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CHAPTER SEVEN
I was laying on the kitchen floor. Face down, sprawled out, throwing a tantrum.
And why was I on the floor? Three reasons: 1. Because of stupid Ali. 2. Because of moronic Ali. 3. Because of stinking Ali!
He is SO dead!
This is what happened thirty minutes earlier.
Ali and Tavis were in the front room. "Kip clung to me, wailing, and refused to let go." I dropped the empty pot I had been holding with a noisy clatter to the floor. "I'm looking after my neighbor's Pomeranian."
Whoa, hold on a second. Something's wrong here from the get-go.
"He said he's been nothing but a burden on you since your parents passed away. He feels terrible for making you sacrifice the entirety of your youth. And saying that, he started bawling his head off."
I never bawled!
"But that's...! We're family, so it's only natural."
"Tavis, think about Kip's feeling, too. Given his personality, he's always putting up a front. But in his heart of hearts, he wants you to find happiness. He said I was the only one he could tell this to."
Quit trying to casually make yourself look good!
"Saying he'd quickly become an adult who could stand on his own two feet, he came pleading to me."
When the hell did I come pleading?!
"But he said he doesn't have the means to do that just yet, so he begged me to let him stay here for now. And he broke down crying, clutching at me."
Quit making stuff up!
"Kip said those things?" Tavis was in disbelief as well, though I think mine was much deeper.
Stupid Ali. There's no way even my brother would believe a phony performance like that.
"Ali, I..." See? He's totally seen through it. "I don't know what to say. I'm so incredibly moved right now. I had no idea Kip was so concerned for me."
"He is. So, if you care about him, let him stay here."
"Oh, but that'll inconvenience you."
"It's not a problem. Kip's been having an enormous impact on my writing."
Oh god.
"I had no idea. Then I'd better take Kip's feelings into consideration, too."
"And for my part, I'll continue to take good care of him." How did Tavis not notice that Ali was beaming like the cat who caught the canary.
They shook hands. "Alistor."
"Tavis."
"Well, see you later."
"Come visit once again once you've settled in.
And this is where Ali found me, collapsed on the kitchen floor. He tapped me on the shoulder. Sitting up and turning, he surprised me with a kiss. Not a tiny kiss, a lips and tongues, heart-skipping kiss.
I resolved to stay mad, so I shoved him away. He pretended not to notice. "Isn't it great it went so well?"
"How do you figure that?" I yelled.
"Shh! Tavis is still close by," he teased.
"Making up crap just to suit your needs!" I accused.
"Your needs to. Besides, I didn't lie."
"Yes you did!"
"There are no problems as long as the result is beautiful." I could think of nothing to say to that.
A few weeks later when school was back for fall session, Riley came up to me after class. "Congratulations."
"Pardon?" Why was he congratulating me?
"I saw it in the paper earlier. Alistor's set to receive the American Academy of Arts and Letters Gold Medal. That's incredible."
"The Gold Medal?" He was?
"You didn't know that Alistor had been nominated?" We left the building, walking outside to leave the campus. "Doesn't Alistor tell you these things?"
"Uh..."
"I'll be it's a big deal right about now with the media and stuff."
"Is the book that incredible?"
"I read the award-winning work, but I dunno. I thought it was very Alistor-like."
"Was it interesting?"
"Yeah. But I still hate Alistor's books." He smiled as though this was funny.
"So, it was boring."
"No, it was interesting. I've read all of his books, but as I expected, I found this one to be disagreeable, too." He was still smiling.
I laughed like I was in on the joke, but I wondered why the hell does he bother reading them if he finds them disagreeable?
"The paper said he is having a press conference tonight. Alistor absolutely hates stuff like that, doesn't he? I really look forward to hearing what he's got to say." He waved and walked the opposite direction I was going.
What is it that he hopes to see Ali do? I started walking to the bus stop. But now that I think about it, this might be pretty amazing. I'm not into books, but even I've heard of the American Academy of Arts and Letters Gold Medal. I wonder what book won the award? It's got the be a recent one, right? When it comes to books that were published recently... The image of his book Pure Romantic Love came to mind. No! There's no way it's for that book.
I went running home to find out which book it was and came home to discover Ali with Mira and Donnan, flowers and presents everywhere. "Kip, welcome home," Mira sweet as ever.
"Hey there. Long time no see, Shorty," Donnan gave a wave.
Shorty? "Uh, um, I heard that Ali won an award?"
"That's right! This!" Mira handed me a copy of the book in question. "It's like 'yay'! But actually, I think it was totally to be expected." The Box that Shelters the Moon by Alistor Smoak.
Oh thank goodness! It's a normal book.
The home phone trilled. "Enough already! Kip, unplug the phone for me."
"It's okay. I'll answer it," Mira volunteered.
"Why do I get calls even from publishers I've never worked with?" he complained.
"Well, just think of it as the perks of being a writer," Donnan offered. "Now, it's going to get busy after this. Listen. We're going to do a big Smoak Fair, alright? You'd better not keep evading things like last time. We'll be seizing full control of your schedule."
"Please don't decide such things without consulting me." Ali was sulking.
"Bastard, you'd better not tell me that you've forgotten how you wronged me that time with the National Book Award."
I started absently mindedly flipping through the book as they squabbled. "As always, you care nothing about my feelings if it'll get the sales."
"Of course! In this business, it's all about the sales!"
Mira finally got off the phone. Coming over she asked me, "What did you think of this book, Kip?"
"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't..." I hated admitting that I hadn't read it.
"You haven't read it yet?" She seemed surprised.
"No, that's not it. It's not that... I... When I open a book and there are more than ten lines of text, I suffer mysterious palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, and numbness in my limbs..." I was doing a horrible, yet thorough, job of explaining. My attempt at using humor to deflect went over like a lead balloon.
"So you haven't read it?" Donnan asked.
"It doesn't really matter. The contents are nothing special," Ali offered.
"That's being modest," Mira told him. I felt like scum.
Donnan jumped back to business mode. "Keep the Saturday after the award ceremony open. We'll be hosting a party."
"No need to host one," Ali retorted.
Donnan laughed as though Ali told a joke. "It's too late! All the arrangements have already been made. How many years do you think I've known you?"
"I'd love to sever the relationship and be done with it."
"Speaking of severing relationships, I contacted Halston and told him to come to the party, too." Ali's eyes went wide.
"Halston?" I wondered aloud?
"You don't know?" I was getting tired of people saying that to me today. "He's Alistor's older brother." His brother? It's the first time I've heard his name.
Ali's eyes had disappeared into slits. "Don't you understand that I keep asking you not to do such meddlesome things?" Donnan loved to play with fire when it came to Ali.
"Honestly, you are just so..."
Mira didn't let him finish. She could see what I saw; it was getting dangerous in here. "Come on now, let's get going already. Traffic is going to be bad on the way to the press conference around this time." I walked them out. "Kip, sorry for being in such a rush. We'll be borrowing Alistor for a bit."
"Yeah, sure. See you later."
The door closed and I was left with piles of flowers and presents. Crap! I didn't congratulate Ali. Or rather, I missed my chance to do so. I think I might be a pretty ungracious guy. I live with him, and yet I needed other people to tell me about the award. What's more, I didn't even know what the book was about.
If I'm supposed to be Ali's lover, I should know that stuff. Did I just call myself his lover?
Brushing that thought aside... It's still not too late, so I should get something for him. I could get a part-time job, but it'd be a while before I got paid. What is something I can get for Ali that'll make him happy? I was pacing around the beautifully wrapped gifts.
And then it came to me. By no means do I have such a high opinion of myself, but if I asked Ali what he wanted, there's a 99% chance he'd say...me.
Going upstairs to his study I took a copy of Pure Romantic Love off the shelf. The fact that he used my name must mean that what's written in here are things he wanted from me. I think? Reading a few lines, seeing words like coition, turgid, nip, and thrust, I threw the book away. Impossible! I can't do it! I ran downstairs getting as far away from that book as I could. This is no good. What the hell am I thinking?!
I'll make dinner. I'll start there first. Now, what to eat? I threw the fridge doors open. I stared at the parsnip I put on the cutting board. What should I do? Ali spoiled me. To the point where I get mad, because he tried to buy me everything. I mean, just a few weeks ago he talked to my brother for me. I can't let him be the only one doing the giving and spoiling. I have to be proactive, too.
I'll start with a simulation. "Congratulations on winning the award! I wish you continued luck in your work," I spoke to the parsnip. "I-I'm sure you're tired now, so would you like a bath for starters? Or would you like dinner? Or...me?" Oh my god, there was no way I could say that.
The doorbell rang. I went over to the intercom. "Yes?"
"Flower delivery."
I accepted the bouquet of gladiolus. Carrying them into the living room I read the card, "Congratulations on winning the Gold Medal. Halston Smoak." Ali's brother.
"I'm home," I called out.
"Hey! That was awfully quick," Kip commented.
"Yeah." The home phone rang and I answered it.
I barely picked it up when I could hear Donnan yelling on the line, "You idiot! Smoak, you bastard! Who the hell leaves straight after doing the press conference?!" I hung up on him, and the promptly unplugged the phone.
"Is everything okay?"
"It's fine." I started taking off my tie. "I get depressed having to be in a crowed like that." Something I would only tell Kip.
"The same as ever," he told me. "Oh, you got some flowers. From your brother." He held out the card for me to see. That's interesting? Surprising? Annoying. "It's kind of hard for me to imagine you with siblings. What's he like? Is he like you?"
I took off my jacket and threw it on the back of the couch. It felt like a straightjacket when I had to wear it someplace that I didn't want to be. "Not really."
"Maybe you should call to thank him now, while you still have time," he encouraged. "Since I'm sure you'll be receiving even more tomorrow."
"It's fine." Having to talk to my brother would be a horrible ending to the day.
"But..."
"I don't want them."
Kip made a noise of disapproval. "You don't talk much about yourself or your past, you know?" I couldn't find the words to answer. I had agreed to getting to know each other better, but the less said about my family the better. He went on, making me feel worse. "It was like this before, too, but everything Donnan talks about is stuff I don't know about. I mean, I don't need to know about the family empire, company stuff, or anything."
"Of course you don't know. I've known Donnan since I was a kid."
"I-I know that, but you could talk a little." He was getting upset. He always stammers when he's upset.
"Talking about it would just make you uncomfortable," I attempted to explain.
"I won't be," he insisted. "I'd be fine. I'm not a child, after all." No he wasn't, but sometimes I treated him like one when it comes to protecting him. "I can handle typical stories of that sort. So..."
He didn't get it. "Quit bothering me. It's none of your business." I wanted this conversation to be over.
"What? B-but that's not fair! You know me well enough to write about me in your books, so why don't I know anything about you? Like this thing with the award. You could've at least told me that you'd been nominated. Besides...besides, you know what? I learned about your family for the first time because of Donnan. It seems like Mira knows all about it, too. And my brother does, too, doesn't he?" I was extracting a cigarette from the box. He came over and grabbed it out of my hands, tossing it to the side. "There's something messed up about that!" Wow. He was super pissed. "It's wrong! It's weird, like I'm the only one who doesn't know! If we were total strangers or just acquaintances, I think that'd be fine. But you could tell me!" He took my hand and gripped it so hard. "If you're going to say we're supposed to be lovers, I think we should know all kinds of things about each other." He cut himself off immediately realizing what he had just announced.
I was so happy. I loved it when he accidently admitted his feelings. I have no doubt of their sincerity that way. He wants to know these things because were lovers. It's not some idle curiosity.
"Uh, just kidding." He looked mortified at what he just said. He released my hand. "Sorry. You're tired. I don't know what I'm saying."
"Kip..."
"Well, so there you have it." He turned and started marching upstairs.
"Kip wait."
"Actually, if I want to know, it's like, I should research it myself."
I followed him. "Tell me again. Why do you want to know stuff about me so much?" I couldn't resist messing with him. And I really did want to hear him say it once more.
"I don't know!"
"You do know."
"Please chalk it up to youthful indiscretion or something!"
"I thought you weren't a kid."
"Arrgh!"
He opened the door to his room, his hand still on the handle when I stopped him coming up behind him. I rested my head next to his. "I'll tell you. Halston is my older brother, and Donnan is his childhood friend. I'm sure you've sensed it, but my brother and I...actually, my entire family and I, don't get along. So..."
Kip had been completely still, but he turned, holding out a hand to stop me. "Sorry. I didn't mean to force you to tell me."
"It's okay. You, I can tell it to." That was the truth of it.
"It's okay. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry, Ali. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot. I was just feeling kind of panicked and that's why... Oh! That's right!" He grabbed the front of my shirt and came closer. "Ali, what do you want?"
"What?" That was a loaded question.
He was grinning again, the scowl gone. "A gift to congratulate you on your win. Ah, but to be honest with you, I can't afford anything too expensive. I'd be happy to get a part- time job. Or you could buy it and I could pay you back in installments, but would that be a gift, then?" he went off on a tangent.
"First of all, just calm down. You don't have to be so considerate."
"These things should be done properly," he insisted matter-of-factly. "I'll make sure to read that book later, too." He ran his hands through his lanky teal hair, his roots now dark brown, several times in a gesture of uneasiness. "So, uh...congratulations on winning the award."
I couldn't keep in my laughter, nor did I want to. "What?" He wondered at my laughter.
"You know, you should organize your thoughts first before you speak." I embraced him, pulling him against me. "Thank you very much. All kinds of people have congratulated me, but that one made me the happiest." I kissed him, trying my best to show him just how grateful I was for him. Tongue, body, breath...it was wonderful.
Pulling slightly back, gazing into his evergreen eyes, I volunteered, "There's something I want as a gift to commemorate my win."
"Wh-what?"
"You."
"I knew you were going to say that," he professed sheepishly. I went in for another kiss to congratulate him on his cleverness when he stopped me. "W-wait a minute."
"Not waiting." I grabbed his bottom.
But he was serious. Taking a hold of my shoulders, he timidly pushed me to the wood floor, placing his knees on either side of my hips. "I-I'll do it today."
This was certainly a surprise. "Are you serious?"
"L-like I'd joke about this, jerk!" He started unbuttoning my shirt, sitting back on my pelvis.
"Your hands are shaking." He could barely get the buttons undone.
"Shut up."
It was so sweet. He was trying to seduce me. "That's fine. Continue." I strove to comfort him by smoothing my hands up and down his thighs.
When he got my shirt undone, he bent placing tiny kisses down my neck, chest and abs. Nervousness made his body rigid. "What's gotten into you today? I never thought that you'd be making the first move."
He looked down at me. "You wrote about it!"
"What?"
"I read your novel. You said it involves your interest and fantasies or something, so... You use my name in the books, s-so I figured that meant you want me to do things like that to you. So... D-don't mock me! I can do stuff like that, too!"
He had truly put much thought into giving me gift that would mean the most to me. "You know, Kip, you need to stop unconsciously seducing me like that." It was much too much for me to handle. My ardor was revving into the red. I kissed him, flipping our positions so I was on top. I needed to be in control because I needed him now. "The way you are right now, you're no good at all," I teased him. "I'll teach it to you again properly, from the beginning."
"Th-that's okay. Never mind. I take back everything I just said."
"I won't let you."
I pulled him up off the floor. "Whoa! Hey, quit joking around, you jerk!" I took him into his room where we had never been together. The twin bed made things quite interesting. All night long, not only did I make love to him, but I also fucked him until he said he couldn't take any more. And then I fucked him again. He told me that I really messed him up.
I slumped all the way down in the hot bath water until my nose was just above the surface. I was attempting to recover from the night before, soaking my sore "muscles" in hot water. I never did get around to doing anything myself.
I hope Ali tells me about his family someday. But it seemed sort of unfair. He knows pretty much everything about me.
Soaking as long as I could, I had to go down and make breakfast. Opening the bathroom door, setting on the floor right in front was one of Ali's boys-love novels. No, not one book, all of them. Every few feet was another one like a breadcrumb trail. Down the hall they curved into the living room, up onto the coffee table in front of Ali who sat on the sofa waiting for me.
"Kip, I'll let you in on a little secret. My boys-love novels are a product of business, pleasure, and my fantasies..." He had told me this before. That's why I tried what I did last night. "...but the thought of making them come true in real life had actually never occurred to me." Oh, shit. "However, I have no reason to quarrel with you with regards to you referencing these books and acting on that information."
"Aaaa..."
"You're the one who came up with the idea, so let's be sure we follow through with it, Kip. I'll give you those books, so study up before next time."
I felt like the bottom had just dropped out from beneath me. Could it be that I've dug my own grave? The answer was, "Bingo!" Jesus, I'm in trouble.