Well I am a little bit superstitious about number 13, anyway hopefully this chapter won't turn you down guys :) Thanks for DJ/David who really gave me a nice input and offered me his help in checking this part; Keith [Brian n Keith] - hey you're still my best bud :); Yuli [check out the Dog :)] - please no ToyBox :); James - finally you're back :); Angel - This is what I call a loyal fan, guys :); Nate - ha ha ha ha :); Alain - Tiger from Frosted Flakes? :); Gene - guys, check his story "Singing 4 Wrighter", good way of writing a story :); Tom - Hoe gaat het met jou?; and others who keep reading this story. Thank You all Guys! Oh Yeah special Thanks to David - Nifty Archivist Please, I need your feedback for my story. Send it to Tonny at aspire34@go.com
Disclaimer This story is involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By continuing, you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of any celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely. The author takes no responsibility for anyone's actions based upon this work of fiction.
********************************************************************* WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL *********************************************************************
Previously on 'When you say nothing at all':
in the cafe. U?
I waited for 2 minutes for his response
Me too, just around the corner from the park. I'm waiting for my Choco :)
Now I was getting nervous about where the conversation was heading. Then a waiter came to give me my order.
"Sir! This is your decaf cappuccino," he gave me my order then he went to Kevin, "Sir, here's your hot Chocolate,"
I froze where I sat, then I stood up slowly from my chair and looked in Kevin's direction; Kevin did the same thing, looking back at me. Then we both sat down.
'O my God it's him!' I said to myself as I covered my mouth with my hand in shock. 'KR, Kevin Richardson. Shit! It's him' I was confused and panicking for a minute or so...
TONY?
CHAPTER 13: WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH
'O no! no no no! I gotta go...' I quickly ran to the cashier.
"Hi, I used that computer, and I ordered decaf cappuccino. How much?", I said in a flash to the waiter.
"Wait, it's all..." he said as he looked through his notes.
"Never mind! Keep the change!" I gave him $10 and left the cafe, running as quickly as possible.
"Tony! Wait!" Kevin shouted and tried to catch me. Kevin ran faster than I did, and he grabbed my shoulder to stop me. He turned me around to face him, and I just looked down.
"It's you, Aspire." Kevin smiled at me then he put his hand on my chin and put my face up.
"I'm so sorry. It's so embarrassing" I said to him.
"Sorry for what? I'm happy to see you. Finally, I can meet you in person. I can't believe it's you! We've been chatting for months, and I finally meet you here," Kevin looked at me with his happy face.
"Ok, so here I am. Please just go," I said calmly.
"What? Why?" Kevin said with puzzled expression.
"You hate me, right? I could see it. You've been giving me displeased looks the entire time since we left the studio."
"I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to upset you. But I'm happy I finally got to meet you here," he apologized. "Since you said 'it's none of your business' to Nick in the studio, I had a feeling that it was you. And I was right" he said in tears of joy.
"Look, I gotta go," I interrupted, but he grabbed my hand tightly.
"Please, don't go yet. Can we talk for awhile?" he looked at me with eyes full of hope. "Please? It won't be long".
I nodded, and then we both went back to the park that we had used for dinner a few minutes ago. I sat on the grass and looked at the full moon on the horizon. Kevin took a seat next to me. We just kept silent until Kevin turned his head to see me. I kept watching the view.
"I still can't believe that we met here," Kevin broke the silence and I looked at him. "Since we were chatting, I was hoping that I could meet you someday."
"Why?" I asked him.
"I dunno. I really enjoy chatting with you."
"O please, Kev. Every time I've chatted with you, I kept asking you to 'go away'," I replied jokingly, causing Kevin to laugh lightly.
"You like 'Sleepless in Seattle' right?" Kevin asked me.
"My favorite."
"So, you do believe in signs?"
"Yeah, pretty much," I smiled at him.
"Me, too," he replied softly, "I could feel the sign now."
"Really?" I looked at him, puzzled.
"When we chatted the first time, I really didn't know you at all. Yet, somehow I felt something about it, about you actually. The sign that told me 'this is the one for you'."
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"I feel something towards you."
"Kevin, you know that I'm gay, and you're not. You have a girlfriend already," I reminded him.
"I don't know, but I can't describe this feeling. Wait. I didn't tell you that I have a girlfriend."
"Yes, you did. During the taping, you told me and your fans that you're seeing someone at the moment," I reminded him.
"Ton, come on. You know what this business is like. You want me to tell my fans that I'm gay?"
"You're WHAT?"
"I'm sorry that I kept hiding this from you, but I didn't want it to appear that I liked you while we were chatting."
"Good!" I gasped.
"But I do now."
"Stop it! Kevin, I'm involved with someone, and you know that. You lied to me all this time, while I kept telling you the truth. And now you're saying that you have feelings for me? We've just met, Kevin...we've just met," I said sadly.
"I'm sorry for lying to you, but now that I've met you...I can't lie about my feelings. We're meant to be together." Suddenly he kissed me. I was so shocked that I pushed him back.
"What were you just doing?!?" I shouted. As I stood up, he got up, too, and tried to get closer to me. "STAY BACK, KEVIN! STAY BACK!" I yelled as I was welling up with tears.
"I'm so sorry, Ton," he tried to fix the situation. I shook my head no.
"I don't have feeling for you Kevin. I'm involved, and I love him," I said sternly as I took a few steps back.
"I'm sorry for kissing you, Ton. Please don't go! Can't we just be friends?" he apologized. I saw a vacant taxi passing by, so I stopped the Taxi and took off without saying a word to Kevin.
"TONY! WAIT!" Kevin shouted as he ran to try to catch the taxi.
After half an hour, I arrived at the hotel and went straight to my room. I thought Alex was asleep, but he wasn't.
"Tony! What's wrong?" Alex asked me after seeing bloodshot in my eyes.
"Nothing," I said as I took off my shoes.
"Ton, what happened? Please tell me!" Alex grabbed my shoulder, the same place as Kevin grabbed me last time, and I jerked away from his hands.
"NOTHING! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" I yelled at him, and he jumped back a little bit. "I'm sorry Alex, I'm just tired, I have to go to bed now," I apologized for yelling at him, and he just nodded.
ORLANDO-FL 10:24 21/05/1999
I woke up to someone knocking at the door. I looked over and I saw Alex still asleep.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Room service," said a man's voice.
"You maybe called a wrong..." I opened the door, and Justin jumped in at me, hugging me.
"I miss you," Justin kissed me.
"Justin, do you mind? Alex is in here," I stopped him.
"Oops, sorry!" Justin stopped kissing me.
"That's cool. So what's up?" I laughed.
"What do you have planned for today?" he asked me with smile.
"I dunno, I'm all yours!" I giggled.
"Arrrgghh, I like that," Justin grinned.
"Aaa...aaa... Not that one," I pushed him lightly .
"I know...I know...How about Disneyworld?" he asked me.
"Yeah I would love to" I replied with full enthuthiasm. "Let me take a shower first OK?"
"Can I join you?" Justin grinned at me.
"Yeah, you wish. Why don't you try to wake Alex...ask him whether he wants to join us at Disney?" I said as I closed the bathroom door.
I finished with my shower 20 minutes later. I wore a white T-shirt and jeans, just trying to be casual.
"I'm ready now," I exclaimed.
"Great, Ton. He doesn't want to go," Justin pointed at Alex who still asleep.
"Alex! Wake up!" I shook his body.
"Ton, I don't want to go. I'm not feeling well today," he replied softly.
"Do you want me to take you to see a doctor?" I asked, concerned.
"Na, I just need to stay in bed for today. I'm still tired from yesterday's taping. Just go, have fun!...I'll be fine," Alex assured me.
"Ok. Please call Justin's mobile if you need me, OK?" I said as I tucked him with blanket, and he nodded.
"Let's go!" I said to Justin as we walked out of my room. "We should take the guys with us. It should be fun," I said, excited.
"Ok, let me call them, and we'll meet them at Disney World," Justin said as he dialed some numbers with his mobile.
I should admit that Disney World is the best theme park ever. It's even better than the Movie World in Gold Coast. We spent the whole day at Disney World. It was so much fun hanging out with the guys, especially Justin. We tried to take every ride, but the park was so huge that I couldn't try all of them in one day. At 18:30, we decided to leave and head to the restaurant. Justin had made a reservation already, so the waiter immediately took us to a very large table.
"Wow! This place is wonderful," I smiled to Justin.
"Yeah, great meals, too," Joey interrupted, and I just laughed at his remark.
"Why did you ask for such a large table, Just?" I asked him.
"We have a surprise for ya!" Justin whispered to me as the others giggled.
"Surprise? For me? What is it?" I took a seat next to Justin.
"Just wait, Ton!" JC played along.
"Ok," I smiled at him.
"There they are!" Justin pointed to the front door.
When I looked to where Justin pointed, I saw it was the Backstreet Boys. I was as shocked as if I was hit by lightning. They hadn't seen us yet. I saw Kevin leading the group.
"Excuse me! I have to go to the restroom," I stood up and ran.
"What the hell?" Lance surprised to see me ran away just like that.
"Is he OK?" Chris asked, concerned.
"Let me check on him. Why don't you go meet them, OK?" Justin moved to the restroom to find me.
Meanwhile, I washed my face with water. I was so nervous to meet Kevin. Then Justin walked in.
"Tony, what happened? Are you ok?" Justin saw how nervous I was. "You are shaking and sweating, Ton! Are you all right?" Justin held my hand.
"Can I just go?" I looked at him, pleading.
"Why?" Justin was worried about me.
"I don't want to meet him," I said softly.
"Him? Who?" Justin looked puzzle.
"Remember KR? My friend on ICQ?" I asked, a bit scared.
"Yeah...So?"
"It's Kevin, KR, Kevin Richardson, I just found out last night. We went to a cafe where we both logged in. It was HIM!" I expected Justin would be angry, because he was jealous about this before. Justin just kept silent. Suddenly, he burst out laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha he's...he's Kevin ha ha ha," Justin laughed out loud while I stood confused at his reaction.
"Justin! Can you stop laughing?" I raised my voice.
"ha ha sorry Tony...Kevin? Geez we're best friends, Ton. Don't worry about it."
"No, I can't meet him. Can I use the back door?"
"Tony, you can't just run away like that. They know you already remember?" Justin pushed me out of the restroom.
"But! But!" I protested.
"Ton, I made the reservation tonight just for ya, Please?" Justin gave me one of his loving looks. I would have felt really bad if I turned him down, so I followed him. I was hiding behind him, hoping they wouldn't see me.
"Hi Justin! Where have you been?" Brian asked Justin as I was still hiding behind him.
"Hi guys! I just went to the toilet to find my best friend," Justin replied as he tried to push me out to meet the guys.
"Who?" AJ asked. Then Justin moved behind me quickly.
"TONY!" Nick jumped from his seat and hugged me. "Hi!"
"Would you mind?" Justin separated us as he gave me a seat next to him, and directly opposite of Kevin.
"Hi guys!" I replied shyly as the guys looked at me with smile. Kevin gave me those stares again.
"Please don't tell me that you interviewed them too?" Brian asked jokingly.
"No, they are my friends," I replied to his question as Kevin tried to figure out what was going on.
"Ok, let's make some orders then," Joey said as he called the waitress.
The dinner was supposed to be so enjoyable, but Kevin kept staring at me the whole time, which made me really uncomfortable. Fortunately, Nick, AJ, Brian, Joey, and Chris were being jokers that night. All evening, I just looked down at my food, every time Kevin sent me that signal.
"Ton, you haven't eaten your meat yet?" Justin asked me.
"I'm not hungry, the salad is enough for me," I looked at Justin.
"Are you feeling ok?" Justin looked concern as the others stared at me now.
"Yeah," I smiled, "Sorry, guys, I have to go back to my hotel. It's nice to meet you all." I stood up.
"You're leaving already?" Nick asked me.
"Sorry guys, Alex is not feeling well today. I have to look after him," I said as I ignored Kevin stare.
"I will take you back to your hotel, then you're going to stay at my place tonight," Justin stood up from his chair. And I could see that Kevin had figured out the whole thing.
"No, you have guests in here, and I'm staying in the hotel tonight," I walked off but Justin grabbed my hand to stop me.
"No! You stayed at the hotel last night, and you're going to leave tomorrow. You have to stay in my house tonight," Justin said sternly.
"Justin, Alex is sick, I can't just leave him," I lied.
"He's fine, you heard what he said this morning, right?" Justin argued with me as he grabbed me tighter.
"Hey Justin, why are you insisted him to stay with you anyway? He has to go, so let him go," Brian interrupted "NO! He's my boyfriend," Justin said it loud to the guys. I was shocked in an instant that he had actually told the others about us.
"WHAT?!?" AJ, Nick, Howie, and Brian exclaimed in surprise.
"You...You..." Nick looked at me and tried to finish his sentence. My tears fell as I was humiliated in front of them. Kevin and the rest of N'Sync gang looked sincerely at me. I jerked my hand away from Justin's, and I ran as fast as I could from the restaurant.
"TONY! WAIT!" Justin ran after me; Kevin just watched us ran away. The others kept silent; Nick, AJ, Howie, and Brian were still in shock after what had just happened.
I ran away from the restaurant. I stopped at the empty alley, and I sat down on the ground. I covered my face with my hands and cried. I felt angry, ashamed, humiliated, and sad; it was all mixed up. Then I realized someone was kneeling down in front of me.
"Tony," Justin called me softly.
"Just leave me alone, Justin. Please," I sobbed.
"I'm sorry, Ton," he put his hand on mine to open my face.
"Sorry! Sorry! I'm sick of hearing that word from you! You just humiliated me in front of them," I said angrily.
"Ton, they knew about me being gay already. Don't worry about it," Justin tried to calm me down.
"What about me? HUH? WHAT ABOUT ME?! What about my feelings? You're hurting my feelings. I've kept hiding our relationship from the public for your own good. Now you shouted to the whole restaurant about us. How could you? I should be the one who told them, not YOU!" I looked at him.
"I'm sorry, Ton, I don't mean to hurt you. Don't worry about it. They will be cool about this," Justin replied and I stood up. "Where are you going?" he asked me as he stood up too.
"I'm going back to my Hotel," I replied softly.
"I'm going with you," he followed me.
"NO! Please just leave me alone," I requested and he grabbed my hand.
"Ton, please?" he tried to hold his tears, and I looked at his hands on mine.
"Please take your hands off of me," and he quickly withdrew his hands from me. "I need some time off from you. Please give me some time and space," I looked at him, and I walked off from the alley.
"Tony! I'm sorry" Justin called me as he was crying hard. I called a cab and left him.
Justin just stood crying as he saw me leave him alone. After 5 minutes, he decided to go back to the restaurant to meet his friends. Just as he was about to walk in, the others exited the restaurant.
"Justin, where is he?" Chris asked with a concerned look.
"Is he OK?" Nick jumped in.
"I hurt his feelings, and he left," Justin cried as he looked at the guys.
"What do you mean, he left?" JC asked him.
"He need time off from me guys. I was so stupid," Justin blamed himself.
"Justin, it wasn't your fault," Lance tried to calm his friend.
"So where is he now?" Kevin spoke up.
"He's going back to his Hotel. He hates me now," Justin replied.
"Did he tell you that he hates you?" Brian asked.
"No," Justin replied softly.
"See! He doesn't hate you. Just give him some time, OK?" Brian hugged Justin to calm him.
"Justin, we are sorry how we reacted in the restaurant," AJ said.
"We're just surprised that he is your boyfriend, not because he's gay," Howie added. Nick nodded for agreement.
"I know," Justin broke his hug from Brian. "It's not your fault, guys" Justin tried to smile.
BACK AT MY HOTEL
Before I opened the door, I wiped the tears from my face so Alex wouldn't suspect anything. I opened the door, and Alex was watching the TV.
"Hey Ton! How was Disney?" Alex looked at me.
"Great! The best theme park ever," I smiled, "Feeling better?"
"Yeah," he turned his attention back to the TV.
"Alex, I want to go to sleep now. If anyone comes looking for me, just tell him or her I don't want to be bothered," I took off my shoes.
"Ha?" he looked at me oddly," Is something wrong?"
"Nah, I'm just tired and want to sleep," I lied to him. "We have an early flight to New York, right?"
"Ok," he replied, puzzled, as he turned the volume down a little.
I lay down and turned on my side away from Alex. 'Justin, why?' I asked myself as I dropped my tears again. Finally, I fell asleep.
ORLANDO-FL 06:15 22/05/1999
I woke up a little bit early today. I packed my stuff and took a shower. I saw Alex still asleep. We had a 10:30 flight to New York, so I decided to let him sleep a little bit longer. I left him a note, telling him that I was going for awhile and would be back by 9. I called a cab and went to Justin's home. I knocked on the door and waited until Lynn opened the door.
"Tony?" Lynn greeted me.
"Hi, Lynn," I smiled.
"What happened last night? Justin looked terrible last night," Lynn said, concerned
"Did he? Can I talk to him please?" I asked her.
"He's still asleep but I'll wake him up" Lynn said.
"No, please, I'll just wait if you don't mind," I looked at her.
"Sure. Please, come in" she ushered me to come in.
"Thanks," I walked to living room and sat on the couch.
"Do you want anything?"
"No, I'll be fine."
"Ton, I should go to work and take Jonathan to school."
"That's fine. I'll be waiting in here till 8:30. I have to go to NY."
"Really? Does Justin know?"
"Yes."
"TONY!" Jonathan ran towards me.
"Hello, big guy!" I smiled to him.
"Where have you been? You promised to play a game with me!" Jonathan was excited.
"I'm sorry, Jon. I'm really busy, but I promise, I'll play with you when I come to Orlando again, OK?"
"OK, I have new game, Ton," he said proudly.
"Jonathan, we have to go," Lynn called him.
"Ok, Mom! Bye, Ton!" he kissed my cheek and ran toward his mom.
"I have to go now. Have a nice trip," Lynn said.
"Thanks," I smiled.
I just sat in the quiet living room, waiting and waiting until Justin woke up. I waited for an hour, until it was 8:20. I had decided to leave him a note when I heard the sound of a door opening from upstairs. It was probably JC or Chris, so I continued to scribble the note.
"Tony!" Justin called me softly as he saw me from the stairs. I turned to see him.
"Hi," I replied softly, then he ran toward the couch.
"How long have you been here?" he asked. He looked terrible that morning.
"About an hour."
"Why don't you call me?"
"I don't want to wake you up, Just," I took the note and tore it into pieces. I stood up, "I just want to say good bye," I tried to smile.
"I'm going to New York in 2 hours, then straight to Singapore after the interview." I continued.
"Ton, I'm sorry about last night. Please forgive me," Justin started to cry. I nodded and I walked to the front door.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I should go back to the hotel and straight to the airport," I stopped without looking at him.
"Let me take you!" he came to me.
"No! That's ok. I'll take a cab," I softly replied.
"Please, don't do this to me. I'm sorry. I was stupid," Justin blamed himself as he slapped his face repeatedly. I came to him and grabbed his hand.
"Stop hurting yourself. I'm not mad at you. You have a lot of work to do with the guys. I'll call you from NY," I kissed him. "Please say thanks to the others. I really had a great time here," I let his hand off. As I left him, he was still sobbing.
MIAMI AIRPORT-FL 10:10 22/05/1999
"Hey! We don't sit side by side. Oh, man, this is far from your seat," Alex complained, as he looked his boarding pass.
"Oh please, 'lex! It's only a two and half hour flight," I said as we both proceeded to the boarding gate.
"Hm, I just don't like sitting with a stranger next to me," Alex pouted.
We both sat in the economy class. Alex sat near the front in 20B, while I sat at the back of the plane in a window seat. I took my seat and started browsing the in-flight magazine. No one sat next to me at first, but 5 minutes before they wanted to close the door, a guy in black, wearing sunglasses and hat, boarded and sat next to me. Then the stewardess gave the flight safety instructions, and in 15 minutes the plane took off. I finished reading the magazine so I put it back to the pouch in front of me.
"May I borrow the magazine?" the guy next to me spoke; the sound was so familiar.
"Sure," I gave him the magazine, and he took off his glasses. I was so surprised who he was.
"KEVIN! What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise.
"I'm going to NY too, I have to deal with some business," he replied and I knew that he was lying to me,
"By yourself? Kev, you've already lied to me before. If you want to keep it that way, it's up to you," I said in disbelief. I took out my headphones to hear some music, but he stopped me.
"Wait! I'm sorry. We need to talk, please."
"I'm listening," I put my headphones back.
"I have to make a lot of apologies to you. First, I'm sorry I kissed you in that park. What I did was wrong," he took one deep breath. "Last night, it was all my fault, I'm sorry for causing a problem between you and Justin," he tried to hold his tears. "Last one, I'm sorry for lying to you," he looked down. "Please forgive me. I know, I can't have you as my boyfriend, but can we still be friends, please?" he looked back at me. "I've been traveling a lot, Ton, but I've never met someone special like you, not even with the guys. I don't want to loose you as a friend, Ton," he covered his face to hide that he was crying.
What he had just told me really melted my heart, and I did believe that he had good intentions for me, so I took his hand off his face.
"I can still be your friend," I said softly.
"Really?" he looked happily.
"Thats what you want, right?" I asked him back.
"Yeah," he smiled as he wiped his tears. "So, you and Justin?"
"Yeah, I'm involved with Justin, and I love him. But please, don't tell anyone about this," I begged him.
"Ok, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Did you tell Justin about that night in the park?" he worried.
"No. It was a mistake, right?"
"That was the stupidest mistake I've ever made. I'm sorry," he apologized.
"That's enough, Kev. So what's new, KR?" I joked and he laughed.
It seemed I could get along with him very well. It was so weird. We chatted for months, but finally we did a real 'live' chat, face to face. I told him about everything, including meeting Justin and getting the job with MTV. Kevin told me about himself and his busy schedule with the tours. Somehow I could see something from his eyes when he looked at me, which said 'please give me a chance'. But, he knew that I drew a thin line. If he crossed it, he was going to loose me as his best friend.
After the two and half-hour of flight, we arrived in New York. Kevin decided to fly back to Florida. I was quite surprised that he took the same flight as me just to apologize to me. Anyway, he actually didn't have a plan in NY, and he had a lot of work to do with the guys, especially preparing for their European tour. He had to join the guys back so they could resume their European tours to Spain, Belgium, Netherlands, France, and, finally, England.
From the airport, Alex and I went to the Paramount Hotel, which Michael had already booked for us. For the rest of the day, we prepared our stuff for the interview the next day, which we had to do in the morning around 10, in MTV's studio.
NEW YORK 18:00 22/05/1999
Everything was working on schedule. We were very pleased to meet Jennifer Lopez. She was very nice. On the show, we also dared her to play our game 'MTV LAND CHALLENGE'. She had to pick from three envelopes. She picked one, which requested that she do an impersonation of her favorite artist. She did Tina Turner, and it was hilarious.
The rest of the day, we did quick sightseeing of NYC. We even visited SOHO; the place was fabulous. But around 5, Alex decided to go back to the hotel, and I had another plan. It was my long time dream to visit the Empire State Building if I ever got to NY. Why? It reminded me of 'Sleepless in Seattle'. I don't know why that movie really sank deep inside my brain. I went to the top of the building seeing a beautiful scene of New York City in the evening. I really enjoyed the view until the sun was gone. But I was interrupted by someone who called my name...
"Tony," someone called me and I turned around.
TBC
Okay who called Tony this time? Hmmm A lot of surprises...Well just wait ok. Please I need your feedback...bad or good always welcome : aspire34@go.com
THANKS FOR READING :)