Okay guys, I know that it seems like I'm putting out the chapters way to quick. If I keep this up, I might just get narked on for too much creative juices. Any way, this story deals with homosexuality. If offended by this type of material then don't read any further. If you're not of age, then hit the back key now. If it's against the law for you to read this, then by all means don't get in trouble!
Okay now that that's out of the way got a couple of things to say. First off, I'm not sure how much more I can produce on this story. It doesn't seem as if very many people are interested. Now there are some people that have written me, and I've tried to write all of you back. If I haven't then don't worry you'll be getting a message from me soon. The truth of the matter is though, if there is only going to be about 10 people writing me regarding this story, then I don't feel that it's doing what I want it too. Therefor, I have two more chapters that I just have to write. If it hasn't picked up by then, then unfortunately I must discontinue the story and think about changing my hobby.
Now let's get on with the story.
What is Love?
III
It had been two years since NSYNC had been at the Alltel Arena. It had been two years of pure hell. I threw myself into my studies to try and keep my mind from dwelling on the scene that I'd caused, but it just didn't seem to work. I remember waking up at night from the nightmares. If it wasn't my parents in the dream then it was Justin. Or if it wasn't my parents of Justin then it was the look on the faces of the other guys as they watched me drive off. The only thing that kept me going was school. In the two years that it took for me to complete my schooling, I had double majored. My first major was in business management, while my second major was in music. About a year and a half after the incident, some friends and I started a small group. It was nothing major, just some people getting together and singing. One night, we were at a bar and they were having karioke. We gladly got up and sung "Music of my Heart". It was a hit, and so were we. That started many nights of singing around the local clubs. It didn't pay much, but so what? It wasn't like I was hurting for money, and if any of them needed anything they knew they could depend on me to help out in anyway necessary. What none us expected though was to get known out of our area. However, it happened, and it was all thanks to a little program called Napster. Now who would have thought that putting up some songs on a program like that would have given you a way into the music world? We certainly didn't, so it was a surprise to log onto a Napster chat room and see quite a few people talking about us. I struck up a conversation with a couple of them, and one of them convinced me to send him a demo of our stuff. Since I had copyrighted everything myself, I thought why not. About a month later I was surprised to see something from a record company in my mail. As I opened it up and read it, I couldn't believe it. It seems that the guy that I'd been talking to was a PR agent for BMG. They wanted me to call and set up a time that we could meet. Well I was skeptical to say the least and put off telling the group about it for a couple of days. Finally I threw it out to them and asked what they thought. Jon, Mike, Erin, and Kim all agreed that we should at least see what was going on. We had never actually thought about doing any singing professionally, but if we had the chance why should we shoot it down? I called them in January. It's been two months of negotiations, but we've finally settled on everything. What better graduation present could I give the group than to let them know that we're all set?
"Well guys, I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" I asked them the night before graduation.
"Well the bad news is always better to start with. That way the good news can cheer us up." Erin said as she shook her red hair out of her eyes. "Not only that, tomorrow's graduation. We can't let it end on a bad note, can we?" Erin was our soprano. She was able to hit notes that I wasn't sure existed until one day she and I decided to test each other. We wound up being equal until she suddenly went on her opera pitch. I'm just glad that I didn't have my glasses on that day. Who would have thought that this 5'7 girl could have such a powerful voice? As I looked at her sitting in Jon's arms, I got lost in my memories. I started to think about the band. Jon and Erin were a couple. For some reason the thought of the two of them together always made me laugh. Jon was a brown hair, blue eyed devil. That's the only way that I could describe him. Not devil in a bad way, but in a good way. He liked to get into trouble, but it was innocent trouble. If you needed help though, he was always the first person there. Erin stood a good 3" taller than Jon did, but for some reason the height never seemed to bother them. Now of all the people there, Mike was the closest to me. Mike has always been like a brother to me. It didn't help matters much that we looked a lot alike. His blonde hair and blue eyes made him the looker of the group. The only thing that people could use to separate us apart most of the time, besides my brown eyes, was the way that we talked. Mike was from Texas. Now if you've ever heard a Texan drawl then you'll know what I'm talking about. Mike was Texan to the hilt. It drove the girls wild to hear the drawl lay the overtones as the baritone of the group. Then there was Kim. Kim was our spitfire. While she was one of the greatest altos that I've ever heard, I'll never forget how many times Kim came to my rescue just by her attitude.
"Angel, are you alright?" Mike asked as he waved a hand in my face to get my attention.
"Hmm? Oh yeah. Just kind of drifted off there for a minute." I said.
"Well come on! Are you going to tell us the news or what?" Kim demanded.
"Oh yeah. Well let's see. The bad news is that tomorrow's graduation. I tried to talk them into letting us sing for the ceremonies, but they still won't agree with it."
"Damn!" Jon exclaimed, "And my mom was so looking forward to hearing me sing one last time."
"Well Jon I'm glad that she feels that way. I just have a question. What would you say if I told you that tomorrow wouldn't have to be the last time that you ever sung?"
"What are you saying?" Erin asked.
"I'm saying what would all of you do if I told you that Second Chance has been promised a contract with BGM?"
"You mean you did it? We have a chance? Oh my God! I can't believe it!" Mike said in shock as the others just sat there.
"Well believe it. They're flying in tomorrow to let us go over the contracts." I said with a grin.
Within seconds pandemonium hit. We were all grabbing hold of each other and crying. There was so much noise that the floor peer advisor came down to our room to check up on us. After filling him in on the details, he congratulated us, but reminded us that it was 12 AM and that we needed to keep our voices down. After he left, I looked around at the faces in my room.
"Well guys, I think this is a cause for a celebration. How about we go down to Joe's and celebrate?" They all quickly agreed and within 10 minutes we were pulling up in front of Joe's Coffee Shop. As we walked in, Joe greeted us.
"So how's my favorite band doing tonight?"
"Pretty good Joe, we're here for a celebration. We're going to want a slice of your Death by Chocolate, and something with some kick to it to drink."
"Well we just got an Irish Coffee in today. I haven't brought it out yet, but since you're celebrating I guess I can make an exception for all of you. By the way, what's the occasion?"
"Well we just signed with a record company." I remarked offhandedly.
"That's great! I'll be right back, and then you can tell me all about it!" Joe said as he disappeared into the kitchen area. Within the space of 10 minutes 6 cups of Irish Coffee and 6 plates were sitting in front of us. "So tell me how all this happened," Joe said as he sat down with us. We spent the next 15 minutes going over the details of how we'd gotten heard. Then I explained to him about the negotiations that we'd gone through. As I told him some of the things that I'd gotten them to agree with, he whistled. "Sounds like they wanted you guys pretty bad."
"Why do you say that?" I asked in surprise.
"Because you drive a hard deal. Just remind me to never get into a business decision with you." Joe said as he and the others laughed at the expression on my face.
We spent a couple of hours there just talking and discussing what had happened to us. As we got back to the dorm though, my good mood started to sour. Mike noticed that something was wrong with me, and after all the others had left, stayed to find out what was going on. I'd gone into the bathroom as the guys were filing out, so when I came back out I was surprised to see Mike still sitting on one of the beds.
"So Angel, do you want to talk about it?"
"About what?"
"I don't know, but something's bothering you isn't it? Is it your family?" Mike asked as I sat down on my bed. I could only nod to his last question. "Let me guess, they're not coming to graduation tomorrow are they?" I shook my head no, and Mike came over and sat down beside me. "Angel, let me tell you something," he said as he pulled me into a hug, "those people who called themselves your family never were. A family means that you stand beside each other until the end. Angel, we're family. You, me, the group, it's all a big family. That's why we're were we are today. Angel if it wasn't for you, then no of this would have happened. You're like the big brother of the group. You're always watching out for all of us. Now it's time to let us watch out for you. If you ever feel the need for a hug, then I'm here and I'm sure the group feels the same way. Like I said we're your family."
As Mike was talking to me, I guess I was too sleepy to stay awake. I don't remember going to sleep. I just remember waking up for the first time in over two years without having any nightmares at all. As I woke up, there was a body pulled close to mine. As I glanced over, I was surprised to see Mike sleeping there beside me. "He looks so peaceful when he's asleep," I thought as I looked over his face. Then I remembered what day it was.
"Oh shit!" I hollered as I saw the time on the clock. "Mike, get up! We're going to be late for graduation!"
As I rushed around to find my stuff, I looked back to notice that Mike was still sleeping. "Dammit, no time for this." I thought as I grabbed a glass from next to the sink. I filled it up with water and as I walked up to the bed, Mike opened one eye and growled, "Don't even think about it."
"Are you going to get up? It's almost 9:00."
"Really? Shit," Mike said as he hopped out of bed. "I have to get changed. I'll be right back." He hollered as he ran out of the door and up the hall to his room.
As he ran out of the room, I allowed a brief smile at his antics. Mike was a cutie alright. It always amazed me how he could jump up and in the space of 4 minutes to be completely ready. I could never pull that off! Looking at the clock again, I realized that I'd lost 2 minutes while I was sitting there looking into space. As I quickly jumped into some clothes and my gown, Mike came back into the room. "Ready?" he asked.
"Do I look like I'm ready?" I yelled as I grabbed a brush. "There's no way in hell that I'm ready, but I guess I'm as close as I can get this fast. Now let's go."
We ran downstairs and jumped into the Pathfinder. Within about 2 minutes we were at the football stadium. As we walked through the gates, the rest of the group ran over to greet us.
"Guess what?" Kim said as she slid to a halt in front of us.
"What's that?"
"Dr. Helmsley convinced the dean to let us sing. What are we going to do? What are we going to sing? No one has time to run back to the dorm to get any of the tapes, and the band doesn't have their instruments."
"Hmm. Let me see here. Do you guys remember the new song that we've been working on?"
"You mean "Second Chance" (not to be confused with the group, but the name was taken from the group's name)?"
"Yeah, how could we forget it man? It's like the only cool song that you ever wrote," Jon said as he nudged me in the side.
"Hey, I can't help it if I'm the brains of the group and you're the writer. I don't complain about you trying to do my job do I?"
"That's because you'll never see me try to do your job. Management, can you say bad?" Jon said with a smile.
"Yeah whatever wise guy. Just remember the tempo change on the bridge okay? After all I put that in for you and Erin to actually be able to do a small duet together. Now let's go get our seats."
The ceremony went off without a hitch. Since we weren't supposed to sing until the end, we had the full hour to sit there and think about the song. Finally right before we stood for the benediction, Dr. Helmsley took the podium. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we ask that you please stand for the benediction. However at this time we also ask that if you'll stay in your seats afterwards, you'll hear one of the newest groups on the big block of bands, Second Chance. For those of you who don't know, Second Chance is a group that was formed by Angel Lenoir, along with his friends Jon Howard, Kim Blanche, Erin Johnson, and Michael Reed. They've become quite popular in the local areas, and I'm proud to announce that as of today they'll start to be known national. Now let us pray."
The prayer was short and sweet. You know all the stuff about watching out for all of us as we start our new lives. Bless us with happiness. You know all that type of stuff. After the prayer, Dr. Helmsley motioned us up toward the podium.
"Now I know this isn't as much room as you're used to, but I'll hope it'll do." She said as she stepped back.
"Don't worry, if you can get us a couple more microphones, I'm sure that we'll do just fine." I joked as she stepped forward with several microphones. "Now ladies and gentlemen in you'll bear with us for one more minute, I have to get out of this robe if I'm going to be doing any singing. They just makes these things too damn hot." I said as I took off my robe. Looking around I saw the rest of the group doing the same. "This is a song called "Second Chance"," I said as I looked back out at the crowd, "so many times we do something that we wish that we could take back. Well this song is about what happens when you need a second chance."
Second Chance I never meant to see the pain in your eyes, When I kissed your lips and said goodbye. Now I'm sitting here wondering what have I done? A second chance is what I want, A chance to return, but I don't. Maybe someday I can return, And get that second chance to earn
A second chance that what I need. A chance to be with you, and you with me. Why did I ever have to leave? A second chance is what I need.
I used to love you until that day I still love you though you went away. I still love to the very day. But a second chance, you will not get A chance at love, you can forget
Then one day I came across you The same day that I saw you There was another guy on your arm, And your second chance was gone I never got a chance to say goodbye I never got a chance to tell you why And we walked out of the others life.
A second chance was all that was needed But now a love that burned is ended Why did we have to leave? When a second chance is all we need?
As the song ended, we all held the last note and then slowly one by one dropped out to leave Jon and Erin repeat the last line. The ovation was thunderous. As we tried to get out of there, we kept getting stopped and told that everyone was sure we'd go far in life. As we got to the gate though, a guy in a suit came up to me. "Mr. Lenoir?"
"Yes?"
"Hi, I'm Jim Black. I believe that you were supposed to meet with me today?"
"Oh, Mr. Black, how nice to meet you. What are you doing here though? I thought we were going to meet at the Capitol Club?"
"Well we were going to, but last night after I got in, I went out to eat. While I was there, this lady comes over and introduces herself. Said that she thought I was lonely and that I needed some company. Well why we were talking, our jobs came up in the discussion. It seems that she was a professor here at the college. When I told her what I was here for she insisted that I show up here today. Ah, there she is now! I believe that you know Victoria?"
"Victoria?" I asked as I looked around. Then as Dr. Helmsley detached herself from the crowd and walked over to us, I knew that we'd been set up. "You! I don't know if I hug you or hurt you!" I said with a smile as she came over and gave me a hug.
"Hey, just doing what I can to help you guys out. After all who knows that his incredibly handsome man was someone linked to you? I just saw someone sitting alone and thought that I'd have a chance to get my dinner paid for, and it worked too." She whispered the last part in my ear just loud enough for him to hear it.
"Hey, and here I thought that you wanted some, lets see what did you call it last night? Stimulating conversation?" Mr. Black said with a smile.
"So Mr. Black,"
"Please call me Jim."
"Okay, then, Jim. Shall we go someplace to finalize our agreement?"
"Just lead the way."
Thirty minutes later we were signing our contracts. As the rest of the guys looked over it, I was waiting for the explosion that I knew would happen if they read everything. Sure enough, about that time I heard an exclamation from Mike. Turning around, I put on an innocent expression, "What did you cut yourself?"
"Angel, do you know where they have us performing first?"
"Uh no, why don't you enlighten me?" I said with a slight smile.
"Okay, I'll tell you. They have us singing in Cancun for MTV's Spring Break."
"Oh really? So what's the big deal? We show up, sing a couple of songs, and that's it."
"Angel, haven't you been paying any attention to MTV lately?" Kim asked.
"No, why? Should I have?"
"Well I just wanted to know if you knew that NSYNC was going to be there." She replied turning my surprise for them into a nightmare for me. At those words I froze. How could I have been so stupid? I was trying to do something for the group and I had to pull something stupid! After a couple of seconds, I looked around the room again and noticed the worried looks on my friend's faces.
"Don't worry about it guys. I'll be okay. Just have to get used to it, I suppose."
"Angel, you sure you're alright?" Jon asked as he looked at me.
"Yeah, I'm okay. So we're there with NSYNC? So what? We're still going to rock the place." I said as I tried to cheer everyone back up.
"Yeah, it's going to be great! We're going to have the time of our lives!" they all yelled. Too bad I didn't feel the same. However I wasn't going to let that keep me down. We had made it. We were now professionals. The next couple of days were spent talking with Jim about what to expect. Jim was also coming with us for the time being. He would be there for a couple of days, but then he would have to leave. Then it would be up to me to take control of the group. As we stepped off of the plane, a small crowd of people met us. Jim introduced them as our tour guides. "We figured that we'd just dump you in the people's laps." Jim said after I asked him why we needed tour guides. "What's going to happen is that you don't actually perform until tomorrow. So today, these people will show you around and let you have a good time."
Let me tell you. Jim wasn't lying. When he said a good time, he meant it. It started off innocent enough. They showed us to some of the beaches and some of the clubs. Then they started to show us around all of the MTV festivities. I mean let me tell you something. Be glad that they edit the stuff that they show on MTV about Spring Break. Be very glad. The last place that we went to was having a wet bikini contest. Well let me tell you, things got out of hand. We just barely managed to escape with our clothes still on our bodies! Then after checking into the hotel, we decided that we wanted to go to a couple of clubs. We finally saw one that looked good and ducked in. It took us a couple of minutes to find a table big enough for all of us, but after we did I went and got some drinks for all of us. Jon and Erin always have screwdrivers. That's all that they'll drink. Kim is a beer person. I've never been able to see why she likes Coors so well, but I guess to each their own. Mike and I are the hard liquer drinkers. Both of us prefer Crown Royal. On the rocks, mixed, out of the bottle, it really doesn't matter. Now don't get me wrong, we're not heavy drinkers. It's just that when you're in Cancun do as the Cancunians do right? We'd been there for a couple of hours and all of us were pretty toasty, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. As I turned around to see who it was I was too shocked to say anything. There standing over my shoulder was JC. I just sat there for a minute looking at him.
"I thought it was you," he said looking at me.
"Uh, yeah. What do you want?"
"Well I just wanted to apologize," JC started before I interrupted him.
"Apologize? Apologize for what? For acting like you and your group are such nice people only to turn your back on someone when they open up to you? No, don't say anything. It was my fault. I thought that I knew you. Hell I thought that I knew Justin also. I guess I didn't. I should be the one apologizing JC. Apologizing that I ever wasted my time with any of you."
"Angel, please listen to me."
"JC, I think that's enough," Kim snapped as she stood up. "Now if you don't get out of here and leave him alone, I'm going to throw you out."
As Kim was threatening JC, I noticed that the rest of NSYNC had noticed the confrontation and were heading over toward our table.
"Guys, let's go." I said as calmly as I could.
"Please, Angel, don't do that. Let me explain." JC said as he reached for my arm.
"Don't ever touch me again, JC," I said as stood up and shrugged his hand off of me, "or next time I'll break that arm. Now guys are you coming or not?" I asked as I looked around the table.
For a minute there they looked between Kim and I in confusion and then quickly got up and joined me as we headed toward the entrance. We had taken about three steps when we ran into the rest of NSYNC coming in our direction. I could tell that they recognized me, but at that point I didn't care. As I tried to head to the door, someone stepped in my way. Looking up I saw Justin standing in front of me.
"What do you want" I asked as I glared at him.
"Angel, I want to apologize. I said some thing to you that I know I shouldn't have."
"Justin, you don't realize what you did to him." Kim snapped. "You took the exact same stand that his parents did. Do you realize what that did to him? The Angel that you see here is a lot different than the one that you got to know that day. He's spent the last two years trying to forget that it ever happened. He even went so far as to give away all of your CD's that he had. He was just going to burn them, but some of those things are worth some money. And you want to know the worst thing about it? You were the person that he respected the most. He always said that he wanted to be like you. That you had a gift that few could touch. For you to tell him the things that you did nearly destroyed him. Now get out of his way!" Kim all but yelled at him.
I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed Justin and threw him to the side and took off out the door. I could hear everyone hollering for me, but I didn't care. I had to get away. As I stumbled threw the streets, I kept flashing back to the night at the Arena. Finally I couldn't run anymore. I collapsed where I was only to instantly get sick. After getting sick I felt a little better, and noticed that I was on the beach. I stumbled over to the water, only find out that moving had been a bad idea. As I started to throw up into the water, I heard the sound of footsteps on the sand. I was so sick that I didn't care. I didn't even care when they held me up to keep me from falling into the water. When I finally had control over me, I looked up into the brightest blue eyes that I'd ever seen.
"Lance, what are you doing here?" I croaked.
"Looking for you. You have everyone worried."
"Good," I managed to get out.
"I've really made a mess of things haven't I?" I asked as I sat down in the sand.
"Well you could say that." He said with a chuckle.
"Lance, may I ask you one question?"
"Sure."
"Why?"
"Why? Why what?"
"Why is JC and Justin apologizing to me? Why did Justin have to act the way that he did that night? Why did I have to tell all of you?" I cried.
"Well I can answer the first two for you. JC and Justin feel bad about what happened that night. Angel, believe it or not we really do like you. You were so calm about us being around that we could be ourselves for a change. When you told Justin that you were, different, he couldn't take it. He reacted the way that he's been raised. Justin was raised to believe that if you weren't straight then it's a sin. Angel, you helped him to realize the error in that way of thinking small comfort that it may be. He's apologizing because he wants a second chance. He wants to make it up to you. Besides, I think I remember you telling him that basketball was for the birds, and he wants to prove otherwise."
I chuckled slightly at that as the good images that I'd blocked out started to come back. I had had a good time with the guys. We had gotten along really well. I'd been concentrating so much on the bad parts that I'd forgotten the good ones. As I started to come back from my memories, I heard Lance on the phone with someone.
"Yeah, tell them that he's alright. We're at the beach." I listened as Lance gave them directions to where we were. "Now as to your third question, Angel that's one that you have to figure out. I can't answer why you told us. Maybe you felt that you could trust us, even though we didn't show it. Or maybe you just needed to tell someone. I don't know. All I know is that I don't think of you any differently. You're still Angel. You're still the only guy that I know of that can walk into a room and within minutes either have everyone pissed off or rolling on the floor."
I chuckled as I remembered the entrance that I'd made at the hotel. "You know this makes twice that we've met, and both times it's started of with me griping at you guys. Do I see a trend starting?" I asked with a slight smile.
"Well I certainly do," Lance said, "Just don't let it become a habit. We won't always put up with it. So what are you doing in Cancun? Are you down here for Spring Break?"
"Well you could put it that way. Actually though, we're here to sing."
"To sing?" Lance asked in confusion.
"Yeah, my group and I. You know all of those people sitting at the table with me?"
"Oh really? That's sweet man. What do you do? What's your name? You're going to have to give me details."
I spent the next 10 minutes going over everything that had happened to the band. By the time that I was through talking, I noticed that we were no longer alone; we'd been joined by several shoes. As I looked up to see who it was I noticed everyone from both groups standing there.
"Well looks like you don't need introductions," I said with a slight laugh.
"Angel," Justin started, but I held up a hand.
"No, let me speak first. Please. Justin, JC, the way that I acted earlier is unforgivable. The two of you were trying to make peace and I wouldn't accept it. For that I apologize. Guys," I said as I turned to the group, "all of you know my preference. We spoke about what would happen if we ever did go big. If we were going to hide it or not. Well, I don't want to hurt the group, so for now I'm hiding who I am. I apologize though for putting you guys in a situation like tonight. If I'd told all of you the truth about the night at the Alltel Arena then none of you would have wanted to come to Cancun, but guys we had to be here. It's our big chance. A chance to actually achieve our dreams."
"Angel, it's alright. We knew." Mike said, "Kim told us what was bothering you. We figured that if you could handle it then so could we."
"Thanks Mike."
"Angel, I'm really sorry about what I said that night. I was in shock," Justin began.
"Justin it's okay. Lance told me why you did what you did. I understand completely. Hell, my parents acted the same way and so did several of my friends. I should have been used to it by then. Justin, look at me though. I'm still Angel. I never lied to you about who I was. I'm the same person that slammed into your hotel room and griped you out. I'm the same person that you want to teach to play basketball," I shot a glare at Erin as she started to say something, "hell I'm even the same guy that nearly killed you with chocolate. The thing is you have no control over how you're born. Some are born straight, some are born crooked as an arrow, and then you have those who fall in between. I belong to the latter category, but it doesn't change who I am."
"I know that now," Justin said with a smile.
"Now come on, help me up." I said as I reached a hand out. Justin grabbed it and before I knew what was going on had pulled me to my feet. "Whoa," I said as my head spun and I nearly fell. Justin quickly reached over and grabbed hold of me.
"Here lean on me. I'll get you to the cars," he said as he steadied me.
"So guys where are you staying?" JC asked as he led the way back to the vehicles.
"Well we're staying at the Hilton." Mike replied.
"Hey, cool. So are we!" Justin said, "How about we all ride back together?"
My group looked over at me and I just nodded wearily, "Sure why not."
"In that case, you're riding with me young man." Justin said as he wagged a finger in my face. "You and I have a lot of talking to do."
"Yes daddy," I said meekly drawing a laugh from everyone.
I don't remember getting back to the hotel. I don't even remember how I got to my room. All I know is that I woke up the next morning with another body next to mine. As I looked over I expected to see Kim or Mike. The last thing that I expected to see was Justin lying there sound asleep.
Well there you have it. What's going to happen? Will there be friction between the groups? Are Angel and Justin going to have something going on? Find out in the next chapter of "What is Love?".
As usual if you want to get a hold of me there are several ways to do it.
ICQ: 64742298 MSM: Angel_lenoir AIM: angellenoir Email: angel_lenoir@angelfire.com