Ok, here is the long awaited Chapter Nine. After about four long years. I think it is best for me to finish a project that was unfinished. (Smile)
This story is in by no means implying that Justin Timberlake or any of the other memebers of NSync are gay. This is just a story. Not real. Ok, on with the story.
CHAPTER NINE
'It all seems like a dream now. When I think about him. When I see him on TV, or find him in a magazine. So many years since I had actually seen him in person. Holding him. Kissing him... NO. NO. I won't. I refuse to think about him. You have been so good. You haven't thought about him for months. Hes found... (sigh)... hes found another.'
"RJ?"
I was instantly torn out of my thoughts as I heard someone ask my name. Looking up, I found myself face to face with one of my roommates Lana.
"Yes Lana," I replied glancing around. We were standing in my living room. It took me a minute to realise why I was standing there.
"Sweetie, are you alright?" She asked me. "I was talking to you and it looked like you had kind of zoned out. Just making sure you were okay."
I forced a smile. "Y-..yea. I am alright.Sorry. I didn't mean to break focus. I guess it was something you had said that made me think of something else."
She frowned. "Well what I was asking you was if you wanted to go ahead and pack the breakable things or wait until we had everything else packed."
'Justin, I don't want to pack! I don't want to leave you! Just because of some threatening phone call?!'
I shook the memories out of my head. "Um,... lets pack everything else first then we will work on the breakable things."
Lana shook her head okay, and walked into the bedroom to finish putting our things in boxes.
I let out a moan, and set down on the couch. Looking around my almost empty apartment, I smiled to myself. Four years. It took me four years to actually get somewhere with my life.
After the incident of the phone call, Justin, the boys, and including Britney had all felt that I should leave. Not that they had wanted me to. They just felt that the extreme purpose of a phone call like that might put us all in danger. They had told me that they would see if they recieved another phone call and let me know from there.
I never heard from any of them. I didn't recieve a phone call from them or from the anonymous threatening voice.
I let it slide for a week, thinking they must all be busy. But being Justin's boyfriend made it hard to let things go. After another week I had become worried. Three weeks went by and worried became anxious. Anxious became furious by the fifth week. Why hasn't he called?! Whats going on?!
Of course I had not told my mother at all about Justin and I. I knew that would be a mistake. He would have no career. So I lived life normally as if he were never a part of my life.
We moved in with my mother's boyfriend as planned at the end of the summer. That was a changing experience. It had always been just my mother and I. To see her with another man was kind of depressing. I felt left out. Like I wasn't a part of her life anymore. Then came depression for me.
I had lost Justin apparantley. Now I had lost my mother. What was next? I did not want to know. But I found out soon enough. We had gotten a call from a doctor in Florida telling us that Kim was sick and was dying of cancer. That was when I think the old me died. I cried for weeks on end. I didn't even go to the funeral.
I got a job with the insistence from my mothers boyfriend. I did not want a job but later on I was happy I did so. I started saving up money.
High school started for me. I felt out of place as soon as I had stepped through the doors. I had made it a point to not talk to anyone. I remembered it had worked that way in junior high. Though I did have some friends; ignoring those that ignored you was the best way to get by.
I took classes that gave me the credits I needed to get in the grade level I belonged in. That was where I met Carla.
Carla was considered a "Freak"; Freak in a good way. It was just another word for the gothic type of people. Freaks mostly were considered the kids in the baggy jeans that wore the band T-Shirts like Marilyn Manson, Tool, Slipknot; things of that nature. They had also listened to these bands. Apparantley, the bands they supported were their lives. They were misfits. Like me. So I was happy to relate with these teenagers.
I quickly joined these kids. They all knew I was gay but they did not seem to have a problem with it. I began to blow all the money I had saved up from work on the clothes, CD's, magazines.
It was all so new for me, but Carla had walked me through it all. Down went my posters of pop music. I silently cried to myself realising that if Justin had seen the way I was becoming the he would probably definately not approve. I had just ripped him down from my wall!
NSync no longer played in my CD player. All the videos I had of them - gone. It was hard at first. But the longer I did not hear from them, the more I was accepting this.
Then came the tabloids and on television that him and Britney were together. Feeling backstabbed, hurt, and betrayed I tried to kill my feelings for him.
Over the next two years, I managed to ignore the magazines, Television shows, and anything dealing with him. Replacing him with minor crushes like Ginger Fish from Marilyn Manson or Jay Gordon from Orgy.
At 17, I began lashing out. Skipping school, fighting with my mother. Finally after fighting the feelings of getting away, I told my mother I was moving out. She accepted this.
I moved from place to place to place. Living with friends, distant family; even strangers. I wasn't applying myself to get a job, and wouldn't force myself to finish high school or get my GED.
Around 18, after many places later, I met Jonah. Jonah and I became friends and hit it off really well. He let me stay with him and gave me the inspiration to find a job and get my own place. I finally did so near the end of 2004. I was 19 by this time.
With a full time job and my own place I began living life... I even started going to school again.
Then Justin began to come back into my mind. Trying to force him out; angry at him for not calling me and dating other people. But for some reason this time it was becoming impossible to do.
I did everything I could once more to push him out. Hanging out with Carla, working overtime, cleaning and already spotless house. Nothing was working.
Then Lana and her sister Gabby came into my life. They were two girls that had had so much strife and struggle in their lives. I had met Lana at the mall of all places and we thought each other unique and decided to keep in touch and be friends. It wasn't until later that I find they had been living in a hotel they could hardly afford. Lana's sister had worked as a waitress in a restaurant nearby my home - working as much as she could to survive.
Though I only had one bedroom, my heart called out to them and told them to come and stay with me to save money and get their own place. After many hours of convincing they did so.
So here I was. My life had changed so much. But it felt empty.
Justin.
So many things that I want to say to you. So many things I am dying to ask you. My heart is broken. I have been in denial of loving you for a long time.
CHAPTER TEN
"Here is a toast," Gabby said holding up her glass of Kool-Aid. "To us. And may this new chapter in our lives be a good one."
We held up our glasses and clinked them against one another.
Me, Lana, Carla, and Gabby were sitting on the floor of the apartment drinking Kool-Aid and eating pizza. We had been packing all day, getting ready to move to another state.
California.
Lana was a photographer and had gotten a contract deal to do photo shoots of famous celebrities. This job required her to move to Los Angeles. Gabby being her sister, was not letting her go alone. And I, wanting to get out of Texas and just go somewhere new, figured this would be the perfect oppurtunity.So we all decided that we would still be living with one anothe- only this time in Los Angeles.
Our apartment was almost empty. We only had a few more things to pack before we left for our new home the next day. Carla was not going. She had only come to help us pack. I had to spend thiry minutes consoling her and promising her that I would see her again.
"Lets all say a toast," Lana implied, taking a bite of her pizza and then picking up her glass again. "May this be a new adventure for all of us and.. that I can actually keep this job."
We clinked glasses.
I picked up my glass of the liquid drink."Yes may you keep this job, and... and may we all be wealthy in our new adventure."
"Money is good." Gabby said nodding her head. "May we be very wealthy!"
Carla picked up her glass. "May I see you all once more, and..." She stopped and looked at me. "May whatever troubles RJ has been dealing with all the time that I have known him, cease to exist and may we get to see a happier RJ."
I stared at her, shocked. "What do you mean, troubles that I have been dealing with?"
Carla smiled a reassuring smile as to let me know she did not mean to offend me. "Something bothers you RJ. I can see that. Everyone can see it. Now, I am not going to pry you of what it could be, but it seems you are hiding something. And whatever it is, its hurting you."
I didn't say anything. Lana, who was always good at easing the tension in a room, noticed that I was getting uncomfortable with the conversation.
"Hey, how about a movie?" Lana asked.
No one said anything.
"It's our last night in this house," Lana continued. "Let alone our last night with all four of us being together. Lets go see a movie or something."
Happy that the conversation was over before it even began, we all got up and headed out for a night out on the town.
A WEEK LATER
I pulled up to the building where Lana was doing her photo shoot. Turning off the car, I glanced at my watch. I was on time.
Hopping out of the car, I made my way to the building and took a breath. I was nervous.
Lana had called my cell phone earlier that morning and asked me if I would care to have lunch with her and a client that was modeling for her pictures later on that day. I of course said yes.
She had told me that this was someone very famous and that she was excited that she was chosen to do his photos for an upcoming magazine. Once she started talking to him, they seemed to be instant friends right away. So she had invited him to lunch.
Opening the door of the building I stepped out of the heat, and into a nice cool lobby. Off to my right sat a lady behind a desk.
"May I help you?" She asked as soon as she saw me.
"Uh, yea. "I responded. "I am here to see Lana. We were supposed to do lunch."
The lady glared at me for a moment and then picked up the phone. Punching some buttons she sat with the phone to her hear.
"Mr. Beaudrow?" She finally said into the phone. "There is a young gentlemen here for Miss Lana... Uh huh.. yes... alright Mr. Beaudrow. Your Welcome."
She hung up.
"If you go down that hallway there," the lady told me pointing to some doors behind her. "You will see a door marked STUDIO off to your left. Miss Lana is in there finishing up her shoot."
I thanked her and made my way through the double doors and into a dim lighted hallway. Walking a little ways I saw STUDIO marked on a door and made my way to it. Taking another deep breath, I opened the door and walked in.
I entered a huge room that looked more like a warehouse. The floors were concrete, as were the walls. Photo equipment was everywhere. In the center there was a green screen hanging from the ceiling and placed in the front of it on the floor sat, what I took, were some props and things.
"RJ!" I heard Lana call. Looking over I saw her coming over to me.
"Man, I love this job!" She said excitedly. "I got to take pictures of some cool people."
I smiled. "Well I am happy to hear that."
She gave me a hug. When she let go she said "As soon as my client is done changing and everything, we will be off to lunch."
"Oh, okay." I told her. "So is this client an upcoming star, a singer, an actor? What?"
"Not an upcoming star. He has been around for a long time. But he does sing and act. "
"Neat." I told her. "So why did you want me to come to lunch with you?"
She smiled a big smile. "Well my client is coming out with a new album. But he needs some ideas for his layout on his CD. You know? Pictures; the way the CD and its case is going to look."
"Okay." I said. "Go on."
"Well you have helped me with ideas for pictures before, back at home when I would take pictures of my clients and everything. So I figured I could use your input of things that I could do. Like throw my ideas out there and you and my client can let me know what you think."
"Lana," I smirked. "You are an adult now. Working for a business. Not like working from the apartment back at home. It is time you think for yourself."
She slugged me in the arm. "RJ, just do this for me alright?"
I sighed. "Ok. I'll do it for you. If it makes you happy."
"Thank you!" Lana said, grinning. "Now if we could only make you happy."
I started to open my mouth to say something but the door that I had come in, opened. Turning around to see who had come in, my heart stopped.
No! This could not be happening!
He came in through the doorway and stopped when he saw me, like a deer caught in headlights.
"RJ," I heard Lana say. "This is my client, Justin. Justin Timberlake."
Ok sorry that it all seemed too fast to take in but I was just trying to update this story as much as possible. Please email me with your comments if you can. The story is now picking up and won't be as fast as this one. Look for Chapter 11- coming soon