Under the Cherry Tree

UNDER THE CHERRY TREE

By

Rev. Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters and situations are purely imaginary. Any resemblence to any living persion is coincidental. This story is primarily a romance but does contain some scenes of explicit sex, primarily homosexual but not exclusively.

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TWENTY-ONE

"Come on and come with me for spring break," I pleaded with Carter. I was in his room after a morning run together. He had basically lost the doughy appearance that he had previously by regular exercise and I had grown to enjoy having him as a running partner. At first he couldn't keep up and it was frustrating but his stamina is much better as his body has gotten leaner, and frankly hotter. "What other plans do you have?"

"I'm just going home,"

"Boring. Look, I'm going home for the first weekend, and then heading down to Panama City. Come with me. Xander's going to be gone for most of the week in Tampa. We can hang out and have a good time. You'll be doing me a favor because you'll be somebody to talk to."

"I don't think I can. Who's going anyway?"

"A couple of people from here and two of Xander's brothers and their friends. We're going to be staying in two beachhouses. It'll be fun."

He looked down at the floor and the sadness enveloped him. "You know I can't. My father would never let me."

"You're 18, almost 19. You can go wherever you want."

"What are your parents saying about it" he challenged me. Legally, we were adults but were still financially dependent on our parents.

I smiled. "I'm still working that part out. I'll tell them what they want to hear, probably."

"It's okay. You have a good time."

I had invited him not because I thought he would have a good time, or even that he would accept but because I felt so bad for him. If he could just bust through all the things holding him back from being happy, he would discover a bright, welcoming, beautiful world. Even though Carter no longer seemed to go to church any more, the dead hand of fundamentalist Christianity was still upon him. I think both of us have lost our religion this year but since it meant so much more for him, being a budding young minister and all, the loss was for him more troubling. He had lost his meaning for life and hadn't found a replacement. Part of me just wanted to hold him down and tell him that life can be beautiful.

I was spending most of the last few days before spring break in my dorm room. Xander had gone to be tested for STD's in preparation for his porn shoot, which I was still not that thrilled by, and wasn't supposed to have sex until then. He was supposed to "save it up". So, to reduce temptation, we slept apart. For the first time in more than two months, Robbie and I were again in close contact. It made little difference to either of us. He was between girlfriends and hung around with his friends. Robbie, for his part, was also headed to the Redneck Riviera, just like me, but in the company of his jock baseball friends. Even though we were roommates still, we didn't have that much contact anymore, mostly because I spent so much time at Xander's. We had once been friends, and I guess we still were, but had drifted apart. Even when I did sleep in my room, we had little to talk about. Neither of us had any interest in rooming together next year.

I was going to share a beach house with Dex, Dante, Cass and a few others, including Tommy who lived on my floor and a couple of girls. There were 10 of us in total and the house belonged to Dex and Cass's uncle. It was supposedly in a premium spot, on the beach near a golf course, in the middle of the action. It also turned out that Philip's mother also owned a beach house on the same street so he was staying there along with Liam and a collection of their friends. It promised to be the kind of wild week that legends were made of. But first, I had to go home. There wasn't any way around it since home was on the way in any event. Plus, I was becoming a stranger to them since Christmas.

The homecoming was strained. Once I had answered their questions about school in glittering generalities and they updated me to the gossip of a small town, we didn't have much to say. I couldn't tell them about the really important things in my life since they involved mind-expanding drugs and sodomy. So, I felt alienated from them and it inevitably showed. They were not happy about my going to spring break either. They had heard stories about wild parties, casual and even anonymous sex and alcohol fueled fatalities. My mother in particular didn't think it was something I ought to be involved in. I stretched the truth – a lot- by telling them that we weren't staying in one of the big hotels but in family beach houses well away from the partying. They knew that there was more to it than that but they accepted it with good grace. By Monday morning I was on my way.

The house was a small cinderblock affair on a small street near the Boardwalk Resort, basically across the street from the golf course. I turned down the barely paved little lane and saw a collection of bright pastel painted condos. Turning right, I traveled along until I saw the house with a gaggle of cars in the yard. Dex and Cass had all ready been there since Saturday, and were tanned, relaxed and in the groove of spring break. Since I was the late comer, I didn't warrant either of the bedrooms or even the sleeper sofa, which Tommy and his girlfriend, Jade, shared. I actually found a place on the floor on the other side of the living room. Jade's friend, Sarah, got the other sofa.

The place was awash in kids, thousands of them, including the street we were on. Liam and Phillip had set up headquarters at a larger house 4 doors down but they also had more people. As I walked down there to say hello, I breathed in the salt air and felt the warmth of the sun on my skin. Somehow they had crammed way more than a dozen people into a house with 4 bedrooms. It had only been a couple of days but that house was even more trashed than the one I was staying it. There were clothes everywhere, food strewed about, and half full bottle of liquor. Several people were sacked out, recovering from the night before.

Liam was outside on the large porch overlooking the ocean, sprawled out on a chaise lounge with his sunglasses on, and dressed only in board shorts. I couldn't tell if he was asleep or not. Then he took his glasses off and stared at me. "I was looking for Phillip," I offered weakly.

"Have we met?" he asked, searching his memory. It had only been once and then almost 5 months ago.

"I'm Dylan"

"Oh, yeah," he smiled. "Xander's butt buddy. I guess he's off being a porn star but it looks like you made it to the party."

I sat down on one of the other lounge chairs. "I thought this was going to be kind of a ways from the main party."

Liam laughed. "Listen, man. We don't have to find the party, the party finds us. My dad likes you, by the way. Thinks you're a chemistry genius or something. Maybe even the next Sasha Shulgin. Pretty high praise."

"Well, I liked your dad too."

"Phillip's gone swimming. We brought Ian with us too. He's crashed in one of the bedrooms with some piece of pussy that doesn't know he's only 15," Liam said. "So did Xander give you permission to play this week or are you holding with your virtue?"

"I have his blessings to have a good time."

Liam nodded. "Cool. You'll do all right; you're cute enough in a geeky, twinkish sort of way. Shit, if you weren't all hot and heavy with my little brother, I'd fuck you."

Ian came outside, his hair askew and yawning broadly. He was carrying a bong. "Hey, Dylan. How's it hanging?" he greeted me. "Say, L, you don't remember what that bitch's name is, do you? I don't want to piss her off calling her something wrong."

"Jasmine or something. Course that may just be her pole dancing name, fuck if I know. Let me have a bong hit."

A little later, Phillip and Carlo came up from the beach. They too wanted to get high. By the time I got back to my house, I was more than a little baked. Of course, my house wasn't a bastion of sobriety either. Everybody there was stoned too. When the sun went down, we ended up at a super huge club pretty near to the house. The bouncers were rude and the bartenders were worse but the music was loud and insistent. I was stamped for no alcohol since I was only 18 which sucked. The pot had made me paranoid and a little anti-social. But I tried to get into the spirit of things. Unbelievably, a couple of girls actually hit on me, wanting to dance. Even more unbelievably, I did. It was kind of fun, pretending to be straight for an hour. But they lacked the essential bit of equipment for me to get turned on. Cass saw me, though, and joined in, eventually leaving with them. The next day, he said he had a three way on the beach and I guess I believed him. As for me, I slept alone under the table while Tommy fucked his girlfriend as quietly as possible. Her friend Sarah was passed out drunk on the couch

The next day, I went jet skiing, which was an incredible rush. There was a boy, one of Liam's friends named Brandon, that I hung around with. He was cute with a big toothy grin, short black hair and a little soul patch on his chin. He had a nice youthful body but you could tell that it was from just being active rather than working out. But he was nice, a little quieter than the rest of that house. About half of the people went out that night bar crawling and the other half stayed in, mostly the underage ones, to drink at home. Tommy tried to appoint himself bartender but it turned out that Brandon actually was a bartender at a place in Valdosta. He gave an impromptu demonstration on mixology with the assembled group tasting the concoctions.

I was pleasantly buzzed when Brandon invited to go outside and walk on the beach. Tommy made some rude comments about it but we ignored him. Brandon didn't say much at first as we clawed our way through the sand done to the roaring water. Then, as we walked with our shoes off and the water cascading around our legs, he said, "So you have a boyfriend, huh?"

"Yeah," I admitted.

"But he's not here with you, right?"

"Nope, he had something to do. He'll come up for a couple of days before we head back."

He fell silent for a minute. "He's Max, right? I mean, I know that's not his real name but that's who he is, right?"

"Yeah"

"He's pretty hot. I've seen the videos, you know."

"Yeah, I don't really know what to say about that. Glad you liked them, I guess?" I replied. "So what about you? Boyfriend, too?"

He kind of shoved me playfully. "Nah. I've been kind of like fuck buddies with Liam, when he wants to get with a guy. But definitely not boyfriends. So does him doing porn bother you at all?"

"A little. But that's was part of the deal and I knew it when we got together, this time at least. The way I look at is that I know he can fuck somebody else and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I get horny and look at other guys. I'm attracted to you, for instance. It's been a while since I got laid so I'm ready. Doesn't mean I don't love him, it just means that I'm horny."

"Good," he said. "Because I'm horny, too. It is spring break, you know. Doesn't really count."

He was staying in one of the small bedrooms and that was where we did it. It wasn't subtle or romantic. We were on top of each other, kissing and rubbing. Clothes got pulled off. I rammed my hand down his shorts. He was hard. Mine got pulled off. His skin touched mine. Rubbing against each other, I pushed him away and jumped between his legs, taking his swollen prick in my mouth, down to his neatly trimmed pubes. He bucked his hips and drove his dick deeper into my throat. Once I would have gagged but not anymore. He rubbed my hair and held my head down, prolonging the contact. I pulled off and sucked his big meaty balls. Mad with desire, Brandon stopped me and pulled me up to him. Sitting on his chest, he blew me. It had been a while and I wanted it. The position was awkward but it was warm wet mouth on my hard cock and I wanted it. But the truth was that I wanted to get fucked and he wanted to fuck me. He fumbled with the condom but got it on. Slathering some down there, I sat on it. I gasped and then groaned at the sensation of it. I rode him. But then he turned me over, chest down on the bed and went to town. No easy lead in, Brandon was jack hammer fucking me. I liked it. Lying down prone on the bed, my hard dick between my body and sheet, he pounded me. Whether from the fucking or the friction as my body moved against the sheet, I began to orgasm without ever touching myself. He was panting hard as he came.

I didn't stay with him that night. I went back the house I shared with Cass and Dex, once again sleeping under the table. Both of us had gotten what we wanted and that was that. The next day, Brandon and I met as acquaintances but never mentioned the night before. It was fun but nothing more. The fact that we had done it was common knowledge soon enough but generally was greeted with indifference. Everyone except Cass, that is. He gave me dirty looks but said nothing. I could tell that he was unhappy and I felt the need to set him straight. I went to him and laid out the facts. Xander was in Tampa, having sex with strangers for money, instead of here with me. I wasn't jealous of him because he had assured me that the sex meant nothing and I had to trust him on that. He didn't begrudge me my fun or expect me to be celibate for him. I told Cass that if he wanted to call Xander on his cell and tell him about it, he would learn that Xander didn't care. Reluctantly, Cass admitted that Xander wouldn't appreciate him messing in our relationship.

It was much later, just as we were going out, that Cass came up to me and took me aside. "Look, dude, I guess I'm sorry. I get it that what you do is none of my business. I guess I look at things like a straight guy. If my girlfriend were fucking another guy while I was away, I'd be pissed. If I fucked another girl while she was away, I'd figure I was just being a guy, you know? I guess guys are able to work things out when they're fucking each other."

I looked at him with disbelief. "You're just figuring this out? Has your brother always been monogamous? Has Xander?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Jesus, you're thick. You don't see the point?"

"Yeah, I mean, I get it and all," Cass said after pondering a second and rubbing his chin. "Me and Xander have been through a lot together. He's been my best friend since I was 9. Shit, we lived in the same fucking house for years, slept in the same bed. I know he's got my back no matter what. I feel like I got to have his even when I kind of fuck it up and he doesn't even want me to. "

"Don't worry, you're a good friend," I said, patting him on the shoulder. The truth was he was a good friend to Xander. Danny had called him Xander's pet monkey. In truth, he was a little bit like a dog. Xander had shown him friendship and loyalty, two virtues that he had in abundance, and Cass responded to it. "I'd like it if you were my friend too."

He nodded and punched me on the shoulder, straight boy style. We went to a club that fronted the beach and as usual Cass and I both were stamped for being under 21. This bar seemed a little laxer than the other and Dex got Cass a drink. I didn't want one. I was a little buzzed from the pre-party and I was beginning to understand why the Crowe boys consume so little alcohol. Beyond lowering inhibitions, it is a very uninteresting drug. The club was clearly a straight club and there were tons of hot girls with bikini tops or tight T shirts on. The straight guys had their eyes unbolted from their heads, they were looking so much. Cass was unattached and he set to work finding him some pussy for the night.

It was after 2 am when I got back. Cass had gone off with a pair of girls back to their hotel, so I got to sleep on an actual bed, which was nice. Still, I was groggy and dazed when I finally got up shortly before noon. I decided that I had laid-off of exercise long enough and thought I was getting fat, which was probably not true at all, so I went for a long run along the beach. The endorphins generated by that helped shape off the cobwebs. The early afternoon was spent playing in the water and then just sitting around. Around 4 pm, I went with a couple of guys in the other house, all gay or bi, to the big bowling alley a few blocks off the beach. We were pretty stoned which made everything funnier but, geeky as it was, fag bowling was fun. It was dusk when we got back and we had decided to go to a bar called Splash. It was the only real gay bar in Panama City Beach.

Splash was kind of small and they had a DJ who played a never ending litany of house music. Unless on E, I find house music tedious and repetitious. But, we were in the spirit of things and began dancing shirtless. I got the stamp for being under 21 but nobody seemed to care. A guy came over and bought me a drink. I took the drink but I wasn't interested in him. He was older and little puffy, so I acted like a vain little fag and blew him off. Another guy also bought me a drink, this one was a looker. He was at least part Asian but only part. It gave him a dark exotic look. Shorter than me, he was superbly muscled, probably a former wrestler. I think his name was Andy. He had friend named Charlie, a guy about my height with sandy blonde hair. It was same color as Xander's but he really didn't remind me of him. I ended up going back to their place, which was hotel about a quarter of a mile from where I was staying.

I was amazed at how comfortable it was being naked with these two strangers. Well, not comfortable because I hot and horny but I wasn't self conscious. They wanted me. They had taken me home after all and I wanted them. Andy had a rock hard body, all bumps and grooves, hairless except for a shock of black hair in a triangle above his cock. That was hard and sticking out straight. Charlie was lean, going toward skinny like me, but shaved down. He too was hard. I was on my knees, sucking first one and then the other dick. It didn't matter to me that I was clearly the designated bottom boy for the two prowling alpha male tops. I figure that is my lot in life: to bottom mostly. Fortunately I enjoyed it. And they both did me, bent over and all fours, they entered me first one and then the other. Finally Andy got greedy and just fucked me hard until he blew. Then Charlie took over, also going at it hard and fast and nasty. I had to stroke myself and it seemed that dick, twitching, was wired directly to my brain. Just when I knew that I couldn't take it anymore, I spewed out a load, It took Charlie a little while to finish. But the nice thing was that once that initial horniness wore off, we ended up in bed cuddling and kissing and touching and making out before round two started.

I struggled home the next morning. There was some good natured ribbing about my hooking up for a three way. I had to take it, partly because I had dished it out yesterday to Cass and partly because as a guy I was pretty proud of myself. However, today was the day I was waiting for. Sometime tonight Xander would have made the six hour drive from Tampa to get here. I missed him, a lot. When he left Tampa, he called and we talked for a while but had to be careful about the battery since he had lost his charger. Finally, he made it after 10 o'clock, while everybody else was out dancing.

"Waiting for me?" he said, bursting into the living room burden down by his duffel bag of clothes that went plop on the floor. I smiled and nodded, going to him. In a matter of no time, we were in the bed, pawing each other's clothes off. I had worried that he would want a night off after a week of porn fucking but I hadn't counted on the ferocity of his libido. He was as hungry and passionate as I was. The first session was fast and heated but the second was slow and lingering. I topped him both times.

I was luxuriating in the afterglow of lovemaking, nestled up to him in the bed. I should have been worried about the time, the revelers would soon be home and Cass might want his bed back, but I wasn't.

"I guess I should confess that I did get laid this week. Once with a friend of Liam's and once in a three-way with some guys from Wisconsin."

He laughed. "Wisconsin? Well, shit. You do believe in southern hospitality. I guess I should confess that I got laid too. Want to hear about it?"

"Not really," I said, edging away from him just a little. But he brought me back toward him. I softened toward him as usual. "It doesn't mean anything. Mine didn't. Yours either. I'm just glad to see you."

He smiled and kissed me softly. "This is the happiest place in the world."

Cass didn't disturb us and we slept all night there, naked and in each other's arms. After a week at the beach, we were all tired from lack of sleep and too much partying but, since we were young, nobody complained about that. Everybody had long since gotten pretty casual, both boys and girls went around with nothing or next to nothing on and nobody thought anything about it. Well, that's not exactly true. We noticed each other of course. The girls noticed Xander and, I guess, he noticed them. But he was basically just another body in the house, easily accommodated and his presence taken for granted. We were eating breakfast when Xander's brothers showed up.

"Hey, nut job," Liam greeted him loudly, striding in as if he owned the place.

"Douchebag" Xander replied, showing some cereal in his face. "Nobody's kicked your ass yet?"

"Not yet," Ian said, punching his older brother in the arm. "Thought about it, though. Had to wait for you."

"So how's the pornography business? I got anything to look forward too?" Liam teased, sitting down at the table with a chair turned around.

"A flip flop, a three way, fucked by a straight boy and one with a girl. Fall semester is paid for."

Liam nodded. "Well, you can thank us later but we saved the best bit of the party for you. Of course, I'm just generous that way. Tonight, faggot, is trip night. We were trying to figure out the guest list but figured to just fuck it and let everybody do what they want. Dad decided to help us out with a shit load of shrooms."

"Really? Cool." Xander said.

"I don't know," I chimed in. "Isn't it kind of dangerous? I mean, the magic mushrooms look a lot like the poisonous kind. "

"Dude, they're not going in the woods and picking them. These are specially grown," Philip told me as he leaned against the couch. "You can't necessarily count on Dad for much but the drugs are always good."

I agreed to do them. I didn't really have a reason not too particularly since I had done 3 other psychedelic drugs. Besides Xander seemed excited about it. I understand that I probably shouldn't base my drug taking decisions on what Xander wanted to do because, as far as I could tell, that included a broad range and heavy use. We waited until almost dusk to do them. In the meantime, we spent the day lazing around, swimming some but mostly just sitting in the sun. In the end, the trippers included Xander and his brothers, plus Dex, Cass and me. Everyone else got the remaining Ecstasy that Liam and Philip brought and went dancing. Our tripping was centered at our house with everyone else going back to the other house at night's end. They decided that this time Xander would be the babysitter, which disappointed me because I really only wanted to trip with him. I almost backed out but Xander knew what was on my mind and insisted that I do them anyway.

I got a dose of one large mushroom and a small one, which weighed about 2 grams on the small metal scale that was usually used to weight pot bags. The taste wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was foul enough, so that description is relative. By now I was expecting a long time to come up. We smoked a bowl and talked. It was relaxed and everyone seemed like they were in a good mood and happy going into it. We went outside to bask in the final dying rays of the sun. It was in the second pass of the pipe that the body buzz really kicked in. It felt like something was building up inside of me, some incomprehensible force that was trying to rip away the chains of my consciousness. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange and overwhelming. For no reason at all, I glanced at my watch and saw that it was 6:04. I calmed myself to go with the flow. I tried to listen to the conversation but was becoming aware that while I knew the words, the meaning was not readily apparent. I looked at my watch again and now the time was 5:58.

Holy fuck, I thought. I'm going back in time. How is that possible?

The ocean was orange and blue. The waves were making love with the shore. There were people there, watching us, gaping. I saw them out the corner of my but when I turned to look, they were gone. I was clear headed enough to know that it was an hallucination but then thought it entirely possible that the people around me were also not real.

"I need to get some water," I mumbled, standing up and going inside. I made it the sink and got a glass of tepid water. It reminded me of changing the oil in your car. I needed the water to keep the joints lubricated. I sank onto the couch and surveyed the room. In great swirling lines, there were a infinite series of Aztec like symbols flying through the air. For the first time, I understood why their art was like it was. It was actually representational, but of an altered state. I closed my eyes and the same patterns persisted but more intensely. I was losing myself in them.

I felt a body sinking into the couch next time. I wasn't sure if it was real and I opened my eyes. I could make Xander out through the now disturbed mass of these symbols. They had scattered like fruit flies. But was he there at all?

I reached out and touched him. He seemed solid enough. "Xander?" I mumbled.

A voice came from a great distance. "Good?" he asked.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't describe it. The conventionality of words cheapened the experience. I nodded and closed my eyes again, wanting the order of the symbols flying past me again. But the moment was gone, a testament to the transience of experience. The replacement vision was like a kick in the gut. There was a huge, ever-changing step pyramid, with the pieces of it restlessly moving about. It reached the sky. No, it reached heaven.

The voice that came from the pyramid was deep and resonant, authoritative and god-like. "What manner of learning is this?"

"It's all I know" I screamed back at him, desperately seeking his favor. But I didn't scream at all.

"You have forgotten then. You will relearn it."

My soul was cast about into the chaos of creation. It was rough, even violent. I felt the scorching heat and deep cold of the universe as I was buffeted about. It wasn't painful but it wasn't a delight either. I was trying to decide if this was a bad trip or not. I decided it wasn't, just an essential part of getting to the other side. Then, all at once, every thought I had ever had, every memory, came crashing into my consciousness, all at the same time. Good and bad, they were all there.

I flung my eyes open. The television was on. A man was standing on a desk, clucking like a chicken. I thought it extremely odd but, then suddenly he wasn't anymore. Why am I indoors? I knew I wouldn't learn anything were I was. I had to be outside where the air was real, the sand was real, the water was real. I had no desire to be a part of the plastic, prefabricated world any longer.

The others must have been struck by the same whimsy. We sat in the sand by the beach. It was night but there was no fear. This was not a bad trip after all. I was sure of that. This was mystical. Xander built a fire. I spent hours silently meditating on the ever changing nature of the flame. It was consuming in every possible sense of that word. Lying in the soft sand, the waves rhythmically hitting the shore and singing a song, I closed my eyes and took a journey through eternity. Actually no, it was through an infinite possibility. The nature of sacrifice, of responsibility, of love and charity replayed themselves in varying hues and ways. For a time, I saw as God saw.

I didn't speak and couldn't. To all outward appearances I was calm. The explosion was localized to my brain. But yet, I was connected to everything around me, definitely the people. Inwardly, I stripped away the parts of myself that I didn't like and threw them away. They were like thin pieces of flimsy film and were easily discarded. I felt whole.

Somehow, eventually, I went to sleep in a bed in the house. When I woke up, I felt happy and alive. Matter had returned to its usual state but I hadn't. I was changed, irrevocably. Xander struggled awake and looked at me searchingly.

"I don't know what to say," I told him. He smiled and nodded. "It was beyond belief."

He leaned forward and whispered, "It's a different belief."

That put the whole experience in context. I had a lifetime of beliefs implanted by other people. I had been told what was true and false, good and bad. But I had no individual conception of the rightness of it. I had believed what I was told I was supposed to believe, in church and in school and, now, even by Danny and even Xander, who loved me I knew but wanted me a certain way. I had been dutiful. I now realized how two dimensional all of that had been, how limiting. I had moved past the point of received wisdom to a different plane. Starting today, I would be seeking my own answers