Same disclaimer as before. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Hey everyone. I managed to squeeze out chapter 4 for you on schedule, but I'm also going to be on brief hiatus. I'll be out of town this weekend without access to a computer so I'm thinking that chapter 5 probably won't be out until Tuesday. I hope you can stick with me on this, because you might finally get what you've been waiting for in the next couple of chapters hint hint Again, feedback is appreciated at teresa_8998@hotmail.com
Whatever it Takes - Chapter 4
By, Teresa
Four days later.
Lance and Justin walked into their hotel room and flopped down on their respective beds, completely exhausted from yet another night of performing. They both stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, too worn out to move. But neither of them felt like going to bed. This was their only time to do "normal" stuff and they'd be damned if they were going to sleep it away.
"So, what do you feel like doing tonight, Lance? Want to get some room service and catch a movie on Spectravision or something?" Justin asked, propping his head up on one elbow and facing Lance.
"Are you sure that you want to stay in?" Lance asked, not wanting Justin to feel obligated to hang around the hotel with him. Even though it was important for Justin to exercise some self-control in his drinking and partying, nobody had expected him to go cold turkey and give it up altogether. "I mean, are you sure you don't want to go out and dance for a while or something? You don't have to stay here on my account. I trust you."
"No, I really do want to stay in," Justin said with determination. "I mean, I'm glad that you trust me and have faith in me right now, but I don't have that same trust in myself yet. It's just way too soon for me to get back into that scene at all. Once you're in it for that long, it's not really about what you want to do, or what's right for you anymore. It's just so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, to go along for the ride and see what everyone else is experiencing. It's not just the substances that are addicting, it's the entire lifestyle. I think I'll just go on a little hiatus from it right now until I feel a little more stable.
Lance smiled at Justin. "Call me cheesy, but I feel like a proud papa right now."
"Okay, you're cheesy," Justin said, grinning. He was secretly pleased with himself, feeling even more certain that he had made the right decision. He wasn't quite sure why, but Lance's opinion was becoming increasingly more important to him.
"My little baby is all grown up," Lance said in a high-pitched squeaky voice. "What a mature and responsible man."
"Oh shut up," Justin groaned as he rolled his eyes and threw one of his pillows at Lance's head.
"All right, I'll order the room service," Lance said. "Why don't you go down the hall and get us some sodas from the machine?"
"Okay, you got any change?" Justin asked.
"Damn man, for a kid who's supposedly rolling in the dough, you sure do mooch off of me a lot," Lance teased, as he handed Justin a handful of change from his pocket.
Justin looked at Lance with mock exasperation as he swiped the change from his hand. "Yeah, whatever, I'll get you next time."
"That's what you said last time!" Lance called out to Justin's retreating form.
Justin grinned to himself and headed down the hall to the soda machines. As he rounded the corner he ran into Chris and Danielle walking hand in hand down the hall.
"Hey J, what's up?" Chris greeted him cheerily.
"Oh not much," Justin replied. "Just getting some sodas for me and Lance. We're staying in and chillin' tonight."
He watched as Chris absentmindedly put his hand on the small of Danielle's back and lightly rubbed it, while Danielle leaned into him, seeming to draw comfort from his nearness. For some reason, Justin couldn't take his eyes off of the couple.
"So how are you feeling?" Danielle asked him, her face full of concern.
"Oh I'm much better now, thanks," he replied as he looked down a little embarrassed. After all, it wasn't as if he had been really sick or injured. He had messed up and put himself in the situation. He was so grateful that they weren't passing judgment on him. They were simply concerned for his well being, and it was then that he reflected on JC's words about them being a family, through the good times and bad.
"So where are you guys off to?" Justin asked, trying to change the subject.
"Oh we're just off to find a good romantic spot to make out," Chris said. He and Danielle leaned their heads together and smiled, seeming to share a private joke. Justin felt the familiar ache in his chest, and quickly forced a smile.
"Well I hope you two lovebirds have fun," he said. "Don't let me keep you from your making out any longer."
"All right, we'll catch you later man," Chris replied, as he grabbed Danielle's hand again and led her down the hall.
"Take care Justin," Danielle called back to him.
Justin sighed and continued on his trek down the hall to the soda machines.
Justin returned to the room with the sodas, and silently set them down on the table. He looked around the room for Lance and then noticed the shower going. Sighing to himself, he sat down on one of the beds and grabbed the remote control. He began absently flipping through the channels, paying little attention to what was on.
Lance emerged from the bathroom in shorts and a T-shirt, as he absently rubbed a towel over his hair. He noticed Justin laying on the bed, seemingly withdrawn. He didn't seem to have the same playfulness in him that he had fifteen minutes earlier.
"Hey," he said tentatively, not sure of how Justin would respond.
Justin looked up as if he was surprised that Lance was even in the room. "Oh hey," he said without emotion, as he gestured at the table. "The sodas are over there."
Lance looked at him with a frown, wondering what had happened in such a short time to change Justin's mood so dramatically. He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on the door.
"Ooh, I think room service is here," he said.
"Good, I'm starving," Justin replied as he slowly got up from the bed.
They sat across the small table in the hotel room, silently eating their meals. Justin was staring down with his brow furrowed. He was using his fork to make patterns in the dressing pooled at the bottom of his salad bowl. His sudden silence didn't go unnoticed.
Lance looked over at him with concern, "Justin, are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?" he replied unemotionally, still staring at his salad bowl.
"Oh come on Justin, you are not. I know you better than that. You've been really quiet since you came back from getting the sodas. Please tell me what's wrong. This is what we agreed on, remember? When you have a problem, any problem, you can come to me, and I'll be here no matter what." Lance stared at Justin with pleading eyes.
Justin sighed and he turned to Lance with an apologetic face. "Okay, I know. It's just weird for me. I've gotten so used to keeping things inside for so long, that it's going to take me a while before I can just spill my guts to you at the drop of a hat."
"It's okay, I understand," Lance said gently. "You can start slow. I'm not going anywhere."
Justin took a deep breath, as if he needed to prepare himself to spill his heart to Lance. "Okay, so it's probably kind of dumb, but when I was out in the hall I ran into Chris and Danielle. For some reason, when I see the two of them together, it brings up all of these old feelings that I have about myself and relationships. I want what they have so bad. It's like I'm desperate to have it. You saw where that got me." He looked at Lance with a bitter expression.
Understanding dawned on Lance and he nodded his head slowly. "Ah, the dreaded `B' word," he said.
"Ugh, I can't even believe that I brought her up. I don't even want to be reminded of that mess right now. But it's like, the whole situation with Britney just brought up all these old feelings that I'm so tired of having." Justin and Britney had finally ended their relationship about two months earlier. It had become increasingly more difficult for them to stay faithful - well, for her to stay faithful - and Justin knew that it would be impossible to maintain any true relationship with her. She didn't give him any emotional gratification. Hell, she was never there. It had been an absolute drain on his emotions and he had felt that he couldn't give his heart to someone that he just didn't trust. She wasn't the first girlfriend that he had ever had that had cheated on him, and this was something that was really starting to bother him.
Justin looked up at Lance with a mixture of hurt and sadness in his eyes. "Why does it keep happening to me Lance? Why do they keep cheating on me? I mean, I don't know what it is. Do I DO something that makes them want to hurt me? Am I not good enough to be the only one that they want to be with? I just don't know why it keeps happening time and time again. What do I do to push them away?"
Lance looked up at Justin and his heart began to break. `God, I'd never push you away Justin,' he thought to himself. He just wanted to reach up and grab him in his arms and tell him that he was one of the most amazing people that he had ever known and anyone fortunate enough to be loved by him would be the luckiest person in the world. But he couldn't. He couldn't allow his emotions to go unchecked like that. So instead he offered Justin a hand across the table.
"You don't do anything wrong Justin. They're young. They want to have fun and be crazy and experience all kinds of different things. You're an old soul when it comes to love. You're always ready to dive in headfirst and give it your all and sometimes it's probably overwhelming. Don't give up on love Justin. Someday you're going to find someone who is worthy of everything that you have to offer and they'll return that love wholeheartedly." Lance sank back into his chair never taking his eyes away from Justin's face.
Justin thought over Lance's words for a moment and sighed. "I hope you're right Lance. But for now, I'm not even going to be LOOKING for anyone. I guess you could say that this was a big cause of my big hook-up bonanza."
Lance laughed. "Nice way to put it."
"Well, I don't think there's any gentle way to describe it," he said with a rueful smile. "Damn, what the hell was I doing all that time?"
"I don't know J," Lance said. "But it's damn good to have you back."
They talked and laughed through the rest of dinner, just taking the time to thoroughly enjoy each other's company. Justin excused himself to go to the bathroom and Lance's thoughts immediately turned serious. He was scared. Scared because he knew that his feelings for Justin were leaving the realm of the platonic, and scared because he didn't know how to control them. He wanted to be able to ignore them, but he knew that the more time he spent with Justin, the more they were going to grow. But he also couldn't bear to tear himself away from him. He had become so important to Lance and he realized that his friendship with Justin was one of the things that he treasured most. He had promised Justin that he would be there for him, and he wasn't about to back out now. Lance snapped out of his daze when Justin emerged from the bathroom.
"So, you ready to watch that movie?" Justin asked.
"Sure thing," Lance replied. "Let me just get these dishes together and put them in the hall. Go ahead and pick something out. It's your choice tonight."
"Cool, let's watch something scary," Justin said as he went through the list of available movies. "Ooh, `Scream 3.' We haven't seen that one yet. You wanna watch it?"
"Sounds good to me," Lance replied as he plopped down on the bed next to Justin.
"Where's my popcorn?" Justin asked. Lance groaned as he got up from the bed and headed out of the room and down to the vending machine, where they had bags of microwave popcorn.
Justin grinned happily, and settled back against the bed. He was actually amazed at how much fun he was having with Lance. He had gotten so caught up in the `high life' and in the stereotypical definition of fun, that he had forgotten what it was like to just hang out and be normal. It suddenly occurred to him that he was having more fun with Lance that night, than he had ever had with any of the girls he had met. He shrugged off the thought as Lance returned with the popcorn and threw it into the microwave.
They sat side by side on Justin's bed, with the bag of popcorn between them. They watched the movie intently while absently shoveling handfuls of popcorn into their mouths. They watched as a young girl walked down a hallway, unaware of the killer hiding in the shadows.
"No dummy, not THAT way," Justin yelled at the screen. He turned to Lance exasperated, "I swear, these movie girls are so dumb. They always walk right into the killer's hands."
Lance just smiled to himself at how Justin had become completely caught up in the movie. He was treasuring this moment with him, this closeness.
Suddenly, the killer lunged out of the shadows and attacked the clueless girl. Both boys jumped and Justin absentmindedly reached down and grabbed Lance's knee in his surprise. All of a sudden, the movie faded out for Lance and his eyes focused on the hand on his knee. He couldn't tear his eyes away from it and he felt as if his gaze might burn a hole right through Justin's hand. All he could feel was the heat radiating out of Justin's body through the hand on his leg. Justin moved his hand back up to the popcorn without tearing his eyes from the screen and he grabbed another handful and popped it into his mouth. Lance pushed aside his thoughts and returned his attention to the movie.
The movie ended and Justin stretched his arms above his head. "I guess we better get to bed," he said. "We've got another big day tomorrow." He groaned inwardly at the thought of interview upon interview where the same tired questions were asked. They both got ready for bed and lay on their own beds propping their heads up on one elbow and faced each other.
"Hey Lance. Tomorrow, I volunteer you to answer the question every time someone asks what the title `No Strings Attached' means," said Justin.
Lance smiled and thought for a moment. "Fine, but then you have to talk about our movie when they ask about it. I'm sick of talking about that thing."
Justin laughed. "Why? Just because we have no script, no director, and basically no idea what we're doing? Come on Lance. You are the all-time master of bullshit. We rely on you for that." He looked up at Lance and gave him one of his winning smiles. Lance blushed slightly as he looked down at the bedspread and mentally chided himself. `Come on, Lance. It's Justin. He's one of your best friends. Don't be an ass. It's not like he can see into your mind and read your thoughts.'
He grabbed a pillow from behind him and hurled it at Justin. "Oh wipe that shit-eating grin off your face. You can bullshit with the best of `em."
Justin ducked and caught the pillow as it sailed towards him. "Now it's on!" he yelled as he jumped up and smacked Lance over the head with it. Lance grabbed the other pillow out from behind him and they launched a full-out pillow fight on Lance's bed, each swinging and ducking and sliding all around the mattress, before collapsing on their backs side by side, breathless from their "war." Lance looked over at Justin's heaving chest and he noticed the sweat rolling down the side of his face. `Damn, I hate him. Why is his sweat even sexy?' On anyone else he would have thought it was gross and that they needed a shower or something. But not when it came to Justin. Lately he had found everything about Justin to be unbelievably sexy. That much he couldn't deny to himself.
Justin looked over and smiled. He treasured this moment. He had craved emotional intimacy for so long, and he felt that he had found it with Lance. He didn't know what it was, but something in his heart told him that he could trust him - that Lance would never intentionally hurt him. At this moment, he felt closer to Lance than he ever had to anyone in his life. He didn't know what it meant, but he knew that he never wanted this feeling to go away.
I promise that I won't keep you hanging on much longer. The heart of this story is in a relationship, not in a cat and mouse game of getting together, but I hate when things feel rushed. I know that you guys are ready for some action, and I swear that I'll be getting there soon!