Disclaimer: You know the routine and all that. Anyway, I don't wanna go thru the same thing again but I do wanna thank everybody who wrote in and said such nice things about the story. Thanks, OK? Um, anymore comments can be directed to me at Benj_thall@hotmail.com but I have to warn all who wanna mail that from Nov '99 to Feb 2000, I'll be away from my mail so I doubt if I can mail you back. Anyway, that means a hold on the stories until I find another PC. Whatever. See ya.
Chapter 3: Lunch at Allie's
When I got up the next day, it was already somewhat past eight and after washing up, I got breakfast ready. Which means that I have to cook enough to feed a small army. The twins always ate a lot and now, Jer and Buttons seemed to be catching up. I scrambled some eggs, prepared some toast, fried some sausages, a bit of bacon, squeezed some orange juice and poured out milk. The good thing about those type of meals is that it never takes too long to prepare. By 8:30, breakfast was done, and I got in to wake everyone up. Jer, I managed to wake rather quickly, ushering him into his toilet, to wash up before chowing down. The twins, I had no problems with. Only Buttons. I managed to wake him up but the moment my back was turned, he was asleep again. He always hated getting up early on Saturdays. In the end, I threatened to feed his breakfast to the twins -- a threat which got him up rather quickly.
By the time Buttons was ready and starting on his meal, the twins and Jer were already done and still looking hungry. Sighing, I cooked more until they were finally full. Eventually, I started on my own meal. After we were finished, I got Chris to help me with washing up, though, he grumbled about it. When the washing up was done, I decided to start baking. You see, during the weekends, I always baked a little to earn some extra cash, selling what I baked to the bakery who always gave me a good price or to the people in the city. I recalled that I had invited JC and his friends to lunch but realized that no one had mentioned how many were coming. Just in case, I decided to cook a little extra. I got the dough ready for the cheese bread I made while the Buttons and Jer watched cartoons with Zach popping in to look at times. Chris, meanwhile, tied up the phone on a conversation with his good friend, Dylan. I wasn't too worried about people trying to get through on the phone; we had call waiting so it was OK.
I was just in the midst baking when Chris yelled, "Allie! Phone for you!" I was quite mystified. Who would call me? The only people who would actually call me would be either Aunt Lizzie, checking up on us, or maybe Danny to just chat. I hurried over to an impatient Chris. "Are you still on the phone?" He nodded. "OK, hold on, then." I put my ear to the receiver. "Hello?"
"Allie? It's JC."
"JC, hi!" I was surprised how happy I was to hear his voice again. "How did you get my number?"
"Ever heard of Information?" he teased.
I laughed slightly at that and then, caught Chris's impatient glare. "Oops, uh, is there any reason why you called? I gotta hurry 'cos Chris is on the other line."
"Oh, OK. Just confirming that we're coming over -- that is, Justin and me. Lance is going out with his parents and the other two have something on. Is that OK?"
"Yeah, sure. So, two extra. Around 12:30 then?"
"Yup!"
"OK! I'll see you then. Bye!"
"Bye!"
I hung up, half-elated, half-nervous. He was coming! "JC's coming for lunch?" Chris asked, or stated, actually.
"Yeah. Him and Justin," I told him nonchalantly.
Jer squawked in incredulity. "You're serious? Justin? Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man!"
I looked at Jer oddly. "Calm down! You already met him yesterday!"
"Yeah, but yesterday was at night! Today's in the morning!" Jer was yelling, pacing excitedly, gesturing wildly.
"Jer has a crush on Justin," Zach teased. Jer blushed before denying, "I do not!"
"Yes, you do!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"All right, stop it, you two!" I glared at both Zach and Jer. "Zach, stop teasing your brother. Jer, calm down. There's no difference between meeting someone in the morning or meeting someone at night. Now, they're coming at 12:30, so I want all of you to have your shower by then, OK?"
There was a chorus of "OK" and I turned away, satisfied. I put the baking aside for a while, instead, deciding on what to cook for lunch. Maybe, roast chicken and mashed potatoes? Or lamb chops? Or spaghetti? In the end, I settled on the first choice. Much easier to prepare. I basted the chickens with a mixture of salt, olive oil, sugar and just plain butter after stuffing both the birds with breadcrumbs and cheese. Then, I simply stuck the whole thing in the oven, set it for an hour and turned to the next task. The mashed potatoes were even easier to prepare. Boil the potatoes, peel off the skins, then mashed it together with a bit of milk, salt, butter and a dash of vinegar. After mixing the gravy, I was done. I left the fowls in the oven, to keep it warm, then, dashed off for my own shower.
I still had about an hour or so till they arrived so I decided to take my own sweet time. I soaked in the tub, until I looked like a prune, just relaxing before I got out, dried myself and changed into jeans, and a blue cotton shirt. I checked up on Buttons who had finished first, looking behind his ears. No dirt there. I inspected his fingernails and was relieved to see them all nicely trimmed and clean. I heated up the fowls, brought them out, first cutting them up into decent slices, letting the slightly crispy breadcrumbs topped with melted cheese to simply spill out, Served the mashed potatoes with the gravy in a different bowl, set the table for seven, and waited for the rest.
Jer almost drove me to distraction as he changed clothes one after another before settling on his first choice. Maybe Zach was right about Jer having a crush on Justin. After all, it was a stage that all guys around Jer's age go through, idolizing a fairly famous, good-looking guy, and Justin did fit the bill. I wondered if he knew about it. Perhaps, or perhaps not.
When the bell rang, I jumped up to open the door and there they were. JC smiled at me while Justin grinned and tried peer inside. He caught sight of Jer who ran over, hugging him, crowing, "Hi, Justin," almost shyly. Justin muttered," Hey, kid!", obviously embarrassed, and I caught JC watching the both of them in amusement.
"Hey, you guys! Come right in!" I told them before closing the door. For once, everybody was well-behaved, and Buttons was quite happy to see JC, almost tackling him. I gestured them towards the dining table, and got everybody seated. I sat at the head of the table with JC on my right, Justin next to him and Jer next to Justin. On my right, was Buttons, Chris and Zach. "Justin, would you say grace?" I asked him.
"Yeah, sure," he agreed, still looking harassed. Jer was watching him with glowing eyes and I reminded myself to have a word with him.
"Lord, thank You for this food which we are about to enjoy, and thank You for giving us such wonderful family members," at which, Justin eyed Jer askance, "and such dear friends. I pray that we will forever enjoy such luxuries as You give us. Amen," he ended, echoed by all of us. Without a moment's hesitation, we dug in. I could see that both JC and Justin enjoyed the food I had prepared, going for seconds. The rest of the guys talked among themselves with Jer almost hanging on to Justin's every word. Justin still looked harassed and embarrassed, but I think he was rather flattered that a guy thought so highly of him.
JC looked at me occasionally, chewing thoughtfully. I just kept silent, watching all the others enjoy themselves, laughing and talking, teasing and joking. I watched Justin closely, knowing that JC watched me. Half-distracted, I considered Justin. With that smile and that close-cropped blond curls, somehow, Justin looked so much younger than I was and I felt so much older -- even though I knew that Justin was, in fact, my senior by five months or so. Why did I feel so much older? I really didn't know. I turned my head to see if JC was still watching me, and his eyes caught mine, looking furtively. He raised his dark eyebrows quizzically and I almost flushed. This was so strange! Why was he making my blood heat up and my heart simply race? I was nervous all the time around him; I felt so inadequate, something I had never felt before anyone. I really didn't like it -- not at all.
When lunch was done, I was glad of the distraction of washing up, and I ushered the others to the living room, getting them drinks and snacks, before washing the dishes by hand like I always do normally. Once I was done, I moved out into the living room. Zach and Justin were playing with the Playstation while Buttons and Jer commented. I was glad that Jer didn't seem so dazed this time by Justin's proximity; instead, he criticized Justin when he was bad and complimented him when he was good. I looked for Chris, and found him on the phone -- again. So where was JC? On a hunch, I checked the balcony, and there he was, sipping from a glass of lemonade, legs crossed at the ankle, watching me as I approached him.
"Hey, what you doing out here?" I asked, smiling as I settled next to him.
"Nothing much, really." He gave me a look that I simply couldn't decipher. "I have something to talk to you about, Allie."
"Yeah? Shoot." I waited for his reply.
He hesitated for a moment before looking around then staring me right in my eyes. "I was wondering if you would actually like a job with us."
What? "What are you talking about? What job?" I asked him, half-confused.
"You know that we -- Chris, Joey, Lance, Justin and I -- are in a group, right?" I nodded impatiently. I knew that -- they had mentioned it before. "Well, we're based here in Orlando and I was wondering if you'd like to join the group."
My mouth nearly dropped open at that. Join them? In some new-fangled group that everybody seemed to talk about? I couldn't even remember the name of their band or whatever. "Are you serious? I - I don't know what to say."
"Wait, before you say anything else, consider my offer carefully. First, you'll get rich and you won't have to work so hard for your brothers any more. You have the most amazing voice I've ever heard and you're talents aren't being properly appreciated here," JC told me, almost pleading. "Here, only a handful of people will hear you sing but if you join us, CDs of your music will be all over the world! Everyone will hear you sing -- you'll be famous!"
I considered everything for a moment before speaking. It sounded wonderful -- I wouldn't have to sing my throat sore anymore just to support the guys. They would have everything they ever wanted. But, what about the Sterlings? What about Leo? And Danny? "Wait, do we have to do tours and stuff like that?"
JC nodded. "Yeah. Two or three major tours a year with a few months in each tour."
"But that would mean I'd hardly get to see my brothers at all!" I protested.
"Yeah, but look at this way! You'd be giving them everything they would need!"
I pondered on that for a moment more. You have to make sacrifices anyway and this was a more worthwhile way to do things, I guess. Still, it sounded to good to be true. I had the pros, so what about the cons. "Considering that you're famous and everything, you don't get much of a private life, do you?" I waited for his reply. He shook his head and looked as if he was about to speak but I simply cut in. "So, if I was one of you, I wouldn't have much of one either, would I?" He shook his head again. "Yeah, but -"
I forestalled him. "You sing pop and all those mushy stuff, right?" He nodded. "JC, I'm more used to singing the songs that I do, and I don't think I'd be able to suit your style of singing."
"Allie, Allie, why don't you just try out for it? If you're successful, you have the choice of either going ahead or not. How about this? I'll pick you up next Monday and take you to our studio where you get to see everything."
"I have a job -"
"Oh, come one! Can't you take a few days leave or something?" JC pleaded.
"I guess I could but -"
"NO buts! You're coming along!"
I sighed and gave in. "OK, fine!" And then, I thought of something. "What's the name of your group again?"
"N'Sync," he answered, rather proudly.
"I heard from Jer that it's supposed to be a mixture of your names or something, right? So, how would I fit in?" I asked him.
"Well," JC considered, "N'Sync actually stands for the last letter in all our names. N for Justin, S for Chris, Y for Joey, N for Lance and C for me, of course." He paused, just thinking for a while. "So, what about E-N-S-Y-N-C for En' Sync?" he asked me, smiling.
I grimaced. "I suppose. It still sounds funny to me."
JC simply shrugged. "Just think about it, OK? You have the whole weekend."
I sighed. "OK."
JC looked at me, and put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm not forcing you to accept or anything, OK? Just consider it."
I couldn't answer, only nod. His arm on my shoulder was doing strange things to my constitution -- my heart was pounding like I was running and my face felt like it was on fire, the way it burned. I almost pulled away but it felt so good to be treated like a friend, like a buddy. I almost thought, was I in love here? My curious questions to Danny had led to something like this. The way he dreamily talked about the symptoms of falling in love, of blood rushing to your cheeks, of your heart pounding away, of the feeling as if you couldn't live without him. But, I wasn't gay, was I? I didn't know! I had never dealt with love, with attraction, with desire! How am I supposed to handle this? I panicked! What should I do? Thankfully, JC lifted his arm first, telling me that he was going to the toilet. I gave him directions and then I was left alone to confront my own feelings. Was I really in love? I had all the symptoms that Danny talked of. So, could this be it? Was I like Danny after all? But, then, I realized that maybe it was just elation of finally having a good friend. That was it, I told myself in relief. Nothing more. I hope. I sighed. Ever since JC had entered my life, I was rapidly becoming more confused than ever.
JC splashed water in his face. What the hell was happening to him? When he had placed that arm around Allie's shoulder, he had felt so delighted, so excited that it had nearly caused him to freak out. Was he gay? Was he, to feel this way about someone whom he hardly knew, a guy whom he hardly knew? Then, on reflection, JC considered the possibility that he might have been simply excited that he had managed to wrap up a deal that benefited everyone.
"That's all, you fool! Stop being so sensitive about everything!" JC told his own reflection in the mirror. He wiped his face dry with tissue paper, checked his reflection before stepping out of the toilet
He met Justin halfway on his way out who quirked his eyebrows at him. "What? Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"No, nothing wrong at all," Justin replied. Frankly, though, Justin thought that JC looked rather flushed but happier as if he had just been granted his greatest wish. JC made way and Justin stepped into the toilet, locking the door after him. Almost haggardly, Justin paused to study himself in the mirror. "Aren't you just so happy at getting another fan?" he asked himself rather sardonically. Seriously, though, Jer was getting better. He was more relaxed though, sometimes, he had a half-crazy look of adoration on his face, a look that half-scared him. But, is that because I'm scared of a guy being attracted to me or because I think that Jer is actually rather cute? B'cos, yes, Justin had thought that Jared Taberner was one very good-looking boy for all that he was fifteen. God, don't tell me I'm becoming some kind of paedophile! Ugh, actually thinking that way about young boys!
But, then, I'm not attracted, am I? It's OK to simply state the truth b'cos all the Taberner boys were actually quite good-looking young men. That's it, I think. Justin shook his head, amused that he had let something like this bother him the whole day long. What a fool I've been, he told himself. Washing his hands, Justin began whistling as he walked out of the toilet, happy once more.
"Allie? We've gotta go now," JC told me quietly as he stepped back onto the balcony.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I looked at him, now smiling, his eyes gleaming in the sun that was about to set soon already. I realized I had to sing soon as well, and I hadn't even prepared dinner yet. "Maybe we could meet in church tomorrow? I'll be singing as well . . . "
JC smiled at me. "I'd like that very much." We both turned back to the apartment once more where Justin was receiving hugs from all the guys. I stepped forth to hug him, smelling the fragrance of his cologne, very subtle, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for coming," I told him warmly. "No, I should thank you for the lunch! It was fantastic!" he told me exuberantly, non-plussed at all at being kissed.
"Hey, do I get one?" JC joked. I smiled. "Of course." I hugged him, feeling his hands wrap around my waist, and my heart began to thunder so loudly that it was a wonder that he couldn't hear it. I pressed my lips against his cheek, ever so gently, feeling the smoothness and softness of his skin. I stepped back and let the others replace me.
It was that time when no one was really watching except me that Jer gave Justin his kiss. As always, hanging shyly back, Jer stepped up to kiss Justin who turned his cheek towards the boy. Instead, Jer pressed his lips full against Justin's lips, and I could see that Justin was as surprised as I was. Once done, Jer stepped back, smiling shyly before retreating to his room. I sighed. I guess I had to explain. As I escorted them to the door, I noticed Justin eyeing Jer's closed door. As they were about to leave, I called to Justin. A bit confused, he retraced his steps. "Yeah?"
"About Jer . . ." I paused. How was I supposed to phrase this? "I hope you don't take his kiss the wrong way. It's just a way for him to express how much he loves you and I guess he just wanted to tell you that he loves you like a brother." I hoped that would work.
"Yeah, I'm cool," he nodded. "Jer's a sweet kid and I'd love to be like a brother to him. Pass him this, will ya?" Justin handed a necklace that he wore around his neck, pulling it out of his shirt. "I want him to have this." He looked at me for a moment, almost shyly then said, "Does this make us brothers, then?"
I smiled. "I guess. Bye, bro."
He smiled back at me. "Bye, bro." He waved and then was gone. JC gave me one last smile before disappearing down the stairs. I walked back in where Chris and Buttons were messing about on the computer. This time, Zach was hogging the line. Well, now would be a good time, I suppose, to pass along Justin's gift. I knocked softly at Jer's door, only entering when I heard the muted "Come in." Jer was lying on his bed, face pressed into his pillow, dark hair lying across the headrest. His legs were pulled up on to the bed, bare and shapely, completely hairless. Must be another family trait.
"Hey, Jer! Got something for you from Justin!" I told him. I swear, his ears perked up at that, and he was out of the bed in a flash, whining, "What? What is it?". I handed him the little bead necklace that Justin had handed to me. Jer received it with trembling hands, and his eyes seemed to light up with some inner radiance. It was so obvious that he loved it, and I felt happy for him.
"It's beautiful," he whispered in hushed tones. I smiled. It made me feel good to know that he felt good. "Yeah, Justin wants you to have it. He said he'd like to be like a brother to you."
"Oh," Jer voiced, in a more subdued manner. Why was he so sad now? Maybe he was just overwhelmed by it all, I guess. I ruffled his hair. "Come one, kid. He may be a star and all, but he's just like you and me.'
"I guess." He turned away and flopped back on to his bed. I sighed. Nothing else I could do. As I turned away, I heard Jer go, "Allie?"
"Yeah?" I turned around to face him. His head was angled to look at me.
"Thanks."
I smiled. "Whatever, Jer."
I closed the door quietly behind me. Jer was definitely in that rather awkward stage. The twins had gone through it before but, other than some rudeness which thankfully faded away, they were pretty much OK. But, Jer was a different case. He had to handle this -- I could only do so much. I sighed. Oh, well. I saw Buttons clicking away furiously with the mouse and I realized what I had wanted to do. "Buttons!"
"Yeah?" He didn't even look away at the computer, still clicking away at some game he was playing. I glanced at it as I moved towards Buttons. Some weird game with insectoid things all over the screen. As I watched, little figures started shooting at some flying things. "Save your game, Buttons. You gotta go for a haircut."
"Allie, later, please," Buttons whined.
"No," I said firmly. "Later, I won't be free, OK? So, save your game and get ready."
He grumbled a little but finally gave in. As soon as he was done, I walked downstairs with him, arms around his shoulder. He squirmed a little and I sighed again. For the 365th time this day, it seemed. I gritted my teeth and prepared to deal with a restless 12-year-old, trying to chivvy him into the barber's. It was not a task that I thought I would enjoy.
Jared stared at the little bead necklace that Allie had given him. It was just a leather cord with beads of blue, red, green and white, strung onto it in various patterns and ratios. At times, the beads were separated by a crystal shard that glittered in the sunlight as Jared held it up before his window. It was a gift, true, but from a guy who wished to be his brother when Jer wanted him to be so much more.
It was a pain that gnawed away at him. He liked other guys -- he knew that, had known it since his 13th birthday, had known it when he developed a crush on Zach's friend, Kyle. Jared had never actually gone beyond saying hi to Kyle when he saw him but it was still a painful reminder of something that he never wanted anyone to know. How could he disappoint Allie, his older brother, the brother he loved the most, the one who had supported all of them when Mom and Dad had passed away? Jer knew that while Allie wouldn't say it aloud, deep down in his brother's heart, something would have changed between them.
And, now, Justin. Jared rolled on his bed, trying to shut out the images -- to no avail. He remembered the way Justin had smiled at him, so sweetly that it felt as if nothing else mattered anymore, and all Jer had longed for was that smile to be bestowed upon him again, and again, and again, until the end of time. He remembered Justin's cheerful blue eyes, filled with warmth and compassion, filled with all the love in the world that Jer harbored for his secret hero. Sometimes, Jer regretted ever having met Justin in the flesh, regretted knowing him as he did now. It had never been this way when Justin was just a distant figure that Jer occasionally dreamed about. Now, Jer couldn't stop thinking about him, couldn't stop wishing that Justin would treat him like a paramour, instead of a starstruck young boy. It isn't fair, God, it isn't! Why, oh, why me? And, God, why, oh, why, him?
And, that foolish kiss! He hadn't been able to restrain himself, hadn't been able to keep himself from pressing his lips against Justin's. It was a dream come true -- Justin's soft, sweet lips against his own, first still and unresponsive, then pressing back so sweetly, so gently that it had made his heart pound so hard that it was a wonder no one had heard. Still, all Justin wanted to be was his brother! As is he didn't have enough brothers already!
It was all a foolish hope. Nothing can come of it. I have to forget about him in that way, stop hoping that he will love me the way I love him. Jared closed his eyes, feeling tears seep through. I swear I will put it behind me. But, a small voice in his heart continued whispering to him, and try as much as he could, it wouldn't shut up.
Justin closed his eyes, feeling the hot water from his bath sloshing against him. The air was filled with the faint scent of the bubble bath he had emptied into the water, filling his nostrils with that scent -- yet, another scent remained in his mind, so clear, so sweet, so him. Even now, he could remember the scent of Jared's hair when they had kissed so gently, both thinking that none had seen -- except that Allie had.
You are so sick, Justin Timberlake. You disgust me. These were the thoughts that ran through his mind. He knew what had happened in Allie's place. Jer had given him an innocent kiss, as innocent as the boy probably was, and he had turned it into a sick mockery of the pledge of brotherly love that Jer had made. Instead, he had responded by pressing his lips harder against Jer's soft, sensuous lips. God, he was good kisser! That thought only sickened him more. You pervert! He could still taste Jer's lips against his own, and in his bath, he found himself responding to that memory. Why this? And why now? He had never felt this way before -- not about any girl, and, certainly, not about any guy or boy. Yet, he found himself thinking how good company Jared really was. The boy was older than his years, more mature, more intelligent, more considerate. He was perfect as he was, so damned beautiful, and so damned innocent. And, he was only 15!
And that bead necklace was his fantasy, a way of saying you're mine to Jer, hoping against all hope that the boy would accept it, would accept him. How could Jer when even Justin couldn't accept himself?
His eyes opened briefly, seeing the result of his arousal right before his eyes. He groaned, certain now, more than ever, of his sexual perversion. A kid, Lord! Why kids? If this a test, Lord, I don't think I'm doing too well! Justin closed his eyes, praying that he wouldn't dream of Jer again. However, his heart betrayed himself once again, filling his mind with the images of a dark-haired youth running through the forest. In that dream, Justin chased after him, hearing the boy's musical laughter lingering in his ears. He would catch the boy, staring into those beautiful emerald orbs, before they would kiss, pressing lips against lips, and make love gently to one another beneath the open boughs of the trees. It was a dream that haunted him every night though it was rare for him to dream of sex. Sometimes, it was walking by the beach beneath a moonlit sky. Other times, holding hands while they walked down the road. All dreams -- dreams that haunted.