Okay, here is Chapter 11 and 12.. This story is in by no way implying that Justin or any of the other members of NSync are gay in actuality. This is just a story.. made to entertain.. carry on
Chapter 11
'I never thought that I would see you again. It is almost as if this were all a dream. You are not really standing there. So many things I have to ask you. So many things... I do not know if I loved you back when things had been so much simpler. Simple things for that simple mind. But I know that I had loved you when you were not there. When I didn't hear your voice. When I had lain alone in my bed crying wishing that I could hold you. It all seems so immature now. I was just a baby. Things are not the way they had been. .... So where does that leave us? Where do we go now?'
Chapter 12
I wanted to scream the moment that I had saw him. To push myself against him and let him know how angry I was.
When did I start hating him?
I kept my anger inside. It was quite odd though. One part of me wanted to beat the hell out of him; the other part wanted to take him and hold him. To kiss him. To gaze into those blue eyes. Those eyes that I had not looked into for four years.
Sighing, I held out my hand for him to shake it. It took him a moment, then he held out his hand, and placed it in mine. We stared at each other while we shook hands. I thought I saw him smile, but dismissed it when he took his arm back.
I noticed this wasn't the boy that I had left behind after the incident with the phone call. BOY. He wasn't a boy. He was now a man. With short brown hair, a faint gautee to match, of course those deep eyes, the muscular body - It was him; it just wasn't him at the same time. He had grown up. I wondered what he had thought about me.
"Let's do lunch," Lana finally said. It had been silent between us for, what could have been, a whole thirty seconds. "What are you guys in the mood for?"
Justin and I continued to stare at each other. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. So many years.
"Hello? Are you two okay?"
I glanced away and looked at Lana. "How about chinese?"
We ended up at a secluded restaurant on the other side of town. Lana had suggested we go there, Justin being famous and all, so we could get some work done without the hassle of a million fans bothering us.
We sat at a booth in the corner of the restaurant by the kitchen. I could hear them banging pots and pans around; the sizzle of the skillets while they cooked; the waiters shouting at other employees to hurry up with the customers meals.
I was a little nervous to find that I had been placed right in the middle of Lana and Justin. Trying to hold myself high, (this apparently was not my day) I listened as the two began to speak of ideas for the photo shoot.
"I don't want to do anything that has already been done," Justin stated. "I am at a stage in my life where I want people to see me for me. I have made that clear to other photographers. If you haven't noticed, when you see me in a magazine, my pictures aren't anything like they were when I was in the group. They show me as I am evolving. And that's what I want the readers to see."
"Of course," Lana replied. "If I put pictures of you out there of you, they won't consist of you and your bubble-gum-pop status. People would throw that in the garbage as soon as they see that. I have looked at the most recent articles of you in magazines, and I must say I was impressed. You have sucessfully torn yourself away from the image of a boy-band member, and made you your own. You have definately shown the world that you have grown up."
"Everyone grows up at some point in their lives." Justin said. "I am just saying that this is where people will see that I have grown, and am still growing. Unlike other photos, I want these particular ones to show me. The real me. No backdrop editing, no secluded sexual- type pictures- like where im shirtless or have my pants unzipped and not revealing too much.... no bizarre poses- I just want....just me."
' Who are you now?'
Lana pulled out some papers. I was guessing by the thickness and the small bold print that it was a contract. Placing them on the table, she reached across the table and handed Justin a pen.
"I want you to read this, and then if you agree to the terms and all the above written statements, I want you to inital here, here here, and sign here." Lana told him. "But please read it first."
Justin smiled. "You mean I actually get to read this? Most people just shove these kind of things in my face and tell me to sign. This is kind of nice."
I rolled my eyes. What was I even doing here? Of course I was helping Lana, but so far she hadn't needed my help at all. In fact, the way things were going, I concluded that it was already a done deal and that she had already had some ideas for him. I mean, he basically just stated to her what he wanted. If I knew it was going to turn out like this, I never would have came.
I needed to get out of there. This was just all too much for me.
"Lana," I said looking in her direction. "I am going to go. I have some things that I need to do."
"Are you sure?" Lana asked with a puzzled look on her face. "We haven't even ordered anything yet. And we still have to come up with some really good ideas for this photo shoot."
"I am sure you two can manage without me," I told her. "Trust me."
Lana scooted off the booth seat to let me out. I glanced at Justin and saw he was looking at me. Turning away, I edged off the booth and began my way out the door. I turned around once more. Why? I have no idea. Justin was still looking at me.
When you are in some odd situations, it can be pretty overwhelming. And you wonder how the hell you got yourself into that situation in the first place. I mean, your first thought is, what did I do to desrve this?
That was pretty much what I was feeling on the cab ride back to Lana's work.I needed to pick up my car. So many thoughts and emotions had been running through my head. I just wanted to punch somebody in the face.
What do you do when you think you have found that special someone and then its gone in the blink of an eye? Nothing. When you are faced with someone that you did not expect to see because you figured they had wanted nothing to do with you? When they step back into your life unknowingly? When you don't know whether to embrace them with happiness and be glad they are back in your life, or yell and kick their face in because you were the one that dealt with the heartache that they had caused?
I was confused and I felt completely and utterly alone. I hadn't felt that way since Kim had died.
Oh Kim. If only you were here. You could help me through this. I am just one big train wreck. Just one big mess. I am sure you would have told me to get over this. And I should. I shouldn't even worry about this. It isn't like I am going to see him again. Once Lana is done with her photos, there will be no sign of him.
Yea Justin. You are good at that. Making yourself distant from those that thought you had cared. Why did you do it? Why did you put me through all that pain? All you had to do was call and tell me it was over. Just one call.... I didn't even get that. Instead, I get the great news that you are dating women. Woman after woman. Now it is with Cameron Diaz.
Have you told her Justin? Did you tell her that you were gay? Or let me believe that you were? That you broke some fifteen year old boys heart? You probably haven't- she must be someone special. So special that you completely shut me out of your life. You didn't even once talk to me the whole time we were in each others prescence. Lucky girl she is. Just don't break her heart like you did mine.
The cab pulled up to the building where Lana worked. I payed the driver and got out. Making my way to the car, I began to feel warm tears running down my cheeks. I wiped them away.
You have got to be kidding me. Now I am crying over him. You are not going to do that. It has been too damn long. You really should be over this by now. You are really pathetic if you are not. It is just a guy.
Reaching my car, I pulled out my keys.
He is just a guy.
Suddenly, I found myself sobbing. Tears are falling; I lay my head against the outside window of my car and just cry. Inside I am screaming.
'Look at me! If you could see me now, Justin! Would you like what you see?! Would you enjoy looking at someone bawling their eyes out over you because they can't get over you! Or would you feel guilty?! Guilty that you caused this?! You wouldn't would you?'
After a few minutes, I began to regain my composure. Sniffling and attempting to dry my eyes, I unlock my car and slide into the drivers seat.
You are going to be okay.
Starting the car, I backed out and began to drive. Where, I didn't know. I just decided to let the road lead the way.
I drove for what seemed like hours. Glancing at the clock, it had only been thirty minutes since my ordeal in the parking lot of Lana's building. I am such a sap. Justin, if that is the way you are going to be, then it is all good. I don't need you.
As I was driving my cell phone rang. Reaching over into the passenger seat, I picked it up. The Caller ID said "Wentworth Publishing."
I almost drove off the road. I had put in an applicationt there just a couple of days ago. I figured I wasn't going to not have a job while I was living out here.
In high school, I had took a journalism class. From the first day I was in there, I had loved it. It had seemed it was the only class I had passed. Though I was not wanting journalism to be my lifetime career, I had always wanted to give it a shot at least one point in my life. At the moment, I was waiting to enroll for classes for my major in business management. Journalism would be something to hold me over until I graduated, I thought. If, anyone had decided to hire me.
I answered the phone, my heart pounding in my chest.
"Hello, this is RJ."
"Well hi, RJ. This is Becca from Wentworth Publishings. I am calling about the application that you put in?"
"Yes Ma'am." I responded.
"Are you still looking for a job?"
"Yes Ma'am, I am."
"Great! Okay." I heard Becca say. "Well, we looked over your application and loved it.You had a great recommendation from your previous job, but to be honest with you, we almost had to look over it."
"Oh?"
"Well, we usually don't attempt to hire those that have no GED or high school diploma; or anyone that hasn't had experience in this line of work."
"I understand," I responded. "So what made you take a look at my application then?"
Becca laughed. She sounded nice. "Well we see that you are enrolling in a community college and also we had to get a grade report from your journalism class - which helped you out alot. But may I ask you one question?"
"Sure."
"How is one supposed to enroll in a college with no GED or Diploma?"
I laughed a nervous laugh. "Well there is a community college that is not far from where I am staying. They are going to give me a placement aptitude test to see where my skills in each subject lie. When I am finished with my test they score it and whatever my weakest subject is, they work on that and also let me take regular courses as well. That way I am getting caught up on what I missed and taking college courses."
"Oh excellent!" Becca exclaimed. "Well okay. So I am going to set up an interview for tomorrow at One O' Clock in the afternoon. Are you free then?"
I smiled a huge smile. "Yes, I do believe I am."
I lay in my bed that night. I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't let me quit thinking about Justin and my crying fit in the parking lot. Man, I need to get over myself and stop feeling so depressed about stupid shit.
Was I obsessed? Is that why I am holding on to this so bad? Is that why I secretly held on to Justin this long? But you don't like him. Do you? Of course not.
Wait. You sat right next to the man who used to be your boyfriend. What happened? Why didn't you confront him about it? Were you too scared? No. Lana. She didn't know about you and Justin. You couldn't have attempted to talk to him. Lana was there. You two were never alone.
I rolled over onto my side. Just don't get used to it. It isn't like you are going to see him again, so you couldn't even ask him what you want if you tried.
I closed my eyes.
Enough of this drama. Things are going to get better. I am going to go to school, and hopefully if this interview goes well, I will have a well paying job that I might actually enjoy.
"Alright," Becca said with a huge smile. "Let us give you your first assignment."
I smiled. "Does this mean that I have the job?"
"What do you think?"
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had done it. I got a job.
"Okay, what is my first assignment?" I asked.
Becca sat behind her desk. She was typing some things into her computer. After a few moments of this, she finally turned to me.
"Okay, let's hold on that subject for a moment and go over the guidelines. " She stated, placing some papers in front of me. "This is your contract. After you read and sign this, you will have made a deal to stay with us for one year. Please read this carefully. If you don't abide by the contract and it's guidelines, this could lead to disciplinary action and/or cause of termination."
"Okay," I said silently. I glanced over the small bold print in front of me.
"Your job is to write articles for our magazine CELEB," Becca continued. "When writing your piece, you must follow our procedures and make sure none of your article breaks those laws which are stated in the contract. Take a look at paragraph 12."
I skimmed the contract until I found, in bold letters, "12".
"It basically states that any article that you have written must be viewed for editorial purposes by the Chief Editor and Company Manager before going into publication." Becca explained. "If somehow, this does not happen, you are automatically terminated... Try not to do this. We have had people here who have done that. And well, lets just say because of it, they are going to have problems writing anywhere else."
I nodded.
"Now look at paragraph 20 on the next page."
I flipped up the paper to see the second one. The paragraph was at the top in the left hand corner.
"Paragraph 20 states that there will be no slander whatsoever on any of the subjects mentioned in the stories that are waiting to be published. If found, the writer may not get terminated, but a D-day. A D-day is when the journalists is given a day off from work, without pay, to think about what he or she has done. Grounds for termination comes if the journalists has not found a way to fix the slander that has been brought upon by the subject." She paused. "Now, here is where it gets a little bit confusing to some. If it were not slander, but the actual truth, the journalist may get the okay to publish the article as long as the article meets all guidlines stated in your contract."
"I understand that perfectly fine," I told her. "You are just basically stating that I am not to write anything false upon any person, place, or thing - and if I were to do so, I would need to act fast to fix it. If not, then that means I put the magazine in jeapordy and poof - I am out of here. But if it were actual truth, I am alright."
"Correct," Becca said. "We are not the National Enquirer. Our published works are to be one hundred percent truth... So if you understand all that, I want you to sign on the bottom of both pages."
I signed them without thinking twice. When I was done, I handed them to her.
"Alrighty then," She said. "Welcome to Wentworth Publishings!"
I got a tour of the building by Becca herself. After the tour, we found ourselves back in her office.
"Let's see here," She muttered as she sat behind her desk. "Alright, let me mention one more thing before I tell you what your assignment is. As you know, I am the Chief Editor. So whatever you write, I will be the one to read it before it even makes it into that magazine. First thing is first. You must always have your cell phone on. Your whereabouts on the days you work are a mandatory thing. We must know where you are at for job related purposes and for safety as well. You got that?"
I nodded.
"Good. After this first assignment, it is your duty to come up with ideas for your next one. We are only obligated to give you hints of what a story could be from here on out. Please, please and I stress this, try to make your article a good one the first time around. I hate to send people back to rewrite it over and over again. We have some people who constantly have to do that and then their article comes out a magazine too late. By that time, people already know what that writer is going to say because of other magazines who have already published it. That makes us look bad and lets people think we are not always up to the times and that we have to resort to other peoples ideas - and I really don't like it if it does happen. Usually if that writer is sent more than a couple of times to rewrite their story, then the time to think about letting them go comes up as an option. One writer can slow the whole magazine down and we don't need that."
"I understand." I told her.
"Alright then," Becca told me. "Now we are on the subject of what your first assignment is going to be."
She turned to her computer and typed on her keyboard for a few moments.
"Okay," She finally said. "This month is what we are calling Guess and Confirm month. And what we mean by that is, there are alot of questions running around about celebrity couples. Who is with who.. Who isn't with who... Who is engaged to who... yada yada yada. You as the editor, will have the task of confirming these questions with answers."
"Do I actually get to talk to these people?" I asked.
"Yes, only in certain circumstances. You have to have the ability to set up interviews. You also have to have the ability to be one step ahead of who your subject is. Meaning, you have to be the first to know who and where they are going to be before they even attend that spot."
"So it is my job to be there before the star even gets there, get interviews and all the inside scoops?" I asked. This job was a bit more difficult than I thought. "What happens if that does not happen?"
Becca laughed. "Well, either way you have to get a story. So if you can't get to the stars, you can always find ways to get to people who know these stars. You can interview them, and claim them as an inside source. Many of our writers have come out with great articles just by interviewing the stars' closest friends. But make sure these are people that actually know them."
"Oh alright." I responded. I took a deep breath. "So what do I have to do?"
"Ok, this month most magazines haven't written that much about this couple. Maybe one magazine or so. The one that did publish was out on the shelves questioning if this couple were indeed, engaged, and ready to be married. This story has not hit the spotlight yet, and I want ours to be the one that does."
"Neat. So we are reeling in a story that has been brought to the publics attention, but hasn't hit media status yet. Alright." I told her, looking at her to let her see she had my full attention.
"Exactly. The media has been all amock about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and their big divorce. Lets bring the attention away from them, and onto this couple here."
She held up a magazine. Cameron Diaz was on the cover.
ARE CAMERON AND JUSTIN READY TO TIE THE KNOT? It read at the bottom left hand corner in pink letters.
"Oh my god," I heard myself say.
Okay, I am making sure that this story is building up. I wanted you readers to focus on RJ and his emotions and where this story could lead to. Chapter 13 is on its way. Please do not hesitate to write me - I would love to hear your comments. There will be more chapters to come... until then.. Much Love to Ya