General Announcements~ Hey there, thanks for all the great responses so far! Some even made me cry they were so good! lol I thank all of you for the support and friendship you've shown me. Now I have to make an announcement for the sake of one of my good friends, Kyle.
I am secretly in love with Lance Bass from NSync. I think he's really cute and his white pasty skin is such a turn on to me. I only make fun of him because I really really like him. He's just so yummy . . . Lance, the other white meat! Phew! OK my secrets out, you all know now. Any comments, suggestions or ideas can be sent to SLK2308888@aol.com with the subject heading of ~This I Promise You~. Till Next Time, It's Gravy Baby! = )~
Legal Disclaimer applies . . . Oh what the heck if your underage and reading this go ahead, I won't tell! Shhh! Oh all you old people can read this too. The song used in this chapter is "Landslide" written by Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac. Great group BTW, check them out!
Any flames will be forced to email Kyle: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net and thank him for his perverse fascination with Lance. Ya, that's pretty bad! lol = )~
~This I Promise You~
By Rick
So what did JC's actions mean for these two friends? For better or for worse, JC had acted upon his desires that he had come to keep within. They could finally be together, JC had made up his mind . . . or had he? He knew there would be happiness and he knew there would be bliss . . . but at what price? The questions were endless, yet could their love really be that simple? Would their dreams become a reality? Would JC finally have the courage to tell Justin? Will these darn questions ever cease? = )
We'll just have to see . . .
OR WILL WE? evil grin
Chapter 5: "Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be"
JC took his time getting home, trying to concentrate on what his heart was telling him to do. He nervously rubbed at his pendant, something he had grown accustomed to when making hard decisions in his life. It seemed like every time he had control over his life, something would always come in his way. First it was the Mickey Mouse Club disbanding; ending what he thought would be his entire musical career. Now it was an undeniable attraction toward his best friend. One that would forever change their world as they knew it. Not only would they put each other under serious scrutiny and risk, but they would also drag everyone else they knew and loved in harms way. How could JC be responsible for everyone else when he couldn't even be responsible with matters of the heart.
JC scaled the wall with a heavy heart, wanting to give himself to Justin, yet too afraid of losing everything he had worked all of his life for. He would be a fool to give up all the success, all the fame, and all the glory he received from NSync. His love for music had propelled him to the pinnacle of success, but was his love for Justin enough to throw it all away? Could he be selfish enough to put his desires in front of what he lived and breathed for or was he willing to sacrifice his happiness?
"It's so unfair!" JC thought to himself, "Why did I have to be gay? Why couldn't I have just been straight and saved myself all this grief?"
"Are you punishing me God?" JC asked in prayer, sitting himself on one of the benches. "I've tried to be a good person. I've tried to help people in need and those less fortunate than I. Then why . . . why did you send me into this world to fall in love with Justin? Are you testing me? Because you've won God . . . you've won, I can't hold back these feelings anymore." He thought dejectedly.
"Why . . . why?" JC mumbled.
"Honey, why don't you try being honest with yourself?" a voice behind him asked.
"Lynn?" JC asked in shock, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"Shhh," Lynn soothed kissing JC on the top of the head.
"What am I going to do?" JC asked, covering his eyes with his hands.
"JC, you can't change who you are, no more then Justin can change who he falls in love with," Lynn replied.
"I'm so sorry Lynn, I'm so sorry . . .." JC whimpered.
"For what honey?" Lynn asked with confusion.
"For ruining Justin's life. I know everything would have been better if I had just moved out like you suggested," JC responded.
"Now you know that's not true. You and Justin would have been miserable without each other," Justin's mother replied. "Actually . . . I should be the one that's sorry," she said softly, lowering her head in shame.
"You didn't do anything Lynn. You've been nothing but a great person in my life. Justin's lucky to have a mother like you," JC argued.
"I did do something . . . I almost ruined my son's happiness because I was so ashamed of having a gay son," Lynn responded sadly.
"How?" JC asked.
"By trying to keep my son from the one thing he wanted the most," she whispered stroking JC's hair. "Now I have prided myself in being a good mother to my son. Providing him with everything he needed and supporting him in everything he wanted to do in life. But I will always, always hate myself for being ashamed of him. He's always been a great kid but knowing that Justin was different I . . . I freaked out. I didn't know what to do anymore so I thought if I could take away his one temptation in this world he would go back to normal," Lynn whimpered.
"Lynn . . ." JC tried to stop her.
"No! Please Josh let me finish. I love you like you were my own son, but what I tried to do is inexcusable. I saw . . . I saw the way he looked up to you as a hero. Then . . . then it just became something more. So I . . . I told you, that you were the reason for Justin's unhappiness all those years ago. I asked you to move out of the house so Justin could be his own man, when what I really wanted was for you to be as far away from him as possible," Lynn said wracked with contrition. "I thank God every day now, that you were able to listen to your heart on that day and stay with Justin. Because he needs you Josh, he needs you more than he needs air in his lungs. So I'm telling you now honey, listen to your heart like you did all those years ago and do what it's telling you to do." Lynn pleaded with him.
"I don't know what to do anymore Lynn," JC cried out. "My heart's telling me to go in so many directions. I just don't know what the right path is anymore. I want to make my parents happy, I want to make the fans happy, I want to make the guys happy . . .."
"But what would make you happy Josh?" Lynn insisted. "You don't always have to be looking out for everyone. You deserve to be happy too. Sooner or later Josh you're going to have to realize that you can't please everyone. For once I'm asking you . . . no telling you, to do something for yourself. What would make Joshua Scott Chasez happiest? If it's not Justin then you can go back and try to salvage your friendship. But if it is Justin, don't you think you two deserve some happiness in your lives?" Lynn questioned.
JC nodded mutely. "Can I ask you something? What made you change your mind about Justin?"
"I got some sense knocked into me I guess," Lynn responded, "You don't know how heart wrenching it was to witness my son's heart breaking. Seeing him just having the very life sucked out of him was so painful that I could not even stand myself for what I had done. He looked . . . looked so utterly lost and afraid, I didn't know what to do anymore. So I promised myself from that moment on that if he loved you that much, then I would never ever stand in his way again. You're a special person in Justin's life Josh, as I'm sure Justin's a special person in yours. I am just thankful that my meddling failed and that you two were able to stay together. Don't make the same mistake I did Josh. Don't come in between what you and Justin want, otherwise you might never get a second chance." Lynn said as she patted him on the shoulder and started walking to the house. "Remember what I said Josh . . . don't lose your chance at happiness," Lynn said with a sniffle as she wiped her eyes.
JC sat in silence trying to take it all in. She was right; he had been a fool to deny himself and Justin for so long. So many years wasted from what could have been more then simple friendship. He stood, still unsure of what the future held for him or Justin, but whatever it was, they would meet it together. He began to smile knowing that for once, he could be truthful to himself and to Justin. His sweet and irresistible Justin for which, he would do anything for. Now all he wanted to do was to make Justin happy, and that was what he was destined for. JC started running now, with a bursting need to tell Justin everything. He would hold nothing back now and take this opportunity to set everything right.
"Justin!" he yelled upon entering the house, "J, I have to speak to you!"
"Josh . . .." Lynn whimpered from upstairs. JC stormed up the stairs and burst into Justin's room. Clothes were scattered everywhere and Justin was no where to be seen.
"What happened?" JC questioned frantically.
"I . . . I tried talking him out of it, but Justin was dead set on leaving. He . . . he said something about rekindling an old flame and how it would make you very happy . . .. What does he mean Josh?" Lynn asked with confusion.
"NO!" JC yelled as he fell to the ground with agony. "Justin don't do this to me," he moaned as tears started to cloud his eyes.
"JC please! Tell what's wrong?" Lynn begged.
"Justin . . ." he whimpered, covering his eyes with his hands. He took deep long breaths trying to control the urge to throw up. Time stood still for what seemed like hours, his world slowly crumbling around him.
"Justin left you something Josh," she finally stated, kneeling down next to him. "Maybe this will explain everything."
"Thanks, would you ummm . . . mind leaving me alone for awhile?" he asked sniffling.
"Sure honey, call me if you need me OK?" Lynn replied with worry.
JC nodded and watched as she softly closed the door behind her. He maneuvered himself into a sitting position and looked at his name written on the envelope in Justin's handwriting. He closed his eyes and sighed once more before opening the envelope. Inside was a simple folded white piece of paper. He opened it with shaking hands and began to read it.
Josh,
Where do I even begin with this letter? I guess I should apologize for being such a chicken-shit and not even having the courage to face you in person. I guess I don't have the strength to watch your reaction when you read this so I'm taking the easy way out and just leaving for a little while. I've been keeping a secret from you Josh, I know you're my best friend and I can tell you anything, but this is something that would have made you hate me. I couldn't risk that because you're my best friend and I could never let anything come between us.
You know it's pretty funny, remember all those years ago when I said my perfect person would be the female version of you? Well, I don't think it would be possible to find one. What I'm trying to say is that somewhere down the line, I fell in love with you Josh. Please don't be mad Josh, I would have taken my secret to the grave if I didn't think you had the right to know. I didn't realize it for a long time, but now I see that this is more then your simple puppy love or crush. I think I knew for a long time now, I just wouldn't admit up to it.
Then I had that dream; you know the one I thought both of us had? Well, in my version instead of marrying Christina, it was you. It was you who I was getting married to. I know how weird that sounds Josh, but I have never been that happy before in my entire life. Being with you does that for me Joshua; I never have to be afraid of anything while you're there because I know you will always be there to protect me. I've always needed you because I think deep down I always wanted to be by your side.
I realize now that our friendship can never be more then that, a simple friendship. I think I should take this time to find myself and what's really out there for me. Who knows, maybe someday I can find someone that loves me back as much as I've loved you. I don't think that's possible but love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it. I hope you don't take this against me Josh. I'll always think of you as my best friend for all eternity and even if I've ruined our friendship by telling you all this, I know I did the right thing. You're going to make some girl very happy someday Josh, and I know that you'll be a great father. I hope I can still be there to share some of those moments with you if you'll let me.
I know this will probably change our friendship, no matter how much I want to keep it the same, but I hope that you love me enough to salvage whatever we might have after this. I know you're probably angry right now Josh, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I know that the two of us together would be wrong, but I can't help feeling how right it would be. I just want to make you happy JC and if that means quitting the band or moving out I'll do it for you. Please don't hate me Josh, I don't think I could live with myself if I knew this news caused you pain. This time apart will do us some good. I think I've leaned on you for so long now that I don't even know how to be my own person and I realize I took advantage of you. You could have been out there doing your own thing, but instead you stuck by me and for that I'm eternally thankful. But you're right Josh promises never last forever.
Love,
Justin
JC sat in silence, still in shock over the letter. He had ultimately ruined his one chance at happiness and had made Justin think he hated him. If he hadn't played such foolish games and just told Justin from the start, none of this would have happened. He had failed, once again letting down the one person he loved the most. He stood dumbfounded and looked around the room.
"Promises do last forever Justin. . .." JC stated with conviction as he looked at a large picture of NSync. JC and Justin had their arms around each other as they were laughing at something Chris had done. JC had to salvage this somehow, he just had to.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Justin drove his BMW Z3 Roadster with the top down and the wind blowing through his hair. He adjusted his sunglasses and smiled at himself through the rearview mirror. This was the start of his new life, away from the pressures and expectations from everyone. There was nothing left for regrets, telling JC the truth had set him free. If he couldn't love him and still be his friend then it was just not meant to be. He would force himself to forget about his love for JC and find someone who truly wanted to be with him. He sped up, knowing his flight would soon be leaving and turned the CD player on.
"I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....
So, take my love...take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down"
"Goodbye old life!" Justin yelled proudly.
"Goodbye Josh . . .." he whispered as he stepped on the gas and drove on.
To Be Continued????
Well there it is again, hoped you liked it. I'm going to be writing a major chapter for ~The One~ after I'm done with Finals so it might be awhile before this story to be re-posted. Feedback is always appreciated! Write to SLK2308888@aol.com with the subject heading of ~This I Promise You~.