General Announcements~ Hey Everyone! Love you peeps! Email me at SLK2308888@aol.com with the subject heading of ~This I Promise You~. You should know the legal stuff but if not, just read it off the previous chapters (it's the same darn thing)! Till next time It's Gravy Baby!
Any flames will be forced to listen to my ghetto fabulous self, tryin to get da down low on the 411, shady bastard style! Ya, that's pretty bad! = )~
This I Promise You By Rick
Chapter 4: Romeo and Juliet
"What are you doing here?" JC questioned, yawning the last vestiges of sleep away.
"I wanted to talk to you, about the other night." Justin stated softly.
"Listen Justin, I'm sorry for acting like that. It's just kind of weird seeing your best friend getting married," JC said, trying to smooth over his hair that was sticking up.
"Well . . . ummm what do you think it means?" Justin asked, looking down at the beige carpet.
"Well I don't know Justin. I guess that's going to be up to you and her isn't it?" JC questioned with a laugh.
"Wait what do you mean HER?" Justin asked with confusion.
"You know, you and Christina silly! How strange is it to have the same exact dream as you, what a trip!" JC responded.
"But . . . but wait! ME and Christina?" Justin sputtered with confusion.
"I know, how funny huh? The press always putting you with Brit and here it turns out that your dream girl is Christina!" JC exclaimed, putting his arm around Justin.
"That's not how it went and you know it!" Justin exclaimed, shrugging off JC's arm with anger.
"How did it go then Justin?" JC questioned nonchalantly.
"You! You . . . were there!" Justin stated with exasperation.
"Oh I know Justin! I would be honored to be your best man at your wedding J, you know I'll be there for you!" JC said coolly.
"Why are you doing this Josh?" Justin asked simply, on the verge of tears.
"I don't know what you're talking about Justin," JC stated with confusion.
"I guess you don't," Justin stated as he turned and walked out the door.
"Justin . . .." JC whispered, closing his eyes to the world for what he had done.
Justin burst through his room and slammed the door dejectedly.
"Is this all in my head?" Justin questioned himself. He closed his eyes and plopped down on the bed. "It was so real, so magical, so perfect, so . . . so much in my dreams!" Justin thought, cringing with frustration.
Here he was questioning JC's ulterior motives when he didn't even know what he wanted out of this whole situation. Up until now he would have never questioned his sexuality and even at this moment he still wasn't sure he was gay, but he had learned that love has no sexual preferences. That it transcends into something above physical limitations. Love isn't about beauty or strength or popularity, beyond our perceived cultural beliefs of desirability.
Yet knowing this didn't help matters. He knew that there would be people who were narrow minded enough to judge him for who he was and not who he loved. He was scared of what the world would have to offer him but he knew if JC was there by his side everything would turn out OK. Everything always turned out OK if JC was there to guide him and be there for him. Was this all just a fabled dream? Too perfect and romantic in a world full of cynics and a lack of true self-respect for the importance of sex and marriage? He wanted it, but he knew JC would have to want it to. Want this friendship to go above and beyond hugs and tokens of affection taken at face value.
Justin was willing to try, try and become more then Justin Timberlake and Joshua Chasez, but as a couple; a single entity that thought and acted as one through two willing hearts and souls. Now Justin, struck with the revelation of a deep and eternal love for JC, wanted more. More then promises of permanent friendship, more then promises to be there for him. He wanted the one promise that perpetuated a love so strong that nothing in this world could tear it apart.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
After signing a real live record contract with Lou Pearlman, who would later seize his cash cow and milk it for all it's worth, two ecstatic friends from the Mickey Mouse Club would make their way to some secluded area behind Justin's backyard. A still young and naive Justin was tugging at the slightly older Joshua's arm toward his secret spot. A spot unbeknownst to anyone but him, yet for some reason he was willing to share this perfect little paradise to his best friend. It excited him terribly to finally share something so wonderful to someone and he knew that JC would appreciate the gesture.
"Justin where are we going?" JC asked with a laugh.
"Hold your horses Josh! We're almost there just keep your eyes closed for a little while longer!" Justin said excitedly, carefully leading his friend across the dark entanglement of trees.
"Justin, you know we're going to get in trouble if we don't get back soon! Our parents said to be back in an hour so we can go out to celebrate," JC said with excitement, still in shock that they had made it, that their dreams were finally coming true after all those years of hard work.
"Dude come on! They'll wait for us, this is important. Please!" Justin whined.
"All right! All right, you know I can't say NO when you do that!" JC said with a chuckle.
"Yes!" Justin squealed with delight and started walking again. The two walked silently until they reached a small clearing, pristine and probably untouched by man or technology.
"OK you can open your eyes JC!" Justin stated proudly. JC opened his eyes to an impressively sized tree that centered the small clearing. The tree stood massively, showing off its sheer height and solidarity.
"Oh wow! Justin this is amazing!" JC exclaimed, walking around the whole circumference of the tree. The sun shone extremely bright on this particular bit of perfection, making everything appear illumines and surreal.
"This is my secret little spot to get away from the world," Justin explained. The breeze softly caressed his face carrying with it the fragrance from the strange flowers the tree had produced to intoxicate the area with it's heavenly fragrance.
"I can see why Just, it's incredible!" JC stated appreciatively.
"Ya, for a long time no one knew about this place but me, now I'm glad I could share my secret with you," Justin said with a sheepish smile.
"Awww, Justin man I'm honored! But why did you wait all this time to tell someone?" Justin questioned.
"I dunno," Justin shrugged, "I didn't think they would have appreciated it, plus I just want this to be me and my best friend's secret hang out. If everyone knew it wouldn't be special anymore. You know what I mean?" Justin questioned.
"I sure do kiddo, and I promise I won't tell a soul about this place," JC said solemnly.
"Thanks JC, I know I can count on you!" Justin said as he hugged JC. "Hey ummm . . . I was going to give you this tonight but I kind of wanted to give it to you in private," Justin said shyly.
"Justin, you don't have to buy me anything!" JC complained over the extravagance.
"No! I wanted to! You've been such a great friend to me. I just wanted to give you a little something to always remember me by," Justin stated nervously, kicking the grass with the sole of his foot. "I . . . I hope you like it," Justin said, carefully reaching in his pocket and pulling out two small wrapped gifts. He handed them over to JC who smiled at him widely. JC could see the care Justin took to wrap them up. "I know they're not much but I picked it out and paid for it all by myself," Justin said with a hint of pride. "You . . . you can return it if you don't like it, but I . . . I hope you do and stuff," Justin mumbled quickly.
"Justin will you hush and let me open them!" JC stated jokingly. He carefully opened up the wrapping paper, anxious at what lay inside.
"I knew you wouldn't like them, we can just go to the mall and return it tomorrow if you want to," Justin said dejectedly.
"Justin stop it! I love them!" JC exclaimed. He held up the Swiss army knife to the light to get a better look at it.
"If you turn it around, I . . . I got your name engraved on it," Justin said sheepishly.
"JC Chasez." JC read the inscription. "Justin this is the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given to me!" JC exclaimed pulling Justin into a long bear hug.
"So you really like them?" Justin asked with relief.
"I love them man! Here can you help me put the necklace on?" JC asked, kneeling in front of Justin.
"I really didn't know if you'd like it. It's a Leo pendant, you know like your zodiac sign. I figured it might get you good luck!" Justin explained as he fastened the necklace on.
"So what do you think?" JC asked standing up and turning around with a flourish.
"It suits you Josh. It really does," Justin responded.
"Well since it already brought you as my best friend then I'm sure it's going to give me fantastic luck!" JC exclaimed.
"Oh Josh!" Justin said as he rolled his eyes, "come on let's go before they send the search party."
"Wait up! Well, I guess great minds think alike or something because I got you a little something too," JC said sheepishly. "Now I was going to wait and give it to you on your birthday but I guess signing a record deal is a pretty good cause for celebration, Huh?" JC said with that silly grin of his that made Justin smile.
"OK so what is it?" Justin asked excitedly.
"Close your eyes," JC ordered. Justin complied with his commands, the anticipation killing him. JC quietly took out the necklace he had bought for him and placed it around his neck.
"OK," JC whispered. Justin opened his eyes and was almost blinded by the brilliance coming off the metal. He carefully lifted the medallion closer to his face and saw the large JRT in big bold letters.
"Josh this is too much!" Justin complained.
"No it's not!" JC disagreed. "I had a little money saved up and besides if NSync hits it big we'll be rolling in money!" JC stated with a laugh.
"No one's ever given me something like this before," Justin said, admiring it. "But don't you think it's kinda big?" Justin asked, letting the medallion fall back on to his somewhat scrawny chest.
JC laughed boisterously. "Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem. Don't worry you'll grow into it. It'll be like your little thing, just like your curly hair. You have to have a certain image now, it comes with being famous."
"People aren't even going to recognize me!" Justin complained. "I'm so small no one won't even see me! And my hair, no one likes people with curly hair!"
"Justin, trust me OK? You're going to grow up to be your own man. People are going to love your personality, people are going to love your curly hair," JC assured him, with a playful pat on the head.
"Thanks Josh. You always know exactly what to say to make me feel good about myself," Justin stated.
"Curly, you should always feel proud of yourself, you're a bright and talented kid. You make your parents so proud Justin and . . . and you make me proud!" JC exclaimed.
"I do?" Justin questioned in awe.
"Always Justin, always," JC said with that irresistible grin.
"Will you be my best friend forever?" Justin asked nervously.
"You know I will! We're inseparable, two peas in a pod. The Dashing Duo!" JC said with laughter.
"Do I have you word?" Justin asked with speculation.
"Justin, I can do better then that," JC responded. He took out the knife and carefully opened the blade up. He deftly and swiftly carved into the bark of the wood, not stopping until it was finished. "There!" he said with exasperation.
JC + JRT
Always
&
Forever
"You have my word etched on our special spot! Now do you believe me?" JC stated with charm.
"I have all the faith in the world for you JC . . .." Justin responded, eyes shining.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Justin, haunted by those familiar words ringing in his ears, quickly stood and grabbed a coat from his closet before storming through his door. He zipped through the stairs and out into the backyard in a flash. He easily climbed through the short wall separating his backyard to the secluded area. Keeping up a rapid pace, he quickly reached their spot. The old tree, still stubborn as ever, still stood in majestic grandeur spreading its branches and leaves outward. Not having visited it in awhile, Justin noticed vines encompassing the trunk of the tree. Twisting and turning toward the sky as it fought for existence. Justin circled the tree before reaching the spot. Moving away the vines that curtained the carving of everlasting friendship. He admired the deep grooves and edges, and traced the "JC + JRT" part carefully with the tip of his finger.
"I wish it could last forever," Justin sighed as he sat down at the base of the monolith. He reached in his pocket for his cell phone and used speed dial.
"Hey y'all this is Britney! I'm out right now so when you hear the beep you know what to do! Oh! And don't forget to . . . call me baby one more time!" Justin smirked at his friend's message before hanging up. He pressed another speed dial code hoping this friend would be free.
"Like Oh my god Heather you would just not even believe me how hot Carson is! Girl, let me tell you something, he is just scrumptious!" Justin heard immediately.
"Like Oh My god, he's so like totally a hottie!" Justin squealed into the phone.
"Justin!" Christina exclaimed with embarrassment.
"Hey girl what's up?" Justin asked.
"J! You better not be spreading rumors now, don't be all shady!" Christina responded.
"Nah, girl! You know I won't be all up in your business and shit. Though I will never look at Carson the same ever again," Justin stated with a laugh.
"Justin! Boy don't make me come get you!" Christina replied.
"So how's things?" Justin asked.
"It's been tight. We've been practicing for the tour and getting some rough cuts of some new songs," she responded. "I was just on the phone with Heather and she said she'd call me right back, so you kinda caught me there," Christina joked.
"How's Heather?" Justin questioned.
"She's doing good. Misses her brother though and you too," Christina replied. "So how are the rich and famous boys of NSync?"
"The group's been working, trying to get everything down for the tour. They're really cracking down on Lance to get the moves right. Poor Lance, he tries so hard but the boy was just born with two left feet. Then you know how hyper JC is; he wants even harder moves and faster beats. I don't know if Lance is going to make it through this one," Justin kidded with his friend."
"So how are you and the 'rents. Still planning to move out?" she asked.
"Nah, we got everything worked out and they realize how silly it would be for me to have curfew and shit. I've been thinking about getting an apartment or something with JC after awhile though," Justin answered.
"Still sticking to JC like glue huh?" she asked jokingly. Justin sighed heavily at the notion. "Hey Just, it was just a joke," Christina added.
"I know . . ." Justin sighed.
"So what's the problem?" Christina asked.
"When we were all together was I always all over JC?" he asked.
"Well kind of, but it wasn't like you were annoying him or anything Justin. He loved hanging around with you, he still does," Christina responded.
"So you didn't think anything weird was going on right?" Justin asked nervously.
"Well . . . the way you kind of looked at each other was kinda funny," Christina stated, "it was kind of like the way you look at someone when you . . . oh never mind I must have been imagining things."
"The way you look at someone," Justin whispered with an audible gulp, "when you love them."
"Oh My God! So Britney and I were right all along! Keri kept saying it was impossible! But we knew Justin! We had you two pegged, Oh my goodness I have to call girlfriend up right now!" Christina exclaimed.
"Chrissie, hold up!" Justin tried to interrupt her.
"Oh no Justin, you know we wouldn't say a word to anyone, until they find out from you guys. But oh gosh! How exciting this is for you guys! I bet JC is such a romantic; you're so lucky Justin. He MUST be a good kisser. Mmmm he has those soft kissable lips that are just so yummy!" she stated, "Now I'm not trying to steal your boy toy Just but oh god the man is cute!"
"Chrissie, we're not a couple, we're not together, amd we're not going out. As far as I know we both might not even like each other like that," Justin yelled into the phone.
"OK OK! So what's wrong with JC?" Christina asked.
"I don't know! I thought we were so connected and so meant to be, but I guess I was wrong," Justin murmured.
"Damn Justin, so what's up with JC? Is he doing something shady?" Christina questioned suspiciously.
"I wish I knew, I've been trying to get him to talk to me but he's been dodging me," Justin said with frustration.
"You want me to talk to him for you?" Christina questioned seriously.
"No!" Justin yelled.
"What? I'm not going to stand here while he's being all shady, I gotta protect my boy!" Christina said in her mock-ghetto tendencies.
"Girl! You so crazy! Listen, don't say anything to Brit, Heather or anybody else OK? Let me figure it out before half the MMC crew know before JC does," Justin explained.
"J, you know I'll keep the 411 on the down low," Christina giggled.
"Good, now get your ghetto fabulous self to practice!" Justin said with a smirk.
"Alrighty Lates, J Man!" Christina said bye to her friend.
"Peace Out!" Justin remarked. Justin shook his head at the silly games he and Christina would used to play growing up. "God JC!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Why are you fighting so hard against this! I know you feel it too!" he yelled out in frustration. He stood and looked at the tree one more time before heading back.
JC moved back against the foliage as Justin passed by him. He watched as Justin hopped the wall and went inside his house. JC carefully crept out of his hiding place and made his way toward their spot. Although Justin had stopped coming here as frequently, JC had come to embrace this sacred place with a vengeance. He liked to come in the late afternoon to think and meditate about life and what he wanted out of it.
Yes, there was Justin, and he knew they could be happy together. Live in such a fairy tale life of love and devotion that would be perfect. Yet, it scared him to no end. He wanted a normal life with a wife and kids. Oh how he adored kids, he had always wanted at least ten of them pitter-pattering around the house. Yet, there would be no pitter-patter if he chose to be with Justin. Only hate and spurn from other people not willing to understand them. Only selfishly holding on to misconceived notions and bigotry.
They could make it last, he was sure of it, but he would never want to put Justin in that situation. JC knew he couldn't always protect him, never always be by his side. Admitting love would only make the worries multiply. A constant fear that he had no control of. Not even control of his own self, and that, that frightened him to no avail. He remembered a conversation once where a wide-eyed Justin Timberlake snuck into his room and had made him spend the entire night talking.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
"Josh, how . . . how do you know when you're in love?" Justin asked shyly.
"Why J? Are you falling for some girl at school?" JC ribbed him.
"Josh!" Justin whined, "it's just that I want to know what to look for when it happens."
"Well I mean it's so hard to explain Justin, I really can't describe it to you," JC responded.
"Is it really special?" Justin asked with wonder.
"Ya kiddo it is very special!" JC stated patting his head, "but that only happens when you're with a person who means a lot to you."
"Well, how do I know when they mean a lot to me?" Justin asked with confusion.
"Curly, when you're with someone really special and you really care for them, you kind of put them above all other people. They mean more to you then your mom, your dad, your brothers, or friends. You just want to tell them all your secrets and you just want to be with them because they make you feel happy and special," JC tried to explain.
"Well you must be very special to me because I do all that with you," Justin pointed out.
"I guess you're right Just, you're a very special person in my heart too," JC replied warmly.
"I think I understand now Josh. I just have to find a girl version of you!" Justin said, rolling with laughter.
"Hey! I think I would make a pretty fine looking woman!" JC said posing in a seductive look.
"Don't give me nightmares Josh!" Justin giggled.
"Oh you think that's funny huh?" JC asked sarcastically. "Well, how about this?" JC asked hitting Justin with a pillow, "and this! And this! Do you give up?" JC asked holding the pillow threateningly.
"No!" Justin said with a wide grin. JC whacked him a couple more times till Justin gave up.
"You promise to give up?" JC asked, clearly tired and flustered.
"Yes! Yes!" Justin said trying to keep his composure.
"Pinkie Swear?" JC asked suspiciously.
"Pinkie Swear," Justin repeated as he hooked up his pinkie to JC's.
~-~-~-~-~-~
JC mentally shook himself, parted the curtain of vines and looked at the etching he had done so many years ago. He looked at it longingly and with a sad heart.
"I still remember my promise Just," JC sighed, "but I can't be with you forever."
JC reached into his pocket and took out the pocketknife he had always kept close to him. He opened up the blade with the intention of destroying all that their promise stood for. All the wonderful moments and memories not yet made in their lives together. He was determined not to make Justin too much a part of his life that he couldn't live without him. It would be too much to be dependent on someone else. He was in control of his life and he wanted to keep it that way. He raised the knife menacingly, ready to claw away at the unwanted truth.
"I can't!" JC sobbed dropping the knife to the floor. JC fell to the floor, racked with waves of contrition. "I don't want to love you Justin," JC mumbled, rising to his feet. He stood with the knife in his hands and dug it through the thick bark. He sniffled as he worked, and quickly made the adjustment. He quietly wiped his eyes of his tears and carefully looked at his work. He smiled slowly and then turned and walked away.
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JC + JRT *
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To Be Continued????
Well there it is. I know it was actually a long chapter! Go figure, lol. Anyway, write me some comments at SLK2308888@aol.com