He kept his pants on not having time for that, just enough to take out his swollen phallus and plunge it inside me. "Ali!"
"You want to get to know me, right? I want to know more about you, too." He went out and then drove back into me. I grunted and squeezed my eyes shut tight. "Look at me." I did. "Inflame me more with that face of yours." He covered my mouth with his as he made love to me, pulsing in and out until I cried out into his mouth.
I'm so sleepy! I was vacuuming the upstairs walkway trying to summon some sort of energy. Ali had kept me up all night showing me how happy he was. I was stunned that I could walk!
I looked down into the living room where he was having a meeting with Mira. Damn it all! He looked so serene and refreshed! Grumbling, I went into his study to vacuum next, and found books scattered all of the floor. "Ugh, honestly!" The first one I picked up was called San Francisco Killer Guide to High Class Gourmet Restaurants. It was open to the restaurant we went to yesterday. Several other pages had tags marking them. "Look at all these tags. He has no interest in food, unless it's shaped like an octopus. So, what's he doing, going over this so thoroughly?"
Wait. Could it be...for me? Was all of this for one date with me?
Before I knew it, I was running downstairs. "Ali!"
"Hey, don't run down the stairs. What are you going to do if you trip and hurt yourself?" Ali scolded me.
"I'll be fine." He got up and took his mug into the kitchen and I followed him. "More importantly..."
"What?" he turned around to look at me.
Do people just come out and I say I love you? "Uh, well... So, that is... I..."
Mira shrieked from the sofa. "Alistor, so it's sex on a trolley car this time?! You're on a crazy roll right now!" My legs nearly buckled beneath me. When did he even find time to write that?! "This is great! "
I went over and grabbed the pages from her and read about an abandoned trolley car and what happened inside. "Ughhh!" I ripped the pages in half.
"What's gotten into you, Kip?" Mira screamed at me.
"Never mind! I'm getting the hell out of this place!" I stormed out of the apartment.
I wanted to stay gone longer, but I was starving and I didn't have any money with me. There was only so many times I could walk around the block.
"Yes, Smoak here." Ali had just picked up the phone when I walked in. "Oh, Tavis. Everything's the same over here. You?"
"Is he calling to talk to me?"
"Yeah, the university is on summer break," he said into the phone. "What? Oh, hold on a second." Putting the phone to his chest, he told me, "Kip, sorry, but give me some privacy."
"What?" I was surprised.
"Just go. Hurry up."
I trudged up the stairs, throwing him a dirty look that he didn't notice. What the fuck? That wasn't cool. What kind of conversation could he be having with Tavis that I couldn't hear? I was starting to get really pissed off. Actually, what pisses me off the most is the fact that I'm pissed off. Somehow, I still haven't been able to really wrap my mind around my current situation. I wound up having sex with a man. A man! And what's more, I might be in love with Ali, just a tiny bit. Or might not be... maybe. My mind was racing.
Perhaps it was all a matter of perspective. So far, I've had nothing but a negative viewpoint about my feelings for him. Cheerful thoughts. The person I fell in love with just happened to be a man. It's nothing to worry about!
I flopped down on my bedroom floor. Like hell I shouldn't worry about it! I'm not ready for this, mentally or physically! Okay, maybe a little bit physically; that part was nice. But mentally, I was struggling. What should I do?
"What are you doing?" Ali leaned against the doorjamb, cigarette hanging from his lips.
"Oh," I pushed my feet against the wall making myself slid across the blonde wood floor a few feet, "sweeping the floor."
"Talk about inefficient." He crossed his arms and looked down at me.
I sat up. "Never mind that. Is something going on with Tavis?"
"Tavis is apparently moving back to San Francisco at the end of this month."
"For real? What's up with that? That means he went to Seattle for nothing."
"Well, things like that happen." He wasn't looking at me. "So, he says...he'll take you back."
Panic crept into my chest. I jumped up off the floor. "B-but, he just got married! Having a healthy, nineteen-year-old in a newlywed household is like, what the heck?" I anxiously scratched at my head.
Ali kept smoking his cigarette calmly, still not looking at me. "He said he'd be sure to handle that properly. Discuss the rest with Tavis."
This was really going to happen. New hope sprouted with the thought, "Uh, so...you told him you're okay with this?" Ali could convince him to let me stay.
"Yes. You should live with your family."
My heart sank. "Oh, I see. Got it." I can't let him see that I care that I'm leaving, especially if he doesn't want me here. "Man, thank goodness! Now I won't have to cook dinner every night." I laughed nervously. "When all's said and done, it was actually kind of a pain in the ass," I lied. Starting to leave the room, he called my name. I pretended I didn't hear. "Now then, I'll go finish the laundry." I put on a smile as I went to the utility room.
I think this is a bit of a shock for me. I never thought that Ali would say something like that. After putting the clean clothes in the basket, I stood staring unseeing at the wall. Could it be that he has always felt inconvenienced by my being here? I'm dense, so maybe I just haven't noticed until now.
"Kip." Ali was standing in the doorway.
I immediately bent and picked up the laundry basket. "Don't worry about a thing!" my voice was cheery and fake. "I'll do everything I'm supposed to do until I leave." I walked past him. "And if you want, I'll freeze some food for you." And then for some reason I added, "Did he say when this is happening?"
At that, Ali reached out and grabbed me, causing me to drop the sheets all over the floor. Taking me down to the floor, he lay on top of me, kissing my neck. "Ali!" His hand went up my shirt and his soft lips found my mouth. "No!" I pushed him with everything I had on the chest. His entire mien was devastation. He looked so sad. And I didn't understand why. He wanted me to leave, right? "Q-quit messing around already! Moron!" I got up angrily.
I ran to my room on the verge of tears. What's with him? What's with that look he gave me?