Author Notes:
Hi all! Thanks for your great feedback from last chapter, a lot of shocking hey? Well that's only a story. Better hold on tight for this one. This chapter is quite long, so better grab some soft drink and snacks, then enjoy ? As usual, my appreciation speech to: Tim R. [Love your 'from out of the ashes']; Yuli [Yeaahhhh finally no more exams!]; Jam [that's gross hehehe]; Adam [I know a little bit controversy]; Matt [so Tony n Justin while Kevin n JC? Hmmmm]; another Matt [keep searching and rescuing man :)]; Myriddian [How's your final going?]; Gene [OO man I have 'week from hell']; Alain [okay here's your savage garden song]; Jason [I granted your 'whishes of the heart']; another Jason [how is your JC & Jason?]; Tom [here I am :)]; Matt B. [great feedback, now lets worship Kevin, shall we?]; Matt R.L. [another chance?]; Angel [Okay guys listen up! Nick is for Angel, okay!]; Brandon [welcome to the family]; David [Thanks for the space in Nifty]; David [can I? Pleaseeee]; and all of you who keep following this story, BIG THANK YOU. As usual, please keep the feedbacks coming to: Tonny at aspire34@go.com
Disclaimer This story is involving homosexuality. Do not continue if this will offend you. If accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now. By continuing, you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual preference of any member of any celebrities named herein. It is a work of fiction entirely. The author takes no responsibility for anyone's actions based upon this work of fiction.
********************************************************************* WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL ********************************************************************* Previously on 'When you say nothing at all':
Howie and Nick left the room. I put the plate on the table next to me. Kevin still kept staring at me from his bed. I turned myself on my side so I didn't look at Kevin directly. Kevin noticed that I was ignoring him. He stood up and sat on my bed. He put his hand on my shoulder as small tears fell from my eyes.
"Ton...," Kevin called me softly.
"Please, Kev, you don't love me anymore,"
"No, I still love you, no matter what," Kevin replied. I turned back at him and sat up.
"DAMN IT! Don't you get it? I'd been used already." I yelled at him, then I felt sorry for snapping at him, "I'm sorry, Kev. You are a good guy, and you deserve someone much better than me. Please not me." I looked down, then continued, "I'm going tomorrow, don't worry about me." I wiped my tears.
CHAPTER 19: LOVE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE
"No, please don't go. I need you, and you need me. I make my own decisions, and my decision is that I still love you. " Kevin sobbed.
"No, Kev," I shook my head.
"I told you before, I won't give up so easily on you," Kevin hugged me.
"It's hard for me to love you, Kev." I sobbed.
"We, you and I, should try," Kevin said to me sternly. I didn't reply because my words were lost on him. I put my chin on his shoulder, and we fell asleep on my bed.
THE NEXT DAY
I woke up earlier than usual. It was only 06:15. I saw Kevin still asleep next to me and got up carefully so I wouldn't wake him up. I went downstairs, heading to the kitchen to make some breakfast. I stopped as AJ stepped in the front door.
"Morning, Ton" AJ greeted me tiredly.
"How is he?" I asked him back. AJ took a deep breath.
"He is not good at all. He is in intensive care," he replied sadly.
"What? So who's waiting with him at the hospital?" I asked worriedly.
"Chris," AJ softly replied. "He asked me to go home for some rest."
"Okay. Why don't you take a rest? I'm going to the hospital to see him. Which hospital?"
"Ton," AJ stopped me, "I don't think you should..."
"AJ!" I screamed. "Which hospital?"
"Princeton," he finally answered. I ran upstairs to my room to change.
"Ton..." AJ tried to stop me from going to hospital.
"Go to sleep, AJ!" I ordered him and walked in to my room.
Kevin was still sleeping peacefully. I looked at him for a minute or so, then I picked my clothes out of my bag and rushed to the bathroom for a quick shower. After 5 minutes, I left the bathroom. Kevin noticed this and woke up.
"Where are you going?" he asked, and I froze for a minute.
"To the hospital," I replied softly as I took my wallet.
"What?!? Why?" Kevin yelled.
"I want to see him," I replied.
"NO! You can't go. I won't let you see him anymore," Kevin stepped up in front of me, blocking my way.
"Try to stop me, Kev," I challenged him. I pushed him aside and walked out of our room. AJ saw this as he opened his door to see what was going on.
"I won't take you there!" Kevin snapped back.
"Well, I didn't ask you to take me. I can go by myself, thank you," I walked down the stairs. Kevin ran to catch me. He managed to grab one of my hands and stop me.
"Please, don't go," he begged me helplessly.
"I'm sorry, Kev. I need to see him. I have to," I said as I held back my tears. Kevin sighed as he couldn't stand to see me in tears.
"Okay, I'll take you to the hospital. Wait here. Give me 10 minutes to get ready, okay?" Kevin changed his mind.
"Thank you," I replied happily.
PRINCETON HOSPITAL 07:30
Kevin and I searched for the ICU. We found Chris sitting on a chair outside the room, asleep. I hated to wake him up, but I really needed to know about Justin. I shook him lightly, and he woke up slowly.
"Chris," I called him softly.
"Ton...Kev..." he realized that we were there. "How are you?" I didn't answer.
"How is he?" I asked him back instead.
"I don't know. I'm still waiting on news from the doctor," Chris replied sadly. I took a seat next to him and Kevin sat next to me.
"Have you called his mom and the guys?"
"Yah, they are all on their way back. Maybe in 5 or 6 hours," Chris answered, and I nodded.
"Don't worry. He'll be fine," Kevin finally spoke up. I just replied with a smile. Then the doctor came to us.
"Mr. Kirkpatrick." Chris, Kevin, and I stood up.
"Yeah Doc, any news yet?" Chris asked.
"Yes. Who are they?" he pointed at Kevin and I.
"They are my best friends. This is Kevin, who I'm sure you know," Chris introduced Kevin, and Kevin shook the doctor's hand, "and this is Tony." I shook his hand, also.
"Nice to meet you, guys. I'm Dr. Stephen, the doctor in charge of Mr. Timberlake."
"So, how is he?" I asked impatiently.
"Hmmm, I have a bad news at the moment," Dr. Stephen said. I froze when he said that. "Justin has complications. His kidneys aren't functioning properly. His left kidney isn't functioning at all. His right one is working, but not at 100%. We can keep him stable with a dialysis machine for the time being, but it can't keep him alive for very long."
Chris and I were both shaking while hearing the news. Chris couldn't say anything as he was still in shock.
"So, what can you do to help him?" Kevin asked the doctor.
"I'm not sure, but we can only keep him alive for another 2 hours or so," he replied.
"NO!" I screamed. "Please do something. You must know something, please?" I begged him.
"Well I can perform a kidney transplant. Usually the patient has about a 70% chance of survival, but given Justin's condition, it's only about 50%" Dr. Stephen explained.
I looked at Kevin and Chris for an answer, but they appeared to be clueless on the options, too.
"Well, let's do it then." I looked at the doctor.
"It's very risky, but we can do it if you insist. I will need consent from his parents or legal guardian," Dr. Stephen said.
"But his mom won't be here for another 5 or 6 hours," Chris finally spoke up.
"I'm sorry, guys, but those are the rules," Dr. Stephen replied.
"DAMN IT!" I yelled at him. "He has less than 2 hours to live, and you're thinking about the stupid rules. Your job is to save people. Please, just this once, bend the rules a little. We will take full responsibility," I said sternly. Chris and Kevin nodded for agreement.
The doctor thought for awhile, all of us looking at him and hoping for agreement from him.
"Okay, I'll do it, but you still need to sign the papers," Dr. Stephen said sternly. We all let out sigh of relief. "But there's still another problem."
"What now!?!" Chris said, annoyed.
"We need a donor, and we can't just put your friend on the top of the list, because there are a lot of other people already waiting. And we have to do this operation quickly or..." he didn't finish his sentence.
We all kept silent as we were faced with some difficult choices. I opened the door slightly and saw Justin lying on the bed, hooked up to several machines. I couldn't stand to see him like that. I looked back to the doctor and took a deep breath.
"Take mine." I said as I tried to hold in my tears, "I have the same blood type as him. You should be able to get a tissue match, and the chance of my kidney being rejected is small."
Kevin and Chris looked as if they'd been hit by lightning, especially Kevin, after hearing my decision.
"NO! NOOOOO! You can't do that!" Kevin screamed and turned me around to face him.
"Would you excuse us for a minute, doc?" I took Kevin and Chris away from the doctor.
"Please don't do this! You've done enough for him. He doesn't love you anymore," Kevin begged, as he cried harder. Chris just kept silent.
"Kev, I can't let him die. Please, you have to understand this. I know he hates me, but I can't just sit here and do nothing while he dies," I explained as I looked into his teary eyes.
"But why? WHY?" Kevin asked me.
"Kev, I'd do the same thing if it'd happened to you. It's not about Justin. I'd do the same thing for you, Kev." I replied, and he realized what I said and looked down.
"Let me do it, Ton." Chris asked.
"Please, don't argue with me too, Chris," I looked at Chris. "This is not a game. You heard the chance is 50-50. I know that I have the same blood type as Justin, so the rejection factor is smaller." That made Chris silent, too.
I looked at Kevin and Chris, and they both looked down in silence. Then I walked back to see the doctor.
"Let's do it. Where do we have to sign?" I asked Dr. Stephen.
"Okay, let me tell you the procedure..." Dr. Stephen wanted to explain something, but I cut him off.
"I TRUST YOU! Just do it quickly, okay? The clock is ticking," I snapped at him, and he understood. We walked into the surgical area, which was not far from Justin's ICU room.
"Ton!" Kevin called me softly. Chris stood next to him, and both of them were crying as we entered the surgery area.
"I'll be fine, guys. Just pray for me, okay?" I smiled at them. Then Dr. Stephen and I entered the operating room. He needed to check me over before performing the surgery. I began to change into a hospital gown.
"Jesus! What happened to your body?" Dr. Stephen looked at me in horror.
"Long story, Doc. Let's just do it, okay?" I replied.
AFTER SURGERY
When I woke up from the anesthesia, I felt so sleepy, but I did my best to open my eyes wide. I opened my hospital gown slightly and saw a quite large white patch along the right side of my stomach. I could still feel the pain a little. I looked over to my side and saw Kevin asleep with his head resting on the edge of my bed. 'He really loves me, but he doesn't deserve to go through all of this' I said to myself. Then Nick came in to see me. He was so happy that I was awake.
"Tony! You're awake," Nick said so loud that Kevin woke up from his sleep. Nick ran to me and tried to hug me as I lay on the bed.
"How are you, Nick? And what are you doing here?" I smiled at him.
"I'm fine. Kevin explained to us about everything that happened." Nick replied sadly. I looked at Kevin, who looked at me from my other side.
"Kev, you should go home and sleep. I'm fine now," I smiled at him, and he shook his head.
"No, I want to stay here, and you don't have to argue about it," Kevin kissed my forehead.
"I know, but you need change your clothes. You've been wearing those clothes since this morning, I'd guess. Plus, you haven't taken a shower yet, right?" I said to him, but he ignored me as he rolled his eyes.
"Kev, no offence, but a hospital should be sterile, and with that smell on you, I think the germs can jump into me," I teased him. Nick laughed out loud.
"Hey! I don't smell that bad," Kevin pouted as he sniffed himself, then joined in the laughter. Howie and AJ came in with flowers and balloons.
"What? What? Are we missing something?" AJ asked as he held the balloons. I giggled since I've never pictured AJ with colorful balloons in his hand.
"OO Nothing. Kevin is just stinky," Nick teased Kevin.
"Hey watch out, Nick!" Kevin warned him jokingly.
"Ummm guys, I'm 22yo. I don't think I need balloons to cheer me up," I giggled at AJ.
"The balloon is not my idea, it's Nick," AJ tied the balloon to the frame of my bed.
"You don't like balloons?" Nick said sadly.
"Well, if it's from the cutest member of the Backstreet Boys, then I really love it," I smiled at Nick, and he blushed shyly.
"I thought you said that I'm the cutest one," Kevin protested.
"Kev, how old are you? Don't you feel too old to declare yourself 'cute'?" I teased him, "You are gorgeous, okay." I said to him. He turned red all over his face as all of us laughed.
"Where's Brian?" I asked them seriously.
"He went to Kentucky to visit some relatives. But he's on his way back here," Kevin replied. I couldn't say anything but just nodded.
"Do we have a small party going on in here?" Dr. Stephen said as he walked in. We all stopped laughing.
"Umm no," Kevin replied as he stood up from his chair.
"How are you, Ton?" Dr. Stephen asked me.
"I'm fine," I replied. Then he started to check me out.
"Yeah, everything seems fine with you, but I have to keep you in here for another 24 hours, just to make sure that everything is okay," Dr. Stephen smiled.
"Doc, how is Justin?" I asked him. I saw the smile fade from his face.
"I'm not sure yet, Ton," Dr. Stephen replied, and I frowned, "The first 24 hours after the operation is the critical time. We can only wait and see whether his body will accept your kidney." I was so sad hearing that news. AJ, Nick, and Howie just looked down, while Kevin squeezed my hands for support.
"Can I see him?" I asked in a trembling voice as I tried to hide my sadness.
"Ton, you need a lot of rest," Kevin told me.
"Please, guys, I have to see him. Come on," a tear slipped from my eyes. Kevin was looking at Dr. Stephen, and he nodded his approval.
"Okay, just wait in here, and I'll bring a wheelchair. You can't walk at the moment," Kevin spoke up. I just smiled at him and wiped away my tears.
After a few minutes, Kevin came back with a wheelchair and took me from the bed to set me in the chair. Then we all left for Justin's room. Actually it wasn't too far, just 2 doors down from mine. Dr. Stephen opened the door, and Kevin pushed me in. There were a lot of people in the room. I saw JC, Lance, Joey, Chris, and Lynn. I couldn't look at them, so I just looked down.
"I'm sorry, but please let me see him for just a minute, then I'll go," I said as tears started welling up in my eyes. Then, all of a sudden, Lynn came to me and hugged me.
"I'm so sorry, Ton. I'm a horrible person, not to mention a bad mom," Lynn said through tears, "I'm the one who made..." and I cut her off.
"I know, Lynn. Jimmy told me already," I said as I kept looking down.
"No, I have to clear up this whole thing," Lynn continued, then stood up. She looked at the guys from Nsync, who were confused. "Actually I'm the one who broke up Tony and Justin. At first, I really didn't like the fact that my baby loved Tony. Since I couldn't take a risk of making my baby hate me, I called Jimmy to come. We planned all of this. I really wanted to make Justin hate Tony, so Jimmy came up with the idea of the rape. He drugged you, Ton," Lynn looked at me. "You didn't rape him." I couldn't stop the tears flowing from my eyes as I heard this. JC, Lance, and Joey were so surprised. "But I can't believe that Jimmy would do such a thing to Justin. I'm glad that you saved my baby." Lynn buried her face in her hands as she was so ashamed of herself.
I wiped the tears off of my face. I saw some people in the room also crying. I tried to push my wheelchair closer to Lynn, and I pulled her hands away from her face.
"Lynn, that's okay. I know you love your son very much. You did that because you care for him," I said to her. She was touched by my words and hugged me again. Then JC, Lance, and Joey came to me.
"Ton, we...we are..." JC wanted to say something.
"Save it, guys. I know you all love Justin, too. I forgive you," I said to them.
Lance, JC, and Joey just looked down, still feeling guilty at treating me badly. I rolled my wheelchair closer to Justin and saw him with several machines attached to him. 'Please God, save him, please.' I prayed as tears welled up in my eyes.
"Please, Ton. You have to get back together with Justin. He needs you," Lynn looked at me from the other side of the bed. Kevin looked at me worriedly when he heard that. I think his heart stopped beating as he waited for my answer.
"I can't," I replied softly.
"WHAT?" Lynn and the guys from Nsync were shocked. I saw Kevin let out a sigh of relief.
"Why, Ton? Don't you love him anymore?" Lance asked me.
"I do love him, but he doesn't trust me at all. I was hurt at the fact that Justin believed Jimmy more than me," I wiped my tears away. "Please do me a favor, guys? I don't want what happened here and what we're discussing here to be heard by anyone. I want you all, everybody in this room, to keep this secret. Everything, including the surgery thing. Please?" I begged them.
"No one should know about this! Especially Justin," I looked down again.
"Ton, I should come clean to my son," Lynn stated bluntly.
"Please, Lynn. I want Justin to trust me because he believes in me 100%, not because of someone telling him the truth. If he loves me, he should believe in me, no matter what other people say. And he can't do that." I gasped, "Please?" I begged them.
I looked at each one of them. They all tried to hold their tears, but Lynn couldn't. After a long silence, they all finally nodded for agreement. With Lynn, I had to stare straight into her eyes until she finally agreed with me.
"Thank you," I smiled at them, then I looked at Justin, "Please, Justin, wake up! Don't do this to me again, come on, you can do it again," I flashed back to when I was Justin came to visit me in Perth, but, at the end, he was sick. I had to take care of him all night.
"I beg you, Just! WAKE UP!" I cried harder as I held his hand and kissed it. I buried my face in his hand, then I felt his finger start.
"He's waking up!" I looked at him. Everybody in the room was surprised to hear this. Then Dr. Stephen stepped in to check Justin's current condition.
"You're right, Ton. He's passed the critical stage already," Dr. Stephen said to me happily. I let tears of joy flow out of my eyes. I looked at Justin once more, and I could see that he was trying to make some movements but his eyes were still closed.
"Get me out of here! Quick! Get me out of here!" I looked at Kevin.
"No! You stay here, Ton," Joey stopped me.
"I can't. We discussed this before. He hates me. I don't want him to see me in here. Please, Kev, Quick!" Kevin came to me quickly and pushed the wheelchair out of the room.
Kevin, Howie, AJ, Nick, and I were just outside the room. I stopped him so I could peek back. I was hiding behind the frame door, and I peered back into the room. I saw Justin open his eyes. Everybody in the room was so happy. 'Thanks God,' I said inside, as I was really happy that time.
"Kevin! Where's Justin? Where is he?" Brian came out of nowhere, trying to catch his breath.
None of us replied to his question as everybody just tried to ignore him, but he saw Justin in the room, so he pushed into the room. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but I saw Brian hug him. Justin smiled at him then kissed him.
"Please take me to my room," I asked Kevin softly as I sighed, seeing what was happening in Justin's room. Kevin and the guys understood what was going on.
A Week Later
I was getting better now, thanks to Nurse Kevin, of course. He really took care of me 24/7. He even asked their management to give him a week off. Justin was also showing a lot of improvement. I heard this good news from the guys, who kept me up to date on him.
Today, the Backstreet Boys had to make an appearance for a charity function, so they took me to see their rehearsal.
"Where the hell is he?" Kevin said angrily. "He's an hour late already."
"Just wait, Kev!" I tried to stop him from walking back and forward in front of me. "Why don't you try his mobile?"
"Done! And it is turned off." Howie replied.
"AAAAAA," AJ screamed, "come on, Kev, do something. We can't just sit here and wait for your cousin."
"Yeah, I would've rather stayed at home and finished my game," Nick mumbled, and I giggled at him.
"Well, we can do the rehearsal now. At least we are practicing for tonight." Kevin suggested.
"And who'll sing Brian's part?" Howie asked. All of a sudden, they were all looking at me.
"O NO! No! No! No!" I shook my head.
"Come on! Just one song," Kevin begged me.
"NO!" I said sternly. "Brian's voice is too high to copy,"
"Please, I know you can sing higher notes," Howie persuaded me.
"Just one song, 'I Want It That Way'," AJ explained.
"Come on, Ton. I hate waiting like this," Nick persuaded me with his puppy looks. And how could I say 'No' to that face?
"Okay! Okay!" I gave up, and they all cheered in victory. "Wait! Let me try the ending part. It's quite difficult, though," I took the lyric.
I started singing, " ain't nothing but a heartache...ain't nothing but a mistake...I wanna hear you say...I never wanna hear you say...I want it that way...tell me why."
"See! You can do it like Brian, piece of cake!" Nick said as he handed me a mic.
"Okay let's start then." Kevin gave a sign to their band.
I tried my best to sing as close to Brian as I could. Well so far, I was managing to get into the group swing. As the song ended, I smiled at them while I tried to catch my breath. They seemed happy to hear the result. Suddenly, Brian came on to the stage, and he pushed me really hard until I fell backward. The guys saw this and surprised.
"Nice try! Who the hell do you think you are, huh?" Brian yelled at me.
"Brian, I just..." I stood up.
"Now you're even trying to get rid of me, eh?!" he snapped at me, then Kevin came to rescue me and slapped Brian on the face.
"SHIT! We've been waiting for you for an hour already. Look at the crew. I think that WE'RE the ones who should be yelling at YOU! Where the fuck have you been?" Kevin yelled at Brian as he stood between Brian and me.
"We decided to start the rehearsal rather than wait for your lazy ass!" Kevin really blew up while Brian just looked down. He knew that he had made a mistake. "And we asked Tony to sing your part because we're fucking tired of waiting," Kevin continued, as he was really mad.
Then I grabbed Kevin's hand, and he looked at me. I shook my head to give him a sign that it was enough. He nodded in understanding.
"You better come on time tonight, or you'll be sorry, okay?" Kevin threatened him. Then I pushed Kevin away from Brian before it turned ugly.
CHARITY NIGHT
The charity event was running well. The guys performed really well. Surely they made a great contribution to the charity. And, even though Brian didn't show up for rehearsal, he still sang really well that night. When it was all over, we decided to stay on the backstage. Well, all of us except for Brian. He took off. After resting for awhile, they changed their clothes. Then we were all out of the dressing room and back to the empty stage. We saw some people trying to clean the place.
"Wait! I have something for you," Kevin told me as he stopped us from leaving the stage.
Kevin sat in front of a piano. I looked at the others, but they were all clueless, too. Then Kevin started singing as he played a tune on the piano and looked directly into me.
Maybe it's intuition Some things you just don't question Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant And there it goes I think I've found my best friend I know that it might sound more than A little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason Only a sense of completion And in your eyes I see the missing pieces I'm searching for I think I've found my way home I know that it might sound more than A little crazy but I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you I think I dreamed you into life I knew I loved you before I met you I have been waiting all my life
As the song ended, I saw the guys and some cleaners standing, stunned, listening to his song. I didn't know why he picked that song for me, but as I heard the lyrics, it reminded me how I met Kevin, from the start until now. I just smiled at him as he approached me.
"Let's go home," he said as he put his hand over my shoulder.
3 DAYS LATER
Around 6pm, the guys, minus Brian of course, were making plans to go to a club or something. I was not feeling really well at the time, so I turned down their offer.
"Go, Kev! Have fun with the guys. I'll be fine," I assured him.
"Nah! I can't leave you alone here. You're sick, Ton," Kevin replied.
"Kev, it's only a fever. What I need now is a lot of rest. So, basically, I'll sleep the whole time, and you can't do anything about it," I smiled at him.
"Can I stay, please?" Kevin begged.
"Kevin, you rarely go out with the guys, so go and have fun with them! I'll be fine," I smiled again to assure him.
"Okay, but you have to call me if you need me, okay?" Kevin reminded me.
"Of course, your number is on speed dial here," I said as I tapped the phone. "Now, go, cause I need to get back to bed," I pushed him.
"You sure?" Kevin asked me again.
"Kevin!" I raised my voice.
"Okay! Okay! Take care," he said as he kissed my cheek.
"Bye Ton! See you in the morning!" Nick waved as he left the house.
"Lock the door. We have the key," Howie said, and I nodded.
"Yipeeee! Have fun, go mad!" AJ yelled, excited, as he waved at me.
As they left, I locked the door and went upstairs to my room. I had a light headache by now, so I decided to go to sleep a bit early. I felt hot that night, so I decided to sleep in just my boxers without my shirt.
Around midnight, someone entered my room, but I didn't notice until I felt him kiss my cheek. I turned around, trying to see the person in the dim light.
"Kevin, ummm you're back," I said as he kept kissing me repeatedly, "Kev, you're drunk. Just go to sleep, would you?" I pushed him from my bed as I could smell the alcohol on him. I turned on my side away from him.
After a few minutes of silence, I felt a hand start rubbing me, and Kevin started to kiss me again. Since my head was still spinning, I was ready to yell at Kevin. I turned on my side to face him, and I was shocked. Kevin was sitting next to me totally naked. Nothing on him at all.
"Kevin! Kevin! What are you doing?" I asked sternly, but he kept kissing me. By now he was kissing my neck.
"KEVIN! You're drunk! Get off me!" I tried to push him, but he didn't reply.
"Kevin! Please...I'm..." before I finished my words, Kevin put his hand on my mouth to stop me from talking.
Then he moved himself on top of me, as he kept kissing my neck and licking my ears to arouse me. All of a sudden, I could feel his erect penis on my thigh. In an instant, I was flashing back to my experience with Jimmy in the old garage. I was so panicky. I managed to bite his palm over my mouth so I could scream.
"SHIT!" Kevin withdrew his hand. Then he slapped me very hard on the face.
At that moment, another image flashed into my head. I remembered how Justin slapped me for the first time, then Jimmy in the old garage, and now finally Kevin.
"Ton, you're gonna enjoy this," Kevin said in his drunk tone.
I wanted to scream and push him, but I was too afraid that he would hit me Again. So I didn't do anything as Kevin kept kissing my neck. I tried to cry silently when Kevin pulled down my boxers and spread my legs a little wider to move himself between them. I was shaking so hard by this time because I knew that it was going to happen to me again. I let the tears flow out of my eyes as I felt Kevin trying to push his penis to my anus. My body tensed up in an instant, and I bit my lower lips to hold the pain. I had to hold my breath at times as Kevin began entering me. The pain was outrageous but I tried my best to bear it since Kevin was doing it gently, not rough like Jimmy did to me. Kevin kept doing it without looking at my face. He kept sucking my neck. A couple of minutes later, I really couldn't stand the pain any longer. But, the next thing I knew, I felt Kevin getting tense and jerking a little as he came inside me and caressed my body tightly. Then I passed out.
THE NEXT DAY
I woke up the next morning, and my body was too weak to move. I tried to open my eyes slowly. I felt something really heavy, as if someone was on top of me. When I opened my eyes fully, I saw Kevin still on top of me, sleeping. Then I remembered what had happened last night. It wasn't a nightmare, it was worse than a nightmare. The person who loved me the most had actually hurt me. Again tears were welling up in my eyes, and I sobbed. I wanted to push him off my body, but again, I was still too afraid. After an hour crying silently alone, Kevin started a little. He opened his eyes and was confused to see me crying under him. Then he jumped quickly away from me. He noticed that he was naked and quickly grabbed his boxers. When he was wearing his boxers, I pulled the quilt around me to cover my naked body, then moved away from the bed to the corner away from him.
"Ton..." he called me as he came closer to me.
"Please, don't do it again, Kev! It hurts," I shook my head as I cried harder, "pleaseeee, don't hit me,"
"Did I? Did I..." Kevin tried to figure out the whole thing with his teary eyes.
"Stay away! Stay away from me!" I yelled but I nearly lost my voice already, and I took a step backward against the wall.
"I'm...I'm..." Kevin came to me and held my shoulder.
I was scared as hell, my body shaking intensely when his hands touched me again. Then I fainted, but Kevin caught me quickly before I fell to the floor. He was so scared at seeing me unconscious in his arms that he tried to shake me to wake me up. He quickly stood up and carried my limp body back to the bed.
"Tonnnny! Keviiinnnn! WAKE UP! Breakfast is ready" Nick barged happily into the room without knocking.
Nick froze, confused, as he saw Kevin crying next to me. Nick came close to Kevin and me and saw my face as pale as death.
"Kev, what's going on?" Nick asked as he looked to Kevin. Kevin didn't answer but looked down.
"Nick! Quick...wake them up! We're hungry!" AJ said and entered the room with Howie, smiling. But soon their smiles were gone as they saw me lying still on the bed, Kevin crying over me.
"Kevin! Tell me! What's going on?" Nick screamed to Kevin.
"I...I...I was drunk," he sobbed, "and...and...I think...I...I...I raped him," Kevin looked at me, still unconscious. Nick, AJ, and Howie were shocked hearing the news. They really couldn't believe that Kevin, Mr. Responsible and Caring person, actually did such a thing, especially to me.
"YOU WHAT?!?" Nick pushed him from the bed. Kevin fell down, but then stood up and sat on the corner and buried his face in his hands, full of shame.
"Kevin! Are you nuts?" Howie yelled at him.
"How could you do that to him? We were also drunk last night, too, but we didn't rape anyone," AJ continued to yell at him.
"Ton! Wake up! Pleaseeee," Nick shook me gently as he cried at seeing me on the bed. Finally, I opened my eyes slowly.
"Please! Don't! Go away!" I said in trembling voice.
"Ton, it's me Nicky...I'm Nick," Nick held me as I was shaking. Then I realized he was Nick, not Kevin. Howie and AJ came to me and tried to calm me down, too. I saw Kevin sitting on the floor, crying and shaking his body back and forth. He couldn't see me at all, as he still had his head in his hands.
I covered my face with my hands as I looked down and cried. Nick rubbed my back to calm me. After a while, I stood up from the bed, still with the quilt over my body, and took my boxers from the floor.
"Where are you going?" Nick asked, confused. I didn't reply, I just made my way to the bathroom. Nick stood up and wanted to follow me, but Howie stopped him.
I locked the door, then I turned the shower on. I still could hear Nick, AJ, and Howie yelling and screaming at Kevin. I just stood up, as the warm water splashed over my body. I didn't do anything but cry in the shower. After 5 minutes or so, I turned the shower off. I dried myself and put on my boxers, then stood in front of the mirror. I looked at my self, at the tears staining my face. 'Why me, God? Why me?' I asked. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, the images kept coming back to me: Justin slapping me, Jimmy raping me, and then Kevin.
I thought I could live and try to be stronger, overcome all this pain, but all the bad memories kept playing in my head. They had killed me inside. I walked over to the cabinet where I found a razor blade that Kevin always used for shaving. Perhaps, I would be damned for doing this, but better an eternity of damnation than even one more day living with the fact that I had been hurt so badly. I was already in hell. I picked up the blade, one which I knew was sharp beyond belief, and braced myself. I lifted it, poising it against my left wrist. With one quick, hard movement, I pulled the edge along my wrist, cutting so deep. The pain that assailed me caused me to drop the razor but it was nothing compared to what I had felt. I had a dim recollection of dropping onto the tiled bathroom floor, and I was surprised at the pool of blood that had already appeared. It looked so red, and there was so much of it. I couldn't quite believe it. The pain had already faded into a strange numbness, as if I was losing all feeling in my arm. As I was lying there, I tried not to scream as I was in pain with blood around my body.
"Kev, you should know what Tony has been through! I really can't believe this! SHAME ON YOU!" Howie screamed at Kevin.
"Guys, it's been a while since Tony went in the bathroom. I'm going to check him out," Nick stood up and walked to the bathroom. He stopped in front of the door and knocked.
"Ton! Are you okay?" Nick called me softly, but he didn't get any response from inside.
"Ton! Ton! Open the door, Ton. Let me in," Nick kept knocking harder. He was so worried since he didn't hear anything at all.
"Guys! Come here! Something's just not right," Nick called his friends. Howie and AJ went to meet Nick. Kevin still sat on the floor crying.
"TON! OPEN THE DOOR!" AJ was pounding on the door, but still got no response at all. Howie put his ear close to the door, but he didn't hear anything.
"That's it! Break the door," AJ ordered, and Nick agreed. Nick and AJ kicked the door really hard until it slammed opened, bouncing against the wall. Then they saw me on the floor, covered in blood, and they were all freaked out.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Nick screamed as he ran into me. Kevin heard Nick's scream and ran to the bathroom. He found me on the floor surrounded with my own blood.
"OOH MY GOD! TONY...NO! What did you do?" Kevin screamed and cried hysterically as he pulled my body from Nick, "Why? I'm so sorry, I love you. Please don't die," Kevin held me and put my head on his chest. Nick checked my pulse.
"I can still fell his pulse," Nick screamed, and Kevin looked at my face, which had already changed to white.
"Howie! You get the car. We will take him to the hospital!" AJ took charge. "Kevin, quick put your clothes on! We don't have much time," Kevin nodded as Nick took me from his arms. Nick carried me in his arms and ran as quickly as possible with AJ's help. AJ sat on the front seat. Howie was driving the car, and Kevin joined Nick in the backseat. Nick put my head on his lap as he stopped the bleeding wrapping a T-shirt around my wrist. Kevin put my legs on his lap. Kevin stared at me with tears in his eyes. Howie was driving the car like it was a formula-1 racer.
FLORIDA HOSPITAL
The guys waited outside the room as the medical teams worked on me. Kevin was still crying and kept blaming himself. AJ, Howie, and Nick really felt sorry for Kevin. They tried to calm him down. Then a doctor came out of the room. The four of them stood up, waiting for the news.
"I'm sorry..." the doctor said.
TBC
Just wanna ensure some people, that I'M FINE [you know who you are] Honest! Don't be scared okay, thanks guys for worrying me :) I know this is such a horrible chapter. Please, Please, Please, I want your feedback, guys, bad or good, please tell me. I wanna hear it to: aspire34@go.com
'Baby, don't you break my heart slow'
THANKS FOR READING