Tossed Away Kid

Tossed Away Kid - Chapter 20

This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to anyone in real life is a coincidence.

A special thanks to Ed for his editorial help. Please let me know what you think - wep363@ameritech.net My Web Site http://wpstories.tripod.com/

This is a story of love, hope, and trust. It also deals with rejection, false hope, and mistrust. It is not a sex story. However, this story deals with love between two male teenagers. If you are offended by stories involving love between two teenage boys, please do not read this story. There may be some sex scenes in this story; however, sex is not the main theme and will not be graphically described. If you are under age 18 or 21 or it is illegal to read this story where you live, don't get caught reading it. Reproducing this story for distribution without the owner's permission is a violation of that copyright.

Although I was really sad after leaving Danny it didn't take long for Mike and Mark to distract me. While Mike and Mark were home a friend of Mike's cousin moved in from Texas. They went on to tell me the story of how he came to be with them. He'd done some cruel things but I could relate with the reasons he acted the way he did. His parents were much like mine and he only recently started acting like a good guy.

Mike said that he was thrown out just like me by his parents and even had some people threaten to kill him. He only has one year of school left before college and Mike's family is trying to help him get there in one piece.

Mark explained that they had been in contact with Detective Samuels for the past two weeks. He'd given them information on their (new) identities and they had been memorizing all that information. You see, my part is simple; I can be myself. But because both Mike and Mark's names have been on the news, Detective Samuels has had to come up with a cover story.

Both Mike and Mark will keep their first names but their last names have been changed and so has where they came from. Because Mike is going to be claming to be in foster care like me his cover story is that both his parents were killed in a car crash. Because he's in the Illinois system he had to have a previous residence in Illinois so they chose Lombard because Mike was somewhat familiar with that area. Detective Samuels has checked and no one is enrolled in the high school from anywhere near that area. He has also made sure that if someone checked out his records that there's a copy in the Lombard school and the principal there has been briefed.

Mark's false background is even more complicated. The story on him is he's moving to Springfield with his parents from a small town in Ohio. Instead of pretending to be a made-up person Mark is going to pretend to be someone else. Another guy Mark's age who was a big sports star in his town moved at the end of his junior year. He got in minor trouble for beating up some old guy (like 35) because he claimed the guy hit on him. In Ohio it's against the law for a guy to hit on another guy but assault is also against the law so he didn't get in too much trouble. His parents decided to move someplace else and Detective Samuels felt it was almost a perfect cover for Mark. Apparently the guy's as tall as Mark but he weighed less.

Mark told me that Detective Samuels explained to them that it was likely that my dad would have his police chief friend do a background check on Mark before he even considered having him join his little gang. He said that he had to really study hard on the facts in case my dad asks him something he already knew the answer to.

We talked about a bunch of other stuff and before we knew it we were pulling into the State Police headquarters in Springfield. Mark called Detective Samuels on his cell phone and he met us in the lobby.

"Great to see you guys in one piece. Did you have a good time the last two weeks, Tommy?"

"I sure did but it wasn't long enough."

"Well, hopefully you won't be here more than a few weeks. There has been a slight change in plans. We weren't able to find houses that fit our needs so what we have done is to set you guys up in an apartment complex. We've leased and furnished two, two-bedroom apartments in the same complex. Mark will be driving to school and Tommy and Mike will be riding the bus. The apartments are both located on the third floor in the same building. I don't need to stress the importance of the three of you not being seen together. That starts right now. One of my officers is going to take Mark to his apartment. You might as well take Mike's stuff with you. I'll take Tommy and Mike in my car so you should get your stuff out of Mark's truck, Tommy."

I got my stuff and we left shortly after Mark. Detective Samuels stopped at a restaurant on the way and told me about the same thing Mike and Mark did about the undercover stories. He explained that if we were seen together it would ruin everything. He said that he checked and no one else from our school lived in the same apartment complex we lived in but we still had to be careful or else thousands of dollars and his whole investigation would go to waste.

He went on to say that Mark was starting football practice on Monday and that we would start school a week from Monday. In the meantime he wants to bring both Mike and me to the state police headquarters every day next week. He explained that I'll be doing extreme driving training and will have a license by the end of the week if I do well. He also explained that he has some other activities to keep us busy. Sounds like it's going to be an interesting week.

After we finished eating we went to the apartment complex. I'd seen the complex before. It's only a mile or so from my and Danny's old homes and a few blocks from the park where Mr. Kelly found me a few months ago. We had to use a key to get through the outer door. The entrances were on the inside with four apartments on each floor. Between Detective Samuels, Mike, and me, we got all my stuff up in the apartment in one trip. The apartments were nicely furnished with a home entertainment system and the refrigerator already stocked.

We then went over to Mike and Mark's apartment and it had the same furnishings and layout as mine. Detective Samuels gave us another pep talk about not being seen together. He wished Mark good luck at football practice. Then he told me he'd pick me up at 7:00 AM to take me to police headquarters in the morning. He said Mike had Monday off. Soon after that he left and I went back to my apartment to unpack.

After unpacking I decided to go for a walk. I went to the same bus stop bench I sat on what was actually several months ago in real time but it seems like just a few days. I considered how much I've changed. I was a scared boy and now I'm a well-trained law enforcement officer. I got up and wandered aimlessly through my old stomping grounds. Just as it was getting dark I found myself in front of my parents' house.

Danny's house still had a for-sale sign in the front yard. I can't tell you how I felt at that moment. There is just no way to describe it. I really do love my parents even if they hate me. I wanted to knock on their door and hug them and tell them how sorry I am that I'm not the son they want me to be. I tried so hard for so many years to make my parents proud of me. The events of my last night at this house came crashing down on me. The anger, the rejection hurt much more than the physical pain - my eye healed up long ago but the pain in my heart is still very real.

I went into my old backyard and sat down against the house near the open kitchen window and started crying as I never cried before. All the feelings of the last night kept me going in an uncontrolled sob. As much as I've grown this summer there are some things you never grow too old to cry about. I wasn't crying out of self-pity but out of loss. As far as my parents were concerned I was dead and yet I still love them so much. My uncontrolled sobs didn't go unnoticed as the back door opened and the light came on.

"Oh, My God; Tommy, come here," exclaimed my mom with outstretched arms.

I wrapped my mom in a bear hug and cried even harder. Not out of loss but from getting what I so desperately needed.

"I love you, Mom - I love you so much - I've missed you so much."

"I love you too, Tommy, I guess just not the way you've needed me to all these years. I've done some thinking this summer and we need to talk - just not now. I know I said some horrible things to you but I'm truly sorry. Should your father come out here there could be more violence. You know there is a restraining order that he's not to come near you. Tomorrow morning at 9 AM when your father is at football practice, could you come and talk to me?"

"Sniff." I finally tried to control my bawling so I could speak with some control. "I'd like that but there are two things I must ask. First, I don't want to talk here. Let's go to a coffee shop or something. Second, I think I should have my caseworker with me."

"When did you grow up and get so smart? I was going to suggest the same thing. Now I need to get back before your father misses me, so off with you, and I do love you, Tommy." She hugged me one last time, kissed me on the forehead, turned me around and slapped me on the butt, sending me on my way.

"I love you too, Mom, see you tomorrow."

Even though it was late, as soon as I got back to the street I got out my cell phone and called Fred Kelly. He was very surprised to hear from me. When I told him of the encounter with my mom he was even more surprised. He told me he'd love to meet with me tomorrow morning to go see my mom. I explained to him that Detective Samuels was picking me up at 7 to go to the state police headquarters. He then explained to me that he already knew that and had already put time in the schedule to see me tomorrow morning. This surprised me. He told me to bring my journal along, that he'd like to read it if it's okay with me. I told him that's fine and I'd see him in the morning.

I decided not to call Detective Samuels, as he already knew Fred Kelly was coming in the morning. In no time I was home. After taking a shower I crawled into bed and thought of Danny. After a little bit of physical activity I fell into a deep sleep. It was a dreamless night, which is rare for me. With all the stress of moving and separation from Danny and seeing my mom again, my mind must have completely closed down. I woke up with the alarm blaring at 6 AM. I took another quick shower, got dressed, ate a few Pop Tarts along with some milk, and out the door I went. Detective Samuels picked me up right on time.

On the way into police headquarters I explained my encounter with my mother. He seemed very pleased with my progress with her and complimented me on involving Mr. Kelly. He then explained he already planned to have me talk with Mr. Kelly today. He went on to say that Mr. Kelly has some concerns as to what my present mental well-being is. He was concerned that someone my age going through as much as I had during the summer could end up with some severe emotional problems.

I never really considered my emotional well-being. All summer long I'd kind of gone with the flow and not worried about what the effects of all the events of my life were doing to me. With my emotional breakdown last night I guess some of that stress boiled over. Perhaps seeing my mother again could be very positive to my present emotional well-being.

As soon as we got inside the police station Detective Samuels took me up to his office. He told his secretary on the way to send the other members of the team in. Within a few minutes four men appeared at the doorway.

"Come in and shut the door, guys. First let me introduce you to Tommy Tucker. As you know he's the inside man along with Mike and Mark. Tommy, this is George Sanchez and he's inside working as a janitor." The guy kinda reminded me of a janitor. "This is Geoff Simons and he's our surveillance man. Then we have Mike Barber and Keith Rector as your main backups. All four of these men are assigned totally to this case. At least one of these four men will be within 100 yards of you at any given time."

"Should either George or Geoff feel you are in any danger, Mike and Keith can be on the scene within a minute, loaded for bear. If we are aware, which we feel we will be, of when you might be attacked we will also have a SWAT team backing you up. Neither one of you will be attending gym class so you'll be wearing a wire. Geoff will monitor both you and Mike constantly. We'll not be able to put Mark on a wire because of his football practice. We'll be going over the details of the operation with you throughout the week. You will also have a chance to get to know each of these men. Your life is dependent on their quick response and I can tell you your life is in good hands."

Detective Samuels then asked the men to leave. "Tommy, when you meet with your mother and Mr. Kelly in a few minutes, I want you to let him do most of the talking. It's not that I don't trust you to say the right thing but more that Mr. Kelly deals with complex emotions every day. Also we don't want anything to get in the way of our investigation at this point."

"My feeling is that this will be a win-win situation in the long run. You need to understand something about my mom. She is old. In fact all her hair is gray. She is a grandmother and very much looks the part. I can never remember her disagreeing with my father. Dad dominates her. I've never been very close to her. She has never tried to become a part of my life. I've always gotten the feeling that she resents me for being born in the first place. I think she would have gotten an abortion if she wasn't so dead set against it."

"Well, I want you to be careful, Tommy. I don't want to see you hurt any worse than you have been already."

"I will be." I said. With that said Detective Samuels told me to wait for Mr. Kelly in the lobby. I wasn't there 5 minutes before he walked in the door.

"Tommy, great to see you again - you must have grown 5 inches this summer!"

"Three perhaps but I've grown in many other ways."

"I saw the news report about the train shooting a few weeks ago. Has that bothered you?"

"I'm just glad that no one was killed. If Mike or Mark had gotten hurt or killed and I could have done something but didn't, that would have bothered me more than the fact that I had to shoot someone threatening our lives."

"We don't have much time for talking right at the moment. We better get to the office. We can talk on the way."

We got in his little car. It still cracks me up - big man, little car.

"Tommy, I have some concerns about your mental well-being. Many adults would have had a breakdown enduring the changes you have gone through this summer. How do you feel?"

"I actually feel better after last night. Like I told you last night, when confronted with seeing my old house I did break down. To tell you the truth it helped. I think that letting my emotions come to the surface is exactly what needed to happen. The pain is still there but I think I'm ready to deal with it. All summer I've hid the pain by keeping myself busy."

"I'd like to know about your summer, Tommy. That's why I asked if it was okay to read your journal and why I asked you to keep one in the first place."

"I have it in my bag, Mr. Kelly, and I trust you to read it."

"After I read it I'll want to have a talk about your feelings. I think it's great that you can work as a police officer; however, your welfare is more important to me. When we meet with your mother let me conduct the interview. I know how to handle these kinds of situations. Don't be afraid to speak up but try to be positive in your responses. I called your mom this morning and she is meeting us in my office in just a few minutes. If she has to wait on us that's okay too."

We pulled into the office building and sure enough Mom was waiting in the outer office. Mr. Kelly greeted her and led her into his office.

"I'm kind of surprised that the state director of child welfare is my son's caseworker, Mr. Kelly."

"I shouldn't have to tell you, Mrs. Tucker, that Tommy is special. It has truly been a pleasure to get to know such a fine young man. Along the way you must have done something right!"

"Actually it is more a reflection of Tommy's character that he has turned out the way he has because I can take no credit for it. That is what I came here to discuss."

"This is the second time since I got married that I've done something without my husband's knowledge. Both times involved Tommy. I've never told anyone this before but I have a hard time relating to boys. Growing up I had no brother - just sisters. Being the youngest I really had no one to look after and was always looked after by my older sisters."

"I was also raised in a time when there was only right and wrong. There were no gray areas. My parents were very strict and I wasn't even allowed to date in high school. I met your dad in college and it was love at first sight. The fire left our relationship many years ago but I would be lost without him. Your brothers were born and I was truly disappointed as I really wanted - no - needed, a girl. I just can't relate to boys."

"When your brothers were teenagers I did something without your dad's knowledge for the first time. I quit taking my birth control pills. When I became pregnant your father had a fit. I was selfish and wanted a little daughter so much. I told your father why I quit taking the birth control pills and he was even more upset. When you were born and weren't a girl I was very disappointed. Things between your father and me got even worse. We both blamed you for the problems in our marriage. Your father said he'd never trust me again. He got a vasectomy so there would be no more accidents."

"My husband and I have never really recovered. Now our relationship is nothing but convenience. With the revelation of the relationship between Tommy and Danny I just didn't know what to think. I was raised to believe that it's wrong. It just was reinforced with my husband that I should have never done what I did in the first place and he has made my life miserable all summer."

"I wanted - no, I needed, to understand why a good boy like Tommy could be drawn into something as evil as homosexuality. So I've spent a large part of my summer doing research. I've discovered that as far as boys Tommy's age go, experimenting is common and that it's perfectly normal. I also found that falling in love with a best friend is common too. Some studies even suggest that such a relationship can even help in the development of normal heterosexuals."

"I also looked at the religious issues. The research in this area is very confusing. I've come to the conclusion that where there is love there must also be God. Where there is lust is only Satan. To make a long story short you could say I've come to accept Tommy for Tommy and not what others including his father think about him. I'm not going to get into what his father thinks about him. My question is what's to be done with him?"

"I can't answer that at this point, Mrs. Tucker. I can tell you where he's been and that his destiny is very much in his own hands. I found Tommy on a bus stop about an hour after he left home. I then sent him to a highbred group home unlike any in the country, in Chicago. There he excelled, showing maturity that others two and three years older didn't show. He established himself as a leader and made good decisions. Then he went into a temporary foster home and he is in a temporary foster home here in town. He just arrived yesterday."

"Where is he going to high school, Mr. Kelly?"

"Actually he'll be attending you husband's high school, Mrs. Tucker."

"That's not a good idea. I'm willing to pay for him to go to a private school. I can't see anything positive coming out of him being anywhere near his father!" she said with way too much anger.

"Tommy has chosen to go to his dad's high school, Mrs. Tucker. He feels that it's the only way to bring closure to the situation with his father and I agree with his decision."

"I'm afraid that Tommy's dad's idea of closure could be different from what Tommy expects. I feel it could even be dangerous."

"I don't follow you, Mrs. Tucker - you are being vague. Your husband is responsible for the safety and welfare of all the students, including Tommy. If you have something to tell me, then tell me - However, if you tell me anything that could indicate that someone is in danger, then I must report it. You have implied vaguely that Tommy might be in danger. I can tell you that if I felt Tommy was in danger that I wouldn't allow him to attend your husband's school. Tommy has progressed to the point that with some help he can and will take care of himself."

"How can you say that, Mr. Kelly - he's only a boy?"

"In some ways he is - but in others he's very much taking responsibility for his life. He has effectively been making adult decisions all summer. He has shown courage and valor well beyond his years. Some government officials who would surprise you, have recognized him. You can be very proud of your son. I would like nothing better than to see you reconcile your differences and from what you have told me you are well on your way. However, you have also indicated that your husband is going to be a problem. We are aware of problems associated with Tommy going to his father's school. Again if you have something else to add for your own peace of mind, please tell me. Imagine how you will feel if something happens to Tommy that you could have prevented."

"That is why I offered to pay to send him to a private school. Let's just say I have a bad feeling about the whole thing and leave it at that."

"I think it's time we found out what is going through Tommy's mind right now. Tommy, how does it make you feel finding out for the first time that your mom really wanted a little girl instead of you?"

"To tell you the truth it helps me understand the rejection I received from both of you growing up. All I ever wanted was your affection. You gave me everything else I needed. However, I wasn't neglected in the affection area, thanks to the Smiths. If I am a good person as Mr. Kelly has indicated, then they must receive the credit."

"The time is quickly coming, Mom, for you to make a choice! And it's not going to be a choice between sharing your life between me and my brothers and Dad. It's going to be a choice between sharing your life with us or being lonely."

"Mr. Kelly - WHERE IS MY SON? - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?" Mom said with a big smile on her face. I could also see pride in her eyes.

"Your son has grown up - and you've missed it. He's not your little boy anymore. You really do need to get to know him. Speaking of which, I feel that you both need some counseling - I'm volunteering my services to you. I would like to find time to talk to each of you both individually and together whenever possible. Would you be willing to agree to that, Mrs. Tucker? I'm not leaving Tommy any choice!"

"Thank you so much for your gracious offers, Mr. Kelly. I do have some issues with my relationships that need to be - well - sorted out. Some of which I wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with Tommy here. I also feel comfortable talking with you. I do need to be getting home. My husband will be expecting his lunch. I have this week off from work and I will call you to try to find a time when we can get together again."

Mom stood up and motioned for me to hug her. I hugged her and told her again that I loved her. She told me she loved me too. After releasing her I gave her my cell phone number and told her to call me just to talk any time she wants. She suggested that I could call her at work anytime next week and that it was best if I didn't just show up in the back yard again.

After she left, Mr. Kelly just looked at me for a while, saying nothing. Then he took his pipe out and lit it up even though there was a big NO SMOKING sign above his desk. Once again the minutes became days and the seconds became hours. But I know what he's doing - he's trying to get me to do the talking. We've been through this before.

"Isn't this where you ask me how I feel or something like that?!" I finally inquired.

"You have the floor, Tommy - why don't you ask the questions?" he said while puffing away.

"Why are you puffing that thing when you know I could write you up on a violation of state code #218763?"

"Very good, Tommy, now we're getting someplace. You have learned a lot. Does it bother you that I'm smoking?"

"Yes, because it's harmful to both you and me."

"Have you always corrected adults or is this something you have picked up recently? You really gave your mother both barrels!"

"What do you mean?"

"About making choices, Tommy. I make a choice to light up this pipe. Your mother made a choice to marry your father. To love and support him until death they should part. Don't put yourself in the position of being a wedge between your parents, Tommy. It's not worth it. In the long run it will only inspire resentment."

"As a law enforcer officer you're in no position to judge people. You simply need to enforce the laws of this state. I'm not saying what you said to your mother was wrong but rather sometimes saying nothing can be more powerful. Pick and choose your battles. Don't you think your words would have been more powerful with your dad sitting in jail charged with first degree murder?"

"Furthermore you know how it gets to you when I sit here and say nothing."

With that he dumped out his pipe and reloaded it. Then he lit it again and started puffing away again, giving me the silent treatment. And the minutes became hours...

"I'm sorry I said what I said - or at least the way I said it. But I think she needs to understand how I feel."

"First of all, Tommy, don't apologize to me -apologize to her. Second," long pause and a few puffs - "I think she has already made her choice by coming here today!"

I hadn't even considered that. And he did tell me to be positive. Here she is trying to make up to me and I put unneeded pressure on her. Gravity took hold of me and I started sinking in the overstuffed chair in Mr. Kelly's office.

"Don't beat yourself up too much, Mr. 14-going-on-34. If my mom allowed me to be thrown out of the house when I was 14 I wouldn't even talk to her. I've spent years learning to listen to people and sometimes not to listen. For example if you tried to write a citation for my smoking you wouldn't get very far. I know my limits. Think very carefully the next time you try to correct an adult, Tommy. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar! Luckily your mom took it well. I thought her little joke was funny."

More silence and more puffs. "Besides your outburst how do you feel it went, Tommy?"

"I think she is really trying to understand me - with all the research that she has done. It tells me she really does love me - in her own way. It's not what she said that intrigued me but what she didn't say."

"Very good, Tommy. I guess you did learn something about listening this summer. It will be interesting to see what she has to say when you're not around. I can pretty well guess what it is all about. She knows all about your father's involvement in problems at school. It was a good sign when she offered to send you to a private school. I don't think she is disloyal enough to your father to spill but at least she did warn us. That's it for today, Tommy. Give me some time to review your journal and we'll sit down again later this week before you go back to school."

He then took me back to the police station, stopping for lunch on the way. He asked me a bunch of questions. How is my apartment? How do I feel about coming back to Springfield? How do I feel about leaving Danny? How do I feel about being an undercover police officer? Almost every question starts with "how do you feel." Perhaps I should become a social worker. All you need to do is be nice to people. Don't say anything until they start to speak, and ask lots of "how do you feel!"

Detective Samuels kept me busy all afternoon working with the other members of the team. We were doing background checks of the parents of different members of the football team. I'm going to know personal information about each of them before I even start my first day. I think this might be valuable information. We also did some range shooting and driving. I can't wait to get my driver's license. Detective Samuels told me to tell Mike to come with me tomorrow. Then he took me home.

As soon as I got up to the third floor I knocked on Mark's door. They were happy to see me as I hadn't seen either of them since yesterday. They were surprised and excited when I told them about my mother. I told them about my outburst with my mom and Mark told me he'd arrange for me to come and stay with them for a week with his mom, saying how she wouldn't put up with my assertive BS for one minute. Finally I had to ask, "So what did you think of my dad, Mark?"

"To tell you the truth, Tommy, I think he trained under Bobby Knight! We had two three-hour practices today and he pushed us so hard two guys dropped out. He's tough! We did the entire skill test in the second practice and by the time we finished I thought he was going to cream his shorts with my results. He said I could start at every position on his team. I'm the strongest, fastest, and most skilled player he's ever seen. When I passed the ball he commented that I had Marino's speed of release and with Elway's arm strength. He's convinced that I'm going to take him to the state championship after two practices."

"Detective Samuels wants you to come with me tomorrow, Mike."

"He told me that he would need me sometime this week - it will give me something to do."

I went on to tell them what I'd been up to all day. I told the guys about my insights about being a social worker and Mike said that he also knows someone who is a social worker and that 95% of her time is spent filling out paperwork. It must be true that every silver lining has some clouds.

Now I could spend pages and pages telling you about everything that happened that week, but I know you would rather just have me sum it up, and get to the good stuff about my first week in high school! I met with Mr. Kelly three more times, and twice with my mother. She wasn't at all put out about my little outburst and said I had every right to express myself. Communication between us is better than it ever has been. Mr. Kelly also feels that I've adjusted to my situation without any adverse effects.

Detective Samuels kept me busy all week and I did earn a driver's license by the end of the week. He also told everyone at the station to gay bash us whenever they saw us so we would become desensitized to hearing people calling us names and not reacting to it.

Mark got the job of starting quarterback on offense, defensive end, punter, and place-kicker. Mike and I have our stories down. We both have the same fictional foster parents so that part is easy - well, not that easy. We have to know their life history too. Even though they don't exist. Detective Samuels has instructed us to act openly gay and in love with each other. We had to laugh when he tried to explain just how gay guys acted. Actually it's pretty easy. I mean Mike is cute and I just pretend he's Danny. I sure wouldn't want to get Mark mad at me for making a move on Mike but, tell you the truth, he's too old for me. NOT.

Monday morning when I got up I felt like puking. I'm starting high school with three strikes against me. First, I'm the principal's kid. Second, I'm gay and have been thrown out of my parents' house. Third, I'm supposed to act openly gay and parade myself around with Mike until a bunch of jocks try to kill us. I'm not looking forward to this at all.

I got up and took a shower. Put my wire on. Strapped my weapon to my ankle. Got dressed in stylish clothes. Ate some Pop Tarts and drank some milk. I was on total autopilot. I knocked on Mike and Mark's door and Mike answered, all smiles.

"Why are you so happy this morning, Mike?"

"The sooner we get to school and get this over with the sooner I can go back to my life with Mark and the sooner you can get back to Danny."

I hadn't really thought about it that way before. But he was right. The sooner we get this over the sooner we could all get on with our lives.

"I'm sorry, Mike, for putting you through all this."

"No need to be sorry, Tommy. I've come to think of you as a little brother even if you are now taller than me. Both Mark and I are happy to help you - anything to save another life. You know, Tommy, there is no greater love than to lay down your life for your brother."

"I love you guys too."

Mark had already left so Mike and I made our way down to the bus stop. Two undercover cops posing as our foster parents had registered us several days ago. They made sure that we both had the same classes. I'm sure by now that my father has checked for my name. There was only one person at the bus stop who looked familiar. There are two different middle schools that graduate to the high school. So only half of the freshman class is from my old school. I really had no close friends at my old school but lots of people know who I am. Soon they are going to know what I am too.

No one talked to us and we kept to ourselves. The bus arrived and we took a seat near the front. I got the feeling that things were going to be okay when someone recognized me.

"Hey, Tucker, what are you doing on this bus? You don't live around here."

I looked back and saw Sam Goodman who is basically a loud-mouthed smart alec. "I moved over the summer, Sam." And I turned around and ignored him. I started to feel sick again. Mike said to me I did fine and don't worry about it.

My day had started bad and I couldn't shake the feeling that things could only get worse. Soon we were at school and we went right to the auditorium to pick up our schedules. This took about 45 minutes. Because Mike's last name was in a different grouping from mine we were separated. When I finally got my schedule I managed to hook back up with Mike. We both compared schedules and found that we didn't have a single class together, including lunch.

"What the fuck?"

"Calm down, Tommy. I'm sure that it's just a mistake. Let's go down to the office and see if we can straighten things out."

We went down to the office and found ourselves in another line. After a short wait we were greeted rudely by a lady who looked like a good candidate for a Salem witch trial.

"I'm sorry to bother you but we were supposed to have the same classes."

"We don't make schedules based on the student or their parents' needs. You'll just have to live with it. If you want to come back another day and discuss it with the principal you can make an appointment." Because we were late for our first class she scratched out a couple of passes and she went right to the next students in line.

"I don't like this, Mike. This in NOT what is supposed to happen!"

"We're screwed if we do and screwed if we don't, Tommy. Your father is not going to do us any favors and if we push too hard he's going to know something is up. There has to be a way to use this to our advantage. It seems to me that they are trying to divide and conquer. Let's do this - I'll out myself today and that might take some heat off of you. At least that way you won't be the only target. We won't be able to cover each other's backs but we both have backup."

"I don't like that idea, Mike. There is no need to risk it at this point. Let's just get through today and then discuss our options with Detective Samuels tonight before we make any rash decisions."

"That's good thinking, Tommy, and you're right. We better get to class before your father finds us hanging out talking. I'll see you later. I'll keep my ears open today and see if I can find out anything."

We said good-bye and headed for our separate classes. I have a really bad feeling. I opened the door and walked into the classroom.

"And you are?" said the teacher.

"Tommy Tucker, sir."

"Do you have a pass?"

"Yes sir - here it is."

"Good thing you have a pass. It would be a shame if the Principal's kid got detention on his first day in high school. I'm sure he'd make an example out of you. Now take a seat, Mr. Tucker, and don't be late again if you know what's good for you."

There was a chorus of snickers in the classroom and the teacher told everyone to settle down. This is just fuckin' great. Now the whole class knows I'm the Principal's kid. I don't see how this day can get any worse but I just know it will!

By my third class of the day I started to feel like people were looking at me. All of a sudden I felt self-conscious and that only made the feeling grow. When I was in the hall between third and fourth-period, Cindy Kelly came up to me.

"Hi, Tommy, long time on see."

"Hi, Cindy, nice to see you again."

"Tommy, you should know that there is a rumor going around that your dad kicked you out of the house because you're gay. I just thought I'd give you a heads up. Just between us, were you and Danny an item?"

"Yes, Danny and I ARE an item. But that is just between us."

"Then you are still together. I think that's great, Tommy. You two are both great guys and I hope you can get to be back with him soon."

"Look, Cindy, this news is not unexpected as my dad hates me. I appreciate you telling me. I've already feeling the eyes of people looking at me. It's nothing I can't handle."

"Well, if you need anyone to talk to, Tommy, I'm here for you. And I won't blow smoke in your face like my dad."

"I don't mind the smoke, your dad probably saved my life. Besides, I'm getting used to his pipe. I better get to class, when is your lunch break?"

"After next period - how about you?"

"The same time. Would it be okay if I sat with you? It's been a bad day so far and it's only going to get worse!"

"Sure, Tommy, I'll meet you in the cafeteria."

I went to my next class feeling down. The only good thing is most of the people I passed in the hall had no idea who I was. However, I saw some people I did know pointing me out to people I didn't know. It won't take long for everyone in the school to know who I am.

After my next class I ran into Sam Goodman and he got right in my face. "I found out the reason why you were on our bus this morning. Is it true your father kicked you out because you're a fag?"

"Believe whatever you want to believe, Sam. What I say isn't going to make any difference. It's not the first time my dad has turned his back on one of his sons."

"Well, stay away from me - I always figured you to be a fag. You're going to hell just like all the other fags!"

I just ignored him and walked away. Lunch was okay - Cindy kept me distracted. I hadn't seen Mike all day. That afternoon the name-calling started. I just ignored them. One or two gave me an elbow as they walked by me. I worked hard to control my temper. I just went into my undercover role and ignored them. Then I had an idea. I'd play it up. Turn all the teasing into a joke. Whenever someone would call me fag or something I'd just smile and wink at them. Or make a gesture with my wrist like it's limp. This kind of took them off guard. Instead of letting them get to me I made fun of myself which made most of them laugh. A few would say something like 'that's sick' and move on but I made my point.

When I got on the bus I saw Mike for the first time since this morning. He was already sitting with someone so I sat by myself. When we got off the bus he walked up beside me.

"I was pretty well ignored all day, Tommy, but I did hear a rumor that there was this gay guy in our class and the guy didn't seem to care who knew."

"Well, the rumor mills started up and I decided to just play it up. Most people just laughed it up."

"Do you know who started the rumor?"

"It had to have been my dad. He's the only one who knows."

We got to the third floor and Detective Samuels was waiting for us.

"Things aren't going as planned, guys. How are you doing, Tommy?"

"I'm okay, I just showed them what they didn't expect and that seemed to defuse most of them."

"I think you played it just right even though none of us thought about it. You can assume that you'll be old news in a day or two. However, like I said, things aren't going as planned. Mark has had no luck getting in with the crowd we suspect as having something to do with the beatings. Your primary backup has been neutralized. How are you going to protect you, Tommy?"

"I have an idea - we need to increase my firepower in order to equalize the odds. This is my idea."

And I told him what I had in mind. My idea is at best risky. But he could see no other choice.

"Okay, Tommy - but you're not checked out on that kind of weapon. Let's go over to the National Guard Armory and we'll get you fixed up. The Colonel is an army buddy of mine and I'm sure we can get you checked out and fixed up. You'll need to wear your vest."

We went over to the armory and the Colonel fixed us right up. In no time I was up to speed on what I consider to be the ultimate equalizer. I will carry my new weapons in my backpack and take them out when needed. Detective Samuels and I headed for home.

"You know, Tommy, you should only use these weapons in case of last resort. Should anyone get hurt, a jury is going to complain it was excessive force. You should only use them in case your life is in dire danger."

"I understand what you're saying, Detective Samuels. I found out the amount of paperwork I had to fill out for discharging my weapon the last time. Should I have to use my equalizer I'll be filling out paperwork for weeks."

"You got that right, Tommy," he said, laughing. "A great deal of our time is spent doing paperwork. And if we don't cross every 'T' and dot every 'I', a criminal walks. I just hope we get there quick enough where you won't have to use any force at all and no one gets hurt."

The next day at school things started to settle down. There was still some teasing but for the most part I was ignored. I even sensed there were a few different people who sympathized with me.

Wednesday the shit hit the fan. Between third and fourth period I went to the bathroom to take a leak. Two big guys walked in after I came in and cornered me.

"If you know what's good for you, you little faggot, you'll leave the school and never come back. Why don't you just do the world the favor and kill yourself?"

"It's not like I have a choice. I have to go to school. I can choose what school I go to. If you have a problem with me being in this school then I suggest you take it up with the school board."

"Shut up, faggot, we don't need your advice."

They just kept talking and I tried not to pay any attention to them. Finally they let me go. When I got to class I was five minutes late. The teacher sent me to the principal's office. They made me sit for about 15 minutes and then sent me into the assistant principal's office. He didn't bother to ask why I was late to class or anything else for that matter. All he did was hand me a detention slip. It looks like today's the day.

Seeing as I was out of class anyway I pulled out my cell phone and called Detective Samuels. He told me he'd have a SWAT team ready and would do all he could to back me up. The rest of the day I was more or less in a fog. I didn't respond to anybody. Finally I went to detention and found I was the only one there. This really did not surprise me. Detective Samuels had said that in all the other cases no one else was in detention that day.

The assistant principal was there to keep an eye on me. He never looked at me or said a word until it was time to go. He stayed at the desk and I left the room alone. As soon as I left the room I got my gun out of my ankle holster. I took my other weapons out of my backpack and clipped them to my belt. I held my gun at my side and walked down the hall. As I was walking down the hallway a door opened and someone dressed in the football uniform came running towards me. I lifted my arm with the gun but I was too late and he hit me in the side before I could react. My gun fell to the floor and he picked it up and shoved me into a classroom.

I looked around and I saw about a dozen big guys all dressed in football uniforms. They all had helmets on and I didn't recognize any of them. They all were carrying baseball bats.

"This little faggot had a gun. I think he was going to shoot me with it."

"That's convenient, shoot the little fucker with it. Shoot him in the head so we can make it look like a suicide."

He tried to fire the weapon but he did not realize it would only fire if it was in contact with my ring. That really pissed him off. While he was trying to get my gun to operate I reached for my belt. I had pulled my shirt out of my pants so no one could see what was underneath. I grabbed two hand grenades and pulled both rings with my teeth like some John Wayne movie.

"I think today's a good day to die," I said with the most intense look on my face I could possibly manage.

"They're not real, just like this phony gun of yours."

"If you think the gun's not real why don't you pull the magazine out?"

He managed to get the magazine out of the gun. "Damn, there are bullets in this thing."

"You just need to know how to use it. I'm a state police officer and you're all under arrest. Lay down on the floor and put your hands behind your head or I'm going to blow you all to hell."

They started moving towards me and so I was only left with one choice. I released the handles on the hand grenades and tossed them on the floor. They made a slight hissing sound and a little smoke came out of them as the five-second fuse burned down. It was almost funny seeing a dozen big football players all trying to get to the door at the same time. I was the last person trying to get out the door when one of the guys pushed me backwards and shut the door. I fell to the ground and didn't even hear the explosion.

I'm in Danny's backyard and we are playing catch. We're about 10 years old and it's a nice summer's day. We're laughing and having a good time. Danny throws the ball to me and I hear a sound like a gunshot or a car backfiring. I turn my head to look and the baseball hit me on the forehead. It knocked me out and I fell to the ground. I start coming back to consciousness when I realize Danny is holding my hand and stroking my hair. He's crying, "Wake up, Tommy, this is all my fault, I'm sorry, please wake up."

I open my eyes and realize I'm not in Danny's backyard. I'm in a hospital bed. I turned my head and saw my Danny. He hadn't noticed I had regained consciousness. He was holding my hand and crying, saying how it's all his fault.

"What's your fault, Danny?"

"All, Tommy, you're OK, you're going to be okay. If I hadn't of fallen in love with you none of this would have happened."

"Danny, we love each other. You can't help who you fall in love with anymore than I can help who I fall in love with. And besides, if it wasn't me getting hurt it would've been somebody else. How long have I been unconscious?"

"About six hours, Tommy. I promised I'd page the nurse as soon as you woke up." Danny pushed the page button.

"How bad am I hurt, Danny?"

"You have a pretty good bump on the head from a piece of shrapnel that bounced off. You also have several bruises on your chest from where shrapnel hit your vest. Besides that you're in pretty good shape. The doctor said you have a mild concussion from the head injury but you should be able to go home tomorrow."

"How did you get here so quick, Danny?"

"I got a phone call from Detective Samuels when they first took you to the hospital. They arranged for me to fly down right away with my parents. I was scared half to death. On the plane I started getting all-dizzy and my dad had to get me a paper bag to breathe in and out of. They said I was hyperventilating and the paper bag would help me to breathe normally again. It worked, but I was still scared. I felt so relieved when they told me you are going to be all right. The doctor said you're lucky to be alive. He said if the shrapnel had hit your head another quarter inch to the right your head would've looked like JFK's. Your vest also stopped several other pieces of shrapnel. That's why you have the bruises."

The door opened and a nice looking nurse came in. "I see you're back with the living, Tommy! I've paged the doctor and he should be here shortly. Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?"

"Now that you mention it I do need to go."

"Why don't you wait for the doctor to get here and check you out before you get up? Think you can hold it for a few minutes?"

"Yes, I'm not about to have any accidents."

While I was talking to her the doctor walked in. "You're one lucky young man. From what they tell me there's not much left of that classroom. Now let's get you checked out." He had me sit up and then had me follow his fingers around with my eyes. He took out this little flashlight and shined it in my eyes. He had me stand up and walk around a bit. He had me stand in one place with one foot behind the other with my arms crossed over my chest and my eyes closed. He told me to try to remain still. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a 14-year-old that has to pee to remain still? He asked me how I felt and I told him I had a mild headache and my chest hurts some. He told me that he wanted to keep me overnight for observation and to run some tests. He said if all goes well I could go home in the morning.

Finally I was able to relieve myself. Even though I was very hungry I told the nurse I didn't want anything to eat. Instead, I picked up the phone and dialed Mark's cell phone number. Mark was really happy to hear from me and said he was on his way to the hospital from the police station. I begged and pleaded for him to stop at McDonald's and pick up a Big Mac and a large order of fries. He laughed and said he'd take care of it. While I was on the phone Danny left the room and came back with his parents. I can't tell you how good it felt to be hugged and kissed by them. There are just no words in the English language to describe my feelings at the time. Shortly after that Mark and Mike showed up with my food - It was sure good to be alive.

My next surprise was Detective Samuels walking in the room. He told everybody to leave the room because what he had to say was private. "Well, Tommy, your plan almost worked. The classroom is a real mess. Ultimately the parents of the 12 football players will be the ones to pay for the damages as resisting arrest has been added onto their other charges. I have some bad news for you, Tommy. Mark did see your father let them into the building. Also upon interrogation it has been revealed that he was involved with all the beatings and the one homicide. We're going to take a couple of days to finish building our case before we take it to the DA's office. At that point the DA will decide what if any charges will be brought against your father. From the evidence I've seen we gathered so far it will probably be first-degree murder."

"Finding out your father is a murderer is never good news. However, at least we can make sure it never happens again. You showed a lot of courage today, Tommy. In all my years as a police officer I've never heard of a case where one officer was out manned as much as you were today. Sorry we took so long to get there. We weren't sure exactly what classroom you were in so we were checking every classroom. When the hand grenades went off then we knew exactly where you were. I can tell you several of those big burly football players pissed themselves. I can guarantee you you'll get another award for your actions today. I wish I had 100 officers with your courage. I'm sure you have some really mixed feelings about this whole situation and Mr. Kelly has graciously volunteered to spend as much time as you need talking about it."

"Tommy, I feel it's important that you have closure to the situation. That's why I want you to make the collar. I couldn't have done it without you. You need to face down your father and show him that might doesn't make right. What you think, Tommy?"

"I think it's important that I'm the one who arrests him too. The doctor says I can go home tomorrow and I actually feel pretty good right now."

"Well, Tommy, you're a fine young man. Visiting hours are over so we're going to let you get your rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Detective Samuels left the room and then everybody else came in to say goodbye. Danny gave me an extra special good night kiss. Even with a mild headache I had no problem going back to sleep.

They woke me up at 5:30 the next morning and started giving me a bunch of tests. I had about the worst breakfast you can possibly imagine. I guess they were just trying to get even for the Big Mac I ate the day before. Finally, at 9:30 AM the doctor came in and said he was going to release me but I needed somebody to pick me up. I'd given Danny the keys to my apartment the night before for him and his family to stay at. I gave them a call and they said they'd be right over.

The next two days were kind of a blur. I didn't write it all down until after the fact so I'm sure I left some things out. At first, the newspapers and the television stations had some wild reports about terrorists bombing the school and taking football players hostage. I guess they must have gotten that press release from my father. Later the news indicated that the football players had been arrested and there was no comment about how the damage happened at school.

Danny's parents had to get back to work but they decided to leave Danny with me. I spent most of my time at the state police headquarters filling out paperwork. Needless to say the account of what happened was far more detailed than what I am giving you here. It was made easier with a transcription of the recording made from the wire I was wearing. By Friday afternoon Detective Samuels went to the DA with all the evidence against my father and the football players. The DA issued a warrant for my father's arrest on many charges, starting with first-degree murder, then attempted murder, and numerous other charges.

Detective Samuels, Mark, Mike, and I rode in a plain police car over to my parents' house. The other members of the team and 6 uniformed police officers accompanied us from the state and county police force. The city police force wasn't involved at all as there were also some charges against the police Chief. We pulled in the driveway with the other police officers parking in front. The uniformed police officers surrounded the house. Then Detective Samuels and I walked up to the front door with Mark and Mike behind us. I knocked on the door and my father answered.

Showing him my shield, I said, "I have a warrant for your arrest for first-degree murder, and numerous other charges. Lay down on the ground face down, spread eagle, now!"

"You fucking faggot." And Dad took a swing at me. As much as I wanted to hurt him I just couldn't do it. I moved back and grabbed his arm as he tried to hit me. Then I pushed him in the back and let his weight bring into the ground. I put my knee behind his neck and handcuffed him. I was reading him his rights as he was cussing and screaming.

"You just don't get it, do you? You talk about me being evil and yet I still love you even though the evidence shows you have committed many crimes. Including murder. There truly must be justice in this world. I hoped and prayed that what people told me about you was not true. I had to find out for myself and what did you do? You tried to have me killed too. Don't you understand?" I said, yelling. "Damn it, Dad, I love you. No matter what you've done. I will always love you. You know they say blood is thicker than water. Do you have any idea how much pain you have just caused our family? Everybody tells me what a great kid I am but you. I got a citation a month ago for valor from the Mayor of Chicago. I'm a full-time police officer. My boss tells me he wishes he had 100 police officers like me. What do I have to do to earn your respect? Be a bigot like you and go around killing people? All that doesn't matter. You've thrown it all away." I said enough. "Take him away."

I saw my mother standing at the door crying. I went over to her and hugged her close to me. We cried on each other's shoulders for a while. "Tommy, I'm very proud of you. I've known about these problems with your father for some time but I didn't have the nerve to stand up to him the way you did. I don't know where this will leave us but I want you to know I want to be a part of your life."

Mom and I talked and cried some more and talked about many things. I told her about my new life and she was very happy for me.

Next day I was issued my own plain looking police cruiser for my continuing work as an undercover state police officer. Detective Samuels assigned Sgt. Don Miller as the person I'll report to. Danny and I rode back up to Lombard together in the police cruiser. This is where the story 'Tossed Away Kid' ends and the story 'Kid Cop' begins. Please let me know if you want to hear more of Danny and my adventures.

To be continued?